Lisa Colón DeLay

Yes, this is the start of a Blog Moratorium in Tribute to the victims of Sandy Hook Elementary Massacre , but for personal refletion too.

It doesn’t get past me that just as I gear up to spend 13 weeks teaching about the Problem of Evil a horrifying massacre of 6-7 year olds and their teachers and staff occurs.

I have a lot of information about how Evil works right on tap. But, I just can’t go there.

I know that we all react in shock about events such as these. We ask, “How could Evil be so close and innocence shattered so senselessly?” There is rage, anger, hatred. Emotions aplenty. And I know too that Evil runs right down each one of us too. It’s never merely “out there” or far off. If so labeled it shifts, it seeps, amorphous and eludes being so easily understood or classified.

The pain is so raw. The horror so near. The terror so frightening.

A nightmare.

Too soon people have started barking about gun control, and mentioning mental illness, and our crumbling society …all looking for reasons to make it all go down easier. But, right now, I’m just heartbroken. The weight of the brokenness of the world is here and present. Christmas is coming, and yet we lie ruined. Truly ruined. Hope feels like a faint whisper barely intelligible. A wisp.

I’m taking off for a few days. No blog posts. I’m going to reflect. Quietly. By myself. Away from it all and on the interior. Before the year is out, I’ll make another appearance. Thank you for your prayer for me at this time too for things I won’t mention at this time.

In the meantime, join me in prayer for the community and families of those affected by this violence.

Dear God,

Soothe our broken hearts.

How much pain, O’ God!

We cry out in agony…undone.

Have mercy on us

Bring us peace.

Bind up our wounds

Wash us with your Grace.

Grant us the strength to carry on 

And the resolve to not give up

Renew our hope in you and grant that we may forgive

So we ourselves are spared more pain.

In the name of the Father, and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit,

Amen

The air was electric… a cross between a speech and rock concert…a nerdy electricity.

My school (where I now work) is small. Small but strangely mighty. Blessed.

And thankfully it is committed to excellence and honest inquiry. This quality is more rare than you might imagine, in liberal and conservative institutions alike.

Yesterday, Dr. Miroslav Volf was the featured speaker at the annual Ritter-Moyer Lecture. Go ahead, click on his name if you haven’t of him.

I’m still reflecting on his message and a richer response in warranted.

But, I can say this….His message seemed radical…but only because Christians have too often loved so poorly.

They were convicting words, for me, for those who claim to forward the Gospel, and also sadly–for most of humanity. The Gospel it turns out is highly subversive and radical because it turns the all too common bad bits of human nature upside down and refutes them. Love and Grace are downright scandalous. We get Grace wrong. Almost all the time.

But the lecture was far from depressing. It was heavily laced with hope. His topic revolved around honor.

I hope to revisit the themes, but for now here’s an anemic glimpse of the approx 3 hour lecture (yes, there was a 20 min break involved in the middle).

QUOTES:

“We have a religious duty to honor everyone.” (including those who persecute us)

“Misplaced fear is one of the primary reasons we fail to honor. We should replace the fear of each other with the fear of God.”

“The [American] founding is not a pretty story. It’s an ambiguous story. It’s drenched in injustice but also suffused with ideals and institutions that can be affirmed (by Christians). It’s also the story of our own hearts. We have no excuse and we have to own our own divided history.”

‎” [Grace means] I am not the sum of my deeds.”

“Everyone who loves or wants to be loved distinguishes between person and deed. Forgiveness is “unsticking” the deed from the person.”

‎”Fear undermines honor.”

‎”Forgiveness presupposes that sin & sinner are distinctive from each other”

“How do we know that we are speaking the truth in love? We are gentle.”

“We bear false witness (to the Gospel) when our words don’t match our deeds.”

“Peace is not agreement. It is sacrificial love…The means is the end.”

‎”1 Peter: command: “Have tolerance with others when (you are) persecuted.”

“But, more than tolerance, we must honor (and respect) them.”

“Gentleness is a servant of respect.”

(You can find more quotes from Volf on Twitter by searching #Volf, or on the Evangelical Seminary Facebook page)

I’ve surfed Niagara Falls.
It was a hyper realistic dream that I could control. I woke up inside my dream and went down that thing about 5 times.
Loved it!

It’s called lucid dreaming.

I’ve been doing it since I was about 7 years old.

Did you know that you can Learn Lucid Dreaming! You’ll love it.

Even someone that can’t usually remember dreaming at all can learn how to remember more dreams (sometimes 3-7 a night). You can learn ways to control aspects of your dreams (great when you have a nightmare or nasty reoccurring dream), and even become conscious and prolong a consciousness while in a true sleeping/dreaming state.

It helps with anxiety, building good relaxation habits, and empowers you in waking life! You can have experiences you could never have, or problem solve in ways you didn’t think were possible. It’s a huge creativity boost too.

