Lisa Colón DeLay

One aspect of the pre-Easter season (Lent) is confession…

Well, not really. The majority of Evangelicals avoid or ignore the command to confess and even the concept of confession. One great excuse is that we don’t have to be like Catholics who have to answer to a priest for our sins and then do penance. We don’t need a mediator between us and God. How empowering!

But, ignoring or avoiding confession also gives us a chance to hide in our sin and deceive ourselves and others…hum…not so empowering! That’s like putting our soul in jail.

True and thorough Healing and transformation come in and from the context of community.

Jame 5:16
International Standard Version (©2012)
Therefore, make it your habit to confess your sins to one another and to pray for one another, so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.

But –Why would confessing heal us?

There is a kind of cleansing that happens in confession. That’s why it’s not optional. It’s not just a purge from our end either.

Revealing ourselves to others has transformative power. Thousands of 12 Step followers will tell you countless tales of life-altering transformation that came through this route.

Simply put–God purposefully makes healing real and possible when authenticity happens with others. It will not happen on our own. This is by design because it makes us healthier to be connected in such a way.

There are no AA groups with 1 member because that would ensure failure. Healing works the same way for all us in that regard. Isolation keeps us stuck and unwell. Blind.

The Holy Spirit uses our honesty and uses our transparency and does his good work. Transformation! A confession is not just an apology (“Hey, sorry I made you feel that way.”) but rather it’s a careful decision to be authentic, to expose one’s self to the light of truth, to change, and to take a new course. So it is blessed.

This is the power and efficacy of prayer and repentance.

 

In the next post I’ll cover who we should or could confess to…

Do you think it matters who we confess to? (leave me a comment or voicemail)

Do you confess your sins and shortcomings regularly? (leave me a comment or voicemail. Yes or no and why or why not.)

 It’s easy to forget to visit this blog, because you’re busy. I know how that is. I update with new content about 3 times per week. You can get the new stuff sent to you AND you can use my content as well. So, click in the side bar for new content delivery and please check out the Permission Policy page for the rules for fair usage. Thanks for spending some time here today. :)

 

LASTLY- Is there anything you should confess? You are invited to do that here, or simply admit to confessing to some other human here (if you want to confess in another venue).

photo image found here:

UPDATE! the promo code word “breathe” will save you an EXTRA $25!

I’ve been sitting on some very exciting news, and it’s finally time to announce it. THIS MAY 24-26…

If you’ve ever gone to a conference or retreat and had a awesome time but left feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, or hit that infamous post-conference slump, something new has been designed with you in mind.

Powerhouse writers (and bloggers) Kristin Tennant and Ed Cyzewski wanted to create a weekend full of rejuvenation, time and space for reflection in a beautiful setting, practical help for writers with professional, emotional, and spiritual support. All this within a small community context (limited to a small number of guests for optimal awesomeness). It will be fun, relaxing and helpful–a time for laughter, honesty, and mutual care. A holistic retreat! Honestly, you’d be crazy to miss it.

All this for less than a typical hotel stay! So cheap. Such a gorgeous setting. So awesome, I can hardly contain myself.

The Renew and Refine Retreat for Writers is just that thing that you need.

Click to get the full details and photos of the accommodations and grounds! It promises to be an amazing time! You’ll want to dig around on the Renew and Refine website and find out more.

PLUS

Early birds get a super discount.  AND for two days Ed is giving away 3 helpful books!-here.

You’ll find me there too as the Spiritual Director. I’m looking forward to meeting you, spending time together, and listening to your heart. There will be opportunities for engaging in guided Christian spiritual practices like prayer (various forms) meditation, worship, reflection, and silence, as well as a few spots for one-to-one spiritual direction/soul care, if you’re interested. (More on that in later posts)

Stay connected to the info and happenings leading up to this time by using or searching for #RRforwriters tag on Twitter.

I’m been thinking a lot about how we come into knowing we are Beloved of God. When and if we can absorb that simple but huge concept and step into it, we tend to feel excited to share that reality, spread the love and help others get in on such good stuff!

How do we do it?

Here’s what I found….It’s impossible to make someone receive love or to make them know they are loved, just as much as it’s hard to receive love when we don’t feel ready. It can’t feel forced. It’s part mental ascent and part experiential, and our experiential baggage gets in the way! We can’t still be cynical and mistrusting to actually feel loved. It’s a leap. Right off the cliff toward Love.

You think you’ll die a brutal death, until you do it. Then you realize you have been able to fly on the breeze of God’s love the whole time, and just never got there.

So, I don’t have a good answer to how it works have someone receive your love, but I do know that we put ourselves in a place to be transformed and healed by preparing our heart to offer love freely. We decide that the pain won’t outweigh the gift. The reward. 

Can we be betrayed? Yes.

Can we get hurt? Yes.

