Lisa Colón DeLay

This is my son Nathan.
He’s 12.5 years old.

It’s been a rough few days with him. It’s a dicey combo mixing burgeoning adolescence and the Autistic experience.

His will is strong and he’s often unreasonable. He thinks he’s the rightful King of his world and ours; and I’ve felt discouraged about how poorly things have been going.

But…today, he built these glasses, and it got me to thinking about perspective.

And it gave me a new one.

What’s the bigger lesson here?

What if our windows of perspective are cloudy?

What if the shutters are closed?

How will an obstructed view hurt my ability to guide, lead, or learn?

Will I even be able to notice how poor my vision is?
And how can I get help seeing better?

It’s true that our perspective is limited.

The fact is easy to miss.
We flare with emotion in the dearth of comprehending how perspective works, or doesn’t work.

But, indeed, we can’t possibly see the full view, just the narrow vision our particular spectacles allow.

And with new lens our perspective changes.

Unwittingly, Nathan gave me the encouragement I needed.

This is actually an answer to my prayer for help.

Keep pushing on and Remember the lesson of the Lego Spectacles!

To you Leaders and Bloggers: Don’t forget to link-up with the SynchroBLOG on Leadership sponsored by Evangelical Seminary. Write something this week and contribute September 10-14. 

(Ross is the one in the hat)

Storyless
-by Ross Gale

I have a friend whose mother tells a story of her as a child: when studying for a third grade test using flash cards, my friend strained to think about the answers. Sometimes her mother would have to say the answers out loud, but even then my friend didn’t seem to connect the dots. She’d keep thinking, the answer too far beyond her. Her mother laughs a bit and says, as a child she was a little stupid. This is the story my friend tells herself, that she is stupid.

When she was in junior high and missing school from an illness, she’d beg her mother to return her to class because she needed to get smarter. She loved school. She did not like being stupid.

She is in her twenties now and the stories her parents tell her influence her. She is an over-achiever in the sense that grades matter to her because they reflect who she is. She’s always trying to prove the story wrong, but she also seems to believe that she’ll never be able to prove it wrong. She’ll always be stupid.

The story my father tells me is about when I was three and he was sick in bed with the flu. Everyone was out of the house for the day so I stayed by my father’s side. I didn’t cry or fuss or ask for anything. I just stayed there because he needed me. My father says I have the biggest heart of anyone he knows. The story tells me something about myself. This is who I believe I am.

The stories parents tell their children about them are stories that shape their identity and purpose.

When Mary and Joseph take their son Jesus to Egypt, I imagine them telling him the stories surrounding his birth, the reason they weren’t living in Palestine, and what the angels had each pronounced to them. Before he knew who he was through Scripture, he knew who he was from his parents’ stories.

When a child is disabled like my brother KC, who had a traumatic brain injury at three, the stories my parents tell are stories about a different boy, they are stories about a boy without a disability who doesn’t have seizures, who can run and play sports, who can graduate high school, who can annunciate his words, and speak clearly. They tell stories about a boy with athletic prowess and a stubborn attitude.

An accident like KC’s, however, renders the stories meaningless. With an accident like KC’s he becomes a storyless boy. How do you shape the identity and purpose of a storyless child? This is the tragedy of tragedy; it robs the power of story.

We have a God who gives us this purpose and identity so even when our stories are harmful or meaningless or shameful or stolen, we can become a part of a new story. God’s story. A story of hope, redemption, and meaning.

Ross Gale is a writer and editor from Oregon. His work is featured in Burnside Writers Collective, Antler, Relief Journal, Archipelago, and he contributes to MagicalTeaching.com. He earned his Master of Fine Arts in Creative Writing from Seattle Pacific University. He blogs at rcgale.com where he’s editing the “Bereshit Bara Creativity Series” which asks 13 Creatives to wrestle with questions about what gives them the courage to create.

This is an update sort of post.

It’s been many months since I covered this topic, and for a long time things stayed very much the same with my now 12 year old autistic son being a very firm atheist for over a year.

