Lisa Colón DeLay

I love this handy-dandy safety chart on riptide. As you swim inland a rip current will prevent you from coming to shore. It will pull you under and drag you out to sea. Even in shallow water a strong swimmer can drown in rip current, so get wise to the wicked water and read it!

In the start of a new series leading up to Easter, my pastor (Jeff Byerly) began on Sunday talking about Recovery. Using themes from the 12 step program (and the Celebrate Recovery organization) he mentioned that even though we don’t all suffer the torments of pronounced addictions, the path to healing remains the same. This is one of the benefits of a support group like Celebrate Recovery. It functions like a life guarding outpost when the rip current is subtly strong.

Whether we tend to get into co-dependent relationships, spend time looking at pornography, succumb to retail therapy (shopping), fixate on eating too little (or feel the compulsion to eat too much) our compulsions and hang ups read like a similar story, a human story. A normal story.

The most piercing portion of the talk came when Jeff referenced some thoughts from C.S. Lewis…here I’m paraphrasing from Jeff’s paraphrase…but it goes something like…

–Bad people really don’t know that much about their badness— (maybe some of you Lewis fans can point me to the exact reference)

In sinning (which is the normal but deadly stuff of life), we go along with things as they come. We don’t distinguish much as we do mostly what we please. It’s only when we resist, try to consistently do what is right and good and when we try to go against the opposing and fierce force within and without that we run into a kind of riptide trying to pulling us under and kill us. Goodness then is a right mirror showing what still needs work in us. It reflects an ugly picture we don’t care to look at.

Paul really fleshes this out in Romans….What a great devotional read this makes. (Go on and click here for that)

So, it is in doing right where we come against the reflecting pool that shows us how bad are really are. Simply because we have terrible failures. We hit a snag. The contrast our need of rescue. Without the challenge of doing what we know is right, we never really assess the weight and scope of our sinful ways. But, my, how unpopular this concept is. Off-putting and out of vague. Time for a few reassuring pats on the back… But try to be unwaveringly good for a while, and we see how true it is.

And how you’ve ever noticed how self-satisfied people are? It’s probably because they aren’t making much of an effort at consistently doing what is right. They haven’t been humbled by failure. They’ve rarely seen felt this opposing monster for themselves because the room is too dark.

Maybe you’ve felt the same way too at times, “Well, I’m not so bad. I’m certain not as bad as most people.” Trust me, the day will not pass before this thought is likely to cross my mind as well.

It’s that kind of subtle self-dellusion that can thwart our willingness to be a part of the ongoing sanctification of  the Holy Spirit. He works us over and makes us over. It’s that mauling process, if you will, that does the hard work. So, Jesus said, “Only the sick need a doctor.” He was of course talking to sick people at the time, only they didn’t think of themselves that way. There’s nothing more hopeless than that.

If we ever went a whole week noticing and noting all the strays from what we know is right and good and set about to only do right…WATCH OUT. The proof of our weaknesses, problems, and short-comings will pop up like an angry bee sting.

Fatigued then, in a fight to do what’s right, sometimes we realize it is in he surrender to our powerlessness that we find rescue. It’s counter-intuitive as much as swimming out to sea is when you’re almost drowning. But it works. This is part of the powerful of observing a season of Lent.

The great relief from sin and that sort of deadly riptide comes from repentance and forgiveness. This theme is never more potent than when we celebrate on Resurrection Sunday. More on this sort of thing in posts to come. Please click for updates (right sidebar)

Have you felt this kind of riptide?

(You can leave me a voice message with your thoughts, if you’d like. Click the voicemail tab on the right)

rip current image found here: www.palmbeachpost.com

Ever think you’re leading a visionary charge forward only to look back and find a bewildered crowd who isn’t follow you?

I have, and it ain’t pretty. But, I learned a few things!

I’m contributing to this week’s new Deeper Leader Blog topic

“Whoops!” How Have You Grown From Your Mistakes in Leadership?

The Deeper Leader SyncrhoBlog sponsored by Evangelical Seminary is running October 7-12th. (A new topic will be offered up for contributions once or twice per month. It’s a great place to read fresh ideas, get inspiration, learn some things, or join in anytime.)

Remember, you too are invited and encouraged to add your voice to this dialogue by commenting here, or over there, or linking up your related article if you get a chance to write one. Go to this page for more details to get started.

You’ve probably learned some things through mistakes, please share your wisdom, I’d love to learn from you.

My “Whoops!” moment happened just when I thought I had some momentum.

(I’m limiting myself to just one, but I have hundreds of thousands to choose from.)

I was leading a class of adults on the topic of spiritual formation (discipleship). I was excited and shared my knowledge about Christian historical practices of prayer and meditation and silence and sabbath and a bunch of other things. When it came time for the practical part where we engaged in one of the practiced introduced, I saw something I wasn’t prepared for: CONFUSION. A wide-eyed look of paralysis. This wasn’t going to work!

I had gone too fast and charged ahead. While my class was interested in growing spiritually most of the concepts I was teaching were unfamiliar to them. Too unfamiliar. My graduate level education on the topic had sort of given me a blind spot I wasn’t taking into account. I had too quickly and assumed we were on the same page, but we weren’t. In some ways we were miles apart.

I had to slow down.

My exuberance had clouded my perceptions too. I thought that a change or some experimentation with a new prayer form would be excited not overwhelming. I realized that I was way ahead of my group, leading a charge for spiritual growth and revitalization but leaving my followers in my dust.

I was failing to walk alongside–as long as needed–until everyone was familiar with the new ground and ready to venture out.

Sometimes we forget about our potential blind spots. Mine was my over-familiarity with my niche. FAIL!

Sometimes we’ve seen it from our view for so long that we lose touch and thereby fail to lead effectively.

When others don’t seem ready or willing to follow you, it might not be a problem with your vision. It could be that those you want to lead aren’t at the same place that you are just yet. Don’t be discouraged, like I have been.

Go back to the dust cloud you left behind…and if you can’t see your followers, listen for some coughing! Then, regroup, and make a much slower start. Probably far slower than you feel is necessary. That was my lesson.

The results may vary, but you may find that with a slower pace, fewer learning points, and plenty of grace for the journey that many will continue with you. Leaders really aren’t leaders until and unless they have followers, right?

Do you remember a time when you left followers in your dust? How did it resolve?

Are you considered an Exciting Leader or a Consistent one?

It’s hard to balance both.

This is the last post for this week’s topic at the Deeper Leader SyncrhoBlog running September 10-14th. A new topic will be offered up for contributions and discussion later in the month.

Remember, you are invited to add your voice to the greater dialogue too. Go here to get details, a spiffy Badge, and get started. I’ll be sure to check for your link and read your contribution, and others will too.

Once upon a time…

I had a boss. She was a pioneer; she was inspiring.

Back when email accounts were rare, and big companies had to be heartily convinced that a budget for a website wasn’t foolish, she hired me after merely looking at my portfolio and resumé in an email document.

We never met.

There was no on-site interview.

She just called and told me she wanted me after an email exchange. Boom. I was hired.

This was unheard of.

She mentioned this strange and new-fangled hiring fact in a speech to show how fast things were changing through innovations in technology. She was ahead of her time.