But we can’t offer much if we can’t offer ourselves, wide open. We can’t love others when we are not equipped to receive love. When we are hedging our bets or playing it safe. Or, and this is the surprise…we can’t feel more loved by over-giving.

BUT over-givers try this, anyway. Is this you? You give and give and give. You serve and help and meet needs, but because you are not ready to receive an emptiness starts to seep in. Then, maybe resentment. Then maybe bitterness and cynicism. The spirit closes.

It’s because love and service given isn’t and hasn’t truly been freely given. It’s been given in hopes of something…it’s changed to be some sort of bargain or  potential transaction. It’s some sort of agreement known or unknown that wagers “if I give enough I will be given to. I will feel Love. I will receive and be filled.”

No. It can’t happen this sort of way.

The challenge is to do the radical renovation of tearing the walls down. Prepare to receive.

Now, what would this look like for you? Share your ideas.

(voicemail or comment)

image found here: aledocofc.blogspot.com

I’m a bit more than half way through teaching a small group of adult learners about Evil, God’s Justice, Love, Mercy, Reconciliation, and Kingdom of God living with great guidance of a slew of videos from Tom Wright.

When we decry Evil we mustn’t stop there for we are the remedy for it.

God’s Kingdom is made manifest through us. We exact justice by helping those who are suffering rather than through the power games a godless world endorses and implements.

It is not about self-interest, but self-sacrifice.

Our fuel is the knowing that we are indeed image bearers and creations of God made from the outpouring and overflowing of his great love. We are God’s Beloved and we offer that gift to the world, that they too, each one is Beloved as well. We especially find the ones that are overlooked or oppressed or unhealed.

We do more than associate with these outcasts, the ones that others find embarrassing or scandalous, we suffer with them and enter their pain.

Sometimes simple seeing and hearing someone fully and taking them into our loving kindness will well convey that they are God’s Beloved because we’ve treated them with such honor. An honor that is due them because they are God’s children.

I made up this slide and it may be a good poster too, so I offer it up to you. (click the image) Pin it if you’d like.

And now a question for you.

What particular group of misfits holds a soft spot in your heart? Send me a voicemail or leave a message.

So, I’ve realized that when Valentine’s Day falls during Lenten Season…stuff can hit the fan. Chocolate that is.

In my last post (here) I discussed the hows and whys of Fasting (in general, and during Lenten Season). The “why bother” post. It’s really important to read before you read what’s next.

I didn’t get into the ramifications about discernment so much in the last post, hence this Part 2 post.

There’s something about turning our attentions and worship more fully toward God that inclines our ear toward him. In reality his “ear” (in a manner of speaking) is ever-inclined towards us. (God is everywhere and he’s not deaf to us.) Sure, we can put up barriers with sin and disobedience, but God doesn’t falter. He’s ever-hearing.

The strange shift that happens on our end through the process of fasting has everything to do with our attentions.

You know how the world sort of stops for you when you get ill?

It’s that kind of sweeping attention shift I’m getting at. You laser in on life and first-priorities when you get bed-ridden. Fasting can have that same sort of force. You dial things in.

Prayer, fasting, meditation on Scripture, worship, and silence (among other things) have a potentially dramatic effect on our spiritual ears. In the time leading up to Easter we have a wonderful invitation to go deeper. We have a community of millions of believers doing the same thing also. We have what we really need to get some oomph: intension and support. The Holy Spirit of God is with us.

As you move toward hearing from God in a deeper way and discerning his good will and timing…remember this:

• Wait, worship, and let go of your demands.

• Fast from your attachments.

• Shed some distractions.

These things don’t change God’s proximity…He is everywhere-present. Spirit. These spiritual practices change us and ready our hearts to listen more fully. In those ways, discernment and familiarity with God is closer at hand.

Have you ever fasted to discern God’s will? Let me know by clicking the blue voicemail button on the right, or tell me in the comments section.

PLUS+ Sign up in the sidebar for future content on this topic during the season leading up to Lent. (fast and simple email delivery)

If you’re a student or a teacher it’s nice to have a quick primer for the classroom environment.

Teaching styles and applications vary (and should vary) to accommodate the variety of learning styles and to improve retention.

A group environment where sharing is invited doesn’t and shouldn’t stay in the format need for some instruction.

But, when a lecture format occurs…some guidelines can help students and teachers alike.

By pure chance I landed on this…. (tell me what you think!) Click image enlarge.

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It’s always an honor to hear someone really share their pain. Not wallow, mind you. Not over-exposing their fiery emotions and gory  details. Something real and raw from a tender and seldom seen place.

The heartfelt wounds that still hurt from some kind of past or unnoticed pain. The cries of the heart. The reaching out to be heard, and then the comfort realized.

It always strikes me that at the very time when someone is most revealed and open they are at the same time supremely vulnerable and yet exquisitely lovable.

Truly human. It’s not just an honor because it is so rare …(it happens usually through time and trust and other options are unfavorable)…it’s an honor because there is within that moment a genuine glimpse of glory.