I was committed to see through Nathan’s spiritual journey without pressuring him to believe what I wanted him to. Because I personally have spent so much of my life dedicated to learning about and loving God, this took iron patience and a new kind of faith. Respecting Nathan’s feelings about God and giving him time to wrestle with the concepts lead to a surprising outcome.

For some needed background, I recommend these two previous posts that set the stage for where we are as I have covered this fascinating journey: 

God: “The Unbelievable Story” (1st Interview with Nathan)

Juvenile Atheism, and Bunny Studies. (a profound update)

I discovered Joy’s blog recently, and one thing that takes me aback just about every time I read her is a weighty honesty that packs a punch. Joy doesn’t do this with brutality, but with simple truth. The real picture of how she sees things at that moment. It is, if you permit me, true art.

Enjoy her fantastic and candid contribution to our series, and read her blog. You simply must.

Joy’s Bio:

I am a writer, thinker, asker of questions, mother, wife, and bereaved parent. My faith is very much still in process. I’ve blogged since 2005, writing on faith and doubt, family life with children with special needs, grief, and the depression that I only recognized a year after our oldest died at the age of 8. Views expressed are my own and do not reflect those of me yesterday or tomorrow. 

Spiritual Authority and Blogging 

Faith bloggers are a funny bunch. They tend to approach their craft with all the collaborative spirit of the Lone Ranger, writing off alone into the sunset on their trusty steed Scripture. I say “they” as if I’ve never done this myself. That would be false. I’m just as guilty of doing this as the next person, and I have the archives to prove it. In fact, some days I would advise against writing a faith blog at all. (link to a post)

Blogging, particularly about faith, is chiaroscurist, contrasts of dark shadows against light. In the shadow, the writer spends hours with her keyboard, pounding out words until they sound right. It’s solitary, unseen, mysterious.

With the click of the “publish” button, light explodes onto those solitary words, illuminating all that private idea-wrangling for anyone to see.

I denied this public/private dynamic for years, arguing that my blog was like my living room, in which I could do what I liked. While that is somewhat true, it is also true that this living room has glass walls and sits in the town square.

This is part of what I love about writing a blog. It isn’t private. Knowing someone might read it keeps me writing. Writing for actual readers (unlike in a journal) has been essential to keep me practicing my craft.

Words demand respect. They have power to convey anything when handled aright, even error. I’ll never forget one of my college professors illustrating the power of words with a story of convincing someone that it was a different day of the week. Interacting with someone’s words has great potential to teach, inspire, inform, persuade, amuse, grieve, anger, motivate, and more.  If I love people as I love myself, I must consider the potential of my words to lead them in the wrong direction.

Now what? If words are so dangerous, should we just lay down our arms and wave the white flag? Maybe, but maybe not.

We need a way to determine if our words are doing harm or good. We need spiritual authority, a standard against which to measure our message and tone. And because it’s really difficult to read what we’ve really written (we tend to see what we’re trying to say, not what we actually said), we need other people to help us with this.

We are human and we will screw up. Often (or maybe that’s just me). We all need someone (or a few someones) who are willing to look at our words and our lives and call us out when we get distracted from our mission, start listening to our own hype, or try to take credit for what God has accomplished. This person knows our heart and our vision, and they will ask hard questions, work with us to express things clearly, and correct things when we’ve gotten something wrong.

My posts have fallen prey to a weak vision or poorly-considered concept, they’ve wandered down rabbit trails, and they’ve followed the lure of trendy topics and controversy’s ability to ratchet up page views. Some of these were harmless, but others caused confusion, hurt, concern, and questions about the status of various relationships with family, friends, and God. Some days I forget that God gave me a story and the words to tell it and that my blog is where I express my [messy and inconsistent and flawed] love for God and for you. Some days I decide that expressing myself and airing my grievances or opinions is more important than doing the hard work of resolving issues in person.

How do I know when I’ve screwed up on my blog? Sometimes I can tell from the comments. Most of the time, however, someone close to me calls me on it. They ask the hard questions about my motives and what’s really going on.

We each need people in our lives who know us well, who we will listen to, who can ask us those questions. They need to believe in us, and believe in our vision. My husband is one of these people for me. He and I believe that God gave me a story to tell and the words to tell it. My blog is, for now, where I strive to encourage others with that story. When I remember that, it keeps me from writing things that distract or detract. And when I forget, he’s there to say, “Hold up a minute. What do you mean by this? Because it sounds like this, and I know that isn’t what you mean.”