I thought working for her would be exciting. We were breaking into new technological territory each day, and she saw a bright future for us. But, she turned out to be capricious and inconsistent. No one knew what she would say or do next. It was hard to follow her or to trust her because she was so unpredictable. Turnover was high and people were often fired as soon as things went wrong.

This is not uncommon in Leadership.

It’s tricky to be a Leader who’s exciting and inspiring and yet one who uses consistent leadership methods that help people follow well.

Leaders, it’s important to be predictable, especially in our character and responses.

If people can’t tell how you’ll react, or if immaturity has you all over the map, your leadership will erode. You’ll lose support. Failure is imminent.

In both of New Gingrich’s recent bids for the White House his team complained that while he had inspiring and innovative ideas, he was hard to follow. He’d bounce from one objective to another and go with his gut without communicating what he was thinking or going to do. At one point a mass exodus happened in all the top positions of his campaign. Poor leadership.

On the other hand, someone like long-time politician Bob Dole was so consistent that he was utterly uninspiring to those he hoped to lead. He failed to generate enough excitement for his ideas. No momentum. Failure.

Inspiring vision beyond current circumstances is vital.

The balance is a tough skill set to master. It comes through trail and error and personal growth.

Check yourself.

Are you both inspiring and consistent?

How could you even this out?

Read the 4 other entries for this Leadership Week series, and please pass along a link to this page so others can tap into the information.

Thanks for coming today.

Glenn Halog via Compfight

Tisha asks…

“I’ve noticed that my tweets don’t get passed on (“re-tweeted”). It’s frustrating because I want to share what I’m doing, but I can’t get the word out. What’s the best thing to do?”

Thanks Tisha. There are a few things you can do to get retweeted, but it’s important to remember how a lot of people view social media. Many users don’t like being “sold to”…That means continually putting out commercials about what you’re doing. Plenty of people build ongoing relationships through social media, and just like when a person goes to a party and then irritatingly only talks about himself, social media bulletins that are only announcements and promotions can get tiring too.

So, Vary what you post. and….
• Give good advice.

• Follow up with others who might be having a hard time.

• Offer to help

• or refer your followers to good information, pertinent news, and resources.

• And best of all retweet good stuff from others.

Don’t think because your aren’t always getting retweeted that you’ve failed. Add some humanity to your social media endeavors and hang in there for the long haul.

In truth, Retweeting isn’t as popular as when Twitter first began. Now, people are a bit more selective in what they pass on.

Jonathan asks…

“With the election climate heating up, I’m noticing a lot of people expressing their political views. Some are really heavy-handed. Rude, even hateful. I know who I want to win the election in November, and sometimes I see something I want to pass on, but I’m afraid of alienating my online friends or contacts…the relationships I’ve been building might get hurt by what I send out there. Where’s a good place to draw the line with politics and social media?”

Hi Jonathan. 

I know exactly what you’re talking about. Last Presidential election I actually de-friended a few obnoxious political junkies who insist on spewing all their opinions while shutting down dialogue. They were just too thoughtless, and I felt like I had to do it for some peace. When Social Media turns into a shouting match it’s a big bummer.

Politics is one of those issues that get people all hot and bothered. Their deepest values and concerns may be wrapped up in the issues of the latest political topic, so it’s easy to understand why things get so hyped up. It’s tricky ground to be sure.

This is just my opinion but I think how you decided to voice your political leanings depends on why you use social media.

If it’s just a way to contact friends I think moderate conversation is fine, and maybe even worthwhile. It’s the tone and attitude of your postings that makes the greatest impact. Try to be prudent.

If, on the other hand, you use social media mainly for business, networking, or sharing your goods or services, you may want to refrain from making sweeping declarations or picking sides. You may event want to abstain for politics and polarizing issues all-together.

Contrary to popular notion, rhetoric doesn’t work to change minds.

Your opinion won’t mean much of anything outside of a relationship context that’s been developed properly in regular life.

Consider refraining especially if your audience is larger, and may not know you and your intent intimately. They come from different backgrounds and they’ve likely had differing experiences than you. What might seem normal to you can be foreign to them. Off-putting.

Instead of posting something off-putting in the heat of the election cycle, hold back and be judicious. Save your opinions for smaller or more private circles, unless the advantage is hugely in your favor to do otherwise. (And I can’t right now imagine what that circumstance would be.)

Thanks for the questions!

Hey readers…do you agree with my advice?
Share your hard-earned wisdom or any thoughts on the subject.

Click to read PART 1 of “Answers to your Social Media Questions“

So, I shut my finger in the door. “Tallman” to be precise. Thumbkin fled the scene and is not taking questions.

As is the case in too many of my injuries it happened when I was trying to do something good…in this case I was taking out a piece of recycling.

“No good deed goes unpunished,” some say. The worst instance for me was when I was bowling for charity…I re-injured my knee by dislocating the kneecap part to a place it never belonged. Getting carried out of a bowl alley also has its own special kind of humiliation. That was an expensive bowling match that ended in surgery for me.

I’m going to try to find the humor in this far less devastating event.

5 Things You Learn When You Get a Purple Finger

1. The thump thump throbbing finger thing you learned from cartoons is exceedingly real. Darn you Fred Flintstone for making it look trite!

2. The finger known formally as “Ringman” gets an instant promotion. “Go Ringman. Go Ringman!”

3. A lot of middle-aged women and girls under the age of 7 like the color purple, but prefer it in a blouse.

4. “You must be glad it’s not your dominant hand,” is not a sympathetic enough phrase to tell someone with an injury. This is especially true when it’s coming from a spouse.

5. A doorknob as a specific purpose and function. Use it wisely.

Photo Credit: Felix Neumann via Compfight 

For the last 4 days I’ve been living with my husband, son, and daughter in a rustic cabin. Camping they call it.

Here are 5 things I learned:

1. Campers come in two classes: The Haves and The Have Nots.

The have nots are trying to scrimp on vacation costs, enjoy the outdoors, and try not to get eaten alive by insects…or get heat stroke. (That’s where you’ll find us.)

The haves perk out with things like air conditioning, satellite tv, shower/bath, running water, microwaves, and so on…and so on. I’ve decided that they’re sissies with money.

2. A 9 foot black snake can make a quick exit even with its head half lopped off. (The backstory is too long for this format. But, yes, I had a few nightmares.)

3. When you are camping eating Ice Cream 2-3 times per day seems normal, if not obligatory.

4. A shower at the camp washhouse leaves you feeling wonderfully fresh and clean! …for 49 seconds, no make that 4 to 9 seconds.

5. People who camp with dogs and loud people should be sequestered to their own camping island…about ten miles away. Downwind. And Downstream.

What have YOU learned through camping?

Kevin makes me laugh at his isle of man blog, so I invited him to post here. Enjoy!

BIO: Kevin Haggerty is a 32-year old husband and expecting father. He runs and writes for a humor blog called TheIsleOfMan.Net. For his full-time job, Kevin is a middle school teacher and basketball coach. He also writes for a mixed martial arts (MMA) blog called MMAMania.com. He’s the oldest of seven children, a continual skeptic and smart people think he’s funny (at least that’s what he tells himself).