“The glory of God revealed is the human most fully alive.” -Irenaeus of Lyons

We have a rebirth–a fully alive moment–in those sort of times: Vulnerability through the struggles and between destinations. There the messy becomes beautiful. Redeemed.

Even though it feels really risky, the chance to be truly seen and heard in our vulnerability engenders compassion because what is common between us transcends the boundaries that keep us isolated.

—

More soon! Get fresh content sent to your email. click the new content link on the right sidebar.

In the start of a new year…sometimes we cast a vision for the next 12 months.

Sometimes it’s through a New Year’s resolution or a multipage strategic proposal.

Here are 5 things to keep in mind as you craft a healthy vision for the months to come.

• Don’t decide a vision in a relational vacuum. 
(Make use of community to account for the blind spots or gaps you’ll have. Trust me you have them.)

• Don’t forget to have “check-ups”
(Every 2-3 months re-energize the vision cast by reiterating the vision, for some extra oomph. Gosh it’s fun to type “oomph”!

• Adjust the vision when needed.
(Since vision-casting is future oriented, it’s a mistake to act if it’s written in stone. During the check-ups see what needs to be adjusted, added, or put aside.)

• Focus on the strengths of your team.
(Whether it’s a personal or team vision-casting for the year, play to your strengthens.)

• The vision trifacta! Set immediate, intermediate, and longer-range goals.
(Part of making progress is sensing movement. Accomplishing some short term goals right away boosts morale. It’s a psychological edge.)

This post is part of a synchro blog. To access other thoughts on vision-casting, or to add your own to the mix go HERE.

This is the year-end post. Hey, 2012 see ya…wouldn’t want to be ya!

I’d like to make this final post exciting and sexy and convince you that this blog had an awesome year with so many things that gladdened so many hearts. As far as stats are concerned, yes, it was by far the best year yet. But this doesn’t lighten my heart. Not that much.

I think I’m about ankle deep in a rather unexpected “dark night of the soul” (a topic which I’ve covered here, but won’t touch on now). This makes it hard to amass and list the victories of 2012 or even forecast too much into what 2013 will hold for us here at the blog. I will carry on, and I hope you come with me!

Here are a few highlights of 2012:

January. My video series with some great authors (usually called the NINJA Interviews)

February-March. The Spiritual Guidance for Bloggers Series featured many contributions from authors and bloggers with stories, advice, or encouragement about blogging and the unique spiritual dimensions to that calling and activities. I really appreciated this series and the generosity of the participants.

Spring/Early Summer. My first digital book Soul Care for Creators and Communicators came out. (This is no longer a free PDF document as it was in the beginning, but can still be found at the Kindle Store).

For that, click the Kindle Bookstore image at the top of the page. It’s whispering to you right now, waiting to offer encouragement and water for the thirsty artist’s or communicator’s soul…you.

Autumn. I started as the Director of Communications at Evangelical Seminary. Some of the responsibility includes overseeing all the entries and themes at the Deeper Leader blog. New entries occur 2-3 times per week. Get in some good reading from many notable thinkers, leaders, and authors in the archives. It’s a real treat.

3 other digital books were completed and housed in the Kindle Store too. All are $2.99…cheaper than most anything at Starbucks. Click the Kindle Bookstore image above for the list. It’s high time for a spending spree, right?!

Autumn/Early Winter. Lots of stuff on Advent (especially from my twylah account which includes lots of articles from the interwebs). It’s safe to assume that when Victoria’s Secret puts out an Advent Calendar any shred of  original purpose and meaning of the season has been thoroughly …um…stripped…as it were…from it by a perverse culture that we haven’t properly influenced enough. Am I right?

December….um. we averted a Mayan apocalypse (or any other kind) and yet despite this wonderful news…still I descended into a strange funk that had something to do with the intense brokeness of the world and my acute response to it… :) NICE, right?!

So, it’s a sabbatical time for me and I’m also sitting with my pain. This is something you’re supposed to do to heal and grow and avoid 1. finding ways to go “numb” 2. Finding distractions that hinder growth or 3. Shoving away feelings that should get attention. I’d love to tell you this is a beautiful experience, but no. It may be on the other side of it. I’ll let you know.

In the next post….in 2013, I’ll be sharing some things I harvested from a Henri Nouwen book. It’s about how the 3 desert temptations of Christ give us a model and insights into how we handle ambition, leadership, and success, as well as pitfalls and problems common to the human condition. Quite good stuff. AND…Grad school starts January 8th for me. Gulp! I’ll keep you up to speed. There’ll be much to share.

In 4 weeks, I’ll be ending the call for entry into The Cadre (see tab above). See if this is something that would benefit you in the new year, especially if you’d like to embark on something new creatively. It’s free, and it’s a secret community…so shhh. Contact me with questions, if you have them.

May you have a great time kicking 2012 to the curb, and may the new year bring greater insights and blessing for you.