I’ll be honest. It has been difficult to hear those questions, and even more difficult to admit that I might need to do more editing or scrap a post altogether. But as much as I chafe at guidelines and accountability, I’ve learned that I need it in order to write (and serve) well.

My conversation with the foremost Pentecostal Theologian, Amos Yong, has 2 parts. First, we talk about the themes in his new book “The Bible, Disability, and the Church”.

Click for Video (part I)

Below is part II of our talk. We cover some excellent topics like healing, God’s will, social oppression in the church, communal prayers of lament, his Disability Bible project (and more).

Click to view Part II

Here’s Janet chatting with me about courage and hope. Find out at her website how you can get her book FREE.

#PickMeEllen is Ellen Degeneres‘ project to spread some Christmas spirit. People tweet their requests using that hashtag. A few people will be chosen for Christmas surprises.

Please help me get a message to Ellen that my neighbor needs a wheel chair lift very badly. His mom carries him up the stairs from the road over her shoulder a few times per day. The railing is unusable and the stairs are cracked. She will fall, it’s only a matter of when. It’s very dangerous for her and him. I think it’s a great Christmas project to help them, and I need your help.Tweet this article, or contact the Ellen show (link on her name above.)

Hey, If I can’t get Ellen to be my Santa, will you help, if I set up a fund to raise money for Kristian?

Tweet this story, link to it, or do something to help about this sweet kid!

super steep stairs, crappy railing, pre-accident spot for Kristian and his mom

Kristian is 15 (he looks like a NiNJA in this pose a little, but actually he can't walk)

I Corinthians 12:22 In fact, the parts of the (church) body that seem weakest and least important are the most indispensable.

1 in 5 homes has a person with some kind of disability living in it. But they are not a statistic. They are a family who needs you. Sometimes I hear people say, “I’d really like to help, but I don’t know where to start.”

With so many needs, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. But, one’s time and resources to help the disabled needn’t be expensive or difficult. The most important thing is showing up and allowing yourself to be used by God.

Many times those families in need want to know someone really cares, more than anything. They probably won’t be able to reach out and ask you for help, in the middle of struggling with their circumstances, but even small and simple efforts can bring them help, joy, and comfort.

Don’t start with a disability. Start with a family.

A Visual Guide to Ministry with the Disabled
I encourage you to use this Visual Guide to Ministry with the Disabled poster. I created it to help ministers and compassionate Christians aid the disabled in crucial ways. You can access it here. Please contact me if you have questions about it. This guide works through a logical progression of needs, and leads up to  interdependence, mutual care and ministry, which is what the Kingdom of God is all about.

This Visual Guide may be printed and distributed as needed, and is under a free use Creative Commons license that you see below.

Make your life be a blessing!

“Guide to Ministry with the Disabled” by Lisa Colón DeLay is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported License.
Available at docs.google.com.
Permissions beyond the scope of this license may be available by contacting the creator at http://lisadelay.com.

Photography by Andreas Stridsberg

This month, I’ve been focusing some posts on mental health.

Today, it’s Borderline Personality Disorder. Sounds like something really weird, right? It’s surprised me to learn about this.

It’s a love/hate thing, and I think it’s a bit more common than either one of us realize. The description may surprise you, too. When you read it, co-workers, family members, friends, acquaintances, neighbors will come to mind, and you’ll think, “Whoa, you can diagnose this, for real?”

Wikipedia describes BPD as a prolonged disturbance of personality function characterized by depth and variability of moods.^{[n 1]} Usually the disorder involves unusual levels of instability in mood; black and white thinking, or splitting.

The disorder often manifests itself in idealization and devaluation episodes, as well as chaotic and unstable interpersonal relationships, self-image, identity, and behavior; as well as a disturbance in the individual’s sense of self. In extreme cases, this disturbance in the sense of self can lead to periods of dissociation, self-harm, or violence.^[1]

BPD splitting (all-or-nothing thinking) includes a switch between idealizing and demonizing others. Obviously, this, combined with mood disturbances, can undermine relationships with family, friends, neighbors, and co-workers.