The Day I Fell Down a Mountain

When I was a freshman in college, I sucked at being a student.

In high school, I graduated with honors. I worked hard, but nothing else was an option. Being the oldest of seven kids (which doesn’t give you the right to ask me if my parents like to have sex…so don’t), a lot was expected of me. I generally lived up to those expectations, but it took its toll.

By the time I got to college, I was completely burned out on studying, reading and being a student, in general. To give you some perspective, I went from a 3.9 high school GPA to a 1.8 freshman average.

My parents weren’t there to spur me on. No one got in my face when I failed a test. No one jerked the covers off of me when I slept pass my alarm clock. I was learning how to be an adult, and I was failing the course badly.

I wasn’t kidding. I sucked at being a student.

Everything culminated on one fateful day. The end of my first semester was nearing a close. We were in the middle of finals week. I had a History exam that morning. I needed to do well.

In high school, I coasted through History, like I did with most of my classes. I memorized the material and never really stretched any mental muscles. It was easy. I was barely trying.

College presented me with a whole new set of obstacles I’d never encountered before. Specifically, I had a History professor who had a very unique take on U.S. History. He taught us things I’d never heard before. In retrospect, I’m not even sure he was wrong, but it was unorthodox and outside the box. I had to really think in his class.

I hated it.

Back to the exam.

I woke up, in a panicked cold sweat, looking at my alarm clock to see that it was 7:50 a.m. Why is that a big deal? Because the exam was at 8.

I freaked.

I threw on the nearest school appropriate attire I could find in my disgusting mess of a dorm room and darted out the door.

I wasn’t walking. I wasn’t even jogging. There was no time for that. If I missed this exam, I’d fail the course. That was simply unacceptable. I had to make it. So I sprinted.

Did I mention it snowed the night before?

Well, it did. Not only did it snow, but the ground iced over. To further complicate matters, my dorm was situated on top of a steep hill. Are you starting to get the picture?

I could have gone down the stair cas

e. They’d even salted it. That would have been the smart move, but I was late. I had no time for stairs.

I stupidly maneuvered through the bushes that led down the slope of the hill. This was the shortcut we always took when we needed to get to the academic buildings faster.

I got there fast alright. Oh, did I ever.

As I ran through the bushes, I was greeted with a fresh patch of ice that caused my feet to betray me and fly in the air. I was literally head over heels. I continued my clumsy descent down the hillside, which stretched a good 100 or so feet. When I emerged from my adventure,

But I had an exam to take, so I got up, brushed myself off and continued to run like an idiot to the academic building.

As I endeavored on towards the door of the classroom, I saw the professor closing the door. If he shut it, he’d lock it. If he locked it, he would not unlock it. This was a series of events I could allow to occur.

So I ramped up my speed to “overdrive.” Luckily, I was able to grace the doorway before he had completely shut the door. More luckily, he allowed me to enter.

I don’t even remember how I did on the test. I think I did alright, and I passed the class. Regardless, that whole episode was part of my growth as a student.

I realized something very important that day. That wasn’t who I wanted to be. That wasn’t how I wanted to spend the rest of my college career. I needed to step my game up, and it took falling down a mountain to really gain the necessary perspective.

Has life ever used an icy hillside to get your attention?

Photo Credit: M Sullivan via Compfight

Several thousand people arrive at my blog each month because of Ligers.

But maybe you’ve noticed that this isn’t a blog about Ligers. Actually, I rarely feature any big cats, or animals of any kind.

But for the magic of SEO, and Google, they come, massive web traffic, visitors in search of Liger related who-knows-what. If you google “name the liger” I’ll be the first entry.

People want to know if they’re real, or if Napoleon Dynamite was on to something about their skillz in magic. Maybe they want to see one up close. The Myrtle Beach Wildlife Reserve had a baby liger they were showing off, so boom! Liger fans. It’s all been a big flippin’ mistake…

Truth be told, I like Ligers. There’re pretty much my favorite animal. Back in 2010, on a lark I decided that a Liger would be a nice mascot here. After all, I’m a mixed breed myself. I popped up a post about it. “Name the Liger” I said. And still they come.

Lots of useless traffic…Or was it?

Instead of staying frustrated by this feline epic #fail, or even….well…you know being embarrassed by all the ligerish corniness, I decided employ some “Liger Leverage”.

See? They’re magic after all.

I just repurposed the post. In a spirit of general generosity, I worked on giving people something they were looking for.

I linked to the news some readers no doubt wanted about the wildlife reserve, I added some Liger info, and linked to a helpful resource with detailed information and stats on these and other hybrid felines. And I also added an invitation for [errant] visitors to poke around the rest of the site…you know for other flipping’ sweet stuff.

Guess what? In just two weeks, my bounce rate dipped about 35%! (That’s the stat that shows that people notice they’ve gone to the wrong place and click away quickly.) I might have even gained some regular readers.

Are people visiting your blog for the wrong reasons?
It turns out you can redeem the mistake. Use Liger Leverage!

public domain image

I wonder if much of the time, without knowing it, we operate as if the top model is correct. The one that puts us in the middle. We just ending up seeing the world and treating other people as if they revolve around us.

The second model is correct, but actually incomplete. That’s because compared to the known universe it’s hardly a spec. Our stories and even our problems are small compared to what’s really going on. Our stories and our pain matter, but they are not the center.

Enjoy your weekend. Keep things in perspective, okay?

Some poetry for reflection:

Psalms 8:3-5
“When I consider your heavens,
the work of your fingers,
the moon and the stars,
which you have set in place,
what is man that you are mindful of him,
the son of man that you care for him?
You made him a little lower than the heavenly beings
and crowned him with glory and honor.”

Did you ever wish it was easier to navigate your responses to news and happenings on the interwebs? How should you blog when your passions get ignited, so you don’t look like an ass later? It’s a navigation issue.

OR

Did you ever wish you could teach someone how to avoid doing and saying things they might regret? (Or things you end up regretting for them.)

Now you can!

Okay, plenty of people don’t take good advice. Me included. Alanise Morrisette and I are not alone. Maybe you try to help your readers navigate, and they just don’t give a care. In hopes that they will, I made a graphic to help.

It’s like a flowchart that hopes to be considered an Infrographic, because infographics are where the coolness is.

Everything seems simpler with a visual, right?

TAH-DAH! The flowchart for navigating how we post on our blogs that you’ve been waiting for…or didn’t know you needed.

You like? Then, Take it. Use it. Spread it. Whatevs. It’s free. Enjoy.

courtesy of lisadelay.com

To get future infographics, free ebooks,

and stellar resources for Creators and Communicators, just sign up below:

Easter Table - Nikolay Bogdanov-Belsky

Easter and Thanksgiving are the times we’ve visited my side of the family. For as much as I hope these times will be worthwhile and joyous…more often they prove to be interactions marred by family of origin baggage and tensions forged in the kiln of pain and chaos.

I yearn to create new traditions in my nuclear family, but obligations and traditions with extended family crowd out those preferences.

I wonder now, as I recover from too much driving, what do we do when all the well-suited symbolism of new life and rebirth fail. When they don’t pan out in real life. When what you wish for, like a clean start, or even some version of new found tranquility proves unavailable.