Love you all!

-Lisa

 “When people deny the humanity of others, they become evil themselves.”  -N.T. Wright

I’m preparing to do a quarter of a year (January-March) teaching with the themes and the companion videos of Tom Wright’s book Evil and the Justice of God.

We’ll be tackling some tough territory:

• Why is there so much Evil in the world? (More than ever?)

• Why does God let it happen and what, if anything, is God doing really about it? (What’s going on?)

• How does the Bible approach the subject? (Whoa. Lots of common misunderstandings here!)

• How does Justice work? (Revenge, Justice, Mercy, we’ll be sorting that out.)

• What is our role or best response with regards to Evil? (Do we stand against it, roll over, avoid it, bear it? The answers may surprise you.)

If you can’t make the classes Sundays 9:30-10:15 a.m. at Bethesda, I’ll be highlighting items here as I work on it and as I teach.

Here’s an intro video trailer. The book is remarkable. I highly recommend it.

Starting February 2013 there will be a learning and friendship group (a.k.a. The Cadre) with the public hub here www.facebook.com/TheCadre360. Spaces are limited for the core group, but all are welcomed to request admittance and view the public fulcrum The Cadre 360.

I invite you to learn more by clicking the tab (The Cadre) above also.

This is a video, a Advent Meditation. I met Tammy in person this September. She lives in Community in Chicago, and they received me as their guest. I always find her raw honesty and artistic sensibilities inspirational. This video is part of a larger series…

As you watch it, listen. Listen well. Listen 2 or 3 times, because it’s full and rich and good for you. Absorb it and experience hope.

(to read the words, click here)

 I’m so excited to offer my digital book “Life As Prayer” for free AGAIN today.

My list of (4) books for kindle HERE

It’s our sufferings, the darkness, the doubt…that happens not apart from God. Slowly through it he makes us into a living prayer. That is what the book is about: Practicing the Presence of God in each moment. Transformation. I dearly hope you enjoy it.

Is not existence wild in such a way that we can be continually feel surprised. How foreign and out of sorts it can be, and yet why?…This world is all we’ve ever known. Life, to me, always feels like it doesn’t quite fit. Through the joy and sorrow the triumph and pain we continue becoming. It’s as if we are creatures within God’s lucid dream.

Belonging isn’t the absence of longing…it’s longing together

 In belonging our longings don’t ebb, rather we long together. We be and we long–ever still.

I’m getting so much out of this little book!

(I really recommend getting a copy. I saw one on Amazon for $1.50 (used). What a bargain!)

Henri Nouwen gathered his thoughts and pennend notes for his personal use during a difficult 6 months of reflection and healing. They were meant as private notes, but after 8 years a few friends encouraged him to have them organized and published sensing other soul searchers would be encouraged by them. His pain is often palpable and humble and his words are like food for kindred spirits. I’m grateful he was so brave.

page 59

Love Deeply
Do not hesitate to love and to love deeply. You might be afraid of the pain that deep love can cause. When those you love deeply reject you, leave you, or die, your heart will be broken. But that should not hold you back from loving deeply. The pain that comes from deep love makes your love ever more fruitful. It is like a plow that break the ground to allow the seed to take root and grow into a strong plant. Every time you experience the of rejection, absence, or death, you are faced with a choice. You can become bitter and decide no to love again, or you can stand straight in your pain and let the soil on which you stand become richer and more able to give life to new seeds.

The more you have loved and have allowed yourself to suffer because of your love, the more you will be able to let your heart grow wider and deeper. When your love is truly giving and receiving, those whom you love will not leave your heart even when they depart from you. They will become part of your self and thus gradually build a community within you.

Those you have deeply love become part of you. The longer you live, there will always be more people to be loved by you and to become part of your inner community. The wider your inner community becomes, the more easily you will recognize your own brothers and sisters in the strangers around you. Those who are alive within you will recognize those who live around you. The wider the community of your heart, the wider the community around you. Thus the pain of rejection, absence, and death can become fruitful. Yes, as you love deeply the ground of your heart will be broken more and more, but you will rejoice in the abundance of the fruit it will bear.

So I wrote some stuff about the wonderful, hobbling, bare-foot, monk Brother Lawrence and how his ways can be of great spiritual help to us.

In these times, as much as any, it’s such a comfort to have a felt awareness of God’s Presence.

It’s now on AMAZON for Kindle. (hey, it’s only $2.99) 

It’s called Life As Prayer: Revived Spirituality Inspired by Ancient Piety.

Oh, and I have 3 more digital books listed too. (Click on “Who’s Lisa” for more info on those.)

(Some long-time readers will remember that the title “Life As Prayer” was the title of my first WordPress blog about 4 years ago. I’ve been at this project for a while. It’s a slow simmer kind of thing. Only now have I decided it was time to make it more broadly available because the technology has reached a point of optimal ease-of-use! Now it’s a perfect time to set it free and see what God does with it.)

