On Being Embarrassed When Worship Songs Seem Sexual

Over-sexualized.

Worship songs? No. Everything.

I’ve been both a victim and a participant in the American cultural norm…Scope out opportunities to rejoin comments with, “That’s what she said.”

(To be sure, the phrase was around long before the TV show “The Office”, but a certain Michael Scott character seemed to usher the phrase into a broad and sweeping cultural vernacular. Am I right?)

So now, it seems thousands of words and phrases are hijacked, and church gatherings are not immune to it either. Or, maybe it’s just me. It can be hilarious, dreadful, or just plain embarrassing. Recently, a few worship songs have sort of had their way with me on this, so to speak.

"Bride of Christ" by Marion Coltman (I thought it was entitled: "Jesus, keep your hands where we can see 'em") ...and it's all just a bit too much for me.

I didn’t want to think it at the time, but the Casting Crowns song “Your Love is Extravagant” sounded just a little too much like a “friends with benefits” song. Golly, all you have to do is take the “t” off Christ, and you have a fine mess (in my head):

Your Love is Extravagant

Your love is extravagant
Your friendship, it is intimate
I feel like moving to the rhythm of Your grace
Your fragrance is intoxicating in our secret place
Your love is extravagant

Spread wide in the arms of Christ is the love that covers sin
No greater love have I ever known You considered me a friend
Capture my heart again

Spread wide in the arms of Christ is the love that covers sin
No greater love have I ever known; You considered me a friend

Capture my heart again
Your love is extravagant
Your friendship, it is intimate

Don’t get me wrong, Casting Crowns does so many great worship songs I really enjoy. This may be one your favorites, which is fine. I hope it creates a worshipful experience for you, and for everyone, but I get derailed.

Basically, if a worship song talks about touching, my mind wanders. Such as Kari Jobe song:

I wanna sit at your feet.

Drink from the cup in your hand.

Lay back against you and breathe, here your heart beat

This love is so deep, it’s more than I can stand.

I melt in your peace, it’s overwhelming.

In his blog, Jon Acuff posted recently: How to make an entire audience deaf. It’s a funny and accurate article about how words can ruin an audience’s concentration. So many comments from readers that followed were of amusing and uproarious stories of double entendre and language malfunctions.

The fact is love is risky. God is risky…Obviously risky and risqué has sort of been a fine line in songwriting. But, to be honest, I realize that love can often feel awkward as it gets emotionally deeper. When it starts to change and effect us–and affect us. The awkwardness is part of the path to greater spiritual maturity. (In this case, I’ll let you know for sure when I get there.)

Admittedly, the psalms that King David wrote got quite amatory, and for some it feels embarrassing. I can handle David getting up close and personal with God. I’m fine with Song of Solomon’s sexy talk, and David’s passionate poem songs, but maybe in singing those things corporately, we confront those issues of intimacy differently than we do in our times of personal devotions, songs, or prayers. What do you think about it?

I think the challenge, for me, is a renewing of my mind a bit more, and praying for better ears to hear. Thank you for your patience with me, Lord.

Lastly, for all you songwriters out there, if you’re writing something sweet to sing for Jesus, please–for me–don’t put the words “intimate,” “secret place,” and “rhythm” too close together. (It can be a “worship hijack” for some of us, okay, for me.)

When was the last time you felt embarrassed/awkward at the worst time?

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  • Your Love Is Deep.

    “Your love is deep.
    Your love is high.
    Your love is long.
    Your love is wide.”
    ’nuff said.

  • http://www.inamirrordimly.com Ed_Cyzewski

    I love how you suggest the need to think of corporate and personal worship and how the psalms figure into all of that. Hmph…. I should probably refrain from commenting on contemporary worship songs. If they work for folks, then that’s cool. I have really appreciated the stuff by John Mark McMillan because his songs have elements of truth and emotion, whereas I think some things basically depend on emotion to carry the day. 

  • http://larryhehn.com Larry Hehn

    I’ve always felt awkward about “Your Love Is Extravagant” too. If I remember correctly, it’s the only song on that Casting Crowns album not written by Mark Hall. To me it just didn’t fit with the other songs. I found it very hard to draw a strictly spiritual slant from it – almost like whoever wrote it was giving a *wink, wink, nudge, nudge* to their secret love interest while playing it. Kinda creepy…

  • Mldowns92

    Oh.my.goodness. This is hilarious and SO true. Thanks for reading my mind and giving me a “spit your coffee out” laugh!