The joy of Easter is there in the background, in a larger –what-God-is-up-to–sense, but interpersonally you just wish you could be somewhere else. That has to be more common than the Easter greeting cards let on.

My husband and I watched The Passion of the Christ on Good Friday, a day before we left on our Eater trip, and I was struck by something. The pain. So. much. pain.

This holiday is marked with the pain of God coming into our experience and absorbing all the agony. We tend to jump to the end. The happy ending of the joy of his resurrection. That’s the spot we focus on. O’ the joy!

For Christ’s followers it was actually more of a chaotic time rife with sorrow, dashed hopes, bewilderment, unbelief, and then surprise, okay, shock. Joy? Yes that too. But many other things.

First, he kept popping up in locked rooms, probably necessitating the “Peace to you” language, because he was freaking them out so much. He gave them hope enough to spread the Good News, but much was left undone. In fact, the hardest times were ahead. And, Jesus didn’t stay long.

Real life is complicated.

There was infighting, arrests, beatings, Steven is the first martyr, wild Saul starts imprisoning and killing Jesus’ friends–then he reverses course. Death where is your sting, says St. Paul? Well, guess what? The pain still smarts like the dickens.

* * *

I must say I have some envy for those who experience serenity and all the related majesty and renewal of Eastertide. Sometimes those symbols fail me. This was one of those times. Perhaps they do not in any long term or big picture way, but in the nitty gritty ways and means that life plays out…yes. And that makes it difficult. So much of life just doesn’t work right. So much is still broken, empty tomb or not.

You probably thought you were going to read a happy ending. Maybe I would turn my frown upside down. But, right now, I can’t find the right ending to write about. Maybe the symbolism hasn’t failed me, maybe I have failed it. I suppose like many stories, this one isn’t over yet either. But, the dot-dot-dots (…) are each so weighty and confounding.

This is Part II of my interview with 6th generation funeral director Caleb Wilde.

Caleb Wilde, Part II (click)

PLUS.

There is also Bonus Video material I decided to upload that largely contains my own thoughts on how we tend to wrongly respond to grief and suffering, followed by Caleb’s response.

It is an unbroken 4:24 min clip. This is also very unusual, as I usually feature very few of my own thoughts in Ninja Interviews. So, I didn’t even add the Ninja graphics into this clip.

Being that this is the season of Lent, it might be nice to hear your reflections on mortality. If you’d like to share you own thoughts about the theme of Lent, or what you’ve heard through watching the video, I’d love to hear them. (You can leave them either at the youtube channel, or here. Click the comments link at the top of the post, then scroll down to the comment field.)

creative commons photo. click for attribution.

• (#1) Sorry to be blunt, but it’s just not your job. It never was.
• (#2) You’re pretty crappy at fixing yourself.
  If you were good at fixing yourself, you would’t want to fix other people.
  In them (the “un-fixed”) you see yourself.
• (#3) You don’t have that kind of power. It’s inappropriate to think you do.
• (#4) People resent the condescension, so even if you try to be kind in the fixing it’s counterproductive.
• (#5) People are supposed to have some unfixable spots.
  I write about “broken jars” here.

What are the alternatives?

• Walk with people
• Be a good influence
• listen more
• love more
• learn more

CAUTION: BOOM post

How much do you give to charity?

(That’s probably not something you want to answer. Don’t worry about it, just think about it. Here’s where you are going to have to be very brave to keep reading.)

I rarely write anything of this sort.

The statistical chances are that I’m talking to you as a “stingy non tither”, and you won’t like this post. I’m okay with that. I’m writing it anyway because I’ve just endured a rather unfortunate budget meeting, and I’ve now had my fill of an American original. A brand that pairs excessive abundance and skimpy giving. And, yes, I can taste the bile in my mouth, because it makes me sick.

The stats say most people give 2-3% of their income to charity.

Not a tithe, is it? Most people (and probably you) know that a tithe is 10%…an offering is treasure (time or talent or legal tender) given above the tithe percent amount.

GIFTS?
A “gift” is what people give when the plate gets passed around. They plop a fiver in, or sometimes when they’re feeling particularly generous, they plop a twenty and a fiver on the top and think that somehow they aren’t stealing God’s money (b/c it’s all God’s money). Ya know what? That’s no gift…it’s the booby prize.

The minimum you are required to give is 10%. period.

The church could aid the least of these (think needy, hungry, naked, etc.), if people tithed. Instead they give the scraps left over once they’ve had their fun. First, they’ve eaten out, seen movies, bought (expensive) coffee, bottled water, goodies, weight loss products, pet products, books, accessories, top dollar clothes, the latest gadgets and toys, and video games, and extras, and used up money their deposable income. Whoops… FAIL. Forgetting anything, people? um yeah. Oh, yeah.

One of the 3 center pieces of the Sermon on the Mount…you know, the manifesto for citizens in the kingdom, is giving. Fasting, Giving, and Prayer are the 3 biggies. I think we’re sucking at it.

When everyone gives 10%, no one is in need. It’s a simple concept.

Instead of planning living expenses around giving the tithe–off the top, people quickly scan their wallet as the ushers come down the rows. “Gosh, I better help out a little here. Hum. I should of stopped at the ATM. Oh, well. Maybe next time.”

Instead of stepping out in faith knowing that God will provide for financial needs–more importantly every need, people wring their hands and say they have to slash the budget. The same people who don’t tithe can also be the same ones to say stupid things like, “It’s really hard to make these tough decisions.”

Yeh, it’s so hard and horrible, but apparently not as hard as giving what God requires. Let me guess, you’re also going hunting soon, right? So you can pay what ends up to be $35 per pound for deer meat. But, times are tough; you can’t really give more.  I get it. That wretched smell worse than deer carcass is your boloney. Hey, jerky, that’s bad jerky.

I should add that if hunting is a “man thing” shopping might be a “woman thing”…things like cute shoes on sale, getting a hair coloring job at $70-100, and mani-pedis come to mind. Those things that we may feel entitled to pamper ourselves with. But you can insert your own guilty pleasure.

Churches pray that God will help them, or that the pews will fill up, and help the chances of filling the plate better. Maybe a cool new program will work. Maybe a cantata.

The problem is never money. The problem resides in the poverty of the heart.

Here’s the awkward truth: No church has financial problems. Instead they have spiritual problems. They have generosity problems. They have unstemmed selfishness, and a prolific lack of faith.

Here are some official troubling facts about giving.

Giving by Class: The two groups in the United States that give the highest percentages of their income are the poor (those making less than $20,000 per year) and the rich (those making more than $100,000 per year). Middle-class Americans (those making between $40,000 and $100,000 per year) are the smallest percentage givers.⁵⁵

Few Support the Church: Only one-third to one-half of U.S. church members financially support their churches.⁵⁶

Religious Donations: More than $60 billion a year is donated to religious nonprofit organizations. The vast bulk of that sum-more that $40 billion annually-goes directly to churches, almost all of it from individuals.⁵⁷

Pets: In 2007, it is estimated that Americans will spend over $40 billion on their pets.⁵⁸

Weight Loss: It is estimated that by 2010, Americans will spend over $60 billion on weight-loss programs.⁵⁹

Giving Not a Priority: Christians worldwide had personal income totaling more than $16 trillion in 2007 but gave only 2 percent, or $370 billion, to Christian causes.⁶⁰

Read more stats here, but let me warn you, it’s not pretty. It’s shameful.