It would be really lovely if you could write a review or spread the news if you enjoy it. If you don’t enjoy it, write something awful and spread vicious lies! :)

Or , if you’re just zealous in general about Brother Lawrence or prayer, have at it. That’s good too.

So who out there doesn’t know about Brother Lawrence, anyway? Let me know!

Thank you. More soon, my friends.

-Lisa

(box photo source)

UPDATES!

• Storm SANDY is gone. Our cable and internet power is gone too (I’m at a McDonalds today writing this).

• I’m featured on the (Moody Bible Radio’s) Midday Connection blog. I hope you can read it!  ARTICLE

• Soon I’ll be selling my digital book on AMAZON.
Soul Care VOL1-5 (Themes covered in the digital book will soon be featured and summarized at RELEVANT magazine online. WIN! I’ll post the link once I get it.)

• Do you want to write about something similar to the themes you see here? I have two guest post spots up for grabs in November. Do you want to contribute? Drop me a line, and let me know. :)

Thank you ALL so very much for your prayers for us during this monster storm. Please consider donating to the RED CROSS to help the many victims hurt by Sandy. If you can donate blood, they need it very badly. The storm disrupted 100 blood donation drives.

Today as a regular contributor at the Deeper Leader Blog, I’m linking in with them, and tackling the topic of Mentoring today.

I’ve always seen the value in having the aid of someone a bit further down the road from me.

As a kid, camp counselors provided this a bit. In undergraduate school, my academic advisor turned out to be a helpful voice in my life, and in my profession, but not someone who had a heart for God. At church, I had prayer partners, and in graduate school a few ladies had mentoring qualities I really appreciated. None of them though really nailed what I was looking for. It took over ten years to pair up with a trained spiritual guide that made sense for me.

It happened in a most unexpected way. I went outside of my Christian tradition (Evangelical) and attended a very enriching day of personal guided prayer at a Jesuit Spiritual Center during the season of Lent. There I heard Sister Maria and I thought, “This woman is like a female Gandalf. I need her!”

But she was booked in that area and could take me on. :(

I continued speaking with her and asking for her help. Maybe she had a clone I could work with, I suggested.

But she didn’t have a clone and thought that was a strange idea to be cloned in the first place.

She did send me to a lovely, wise, grandmotherly woman who became my formal spiritual director, and I continue to meet with her each month.

Like a thought it would be, the benefit of a mentor is invaluable.
A spiritual guide, companion, advocate and advisor with maturity has incalculable worth in our lives. It’s no wonder that so many leaders fail, or ministers fall off into affairs, pornography or other addictions so readily. They don’t make guidance a priority. The accountability and advocacy that a spiritual guide brings doesn’t remove the bumpy pathces, but it certainly makes them more bearable!

It took me over 10 years to find one, but it was worth it.

For those who seek a mentor I have some advice:

• KEEP LOOKING! (push discouragement aside!)
• Ask around. A lot.
• Find a spiritual center that trains spiritual companions
(Evangelicals do not seem to have this in ANY abundance, but Catholics are really into it.)
• Make the first move, (don’t wait to be asked by a mentor, approach him or her)
• A directory of spiritual companions may help find you someone, but if you don’t find a good fit on the first try, keep looking.

Don’t know where to start? Here’s a large directory (international, with various spiritual traditions included)
at Spiritual Directors International.

What about you? Have you ever had a mentor or spiritual guide? If not, what do you hope for in a mentor?
Share your story at the Deeper Leader Blog, or read what other have to say.

Ever think you’re leading a visionary charge forward only to look back and find a bewildered crowd who isn’t follow you?

I have, and it ain’t pretty. But, I learned a few things!

I’m contributing to this week’s new Deeper Leader Blog topic

“Whoops!” How Have You Grown From Your Mistakes in Leadership?

The Deeper Leader SyncrhoBlog sponsored by Evangelical Seminary is running October 7-12th. (A new topic will be offered up for contributions once or twice per month. It’s a great place to read fresh ideas, get inspiration, learn some things, or join in anytime.)

Remember, you too are invited and encouraged to add your voice to this dialogue by commenting here, or over there, or linking up your related article if you get a chance to write one. Go to this page for more details to get started.

You’ve probably learned some things through mistakes, please share your wisdom, I’d love to learn from you.

My “Whoops!” moment happened just when I thought I had some momentum.

(I’m limiting myself to just one, but I have hundreds of thousands to choose from.)

I was leading a class of adults on the topic of spiritual formation (discipleship). I was excited and shared my knowledge about Christian historical practices of prayer and meditation and silence and sabbath and a bunch of other things. When it came time for the practical part where we engaged in one of the practiced introduced, I saw something I wasn’t prepared for: CONFUSION. A wide-eyed look of paralysis. This wasn’t going to work!