Sound like anyone you know?

Does this mean extremism is a mental disorder? hum?

Some Symptoms:

• Fear of being abandoned
• Feelings of emptiness and boredom
• Frequent displays of inappropriate anger
• Impulsiveness with interests, money, substance abuse, sexual relationships, binge eating, or shoplifting
• Intolerance of being alone
• Repeated crises and acts of self-injury, such as wrist cutting or overdosing

Treatment and medication are helpful.

More here:
(National Center for Biotechnology Information, U.S. National Library of Medicine)

Did you find this information interesting? Let me know.

Freddy, worshiping.

As I move toward a more formed definition of how gender issues can be transcended in the Kingdom of God, I’m hitting some roadblocks obstacles. Very expectedly, too.

This “Capacitarian” proposal, if you will indulge this term, is not all cut and dry…like so many abstract things, that must come to fruition by enactment. I continue to solicit your thoughts, and input. No, I won’t give the pretense of having a fully-formed argument. “In-process” is the operative word for this excursion. Yet, I bother to bring it up, in the first place, because I see some glaring shortcomings in our current models.

If you see some, too. I hope you’ll mention them.

(And yes, I made up the word for this proposal:  ”Capacitarian” Pronounced: <CAP-pass-it-Tarry-ann>)

Why does the term “egalitarian” fail us?
A few have (rightly, I might add)  asked, something like, “If you want men and women to be treated and appreciated with equal worth, why don’t you just say, or use the term “egalitarian”?”

Here are a few reasons:

• Egalitarianism (proper) is too closely associated with politics and economic interests. It always has been. This has a consequential, and incongruent for our purposes, legal component, too. It is an interference, not a boon, to Kingdom life and the enactment of the gospel.

• Egalitarianism, as in “Christian Egalitarianism”, is most often understood as “the idea that men and women can and should function as equals in the church,” even if (or though) the true meaning is broader. The word means something beyond gender, like, rich and poor should function as equals…able-bodied and disabled…you get the idea. The prevailing connotation has undermined the term, making it less helpful. Simply put: “Egalitarianism,” the term, is not accurate enough. It shortchanges the bigger idea of what God is up to.

• God’s economy never really jives with our own. The actual working out of egalitarianism proves this, as well. It’s not enough to say, “We’re equal, let’s act that way.” Remember something called the Jim Crow laws from 9th grade history class? (Or, even better, maybe you recall them from experience. Separate but equal is ruse, whether intentionally or not.)

The difference is that a worldview change is in order, not just a mode or method of equalizing the parties involved.

• So, I propose we let go of using human economic terms which will move the conversation forward.

Likewise, if we use words for this issue that connote or speak in terms of power, (be it: social, political, gender, economic, racial, etc) we commence at the same starting point as we’ve had before. A secular starting point.

• This faulty starting point inherently undercuts the ironically nonpolitical (apolitical) quality of Kingdom life. My idea is to get away from human-centric thinking, not co-opt with it. There is a reversal of power in God’s economy, but not an antithetical reversal. So, we’re speaking of a whole new model where one cannot simply speak of things in reverse to properly apprehend it, or put it to rights.

• Equal opportunity of the members in the Body isn’t determined primarily by sentiments that “We are all of equal worth in the eyes of God.” True as this is, it is better sourced in the nature of God as person (a.k.a. “personhood”) *See note below. God’s Story is the starting point.

Capacitarianism
• It is in the very nature of God to forgo favoritism based on things humans would see as advantageous. We may give equal opportunity because we think that it is right or just. But this worldview is not about righting wrongs, or getting it right as (humanly speaking) its fundamental application point. Rather, it’s a new way of seeing and living in this world…Kingdom Come. [Theo-centric worldview]

So, moving forward we adopt that characteristic of God for our ways of relating too. Well, more than adopt. We absorb, and live and breath it. (It is the basis of our relating.)