I’m writing this because Christians need to wake up. If I have to be the one who bears the brunt of the pushback because of a kill the messenger mentality, I’m willing to take it.

The index of real and deep relationship with God is found in our obedience and our love in action. This includes giving as one ought to.

That is all.

Except that here is some really useful advice from Dave Ramsey on tithing and giving.

The Mel Gibson autobiography ?

There are some awful book titles out there, but the first one in my list tops them all….and the 4 others are made up.

1.”Touched: The Jerry Sandusky Story” (You think I made that up right? I Didn’t.) It’s horrible, but he could have Called it “Penetrating the Tight End”. We’re lucky, aren’t we?

2. Care of Puppies for Fun and Profit: The Michael Vick Biography 

3. Leaking all over the Place: The Julian Assange Story

4. Not Zen Cooking: In the Kitchen with Chef Ramsay

5. Winning: Charlie Sheen In His Own Words

What was the worst book title you’ve heard of?

Feeling creative? Submit an awful title in the comments section.

Nathan is weird. Embrace it! (Pssssst. You're weird too.)

I’m taking a Theology of Disabilities course right now. I have to admit that some baggage that I didn’t realize I was carrying has gotten heavy. I’m putting it down, starting now. The truth is, I realize I have felt disappointed by the church, and by my church. I’m hurt that the church has failed so badly in helping the disabled (specifically my disabled child) feel like they really belong. It’s not just about allowing the disabled to be there near us, it’s about really knowing them, and really appreciating who they are, because God made them, and they are valuable.

Ya see, times have changed. When I grew up in the 1980s, we’d all make fun of kids that “rode the short bus”…maybe not to their face, but imitating “Tards” was something I excelled at. I was hilarious. I was the disabled one, if we’re telling the truth here. I was spiritually retarded. God gave me a precious gift in my son to show me God’s true heart. To show me my true humanity. The disabled personify the weakness we avoid. Nathan helps me get over my human/secular and foolish ideas about what it means to belong and be successful in God’s worldview.

Here’s the other cool thing. God gave me Nathan to share with you, too!

I think, my generation still fears the disabled. I doubt many will dare admit it. (It’s not politically correct, and we can’t look like uncaring jerks, right?) To most of us, the disabled are still a stigmatized and strange group; and we don’t know what to do with them…we don’t know what to do around them…we aren’t sure what they need. It’s all quite uncomfortable. Gosh, we are so glad we are not them. And we’re afraid. Afraid of the unknown and the unfamiliar, and the “other”.

Here’s the surprising twist. Our (non disabled) kids don’t have the same mentality. They don’t. Over the last 10-20 years, those with disabilities haven’t been sent away to special schools. They have been included, or in far closer proximity to typically developing children. The secular, public schools have outdone, and surpassed the church in this area of grace. They have honored and accepted disabled kids more than the church.

Please. Read those 2 previous sentences again…Slowly. Okay, never mind. I’ll just state it again: They (secular institutions and those who are a part of them) have honored and accepted disabled kids more than the church has.

(Yes. You should feel convicted right now. Even crying wouldn’t be over-the-top.)

As a Parent:
As the mom of a disabled child, I find that typically developing children, with just the a little bit of prompting or advice, adjust very well to interacting with my son, as if he’s a real human being who desires friendship. They even enjoy him! (It’s not just charity. It’s reciprocal friendship. It’s the kind of relating where everyone wins.)

On the other hand, I find that it is the parents of these (non disabled) children who are fearful, and unwilling to engage with my son, beyond the superficial. They are fearful enough to not help their child build friendships, or regularly interact with a disabled peer, or near-peer. They don’t create an easy opportunity for their child to grow, learn and become more compassionate. They don’t make it priority. As a child’s primary guide, this is a gross failure.

Church:
But this is different at church, right? It’s a place of acceptance, and hospitality, and belonging, right? God’s love is shown in tangible ways, right? WRONG. My son has more meaningful relationships and friendships, and more grace shown to him with unChristians, in secular (even godless) environments, and with neighborhood children. (See, the government schools have been telling them that these atypical kids were worth interacting with.)

KIDS @ PLAY
Once upon a time, I bemoaned to a woman at church the fact that Nathan had no friends at church, no meaningful interactions with any church children, no invitations extended to him to play with them, go to their birthday parties, or even watch a movie together (even after we had make a lot of efforts to create those situations, and occasions). Her reply, “Well, I can’t force my kids to play with certain kids, and to like certain friends.”

I listened to her statement, and I didn’t really know what to say. I didn’t challenge it. After all, this was a pastor’s wife talking. An example for us all. (I kid.) Upon reflection, I should have said, “LIKE HELL YOU CAN’T!”

As parents, we do it all the time. We curb or we encourage friendships for our kids regularly. Do we let our kids hang out with teenagers on the corner who are smoking? Uh, no. Does a naughty and petulant child get to sleep over? No. What about the children who bite, hit, or cuss? Do they get to make cookies in our kitchen with us? Nope. We influence our kids all the time. The fact is fear stops our hospitality. We stick with our comfort level, and pick our favorites.

I’m here to tell you that God has given us these different sounding and acting people as gifts, to teach us so much, but we don’t choose to interact, learn and be gracious.

“But I can’t find a disabled kid… What am I supposed to do?”
Well, try harder. Open your eyes. Ask around. Do you want the truth? The facts? Here they are: Do you live near 5 other homes? If you walk down your street, and pass 5 homes, 1 of those homes will be effected by disability.  1/5 of families are effected by disability everyday. 

Do you know more than 6 children? If you know 6 children, 1 of them is likely to have a form of autism, or developmental issue.

Sometimes, I hear this: “Is it my job? How can I be responsible for knowing other people’s needs. I’m just not in their shoes.”
Yes. It’s your job. A frequent reason (or cop out) is saying that the parents of disabled children should just say what they need, and make the efforts to get their kids included. BULL CRAP!

Just thinking up a list of wants and needs would sound exhausting to a parent of a disabled child. Some days, they are just trying to make it through the day. Over 85% percent of marriages don’t survive when disability is an issue. It’s tougher than you think it is.

Listen. These parents have enough to deal with. Wake up! They have enough to do than to also make sure typical children are accepting and relating to their disabled kid/s. Mostly, they are tired. It doesn’t feel worth the effort. Failure seems sure. They are surrounded by frequent disappointments, the broken dream of not having a normal kid, and lots of scheduling issues and therapeutic measures in school, community, and other locations that help their kid or their family. They don’t have enough energy to get people on board with that type of stuff on top of everything else. (Ask them what a typical week is like, go ahead.)

YOUTH GROUP
My son went from being very excited to be old enough to be included in the middle school Sunday School section (See, in 5th grade…you get to sit on cozy couches!!) to now, about a year later, in 6th grade, detesting Sunday School, feeling like an outcast (even more than he had before), and now he doesn’t even believe in God. He says, “God is an unbelievable story.”

Based on the way many Christians behave toward him, he has an excellent point.