I had gone too fast and charged ahead. While my class was interested in growing spiritually most of the concepts I was teaching were unfamiliar to them. Too unfamiliar. My graduate level education on the topic had sort of given me a blind spot I wasn’t taking into account. I had too quickly and assumed we were on the same page, but we weren’t. In some ways we were miles apart.

I had to slow down.

My exuberance had clouded my perceptions too. I thought that a change or some experimentation with a new prayer form would be excited not overwhelming. I realized that I was way ahead of my group, leading a charge for spiritual growth and revitalization but leaving my followers in my dust.

I was failing to walk alongside–as long as needed–until everyone was familiar with the new ground and ready to venture out.

Sometimes we forget about our potential blind spots. Mine was my over-familiarity with my niche. FAIL!

Sometimes we’ve seen it from our view for so long that we lose touch and thereby fail to lead effectively.

When others don’t seem ready or willing to follow you, it might not be a problem with your vision. It could be that those you want to lead aren’t at the same place that you are just yet. Don’t be discouraged, like I have been.

Go back to the dust cloud you left behind…and if you can’t see your followers, listen for some coughing! Then, regroup, and make a much slower start. Probably far slower than you feel is necessary. That was my lesson.

The results may vary, but you may find that with a slower pace, fewer learning points, and plenty of grace for the journey that many will continue with you. Leaders really aren’t leaders until and unless they have followers, right?

Do you remember a time when you left followers in your dust? How did it resolve?

Part of my journey, spiritually, has been to move from a fundamentalist upbringing, to an Evangelical / post-conservative theological formal training, and then toward “the mysteries” (i.e. mystic tendencies). What brought me there? Tremendous pain. I usually don’t talk of it for too long. Maybe there’s a memoir in me that should come to light, but the progression is palpable.

In “the mysteries” this means that I don’t think of suffering as a problem, sorrow as un-wellness, or bouts of profound unhappiness as a sign that I have too little faith. In fact, most of the biblical characters were kind of tortured souls. It’s a more recent construct that we should think the life of faith has a “Sunshine Mountain” feel to it.

So, I wanted to write out a few thoughts about what Mark Lepper posed out there on the Twitter-verse (see lower image).

My initial Twitter response (you see below) was less than 140 characters, so I thought I’d add a bit more.

@thelepper Nah. That notion helps us cope, but we can’t possibly verify it. It’s part of “the mysteries”

For just a moment…

Imagine your child kills himself. The most horrid thought (you needn’t linger there).

In the first few days, probably 20 people will tell you, “Everything happens for a reason.” Or, they’ll say, “All things work together for good…” You know the verse, right?

Rubbish.

(Probably most people don’t realize how out of context that verse is used that way. Erroneously they utilize just a part of it as a “band-aid platitude” to offer kindness.)

There are a great many things that have no good explanations and will not. The reasons won’t be revealed later either. On earth or in heaven. It really doesn’t work that way. And it really shouldn’t. Otherwise movement toward maturity would be at stake.

Really, it would be too confusing for us that God would answer these questions, so don’t count on an inquiry at the “ask the author” line in heaven, my dear friends.

When the pain of suffering wallops you and you can’t shelve your doubts long enough to work through the real hardship of it, one temptation is to consider that God must be malevolent or AWOL, instead of considering that we can’t possibly know the answer.

It is in the unknowing that we become enlightened to the ways of God.

It seems the two most common tactics (ways of coping) in tragedy are…

1. Try to believe that something horrible or evil has some sort of good redemptive reason, or will eventually come to something good because of it.

(Though it is true that God makes it his business to redeem everything…eventually….somehow…. we can’t think of this backward when we come into pain, and try jumping ahead. Pain can serve a point.)

2. Realize that so much is unexplainable and let our hope and faith erode or dissolve.

But there is a third option. And maybe more than just one more (you can let me know). Another way that’s been employed since humans have had optimism and spirituality (read: a very long time) is…

“the way of the mysteries”. And it’s not a cop out.

It’s farsighted. It’s a perspective that holds that the beauty we witness in this world is almost out of place in the nastiness and madness of it. It’s the idea of (good) ideals we all seem to possess that point to a greater, underlying and sustaining beauty and goodness obscured by the ways of the world, suffering, and the hardships of being human.

To embrace our situation as the mystics do is to not shun hardship or revel in it, but rather to let the pain refine us and make us wise. Oh, and it hurts. It hurts like hell.  And it, in some real sense, beats the hell out of us, and makes us endearing and compassionate. Beautiful.

The trouble is that if we’re satisfying with answers like, “Hey, friend! Don’t worry there’s a reason this horrible thing is happening,” then we are of very little good to those who are truly suffering.

In fact, our notions of “reasons” are often so pale and wanting. They just couldn’t possibly be sturdy enough. They don’t reveal what is legit and accurate.

Only when we can sit there alongside in the pain of those who hurt, and even take a part of the sorrow itself do we find we can make our way, honestly. And too, we must sit in our own pain. It’s uncomfortable. It’s dark. Sometimes horrid.

