Lisa Colón DeLay

Dr Brené Brown’s insights have the power to be life changing because she articulates and deciphers some of our most damaging obstacles with clarity that we can understand. This is how we start positive transformation.

After you watch the video, tell me what had the biggest impression on you.

Find more at Brené Brown’s website.

My recommendations of Books by Brené

I’m been thinking a lot about how we come into knowing we are Beloved of God. When and if we can absorb that simple but huge concept and step into it, we tend to feel excited to share that reality, spread the love and help others get in on such good stuff!

How do we do it?

Here’s what I found….It’s impossible to make someone receive love or to make them know they are loved, just as much as it’s hard to receive love when we don’t feel ready. It can’t feel forced. It’s part mental ascent and part experiential, and our experiential baggage gets in the way! We can’t still be cynical and mistrusting to actually feel loved. It’s a leap. Right off the cliff toward Love.

You think you’ll die a brutal death, until you do it. Then you realize you have been able to fly on the breeze of God’s love the whole time, and just never got there.

So, I don’t have a good answer to how it works have someone receive your love, but I do know that we put ourselves in a place to be transformed and healed by preparing our heart to offer love freely. We decide that the pain won’t outweigh the gift. The reward. 

Can we be betrayed? Yes.

Can we get hurt? Yes.

But we can’t offer much if we can’t offer ourselves, wide open. We can’t love others when we are not equipped to receive love. When we are hedging our bets or playing it safe. Or, and this is the surprise…we can’t feel more loved by over-giving.

BUT over-givers try this, anyway. Is this you? You give and give and give. You serve and help and meet needs, but because you are not ready to receive an emptiness starts to seep in. Then, maybe resentment. Then maybe bitterness and cynicism. The spirit closes.

It’s because love and service given isn’t and hasn’t truly been freely given. It’s been given in hopes of something…it’s changed to be some sort of bargain or  potential transaction. It’s some sort of agreement known or unknown that wagers “if I give enough I will be given to. I will feel Love. I will receive and be filled.”

No. It can’t happen this sort of way.

The challenge is to do the radical renovation of tearing the walls down. Prepare to receive.

Now, what would this look like for you? Share your ideas.

(voicemail or comment)

image found here: aledocofc.blogspot.com

Here we are again talking about discernment! (weekly January and February)

Getting better at discernment helps us understand God, his ways, and his plans with greater proficiency. A lot of time (most of us) are trying to find our way. Learning some time-tested exercises that foster better discernment can bring more than just peace of mind, but a richer walk of faith.

The presence and movements of God are certainly a grace…pure gift. But, we can also prepare ourselves to do much better with what he graces us with. Initial recognition for starters! We start to awaken.

When practicing the ways of discernment we learn to “read God’s face” as it were. Just like you might know precisely what your friend or spouse is feeling in the 2 seconds time he or she enters your presence, we can learn to distinguish the nuances of God’s presence through familiarity and good listening.

So what of these attacks that happen to us from time to time? The things that discourage us whether from within or without…what do we make of them, and how can they derail us?

Desolations, as we spoke of before, are interior stirrings that are not sourced in God. They may derail us because they are intended to draw us away from God. Yet, they can be used to help us because God will use what he wants to for his aims…even if the original aims from our opposition may have been intended otherwise. We might call these things Weeds that grow among the good things…the Wheat. Weeds may start out looking like nutritious wheat, but as they develop we can note the differences.

We may lose heart that we can’t rid the Weeds all from our lives…and maybe, strange as it seems, some weeds are supposed to stay in place until the harvest. In truth, the Weeds teach us things we could not know otherwise. Here are some:

• Weeds may test our mettle.
• Weeds may awaken us to negligence or unnoticed and crucial interior things that need our attention.
• Weeds may draw a contrast between what is of God and what is not by clarifying the distinction.
• Weeds may aid in our dependence on God, like Paul speaks about in 2 Corinthians 12…the thorn and strength in weakness passage.

Have any weeds of life ever helped you?

(My sources for many of these ideas comes in part from a book my spiritual director lent to me (see below). “Weeds in the Wheat: Discernment: Where Prayer & Action Meet” by Thomas H Green S.J. To be sure this book has a decidedly Catholic perspective (if you can handle that), and sheds light on this view of discerning God’s ways through the Ignatian vantage point.)

Click to get new content by Email…the Series continues!

Want to read the other Discernment installments?