• It is in the overarching plans of God (as seen in the whole of Scripture) that each one of us is “set free”. We reach our full potential as this occurs. We transcend, not just overcome our cultural bondage, et.al.. (See this Lukian passage, and the prophet Isaiah)

• Thus, restrictions based on finite qualities (nationality, gender, physical ability, financial prosperity, etc.) have nothing to do with God’s nature, and his vantage point. All those restrictions are eschewed. Being “set free” is the telos of creation.

• Harmonious/loving relationship, not (primarily) equality, is main aim of children of God…Kingdom citizens, in this proposal.

Paul advises this, speaking often of and encouraging unity in the Body.
Tri-unity (Trinity) is the essence of God. God: Communion and Love reciprocated ad infinitum.

• Hierarchy, then,  for our purposes, is a non issue (off the table), in any typical way we would be able to apprehend it, from a human understanding or from our experience. So, I contend that we cannot do well to draw on our flawed applications of so-called hierarchy if we are to move forward on this issue.

One more consideration on the particulars:
I propose that the idea of “the last will be first” is not a speaking of reversal of fortune, or class/status, but a full dismantling of human interaction, economy, epistemology, and eschatology as we have known it. That is to say: we don’t have a good way to gauge who is last or first, as we normally perceive life. I should also say that this means we will be very surprised who may or may not be “first”…whatever that means to God. It will likely mean something different to God, in itself, than to our understanding. God is speaking in terms, and will actualize terms in God’s way. It won’t look like what we imagine it will. I’m not sure his ways ever really have. The whole manner of the Messiah thing/Incarnation came as quite a shock, for instance.

What Capacitarian cannot be:
With regard to studying the marginalized, and in particular the disabled, it is critical to note that “capacity” in human intellectual, ability, or physical terms is not the pivot point for Capacitarian thinking. The capacity denoted has to do with the Holy Spirit giving us capacity for his good work. And, “work” he what God determines it is…which may just be lying there, vegetative, and soaking in Divine love.

A case in point: A severely mentally disabled child is given great grace and capacity by God. A simple, pure, and powerful faith and enjoyment of God which may not be attained by her “normal” peers or her church family in the same capacity. She may revel in worship music, with her whole soul (being); given capacity to be aware of and experience God’s holy love in that very moment.

Likewise, others historically on the margins of society may be afforded capacity in gifting, and understanding, and the Body of Christ utilizes each one in their unique way. (This may not appear to be equal in application, or role, but it is not gender-based either.)

• Suffering, or experiencing trials, it seems increases the opportunities for said capacity. (See James 1)

Each member of the body is given full honor. Each has a gift to give to the Body.

To be continued, next week!

Your thoughts are welcome during this process. Leave your comments.

* Note that person and personality is not exclusive to humanity (human persons), but rather refers to a being, individuality, or creatureliness, plus relational capacity. A being is a person, even a divine being is, in the case that this being is accessible (imminent). Basic Theology asserts God is both transcendent and imminent. God is a Person, Three-in-one.

Next post! The promised interview with Caleb Wilde, Funeral Director and author of the upcoming book, Confessions of a Funeral Director: Working Between This World and the Next.

Nathan is my little bunny

I have been observing the spiritual journey of my autistic son, Nathan, quite closely for the last three or four weeks. If you haven’t been following the posts about it, here, this is the short version of the backstory:

Nathan, as of a few months ago, professed to not believing in God. This is a  change from his former beliefs. He now claims that God, the Bible, and the stories of Christianity are “unbelievable stories,” as he says. It’s fake. A fraud.

The undertaking
To me, it seemed like the perfect time to more closely explore spiritual formation (a.k.a. discipleship) and theology as it pertains to disability. Besides encouraging Nathan in his spiritual formation (no matter how messy or personally unsettling or uncomfortable), I’ve hoped to learn from him, and share my findings. This includes studying on the theology of disability, and documenting Nathan’s time of exploration, with respect for my son’s unique spiritual growth process and experience of the world. For my readers, I’ve hoped to encourage deeper thought and consideration about spiritual growth, and the nature of God.