But to have the permission to hurt can send us toward wellness. It shows us that great sorrow comes on powerfully, and hurts badly, but does not have the final word. In the process of living well and deeply do we like a tender shoot become oaks of maturity and grace.

Please friends, be careful and don’t make a mockery of pain by disrespecting it or minimizing it (for yourself or anybody else). There is no human life without pain. There too is no growth without it. That’s the bit about incarnationality: The divine enters the human experience. That is our model.

So very deeply have I hurt, but now deeply can I love.

It’s true that redemption is chosen.

To be chosen it must first be acknowledged.

(that’s my longer answer)

We can live without romance and power, but there’s more potent that we all hope to have. When it’s been missing we get so thristy for it.

Acceptance.

Gladys M. Hunt wrote,

Acceptance means you are valuable just as you are.

It allows you to be the real you. You are not forced into someone else’s idea of who you are.

It means your ideas are taken seriously since they reflect you. You can talk about how you feel inside, why you feel that way, and someone really cares.

Acceptance means you can try out your ideal without being shot down. You can even express heretical thoughts and discuss them with intelligent questioning.

You feel safe.

No one will pronounce judgment on you even though they don’t agree with you. It doesn’t mean you’ll never be corrected or shown to be wrong. It simply means it’s safe to be you and no one will destroy you out of prejudice.

Where have you felt this?

Here’s a little reminder that everyone gets tired.

Everyone gets unbalanced.

Maybe you’ll be touched deeply and start crying when you hear a rapper slinging rhymes, which is really weird, but I did that.

Maybe you’ll just feel a heaviness in your heart that you can’t pinpoint. A slow burning ache, like the weight of the broken world is pushing in and perched on your sternum.

Maybe you’ll see relationships so broken and confusing and full of turmoil that you’ll start to disconnect.

Maybe you’ll snap at your kids, or get angry at a stranger whose story you can’t possibily know.

And grace will leak away from you and your ideals will be shelved, and you’ll wonder if you’re really a person who still believes in goodness anymore.

Here’s a word for you…and for me….

It hurts to be alive.

There are mysteries we want to know but can’t unravel.

You. Will. Get. Tired.

In this sorrow we are not alone, because we are the same.

(If you’d like to share your worry today or your burden, please do. In the comment section or using the contact me tab. I’ll pray for you, and maybe you can pray for me.)

The Top 200 List of most influential church bloggers came out. I found the list perplexing even after I read the metrics used in the decision process.

Though I didn’t expect to make such a list, I did recognize some blogger friends who did make it. Congratulations to you who did. (Some of these influential bloggers have guest posted here, check out this series to read them.)

What I am writing about today flies in the face of all of the “want to” for making that, or any, list. Well, most of it. It’s about the bigger picture. It’s about coming into our own creative health. 

At the STORY conference in Chicago last week I heard Mako Fujimura in person for the first time. What a gift.

He talked about the secret creative world of Emily Dickinson, her garden and her many poems. He told us of the need to create something “for just you”.

He experienced this for himself when he was on a tight-deadline commission to illustrate the four gospels. During that time he created Golden Sea. Nobody knew about it.

Golden Sea, Mako Fujimara

Something happens when we create without thinking about our client or audience. We create because we must. Because we get a gift of inspiration. Something pure is borne.

In contrast, something gets lost or compromised in the process of creating while thinking about communicating the art…Or when we think about outcomes.

American painter Andrew Wyeth created secretly this for fifteen years. Andrew enjoyed success for 7 decades, and always had buyers for his art.

Maybe that’s why his studio was his sacred, private space, and he secretly painted (or drew) his German-born neighbor Helga…over 240 times.

His wife didn’t appreciate it when she learned of this secret collection hidden away in the home of a friend and art student, but Andrew insisted that he needed something that was “just his”.

In the mid 1980s a world tour of the paintings made a huge splash in the art world. There was just something extra special about the collection that was palpable.

This is a good lesson for me to learn. I realize I need to resist sharing everything I create. I need to think more about the creation not the outcome. It doesn’t have to be about saying something to someone. What I create can just…exist.

“Braids” (a Helga portrait by Andrew Wyeth)

Is it hard for you to create in secret?

Probably the first thing people think of with “Depth” in Leadership is experience and know-how. Good stuff….but I think there’s an undervalued “Special Sauce” to Leadership …more on that in a minute.

Here’s the important and obligatory mention of the impetus for this post:

I’m contributing to this week’s new Deeper Leader Blog topic “How Do We Define ‘Depth’ in Leadership?”

The Deeper Leader SyncrhoBlog sponsored by Evangelical Seminary is running September 24-28th. (A new topic will be offered up for contributions once or twice per month. It’s a great place to read fresh ideas, get inspiration, learn some things, or join in anytime.)