• Discernment Series: Defining “Consolation” and “Desolation” 

• Discernment Series (first post)

I’ve mentioned recently about going though a season of obscurity historically (and in Spiritual Formation circles) called “a dark night of the soul”.

It can be a disturbing time, or it can have a purgative nature. Refinement. For me, (this is me being all vulnerable), it just seems like old answers are unsatisfying and resolution is unavailable in certain areas where it had been clearer before. In a way there’s some refreshment in knowing that some certainties are gone and a narrowing in my life is underway. It means simpler and more crucial things are left. But there’s a twist…

I’m surprised to have “consolations” during this time…

It’s a lot like having a flashlight on a dark path. I don’t feel alone or separated from God, as is often characteristic of a dark night season. This time I have just enough light to take a few steps, but all else is in the dim background. What could be ahead? It’s too hard to tell.

I wonder when dawn will come, but I know it will.

Have you ever had a season where it seems like all you have is a little flashlight in the big dark night?
How long did it last and what helped you?

More this week specifically on Discernment. Stop by soon!
(Better yet sign up for the RSS feed–at top– or get content sent straight to your inbox–sidebar.)

“It’s Christmas, lighten up! You’re such a ‘Debbie Downer‘!” someone said.

(Not to me, but I was in the throes of lament and just stared in shock wondering what would happen next. Would someone throw a punch, or would the named just wither in shame?)

The Joy and Rescue we are given in the Incarnation, celebrated at Christmas, should banish all pains and sorrow…..er….not so fast!

Lament and Joy always seem to pair off together. Strangely so.

Or Maybe not.

Perhaps because one doesn’t make sense without the other. Joy is chased by sorrow, and sorrow by Joy. Anyone with a choke hold on gladness is probably on drugs, uppers, of course. Can the words “choke hold” be paired with gladness?

Well, that’s my point.

I see a lot of pushiness to “bring Christmas back” and be glad because it’s the most wonderful time of the year, but that feels like a choke hold to me.

I need what I need. God will comfort me when I need it, and be in my Joy when that’s where I am. I’m not sure how I’ll feel today or when family pours in and presents go flying.

That’s what time of year it is!

My Debbie Downer Prayer:

Oh, Lord,

Thank you for the gift of your Son in a manger.

Be with me when I don’t feel this joy in my salvation, 

Give me the comfort of your steadfast love.

For those who are tormented, for those who have sorrow or grief,

For those whose burdens and hope deferred are strong enough

To keep under wraps amidst the cheer, be their hope in trail.

Hear their cries and laments

Salve them with your good Spirit 

Be their Shepherd and Deliverer

Show them you love them, whether they feel happy or not.

Amen.
Here’s some Debbie Downer for you.

2 More Things of Note:

THE CADRE. For those of you who’d like a friendship upgrade or a small group of people to help you through your next project, please check out the section above that reads “The Cadre” to find out what’s coming February 2013. It’s already in the works and promises to be 12 months of blessing. Spots are limited, and just a few remain.

To get the heads up about free download days of all my books and other nifty news, once in a while, sign up to my newsletter in the right column.

I’m getting so much out of this little book!

(I really recommend getting a copy. I saw one on Amazon for $1.50 (used). What a bargain!)

Henri Nouwen gathered his thoughts and pennend notes for his personal use during a difficult 6 months of reflection and healing. They were meant as private notes, but after 8 years a few friends encouraged him to have them organized and published sensing other soul searchers would be encouraged by them. His pain is often palpable and humble and his words are like food for kindred spirits. I’m grateful he was so brave.

page 59

Love Deeply
Do not hesitate to love and to love deeply. You might be afraid of the pain that deep love can cause. When those you love deeply reject you, leave you, or die, your heart will be broken. But that should not hold you back from loving deeply. The pain that comes from deep love makes your love ever more fruitful. It is like a plow that break the ground to allow the seed to take root and grow into a strong plant. Every time you experience the of rejection, absence, or death, you are faced with a choice. You can become bitter and decide no to love again, or you can stand straight in your pain and let the soil on which you stand become richer and more able to give life to new seeds.

The more you have loved and have allowed yourself to suffer because of your love, the more you will be able to let your heart grow wider and deeper. When your love is truly giving and receiving, those whom you love will not leave your heart even when they depart from you. They will become part of your self and thus gradually build a community within you.