Where things are now
My attention to Nathan’s beliefs and journey, and the recording of them have reached a blockade. Nathan has expressed that he does not want to be filmed, and wants to not speak about the subject. He’s not ready to go about things this way. I will respect this. His basic sentiment is emotional, and preferential, not logical or given to dialogue. So, I will to put this closer study (at least of him, in a personal way) on hold, until a time comes when it seems productive to pick up with it again. I’ll post about it, occasionally, as insights, changes, or advancements occur. This story is far from over.

Bunny Studies
I got up early this morning and went out on the porch with my coffee to enjoy the unseasonably mild morning weather and take in the sights of the creatures that are neighbors with us. We have a few nests, some very vocal birds, several rabbit families, and a very clever chipmunk who has constructed an elaborate series of tunnels that I suspect could be a secret lair. This morning I saw him enter and leave two different homes, scale a brick chimney, shoot into the roof gutter, and out of sight, maybe to the attic of my neighbor’s home. Clearly, he’s up to something.

I saw a mother rabbit and her bunny nibbling at the dewy clover. They were relaxed in their surroundings, and quite hungry. It made me think of one of my favorite children’s stories: The classic called  The Runaway Bunny by Margaret Wise Brown. The bunny hopes to be free from his mother, and tells her all the ways he plans to runaway. The mother rabbit does not tell him stay, but rather shows her steadfast love for him. She accepts his wild heart. She comforts him. For every idea he shares about leaving, she has a plan to love him faithfully and reunite with him. This story was refered to in a theological way profoundly in a  film I saw called Wit starring Emma Thompson. It’s a movie that changed me, and help me see God, better.

Wit was adapted from the play W;t, by Margaret Edson. ( In the context of the play, the semicolon refers to the recurring theme of the use of a semicolon versus a comma in one of John Donne’s Holy Sonnets.) Wit won the 1999 Pulitzer Prize for Drama. The main character, Vivan, a college English professor, is dying of ovarian cancer. At the end, Vivan’s admired, former-professor and mentor comes to visit while she is in town for her great-grandson’s birthday. She comforts her and offers to read to her a Donne sonnet. Vivian, scarcely conscious, declines. So instead, Dr Ashford reads from Margaret Wise Brown‘s The Runaway Bunny, which she had bought for her great-grandson. She remarks that it offers a lovely “allegory of the soul”: Wherever the soul tries to hide, God, comfortingly, will find it. (This section was taken from Wikipedia. Read it in full, here.)

God is our Mother Rabbit. For my son, I am a flesh and blood representation of God to him. I am his mother rabbit, and his is my beloved bunny.

I realize, even more thoroughly than I had realized before, that part of growing up includes the professions of and steps toward independence. Perhaps consistent love faithfulness are the most helpful things we can offer children who are not yet mature enough to make their own way in the world.

Thank you for coming along for this leg of the journey. Your thoughts or comments are quite welcome here.

This quote was on Doug McFall’s facebook status on July 11th.

‎”Spiritual formation isn’t like a quickly spreading fire; it’s like a tree with deeply descending roots, establishing a foundation for future growth and fruitfulness. Through the disciplines each one of us becomes a fruitful tree, a place for birds to nest, a resting place for others. So God uses our lives to bear quiet but abundant fruit.” ~Joshua Choonmin Kang

It seemed incredibly true. Like, the truth hurts, kind of true. What hits me the hardest is the season of growth mentioned. It. takes. so. long. It’s not Wifi fast and connected. It’s not even telegraph level. It’s watch the grass grow slow.

I spent almost 4 years in graduate school studying Spiritual Formation. As a theological conservative, Evangelical female, I probably couldn’t have made a more costly and career-limiting move. For instance, in half the time, I could have become a physician’s assistant and pulled in $120K a year. BOOM.

I have no aspirations to pastor a church, and paid leadership roles or positions are more rare “for my kind” than Squirrels at Bikini Bottom, under the sea. No, wait, a polkadot unicorn…under the sea…and wearing a business suit.

I’ll get my money back out of my investment…that is if I live to be 346 years old.

Besides all that $ and education stuff. Spiritual Formation is an extremely slow process. So slow, and messy, in fact, that I would venture that it is basically unAmerican. It doesn’t have a formula for quick multiplication of adherents, (so it won’t make maga-churches or bring in the greenback$) and it…get this… takes work. DOWNER!