  • http://twitter.com/jrdkirk Daniel Kirk

    Wow…
    That is all.

  • Johnny

    You want to get totally skeeved out? Look up modalists Phiilips, Craig & Dean’s porny “Pour My Love on You.”

  • Stefanirossi73

    “Come to me, Lord
    Here is my heart Can’t live on my own
    Can’t live without you

    I want more, more of you, Lord
    I want more, more of you, Lord
    I want to hold you, love you, not let you go
    Renew this fire that’s within my soul
    I want more, more of you, Lord
    More, more of you, Lord”…my favorite moment with this song is when my friend, with whom Idiscussed the aversion to worship songs that sound like bad 80′s love songs,stood one row in front of me one Sunday morning and began miming twopeople making out when the worship band started playing the course to thissong.

  • Jill B

    There are MANY songs used in churches today that work fine as a solo or group *performance* but are not best used as corporate worship material. I hadn’t eally thought of the above, but it is food for thought.
    Okay…now I’m hungry.

  • Atlantea

    I tried not to comment on this but I fear I must. I think all of you, bluntly put, are out of your minds. If we have become so sexually jaded that we’re now getting turned on by worship to God…I don’t know what to say. Clearly sex in the entertainment world (and the world at large) has gone WAY too far, where we can’t say anything or even WORSHIP God without thinking about it. The comment by “stefanirossi73″ was…there are no words. All of you dishonor the words of love and praise these songwriters have poured into these songs by limiting them to something trashy and profane. Perhaps you should check your definition of love when all you can compare it to is sex. Sex is a spiritual experience, meant to be shared by two individuals with the blessing of God. This world has turned it into something…well much like you describe. If you’re thinking about sex during worship you are either sexually repressed or have failed to understand its meaning. Get a grip, for God’s sake.

  • Mrselldee626

    Draw me close to YouNever let me goI lay it all down againTo hear You say that I’m Your friendYou are my desireNo one else will do’Cause nothing else could take Your placeTo feel the warmth of Your embraceHelp me find the wayBring me back to YouYou’re all I wantYou’re all I’ve ever neededYou’re all I wantHelp me know You are near

    Without knowing the context of this song, it could be a love song on pop radio.

  • Danielle Shroyer

    Lisa- I really appreciate your thoughts. We talk about “Jesus is my boyfriend” songs/books/theology around my community quite a bit. I realize it follows mystics like Teresa of Avila, etc. but personally speaking, I think it creates a very sketchy theology in Bible belt America.  I am certainly all for people having a personal dynamic to their relationship with Christ. I’m unsure of why this needs to be put in romantic terms…really ever. 

  • Mrselldee626

    @Atlantea – The point, I believe, is that these songs, without the context of being praise and worship songs, could easily be a secular love song.  It is one thing if these words spring from our heart during personal worship time.  But in corporate worship, these songs can mean different things to different people.  Someone who is a new Christian or a not-quite-yet Christian might not understand the awesome holiness of God from these songs and their love for him may remain shallow and unexamined.

  • Mrselldee626

    Sorry this all ran together…I cut and pasted it from a site to avoid typing it out!

  • http://showamerica.com/ Mark

    Grand contribution. Whatever you wrote here about worship songs seems to me outstanding. Really i like your allocation. Keep it up with good work. 

  • Alysiamarie2010

    I understand how you feel and I was with you until the casting crowns song, I never got that impression… Jesus is the lover of our soul… and that is well intimate, God is good at pursing us and he is a gentle teacher, it is great when we can recognize our feelings and allow God to work on them. I think some of how you feel is accurate and I agree with you, and I think some of it stems from something deeper perhaps? I enjoyed reading your thoughts, thanks for sharing.

  • http://lisadelay.com/blog Lisa Colon DeLay

    Yeah…it really is something deeper. I have Masters level training in Theology. Hundreds of hours into the stuff. When I hear songs that reflect emotionality primarily, I think it triggers something in me that wants something more substantial. Its leaves a sour taste when worship music is hinged on experiential, feel-good, warm fuzzies. Deep and potent relationship with God and boyfriendish-ness aren’t analogous to me. Maybe they are to you. That’s fine, if you need that right now. Thanks for your input.

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