Those you have deeply love become part of you. The longer you live, there will always be more people to be loved by you and to become part of your inner community. The wider your inner community becomes, the more easily you will recognize your own brothers and sisters in the strangers around you. Those who are alive within you will recognize those who live around you. The wider the community of your heart, the wider the community around you. Thus the pain of rejection, absence, and death can become fruitful. Yes, as you love deeply the ground of your heart will be broken more and more, but you will rejoice in the abundance of the fruit it will bear.

Today, I’m elucidating the anatomy of Worry in contrast with Meditation using this handy dandy visual I made.

Notice the differences.

Worry and Meditation have commonalities.

• Both activities involve circling/cycling, repeated thoughts, but how they circle is very different and give us different outcomes.

(monotheistic) Meditation centers on the good supreme God, and often the One described in the Bible. The love and presence of God energizes the one meditating. Thoughts and cares are kept in close contact with God, not one’s self or self-interests. Prayer, worship, and centering are interrelated with meditation.

In Worry (in Christians or any one) thoughts are repetitive and  ingrown, not centered on apart from self and move toward collapse, snuffing out our energy and health. Worry thoughts stay with the self, and do not move outward or around a stabilizing idea or deity. This causes degeneration into a Worry Spiral that undercuts growth, health, and well-being. Other problems may arise like illness, anxiety disorders, depression, paranoia, and much more.

In part 3, I’ll unpack how to move from Worry, which is negative, to Meditation which is peace and life-giving.

Did you read the previous Post? Please read Part 1 of this series where I discuss some common misunderstanding of Worry.

Do you think I got it right? What does Worry and Meditation look like for you?
Please, let me know.

• Recycling is when you take what appears to be garbage and you reform or reuse it again. But what’s this “up-cycle” stuff?

• Upcycling is when one converts waste materials or useless items into new materials or products of better quality or for better environmental value.

The act and habit of worrying can be upcycled and in the next few posts I’ll unravel that.

First–
Stuff you might not know about WORRY:

1. Out-of -balance hormones can spike worry. A dip in progesterone in women or a drop in testosterone in men, for instance.

(This means that you can’t always get a handle on worry just by “thinking your way out of it”. There’s biological component.)

2. Anxiety (often seen as worry and other related problems) can be a genetic predisposition that runs in families, like heart disease can.

3. Changing habits can lessen worry, much like eating a good diet can help slim you down even if you come from a family that’s…um..big boned.

The Hopeful News…
If you have a knack for worry (negative), then you may have a great capacity to meditate (positive). Prayer and mediation are almost synonyms, and overwhelming evidence shows that the use of prayer/meditation improves one’s level of anxiety, well-being, and health. Worry is a Soul issue. That means it’s more than mental or spiritual (the Soul is the whole of you and who you are). Soul Care address this. So, here we go!

Getting to a good place is NOT like throwing a switch, so I’ll start to tackle ways to move toward Upcycing worry more this week.

(photo source)

Part of my journey, spiritually, has been to move from a fundamentalist upbringing, to an Evangelical / post-conservative theological formal training, and then toward “the mysteries” (i.e. mystic tendencies). What brought me there? Tremendous pain. I usually don’t talk of it for too long. Maybe there’s a memoir in me that should come to light, but the progression is palpable.

In “the mysteries” this means that I don’t think of suffering as a problem, sorrow as un-wellness, or bouts of profound unhappiness as a sign that I have too little faith. In fact, most of the biblical characters were kind of tortured souls. It’s a more recent construct that we should think the life of faith has a “Sunshine Mountain” feel to it.

So, I wanted to write out a few thoughts about what Mark Lepper posed out there on the Twitter-verse (see lower image).

My initial Twitter response (you see below) was less than 140 characters, so I thought I’d add a bit more.

@thelepper Nah. That notion helps us cope, but we can’t possibly verify it. It’s part of “the mysteries”

For just a moment…

Imagine your child kills himself. The most horrid thought (you needn’t linger there).

In the first few days, probably 20 people will tell you, “Everything happens for a reason.” Or, they’ll say, “All things work together for good…” You know the verse, right?

Rubbish.

(Probably most people don’t realize how out of context that verse is used that way. Erroneously they utilize just a part of it as a “band-aid platitude” to offer kindness.)

There are a great many things that have no good explanations and will not. The reasons won’t be revealed later either. On earth or in heaven. It really doesn’t work that way. And it really shouldn’t. Otherwise movement toward maturity would be at stake.

Really, it would be too confusing for us that God would answer these questions, so don’t count on an inquiry at the “ask the author” line in heaven, my dear friends.