Remember, you are invited and encouraged to add your voice to this dialogue too by commenting here, or over there, or linking up your related article if you write one. Go here for more details to get started. 

The Special Sauce

I’m not sure why I said it like that. I guess I’ve landed on something: The loudest leaders aren’t the best at it. Not usually.

Sure, the leaders who get the gigs and have the awesome bio paragraphs, big numbers and impressive sounding credentials seem the most successful. But, I’ve been most transformed and most influenced by the “nobodies”. The ones with quiet and stable wisdom.

I have a rather introverted spiritual director, for instance. She’s grandmotherly and loving. Though she’s formally trained and experienced she won’t be featured at the upcoming Catalyst conference, trust me. She won’t be recognized by “big shots”, nearly all of whom are men, by the way. Perhaps she doesn’t fit their paradigm for leadership experts.

It’s her consistency, character, and depth of understanding that make her easy to follow. I trust her. I listen to her wise words. I soak in her tidings.

ALPHAS

In a world of big burger alpha leaders we can forget about the Special Sauce. The stuff that makes ordinary people worth trusting and following. It comes from battle-tried life experience, courage, and the willingness to care, help, and listen.

It’s funny too because popularity in leadership seems arbitrary. Dave Ramsey, for an example, is all about Leadership (as well as finance). He even coined a term for his leadership training called “Entreleadership”. He’s at the top of the pile with courses, podcasts, books, and resources out the wazoo. I’ll bet he helps a lot of people with all of it too. Yet, when I listen to him on his radio show, I’m not sure I’d like to spend a full evening with the man. Even though I think he’s aces with financial freedom advice, I don’t think he’s earned trust within me like my lowly mentor has done so easily. I’d have to spend time with him to figure that out for certain, of course.

Depth is best seen when when know someone. Their influence may be like a secret special sauce that goes unnoticed but changes everything.

That’s depth that makes a positive difference.

It’s normal but unsettling…

The period of time when we return to normal life after an event such as a conference or gathering. The Story Conference in Chicago is just that sort of thing.

I woke up today with a palpable need to self-soothe. The stress of travel, new surroundings, increased interactions, imparted wisdom, and stimulation overload unearthed deeper pain.

Creativity and pain hold hands. Did you know that?

The one helps the other and vice versa.

Interactions and creative energy revive us at a wonderful conference like STORY, but the let down happens just afterwards, and we scarcely feel ready for it.

Pain surfaces after our experiences and without the tools to do well with it, and the spiritual friendship and mentoring to make sense of it (a.k.a. SOUL CARE), we can make poor decisions or fail to thrive in the aftermath of something so initially nourishing.

You’ll find yourself doing what I’ve done:

Distracting yourself (be it with tech, food, friends, or hobbies)

withdrawing (disconnecting from others)

feeling angry or discontent (do I really need to explain this???…GEEEZE! …er….whoops)

The inspiration shifts to frustration or let down. 

But this is the time when divine stirrings are greatest. Spiritual companionship is a way to work through this time and grow. It can be a time of hope instead of confusion or awkwardness.

What are some of the emotions you feel in the days after a great and uplifting event?

If you’re interested learn more about spiritual guidance here. Or find a director/companion near you using the directory here.

It’s hard to absorb everything that I’ve seen and experienced here at the STORY conference  in Chicago. It’s a festival and experience punctuated with poignant presentations. I plan to have a day of silence just to process and pray.

Phil Vischer the founder of Big Idea and the voice of “Bob the Tomato” was the final presenter. His story was one of being miserable when he thought he had gotten what he wanted. He wanted to be the next Walt Disney, but he got stress. With success came a lawsuit that killed his Big Idea.

It turns out God wants us to change more than he cares about all the things we can do for him. All our talents and ideas even when they are noble and good aren’t as important as becoming who God wants us to be which is radically different than we are now.

The journey is never what we expect, and I wonder if living in the moment is closer to what we should do. A trust that is child-like in presentation. Expectant but not begrudging.

I think I should try to ee ready to say “yes” to God in whatever way big or small that is occurring at the time. Going with the flow…like a Jellyfish. (Phil said that his new company name “Jellyfish Labs” reflects this principle, because jellyfish go squishy-squishy up and squishy-squishy down, but the they are helpless to move another way. They must go where the current takes them.)

What a learning process life is. We think it’s more than squishy-squishy up and squishy-squishy down. We get to re-learn that a million times.

It takes being ruined or broken or ill to get us to that point sometimes. I think of my beloved Old Testament Professor who claimed true the same thing that Phil did. Talented in languages, he had big plans of making the Bible accessible, especially old testament law, which is always misunderstood and mistranslated. What great and ambitious goal. But he got very ill, and has battled illness and almost died many times in 3 decades since that time.

Is God keeping him at a certain spot? Just squishy-squishy up and squishy-squishy down, and hanging on to God for each moment and each day.

How will your Story end?

I can tell you this: It’s going to be a surprise. And that’s the point.