Like plenty of other children with autism or developmental disabilities (BTW…”developmental disabilities ” is nicest term for “retards” or “mentally retarded”), Nathan doesn’t get abstract ideas like, “Is Jesus in your heart?” (He hears, “Is a bearded man in your chest cavity?” Utter nonsense!)

Nathan can’t see or touch Jesus; we have to be Jesus for him. He has to experience love-in-action, benefit from it, and be allowed to return this love as an equal. I don’t know if it’s too late for my church to be hospitable in the way that he’ll to want to be a part of it. I will keep that hope. I’m writing this now to start a change in how we respond and interact, so other kids with disabilities can feel like they belong, and are loved and accepted.

TIPS to get you started (for kids and adults)
• Interaction doesn’t have to be hours of incredibly awesome friendship per day or week. A blood brother bond is not necessary. But, the interaction should be authentic, not out of duty or pity. Something simple like making something for them, sharing something, or just chatting pleasantly with them is plenty for starters.

• Asking about their interests (direct questions are best, maybe even just asking “yes or no” questions, at first), and then actually listening to them (even when you may not always understand them or know what to say) is helpful. They WILL understand when you care about them. Just take a bit of time to be gracious. It’ll do you good.

• Inviting them over for a snack, to watch a movie, take a walk, ride bikes, play with your pet, or play videos games may be enjoyable for them. Ask if you can visit them. Create times that are specially for them, even if they are brief periods. 30-45 minutes is fine. (But realize they will love you for it, and want to do it again soon. My son never seems to stop talking about the boy we invited over to play, about 2 months ago.)

• Offer them yourself. Nothing fancy. Invest in them for real, emotionally, and with some of your time and efforts. When you offer authentic friendship it looks different than just a saying or doing the “right thing”. You take a risk.)

• Help them make a craft, picture, or a simple snack, play a game, look at a book, build with legos, and take the time to talk to them, or just be close by and attentive, etc. and show them you like them.

• Offer the parents of disabled kids respite time. Give them an hour or two break, and get the help, information, and extra helpers you may need to care for the child. (Only 10% of churches do this. Change this statistic.)

• Be inviting.
What’s the worst that could happen if you invite a family over to your house? Maybe the child will do something unpredictable, and you won’t know what to do? Maybe you will feel uncomfortable? Get Over it.

MOVING FORWARD:

Where and how have you seen the disabled as full-fledged participants in your community or ministry? (How was it done rightly?)

AND–
How can I help you? If you want to show kindness, or God’s love to a family of a disabled person, or to a disabled person, What are your questions or concerns?

What about including or interacting with the disabled would you like to know? 

What are your fears? Share them.

Let’s get this ball rolling. No question is off limits. Your comments, or experiences can be shared as well.

Thanks for reading. Thanks for changing for the better.
-Lisa 

Comedy Team, and just friends.

NOW BRACE yourself, because this could come as quite a SHOCK… or even a disappointment! But, here goes: Not everything is about sex. Seriously. Even comedy, isn’t always about sex.

Sure, now it is, more or less, but it is a recent development (the last 10-15 years) to be primarily sexually focused, homosexually, or otherwise. Comedy Duos go well back to the 19TH CENTURY! Bert and Ernie harken back to another time, of silliness. Playfulness. Non sexually-laden silliness. It is not understood or appreicated.

“Known historically as a “Comedy Duo” or Double Act Comedy” this art form is when one of the duo members, the straight man, feed, dead wood, or stooge is portrayed as reasonable and serious, and the other one, the funny man or comic is portrayed as funny, less educated or less intelligent, silly, or unorthodox.” (This paragraph was a wiki-source, read the rest here. It’ll be enlightening.)

This comedic tradition, of 1o0 years or more, seems utterly lost on our culture, the recent puppet debacle indicates this. Yes, 2011 PuppetGate. I’ve seen nothing this childish (in a bad way) since the Purple, purse-toting Teletubbie was outed. Remember “Tinky Winky” any one?

Tinky Winky, Gay too soon....er... um...gone too soon.

Sadly, Megan’s Law sidelined his/her career. Responding to almost 1,000 petitions to wed Bert and Ernie, Sesame Street Workshop issued this statement:

“Bert and Ernie are best friends. They were created to teach preschoolers that people can be good friends with those who are very different from themselves. Even though they are identified as male characters and possess many human traits and characteristics (as most Sesame Street Muppets™ do), they remain puppets, and do not have a sexual orientation.”

Bert and Ernie actually sound patterned after The Odd Couple, which was on Broadway, a film, and later a TV series that ran during the time Sesame Street was created. Two roommates who are different. A situation comedy.

Two very different, but not gay, roommates.

The whole thing was probably just a prank gone wild, oh… no, wait, it probably wasn’t. It was probably stupidity and cultural amnesia.

The fixation on sexuality (generally) and homosexuality (particularly) is really getting pointless, culturally speaking. Ya know? Do people really think pre-school television shows are, or should be sexualized? What is this odd cultural projection to force it into every scenario? How bizarre. With this tact…why just pick on Bert and Ernie, shouldn’t Winnie the Pooh and Piglet be probed too? …ya know… so to speak.

On just a quick examination of America’s (and Britain’s) comedic traditions, we find that sexual acts were not the main point or agenda of comedy duos.

The cultural tone started to shift in the 1970s. Or perhaps it was when ego-centric, cultural amnesia started to be the norm.

Cindy Williams (who played the character Shirley) mentioned in an interview that the producers of Laverne and Shirley, had the characters date, and marry male characters, because the idea of two women rooming together for years, was causing speculation about the characters.

Now, I suppose it is the expectation, or the foregone conclusion that same sex friends who are roommates are also homosexual. Am I the only who finds this pitiful?

Comments? Thoughts?

Publican

Nothing is more vexing than being confronted with reality.

A string of truths or accurate revelations can be one of the more upsetting circumstances in life. Have you been there?

We’re hoping we have it all, or mostly, together. At times we are certain we do. Hello, red flag, there you are!

In times of spiritual obedience, I start to pat myself on the back. It’s ironic, yes.

In times of a broken and willing spirit, I like to revel in my desperation. “I  come to you with nothing, Lord. Nothing.”

This may slide over to, something like, “Lord, thank you for not making me like other men…or…you know… “those people”. (See Luke 18:11)

The line is more fine than you realize…then I realize. It is a theological misconstruction to feel grandiose, at all.

It stops worship.

 O, God, that we might realize our sinfulness.

A word for reflection, today:

Had you but once entered into perfect communion with Jesus or tasted a little of His ardent love, you would care nothing at all for your own comfort or discomfort but would rejoice in the reproach you suffer; for love of Him makes a man despise himself.

A man who is a lover of Jesus and of truth, a truly interior man who is free from uncontrolled affections, can turn to God at will and rise above himself to enjoy spiritual peace.

-Thomas á Kempis, The Imitation of Christ 

What a funny and weird few days.

On Saturday, my mom got married. That’s always a weird experience. I won’t go into the particulars though.

Here at the hotel from hell, the 1st and 2nd rooms we had were gross. After arranging a refund, the 3rd room seems functional. Can you guess what I found, in room 1? (see photo)

Um... Yeah.. we're gonna need a comp.