When the pain of suffering wallops you and you can’t shelve your doubts long enough to work through the real hardship of it, one temptation is to consider that God must be malevolent or AWOL, instead of considering that we can’t possibly know the answer.

It is in the unknowing that we become enlightened to the ways of God.

It seems the two most common tactics (ways of coping) in tragedy are…

1. Try to believe that something horrible or evil has some sort of good redemptive reason, or will eventually come to something good because of it.

(Though it is true that God makes it his business to redeem everything…eventually….somehow…. we can’t think of this backward when we come into pain, and try jumping ahead. Pain can serve a point.)

2. Realize that so much is unexplainable and let our hope and faith erode or dissolve.

But there is a third option. And maybe more than just one more (you can let me know). Another way that’s been employed since humans have had optimism and spirituality (read: a very long time) is…

“the way of the mysteries”. And it’s not a cop out.

It’s farsighted. It’s a perspective that holds that the beauty we witness in this world is almost out of place in the nastiness and madness of it. It’s the idea of (good) ideals we all seem to possess that point to a greater, underlying and sustaining beauty and goodness obscured by the ways of the world, suffering, and the hardships of being human.

To embrace our situation as the mystics do is to not shun hardship or revel in it, but rather to let the pain refine us and make us wise. Oh, and it hurts. It hurts like hell.  And it, in some real sense, beats the hell out of us, and makes us endearing and compassionate. Beautiful.

The trouble is that if we’re satisfying with answers like, “Hey, friend! Don’t worry there’s a reason this horrible thing is happening,” then we are of very little good to those who are truly suffering.

In fact, our notions of “reasons” are often so pale and wanting. They just couldn’t possibly be sturdy enough. They don’t reveal what is legit and accurate.

Only when we can sit there alongside in the pain of those who hurt, and even take a part of the sorrow itself do we find we can make our way, honestly. And too, we must sit in our own pain. It’s uncomfortable. It’s dark. Sometimes horrid.

But to have the permission to hurt can send us toward wellness. It shows us that great sorrow comes on powerfully, and hurts badly, but does not have the final word. In the process of living well and deeply do we like a tender shoot become oaks of maturity and grace.

Please friends, be careful and don’t make a mockery of pain by disrespecting it or minimizing it (for yourself or anybody else). There is no human life without pain. There too is no growth without it. That’s the bit about incarnationality: The divine enters the human experience. That is our model.

So very deeply have I hurt, but now deeply can I love.

It’s true that redemption is chosen.

To be chosen it must first be acknowledged.

(that’s my longer answer)

Here’s a little reminder that everyone gets tired.

Everyone gets unbalanced.

Maybe you’ll be touched deeply and start crying when you hear a rapper slinging rhymes, which is really weird, but I did that.

Maybe you’ll just feel a heaviness in your heart that you can’t pinpoint. A slow burning ache, like the weight of the broken world is pushing in and perched on your sternum.

Maybe you’ll see relationships so broken and confusing and full of turmoil that you’ll start to disconnect.

Maybe you’ll snap at your kids, or get angry at a stranger whose story you can’t possibily know.

And grace will leak away from you and your ideals will be shelved, and you’ll wonder if you’re really a person who still believes in goodness anymore.

Here’s a word for you…and for me….

It hurts to be alive.

There are mysteries we want to know but can’t unravel.

You. Will. Get. Tired.

In this sorrow we are not alone, because we are the same.

(If you’d like to share your worry today or your burden, please do. In the comment section or using the contact me tab. I’ll pray for you, and maybe you can pray for me.)

It’s normal but unsettling…

The period of time when we return to normal life after an event such as a conference or gathering. The Story Conference in Chicago is just that sort of thing.

I woke up today with a palpable need to self-soothe. The stress of travel, new surroundings, increased interactions, imparted wisdom, and stimulation overload unearthed deeper pain.

Creativity and pain hold hands. Did you know that?

The one helps the other and vice versa.

Interactions and creative energy revive us at a wonderful conference like STORY, but the let down happens just afterwards, and we scarcely feel ready for it.

Pain surfaces after our experiences and without the tools to do well with it, and the spiritual friendship and mentoring to make sense of it (a.k.a. SOUL CARE), we can make poor decisions or fail to thrive in the aftermath of something so initially nourishing.

You’ll find yourself doing what I’ve done:

Distracting yourself (be it with tech, food, friends, or hobbies)

withdrawing (disconnecting from others)

feeling angry or discontent (do I really need to explain this???…GEEEZE! …er….whoops)

The inspiration shifts to frustration or let down. 