To become a disciplined (trained) and a more mature follower of God, takes, well discipline. What is more uncool than that?

So, why bother? I must be such a fool.
But there is a great reason I sum up in one word: transformation.

Not the jackpot you thought?

God’s Holy Spirit really and truly transforms us. It’s a joy to see it, and be a part of it. I have to give up most of what I thought I could achieve to pick this path. But, it’s funny, or maybe even more foolish, but I just trust God about it. And that’s is exactly why I know a concentrated effort and a willing heart can lead to a richer love of God, and a fuller understanding of who he is. You see, I wouldn’t have felt this way 4 years ago. It’s been an active grace of God toward me. I would have been worried. I would have been more self-seeking. I have a long way to go and grow, but I see God’s amazing love. I see his work in this world, and I see it ( at least somewhat) in and through me, in ways I would have missed. I know I am more available to love others and care for them and their souls. (whole-being….care of soul)

Still, these are not cool qualities. At. All. Spiritual Formation, if it could ever be trendy, would fade out of vogue, much faster than silly bands. In a small sense, I think I can relate to the disabled community for these reasons. It makes the study of disability that much more interesting I think. There is something worthwhile in choosing “disability” so to speak (a weaker or lesser role, a susceptible path).

In this spot I think I’m set up to be more dependent and vulnerable. I don’t have clout. Few people listen to what I say. It’s a pilgrim’s way, and it can be lonely at times, because the vision I have doesn’t seem very shinny or sparkly. It doesn’t seem to have a primo payoff. It’s not glamorous. Quite the opposite. It’s not even upwardly mobile, and in plenty of suburban and rural areas, this isn’t just UNcool, it’s near-scandalous. The rewards don’t come instantly, and plenty of times they don’t come at all.

I’m getting better acquainted with my thorough uncoolness. Strangely, there is a slight but real hope that comes with that. And it feels like I’m wearing new shoes.

Have you somehow chosen the uncool, plain, or “lesser” way? (perhaps in your pursuits, your career, your role, your authority, etc)

Thoughts? Comments? Responses?

Engaging mortality (pet dies) 47 sec video.

Here is another (short) installment in exploring the theology of disability and the spiritual growth/development of my autistic son, Nathan (age 11) who has recently claimed that he doesn’t not believe in God (see previous posts).

Part of the spiritual formation process involves engagement with mortality; and so it does for Nathan too. The two fish Nathan caught at the lake recently died in captivity yesterday. He found this very sad. His approach to their passing was very simplistic. They stopped moving, so they are dead. As expected, he wasn’t able to delve into abstract thoughts on this, or death and life, but yet he still understood something profound had happened (see video). Something sort of normal, yet broken about the world seemed real to him. This world is a place were we can be separated from things we care about, in this case, creatures/pets.

On his own, Nathan expressed that he wanted to bury them. This seemed proper to him. The “burial at sea” choice, a.k.a. flushing his two fish friends, seemed unseemly, when I mentioned that some people bury their fish this way.

He took the jar to the garden and added the remains there himself. It was his own idea. Today he said, “[It would] provide nutrients [to the garden]“. He got a bit of a chance to learn that everything dies. I refrained from singing Elton John’s The Circle of Life song from the Lion King. But, it was a “circle of life moment” for sure. Sort of strange and sad and bewildering, yet part of regular life.

A little bit after he buried them, I told him that in heaven we can be with people who have died; people that we miss, and we won’t be separated from them forever. That’s our hope and it can help us to not be as sad. He didn’t seem to be interested, and I didn’t go into it any further. This event may soon open doors for fuller dialogue about life/existence, and the ways of life and death. And I hope redemption!

His sentiment, in general, seemed properly child-like as well as very pragmatic. It will be interesting to hear how he describes the fish, and their death to his sister after we pick her up from camp soon.

Please share your comments or ideas about this.
Question for reflection or comment. How has the death of pets shaped your spiritual formation, or those of your children?

What are your suggestions for guiding others into greater spiritual maturity with this topic at hand?

OH! one more thing. Don’t miss that really interesting look at grief through the primary lens of separation anxiety, here.