In a related note: (complaints)
I got this fanny mail (that’s a bit of a joke for my British readers). Where do they come up with this stuff?

(?) Maybe she hasn't read the blog much.

See, I think Jesus is God, one member of the Trinity, not just a Demi god whose name we have to use constantly to prove to others that we truly believe Jesus of Nazareth was and is the Son of God. I have dedicated all that I am to loving and serving God, which incidentally includes Jesus. Bye, Esther. I forgive you, and I hope you forgive me. God and Jesus bless you.

What’s your worst hotel experience or worst “fan mail”/comment ever?

(This is being submitted to the Deeper Leader Synchro Blog sponsored by Evangelical Seminary. Find out more here.)

WARNING: This post may rock your world. (a.k.a. “BOOM post” )

How should we read and study the Bible?

Debates on this will rage, but one thing we often assume that we can simply read the Bible and understand it. Essentially, the Holy Spirit just pops the correct meanings into our brains. Right?

If that were the simple truth, we’d all be, at least mostly, on the same page in Christianity, and we ARE! Um. bzzzz. No…not. at. all.

The Holy Spirit will convict our conscience of sin, and the Holy Spirit help us understand certain things about God’s nature and his grace. Yet, some huge obstacles lie before us concerning the details of Scriptural text.

These details can, and do turn into doctrine or false teaching that fall outside the intent of the text. In clumsy hands, dogmatic presumptions of the Holy Spirit’s opinion have led to all manner of errors, deceptions, injustice. And this study method, if you will, has even started more than a few whacky cults. Yes, and some involve koolaid.

SO!
If you forget EVERYTHING about this post, please don’t forget this. When interpreting the meaning of the Bible (a.k.a. engaging in hermeneutics) remember: A scripture passage cannot mean something different than its original intent.

Huh? What?
Let that red text sink in. Please…Re-read it.

Seriously. It’s a huge deal once you truly comprehend it, and even bigger when you apply it.

A scripture passage cannot mean something different than its original intent. (That’s a needed re-refresher. Please bear with me.)

Understanding the Bible involves a continual tension between discerning…

Our understanding and the writer’s intent.*

Here are just 5 a mere few of the obstacles that can hinder a proper understanding of scripture:

– Language barriers (Ex. Jesus spoke Aramiac, The New Testament was written in Greek (a dead form of the Greek language now,) and English was taken from the Greek. This book collection HAS TO be divine and God-breathed to still transform individuals, whole communities, and cultures through its message of the Good News!)

– Historical distance barriers (Now is later. Stuff has changed. ‘nuf said.)

– Cultural barriers (We don’t wear the same stuff, and do the same things, at all. period.)

– Circumstantial differences (But one example: Every church has “its stuff” unique to it. Particular concerns and problems.)

– Our lens/perspective, education, and experiences (I hope this is self-explanitory. If not, maybe this blog is too much for you. No worries. Just search this blog for “humor” and forget about this post entirely.)

Quick & Hot Tips for the Good Book

When reading, and attempting to understand a Bible passage,

– include paragraphs and sections, rather than a sentence, a phrase, or a lone sentence. (Nothing can twist scripture more than attempting to find meaning in a small phrase of scripture, instead of taking the complete thought and verbiage into account. You wouldn’t want to be taken out of context, so you know, do the right thing.)

– Read a few translations (Don’t parse words. Just don’t. It’s major mistake! Chances are the translators had to give it their best guess. Plenty of words in ancient Hebrew, and Greek, won’t and can’t translate out of the original language. Translators disagree. A lot. So, don’t assume you have read the perfect word choice. The word may not have been used or known outside of that one, or just a few, times.)

– Consult commentaries (These folks have dedicated their whole life to studying the Bible, the ancient culture, the history, etc. They’ve studied deeper, longer, and harder than you, and probably have some great insights from their research.)

Yes. This post was a “BOOM post”. It may come off sort of… um… strong. I see people all over the place butchering what the Bible says simply because they are naive. They haven’t bothered or known how to read the bible in a way that will get things at least mostly right. They start to sound goofy pretty fast. Next time you hear someone spouting off about a Bible passage, inquire if they’ve done the passage good justice by learning it intelligently in these few ways; then (as nicely as possible) challenge their mode of learning and teaching.

Bible study is a vital spiritual discipline, and like prayer, fasting, giving, and all the rest should be done through being better informed. Learning is a continual process. Keep up with it!

*Some of my information is straight from Stuart and Free’s fantastic book: How to Read the Bible for All its Worth. Many agree that it’s the book par excellence, for understanding and studying the Bible. Give it a whirl.

Did this post help you think of the Bible in a new way?
What has helped you understand what the Bible says?

It’s a Tuesday that feels like a Monday. So, to brighten your day, I’m sharing this tiny movie from our picnic, Sunday. (It was a Games2U party.)

Warning: Human-sized hamster balls BOUNCE.

Video is public on facebook, here.

Would you give this a try?

If you like it, Tweet it / share it.

The thought crossed my mind that some people could see me naked Saturday, if there is The Rapture. So, really that’d be judgment Day for sure. I should have lost more weight.

It saddens me that some have sold all their things because of believing Harold Camping. I sort of wish he would get beamed out of here on Saturday, so he won’t ruin more lives. And I hope he’s wearing clean underpants.

Only certain kinds of leaders hope to control the mind of their followers. The ones who thrive on gaining power or influence. Creativity and imagination cannot be undermined when we lead. Notice how God is a leader who will not control our minds. God allows that we think freely, and use our personality to cooperate with his work and grace in this world. God is all good. God is ridiculously not power hungry. Bizarre to think about, yet so true.

The best leaders use the minds, gifts, and talents of those they lead for the greater good of all involved. The desire to power is nothing but a trap that leads to disaster. But, how do power hungry leaders control our minds?

Mind Control is a funny thing. Well, an odd thing. Certain people are more susceptible, but influence over one’s thoughts and actions happens when that power is handed over. The absent-minded or the feeble minded may be foolish and permissive with what they possess. Nevertheless, in every case I can think of, the reigns of one’s mind are relinquished, not taken.

Do you have a strong will and mind?

Not so fast! In a VERY common way, many of us let others control our mind too frequnetly. I promise you, your mind has been controlled. Consider this: We may dwell on anger, frustration, or bitterness as we allow others to control our moods, and therefore our heart and mind. We give their words and actions power–because we acquiesce our control. Some influence on the outside gains access over a part of us, inside. We allow it to be so. Hijack is a great word for this! The fruit of the spirit called self-control is developed to fend off this very thing.

Can we be self-controlled in a way that gives over a bit of control to a trustworthy person for the goal of greater good (in our lives and with those around us)? Certainly. AND We Must. Wisely.

Growth will not happen if we seek complete control. It’s a freeze ray, and will cut us off from life. Hyper-control=bad. How do we strike a balance?

And now for the biggest challenge you’ll have all week. Let me control your mind. I should explain: Put yourself in a place to receive spiritual guidance. Contact me with something spiritual, emotional, mental, or situational that you are struggling with, and I will pray about it and together we will see where God is, in all of it. We’ll communicate a bit, and see where growth can happen. We will relinquish the part of our control we have let arrest our growth. Yet, we will keep our self-control in that we will be wise with what we have in body and mind. Option B: Do this with a trusted friend, and let us in on your process.