But this is the time when divine stirrings are greatest. Spiritual companionship is a way to work through this time and grow. It can be a time of hope instead of confusion or awkwardness.

What are some of the emotions you feel in the days after a great and uplifting event?

If you’re interested learn more about spiritual guidance here. Or find a director/companion near you using the directory here.

Eric Gjerde via Compfight

We’re in the worst jobs markets since the Great Depression?

Well over 23 million Americans are out of work, under-employed, or have quit looking for a job completely. It’s horrible, but that’s NOTHING compared to Greece where 1 out of 4 people have no job. There’s riots and everything.

Yet, none of this means things are hopeless. More creativity and persistence is the key to success!

Here are a few ways you may not have thought of to make some extra money. 

1. Crowd-fund

Crowd-funding is where you use social media to fund your business idea or project. Besides Kickstarter.com there’s

Indiegogo

RocketHub

Peerbackers | crowdfunding big ideas

(I help people do this. More on that here)

2. Be an Expert

What do you know how to do or what do you a lot about that could help someone?

I like what The Art of Non-Conformity author Chris Guillebeau wrote on this in his post “The Instant Consultant”

3. Talk to old friends.

Networking has always been great for getting work. It’s far more effective than looking at want ads. Use your email contacts, or Facebook connections to re-establish ties with old friends while you find out if you could work together or if they have any leads. The closer the relationship, the better this works.

4. Get business cards.

I custom design cards for my clients for about $60 (including printing shipping), but there are places online where you can get them yourself for hardly any investment. List your competencies, and get 500 or more. Then, reach out when you’re out and about, and hand them out. Don’t do this coldly. Really connect and say you’re looking for more work. They might think about you later when they spot an opportunity.

5. Get really ODD jobs

Is there something you wish worked differently?

Is there a service that would make your life easier?

If you see a need then one exists that is larger than just your needs.

Services may have very low overhead and still provide something valuable to people nearby.

Some ODD ideas might involve things like…

• pet care or related services

• specific delivery services (medicines, groceries, party supplies)

• specific cleaning services (decks, laundry, windows)

• after-school care

• salving items for re-sale (it saves someone from cleaning or selling items themselves)

This is my son Nathan.
He’s 12.5 years old.

It’s been a rough few days with him. It’s a dicey combo mixing burgeoning adolescence and the Autistic experience.

His will is strong and he’s often unreasonable. He thinks he’s the rightful King of his world and ours; and I’ve felt discouraged about how poorly things have been going.

But…today, he built these glasses, and it got me to thinking about perspective.

And it gave me a new one.

What’s the bigger lesson here?

What if our windows of perspective are cloudy?

What if the shutters are closed?

How will an obstructed view hurt my ability to guide, lead, or learn?

Will I even be able to notice how poor my vision is?
And how can I get help seeing better?

It’s true that our perspective is limited.

The fact is easy to miss.
We flare with emotion in the dearth of comprehending how perspective works, or doesn’t work.

But, indeed, we can’t possibly see the full view, just the narrow vision our particular spectacles allow.

And with new lens our perspective changes.

Unwittingly, Nathan gave me the encouragement I needed.

This is actually an answer to my prayer for help.

Keep pushing on and Remember the lesson of the Lego Spectacles!

To you Leaders and Bloggers: Don’t forget to link-up with the SynchroBLOG on Leadership sponsored by Evangelical Seminary. Write something this week and contribute September 10-14. 

Jessica Lucia via Compfight

I was caught off guard. My spiritual mentor asked me today if I was gentle to myself.

“We must be Jesus to ourselves,” she said.

I was taken aback. I’ve heard about being Jesus to others, but I don’t think I’ve thought about using the same grace or perspective with myself.

I wonder if some of you need to hear that today.

Be gentle with yourself, as Jesus would be compassionate and gentle with you.

Any other way takes your life away. Saps you.

Peace to you,

-Lisa

Today I have the honor of being a guest at Ed Cyzewski’s blog. As a new proud daddy Ed is taking a paternity leave, but he’s planned a bunch of guest writers to keep us happy readers.

I’ve contributed a piece about the time I outgrew my small group, entitled, “Seasons of Belonging”.

Even though the misfit made belonging difficult it finally created the atmosphere for personal change and the beginning of a new journey.

Here’s the link.

Enjoy!

I’m happy to have Addie over at the blog, and I know you’ll enjoy this, my friends! Thanks, Addie. To read the other articles in this Series by some amazing people, click here.

Addie Zierman (@addiezierman) is a writer, mom, and Diet Coke enthusiast. She blogs twice a week at How to Talk Evangelical, where she’s working to redefine faith one cliche at a time.

The Ways Blogging is Healing Me
Addie Zierman

In the spring of 2011, I hauled my 8-month-pregnant body to the podium at Hamline University to give my graduate reading. The baby’s feet were jammed up in my ribcage, and my lungs had so little space left for expanding that I had to pause after every couple of sentences to catch my breath.

The manuscript that I read from that night was my memoir, How to Talk Evangelical. I’d started my MFA program as a young, evangelical wife, freshly back from a year of teaching in China. I didn’t know that I was already up to my ankles in the slow-sinking sand of Depression. I didn’t see that wild, angry crisis of faith coming. I smacked into it at full speed.

My manuscript is a reflection of a five-year journey away from and back toward God. I was writing into the anger, into the pain. I was digging through the past, pulling sharp shards of memories out of my heart and into the light.

It was messy and raw and a little volatile, and when I was done, I felt very weak – like someone who has just gotten better from a long bout with a terrible flu and is maybe ready to try eating…but probably just half a piece toast.

One year later, when my agent told me that I needed to start a blog, I felt defeated before I even started. I thought, I am not a blogger. I thought, I have two really little kids and NO TIME EVER.

I thought that “platform” was about numbers and followers and selling a book. But it turned out to be something entirely different.

And here it is: I’d spent five years ripping up the rotten, mildewed boards of my warped view of God. A theology that could not sustain the weight of my pain.

But as I began writing my blog, I realized that we were not so much building a platform for a book as a new platform of faith. A sturdier foundation. Something I could stand on; something that could hold me up.

In keeping with the theme of my book, I began to write, twice a week, about evangelical terms. Cliches. Things like Jesus freak and on fire and feeling God’s presence. I wrote to shine a light on the ways we miss it in the evangelical culture, but instead, I found the light turned in on my own dark places. My own failings and doubts. My own unhealed pain.

The discipline of putting something out there twice a week, every week, feels like a kind of faith in itself.  These days, the old ways of “quiet time” feel foreign and forced, but the blog has given me an unexpected way back in.

Term by term, day by day, I get up and look at the pond while the sun rises. I write a sentence. Erase it. Write two. Erase. Painstakingly, word by word, God is giving me new language, a new way to talk about longing and struggle and doubt. A new way of seeing him.

Where I’ve struggled to be honest about my pain in church and small groups and the usual places where Christians gather, I am finding a new place in the borderless internet. I am finding voices who echo back my heart, and reading them every day is like eating good, hearty bread.

I write, and it feels holy. I read, and it feels like community. And yes, there are days when it’s hard. When my heart gets bogged down with numbers and stats and rejection and the who-said-what of it all…

But most days, it feels like we are all building it together. Like we’re pounding it all out, nail by nail, board by board, with a carpenter from Nazareth.  Like every day, I am finding my footing a little bit more.

Photo Credit: Emre Ergin via Compfight

I wanted to call attention to a fascinating article from my bud, Ed featured at Prodigal Magazine.

Launching from a tumultuous topic that men should “bring in the bacon” Ed talks about cultural constructs, expectations, and his upcoming fatherhood. He also touches on something I’d like to highlight here today. That is, the nature of the artistic personality type. Creatives.

Recently, I watched the season finale of the drama series MADMEN. Megan is married to wealthy ad man Don Draper. She pursues a career as an actress for the love of it. She doesn’t need the money, unlike many of her aspiring thesbian friends. Still, failure is difficult to handle for her.

Whether the stakes are one’s livelihood or one’s artistic ambitions an artist desires to succeed. This time, Megan’s mother rues the fact that Megan has an artistic temperament but not the artistic talent…

It was an intriguing comment. When considered it has big implications on many creative types. It’s about temperament. For who else is this true? I wondered.

But maybe this insight from the artist’s mother doesn’t reveal the whole story…maybe the talents are just unidentified or underperforming at the moment. Maybe the niche hasn’t been discovered or one hasn’t found “the zone” for their artistic endeavors. All the angst that comes with that is immense. Finding our way as creatives is the “epic hero journey” (a la Steven Pressfield) that involves mostly struggle.

Do you have “the artistic temperament”? 

What has it cost you?

Photo Credit: Pulpolux !!! via Compfight

For instance, sometimes I crave and ingest sugar. Sometimes I numb-out with tech, or some distraction. Sometimes I grow irritable and wallow a bit. I could go on and on, but I’ll stop before we both get too embarrassed.