Will you take my challenge?
AND
What are your thoughts on leadership and mind control?

(Don’t miss future posts on leadership and mind control. Enter your email in the field in the left bar to be notified when something new is posted.)

I’m warning you, right from the start. I’m going to use a word I haven’t used before when blogging, and maybe only 12 times otherwise. It’s one of those words that could make me lose all my readers, maybe even you. But, I’m going to do it, because I have to tell the truth.

I have “checkmark envy”. When I see the Verified Twitter Account, the checkmark reversed out of cyan, I want one, too. Badly. It’s been going on for about three months. It has everything to do with feelings of self-worth. Important people have Verified Accounts. People that matter. Wanting it has everything to do with sensing my value, and worst of all vanity.

So, I realized something, Vanity is spiritual masturbation.

Now that I said “the M word”, I want to unpack what I just said, so we don’t miss the forrest for the trees.

Some people think masturbation can make you blind. Do people still think this? This obviously reflects poorly on blind people. It’s made me question Stevie Wonder, for instance. Well, not really. (After I wrote this, I found out it’s Stevie’s birthday today…what a “God thing”, huh? I mean, sorry Stevie for that extra weird bit of undue attention on your special day.)

Some people think it’s perverted. Some think it’s necessary. Some think it’s just plain fun. Some say, when in doubt, do it. Like Nike, right? Never mind.

Here’s what it really is. It’s a reduction and diminution of a real and powerful thing. The goodness of sexual intimacy is given a shabby surrogate. It’s not more or better, it’s less. It’s a shortcut that cheats you–producing fulfillment temporarily, but soon leaving you feeling more isolated or lonely; even trapped, or increasingly compulsive.

Vanity is the same way, but more thoroughly. It holds hands and makes out with shame. It’s focused on sensing worthiness in a weird, circular, and disappointing quest.

I learned a lot about these sort of pitfalls of shame (a.k.a. “hame”. Yeah, refer to Brown video) yesterday, from Dr Brené Brown in this amazing (20 min) video about so-called “shame studies”. Watching it could change your life.

It’s given me the courage to admit this kind of spiritual masturbation addiction I avoid revealing.

I want to be somebody. God’s answer (healing) for this is to be thoroughly aware of being known and loved ever still in him. It’ll take my whole life to fully get there. This is but one of my forward steps.

Do you feel the need to be “verified”?

Bridge Building Team 

My expertise is in personal, relational, ministerial, and spiritual growth. So, no, I’m not Michael Hyatt who has loads of CEO experience. But, I tend to notice things that others don’t, and I know a few things about pitfalls.

LEADERSHIP:
Most of us are in some form of leadership. Maybe it’s in our community, as a youth sports coach, at our 9-5 job, as a parent, within an organization, or in some form of ministry. Honing our talents and skills is vital to our leadership success.

I’ve identified 4 things many leaders forget. Do any of them describe you? What critical thing (or things) do YOU think leaders forget?

1. Leaders forget to notice untried (or potential) leaders and develop and mentor leadership in others.

2. Leaders may forget that leadership is more about character than capability or charisma.

3. A leader’s greatest strength will be tested by his (or her) corresponding weakness.

4. Failure in leadership is part of the process.

Unpacking those 4 Things:

1. Notice and develop leadership in others. A critical part of leadership is realizing that the role of guiding outstrips that of commanding. Mentoring up-and-coming leaders is too often overlooked. Sadly, sometimes helping nurture other leaders even seen as an existential threat to one’s future leadership. But, nothing could be further from the truth.

2. Leadership is more about character than capability or charisma. I recently experienced a situation of, “Too many chiefs, and not enough Indians.” (Bear in mind, this phrase is actually misunderstanding regarding Native America tribal leadership. So-called “chiefs” functioned more as “big men” style leaders, not like a monarchy type of leadership and not often lineage-based. No elections either. A lack of confidence would propagate emergence of other “big men” leaders within tribes. Members would break off from the bigger group to follow them.) Sometimes when I work on a group project where action is needed, and I will opt the role of “minion worker bee”, even though the project may be an area of expertise or gifting. Weird, huh? I purposefully do not vie for a leadership role. At all. Why? Well, I learned this little gem “on-the-job”. Depending on the group, I may sense when a team possesses a quality of dominion instead of concert. That means “being heard” is overshadowing the project itself. In this situation, people will display the quirkiest parts of their personality in response to stress. They may appear overly opinionated, stubborn, emotional, or unduly vested in the matter at hand. Control or significance is the force at play, and usually the results will not turn out for the best. Sometimes personal growth comes from stepping back.

In those cases, modeling character is more important that who’s message is the loudest. As leaders we can show the group through cooperative service the spirit and attitude that will achieve the best outcomes.

As a leader, be willing to take a back seat for the greater good in the long run. Now is not the time to peacock your intelligence, capability, or persuasiveness, but rather to act in good character.

3. A leader’s greatest strength will be tested by his corresponding weakness. This one is easy to miss. This one needs your full attention: What has helped us in leadership can be our very downfall. Here’s an fictitious example: Joe Winnar is an extrovert. He’s great at taking action, and exciting others to join him in his vision for what lays ahead. So, his corresponding weakness could be that he steamrolls other’s ideas or contributions. For every gift we possess, we also have a weak point (or points) that can reveal a growing edge. This means it’s a likely pitfall where we will fail somehow in our leadership.

4. Failure in leadership is part of the process. This one stinks. Far more leaders fail instead of succeed. And in what regard? 9 times out of ten it will involve interpersonal issues. Leadership is made or broken at the relational level.

For example: What happens when a leader cheats, lies, becomes abusive, or breaks faith with the group? Integrity is shattered, and relationships are damaged. If we are going to fail as leaders, it’ll likely center on, or least include, this aspect. There is no better way to avoid this other than keeping a close reign on our issues of humility. Not if, but when you fail, admit to your mistakes, don’t act faultless, work cooperatively, and don’t lose a teachable spirit.

Comments? Suggestions? Insights?

A fence of doors

I took this shot on our way back from Pittsburgh, going East on Route 22.

It’s a rather funny image. Look at it. Can you see why?

At first glance, this may look like a bunch of doors to individual storage units. It was just that. But looking more closely, one can see that it is not at all–now. All that is left of an exterior wall of storage units is now just a row of doors…that serve as a fence. Theoretically, just one key could get you inside. Right? One key, but which door should one pick?

I think this a great picture of life. You have a key to get through the next barrier. It may look like a wall standing tall before you. On closer inspection, or through a different perspective, you will see the doors. But, you may have a tough time finding which door lock matches your key. You may need to be persistent…or fetch a ladder.

Once you open the door, (or climb the fence) you don’t find a small windowless room. You find yourself on the other side of a fence that once stood in your way. There will be many fences like this in your life.

SO-Will you see those walls as having doors, or will they only be fencing separating you from progress?

What is something in your life that seemed like a fence, but in fact had a door you could open?

or, if you prefer,

What area of life has doors, but yet usually seems impregnable?

Share your thoughts.