What are some of the neurotic things you do?

I’ve saved the best volumes for last. If you liked the others, you’ll be the happiest May 10th. If you haven’t read the others, you’re in for a treat, and soon.

Here’s more about Volumes 4 & 5:

VOLUME 4: Slumps, Burnouts, and Frustration

This details the instigators, root causes, and symptoms of our 3 big foes as Creators and Communicators. Some symptoms are so insidious or camouflaged that you haven’t noticed them. You’ll be surprised. An audible gasp is a distinct possibility.

You’ll be challenged. You’ll be shown how to take a special kind of inventory that’ll take the teeth out of these monsters that stand like obstacles to our calling and abundant life.

Beyond that, we’ll cover jump start action steps to keep you encouraged and progressing. It’s like sucking down pure Oxygen. mmm!

VOLUME 5: God’s Grand Story

This is the piéce de résistance for Creators and Communicators.

Risking some scorn among zealous Donald Miller’s devotees, I ask readers to look beyond our individual micro-stories.

We’ll uncover the Meta-Narrative of God’s Grand Story witnessed in the whole council of God, the stories therein, and within our unique life experiences. Here God, not us, is the Star….and in every scene.

(Note: I too loved Blue Like Jazz and other non Religious Christian Spirituality stuff Don’s written, just like everyone else. But I’ve sense a change with Miller’s approach. I’m not convinced that life-mapping strategies, tracking software, and yearlong Storyline memberships get to the marrow of what it is to be human.)

Absorbing the 4 themes explained in Volume 5 gives much-needed perspective, comfort, encouragement, and hope to meet our needs better than formulas ever can.

Note that the 4 adjectives in bold harken to the 4 themes, but do not yet reveal them! A blatant gambit to arouse you. Please, I have to let this thirst build, okay? Listen to me. You’ll love this volume.

The Launch Pad of Vol. 5:
To those of you who’ve combed 500+ page theological tomes, it follows the canonical-liguistic theological approach with one crucial amendment.

To those of you who have not trudged through the tedious works of scholar theologians…most of you…I unpack some heady academic treatise material into snappy language and keen usability that even Sarah Palin could understand and apply, before she shoots her morning Elk. You bet ‘cha!

Any questions? What are you curious about? Let me know.

Buy it at AMAZON for KINDLE. (There will be some days that you can get it for free. Nov 12&13 are the first days for that)

If there was one resource I could give you to help you see out your calling, or finish that great project idea you have, or beat what’s holding you back, it would be this book below.

And I can do that. If you enter the giveaway (that obnoxious looking Rafflecoptor block up there on the right) you could win $50, making this book free and four more besides.

Don’t be afraid to succeed, and don’t be afraid to fail.

What do you hope to accomplish? 

I had a great chat with Alise Wright and we talked about her upcoming book project Not Afraid. Plus, we talk a bit about a few other things like marriage equality and Mark Driscoll’s new polemic book “Real Marriage” (and I may need to offer some bonus video material on that insightful stuff); can men and women be friends (best of friends, even when they are married to other people); and Alise’s upcoming personal work in keeping with her calling.

Here’s Janet chatting with me about courage and hope. Find out at her website how you can get her book FREE.

click for photo source

In the latest issue of Harper’s Bazaar, actress Demi Moore replies to the question, “What scares you?” by saying,

“If I were to answer it just kind of bold-faced, I would say what scares me is that I’m going to ultimately find out at the end of my life that I’m really not lovable, that I’m not worthy of being loved. That there’s something fundamentally wrong with me … What scares me the most is not knowing and accepting that just about everything is not in my control. That makes me feel unsafe.”

Some people may claim the Hollywood starlet is speaking of a “God-shaped void” as Blaise Pascal once referred to it. But wait just a minute…

Not everybody will admit to this sort of thing. Some never gaze inward long enough to see it. But there it is. While many won’t realize what what the jilted Moore is talking about for themselves, I think this women has hit on a fundamentally human frailty fraught with universal relevancy. (And it has virtually nothing to do, in fact, with a certain shaggy-headed addition to the Two And A Half Man sitcom.) This frailty, I might add, is not actually negative, as we might first imagine, but rather part of the vulnerability that is the stuff of being human.

It’s these same underlying and exquisitely human fears that we mask, medicate, bury, avoid, deflect, or anesthetize, that cause all manner of destructive behaviors and coping mechanisms. For Demi, who was just hospitalized for stress-related health issues (namely exhaustion…and likely malnutrition), it can create potent consequences. It’s something wealth, influence, fame, accolades, and beauty doesn’t seem to ameliorate. Curious, no?

For many religion or spiritual practice helps to blunt the reality of our human predicament, but clearly that alone doesn’t seem to actually mend the situation. I refer not to just the situation of being mortal, but of being fundamentally impotent. Rarely is this gnawing sense placated for long. Demi, for one, is connected to the practice of Kabblah, but it hasn’t helped this core need.

Though her vulnerability and frailties are up for public scrutiny, many possess the same sorts of fears and maladies, and even despair, but go unnoticed.

To me, our condition seems unmendable…purposefully, that is.

Christians may argue they are the exception; they feel a great sense of hope because of belief in Jesus Christ, arriving to our world as the incarnation of God to make a pathway back to God. Alas, Redemption! Closure, right? Yet a cursory survey of believers (even 3 minutes scanning twitter feeds) show they too are rife with the same sorts of problems as Moore, and Jesus hasn’t seemed to fix that for them.

(The particulars of why are widely speculated and even hotly contested. Some call for more faith and prayer, while others osmotically move into greater embracing of “the mysteries”.)

The funny things is, I get Demi. I feel those things too. I wrestle with them, and I’ve taken up the journey to walk through all the rough patches, which are aplenty.

I think it’s high time to bring what it means to be human out it the open.

A kind of unlearning happens as we grow wiser, and the sort of acceptance of our weaknesses may take hold as we become more acquainted with our human condition. Maturity I think it’s called. The “Will we ever get there?” question lingers.

What do you think about Demi’s quote?

Do you relate to her, or do you see things differently?

(by Chris O Brien click for CC source)

You can’t die of a broken heart. It’s despair that kills you.

Having a broken heart, means you are alive. It means that something matters, and you haven’t gone numb (which is what usually happens to people after a while…or escapism, which is sort of the same).

Having a broken heart means that risk was rewarded with pain. But not pain unto death. Pain that gives way to experience you can’t find another way.

I used to think God was trying to kill me of a broken heart. Dashing my hopes and dreams. Allowing my son, or my father, or me to suffer until I couldn’t take it anymore. It felt like the beatings wouldn’t end.

At the end of that bit of brutality (as I perceived it) I realized I could be borne out of it, like a phoenix. And that was the point. To come to a resurrection. On the other side was life, not death. All the scars would be a kind of beauty, not a pitiable shame.

Don’t worry about your broken heart. It has to break apart to get to the fleshy part. The part so tender that only God can hold it…and be the only one who can and will protect it in a way you never could understand before. In a way that you can never do alone. You are brave enough for that. You. are.

Do. not. despair.

Photography by Andreas Stridsberg

This month, I’ve been focusing some posts on mental health.

Today, it’s Borderline Personality Disorder. Sounds like something really weird, right? It’s surprised me to learn about this.

It’s a love/hate thing, and I think it’s a bit more common than either one of us realize. The description may surprise you, too. When you read it, co-workers, family members, friends, acquaintances, neighbors will come to mind, and you’ll think, “Whoa, you can diagnose this, for real?”

Wikipedia describes BPD as a prolonged disturbance of personality function characterized by depth and variability of moods.^{[n 1]} Usually the disorder involves unusual levels of instability in mood; black and white thinking, or splitting.

The disorder often manifests itself in idealization and devaluation episodes, as well as chaotic and unstable interpersonal relationships, self-image, identity, and behavior; as well as a disturbance in the individual’s sense of self. In extreme cases, this disturbance in the sense of self can lead to periods of dissociation, self-harm, or violence.^[1]

BPD splitting (all-or-nothing thinking) includes a switch between idealizing and demonizing others. Obviously, this, combined with mood disturbances, can undermine relationships with family, friends, neighbors, and co-workers.

Sound like anyone you know?

Does this mean extremism is a mental disorder? hum?

Some Symptoms:

• Fear of being abandoned
• Feelings of emptiness and boredom
• Frequent displays of inappropriate anger
• Impulsiveness with interests, money, substance abuse, sexual relationships, binge eating, or shoplifting
• Intolerance of being alone
• Repeated crises and acts of self-injury, such as wrist cutting or overdosing

Treatment and medication are helpful.

More here:
(National Center for Biotechnology Information, U.S. National Library of Medicine)

Did you find this information interesting? Let me know.