You spend 1/3 of your WHOLE LIFE sleeping, why not make the best of it?

I just published a Guide with everything you need to know at Amazon. (Sparky’s Go-to Guide for Dream Control)

You may notice that it’s co-written by Sparky Pronto…that’s another upcoming surprise. I’ll keep you posted with more news soon.

Even better, this Go-to Guide is FREE this Monday, 11.12.2012.

I hope you like it!

One More Thing:

Do you have trouble sleeping, or with nightmares or unsettling reoccurring dreams? Do you want to know what a certain dream might mean? Contact me for guidance. There’s no charge for a consultation, but I can only accommodate 10 requests.

So enjoy

&

Sweet Dreams!

So, why is it that Lemurs look so freaked out? Like, a lot.

Are koala on the other end of the emotional animal spectrum? They are always so Zen, so casual. Sleepy but more than sleepy. Chill. Do the eucalyptus leaves they eat render a cannabis-vibe?

Incidentally, the mouse lemur looks like a combination of the two creatures.

I’ve been feeling like this Lemur looks.
We had an electrical fire, right after we packed it in for trick-or-treat night. It was smoke, sizzling, snaps, and weird burnt smells, and arcing bolts of live electrical current….and then the realization that you cannot put water on such a thing.

We were at the mercy of some stupid, ancient fire extinguisher dated to the Clinton-era.
Bill, that is.
Monica’s Bill.

Trust me. Weird Science is the ONLY time I care to view electricity in “dance-mode”. And even then, I won’t do so without wearing a bra hat in solidarity. It helps in acknowledging power beyond my understanding and control. I’m tempted to wear one in certain worship services. (I keep one in my purse.)

My husband wanted to call the fire department. Volunteers…er Zealots of flame and noise that house their equipment just next door down. Good and decent boys and men who love their beer (sic.) and are quick to respond, and descend in great numbers …but not always appropriately. I shuttered at the thought.

Instead, we selected the “phone-a-friend” option. A seasoned citizen and professional electrician came over at 9:30 pm….surely his favorite way to spend a chilly Wednesday night!

I felt like an all-out Lemur. Nervous, near the brink of extinction, powerless in my surroundings.

I should mention that it ended well. Nothing combusted. No local first-responders were used. No evacuations, premature, or otherwise. Some repair was completed the following day. A leaky kitchen sink pipe had met with some exposed crawl-space wiring. And rodents chew this stuff because? Charges triggered several breakers and melted some stuff. Had we gone to bed without noticing that the kitchen flooring had buckled a little, I might be writing this from a homeless shelter.

Thankful.

Although the act and habit aof worry may come from biological sources, retraining our habits can move us from worry (negative) toward meditation (positive). Make sure to check out the difference and similarities between the two that are shown in visual form in the last post.

Use these three words to start retraining yourself.

STOP.

VISUALIZE.

REMEMBER.

Stop.
This means the second you realize that you’re caught in a “Worry Spiral” put yourself on pause.  Try to back out of this cycle and see it for what it is. Imagine yourself 3 years from now. Ask yourself ” Is the situation really worthy of the heavy cost that worry will bring me?” How else could I respond? What lie might I be believing as I worry?

Visualize.
This has helped me quite a bit. When I feel stuck in my worry. I to imagine that I’m pulling out all my worry from me, like a bunch of crumpled, dirty paper chunks. Then I imagine handing over to Jesus to hold. He takes what I give and it changes into light. Give it a try for yourself. It’s form of prayer. Or think of something that would help you more than my example. What could you repeatedly visualize to hand over your worry? Go back to this each time you are caught in a Worry Spiral. Note how you feel before and after do this.

Remember.
Remember you are walking with God. There is no place God is not. Each time you practice handing over your worry to God it will be easier to remember to do it when needed in the future. What other ways can you remember to center your repeated thoughts to not spiral but instead revolve around our loving and all-powerful God?

In the Old Testament thousands of everyday and seasonal reminders where built into the Jewish culture to be ever mindful of God’s provision, care, presence, goodness, and love. From food, to ways of dress, to festivals, to rituals, and much more various reminders where infused into life. We don’t live the same way now, but we can bring in our new, personal remembrances.

What have you done lately to break your “worry spiral”?

Today, I’m elucidating the anatomy of Worry in contrast with Meditation using this handy dandy visual I made.

Notice the differences.

Worry and Meditation have commonalities.

• Both activities involve circling/cycling, repeated thoughts, but how they circle is very different and give us different outcomes.

(monotheistic) Meditation centers on the good supreme God, and often the One described in the Bible. The love and presence of God energizes the one meditating. Thoughts and cares are kept in close contact with God, not one’s self or self-interests. Prayer, worship, and centering are interrelated with meditation.

In Worry (in Christians or any one) thoughts are repetitive and  ingrown, not centered on apart from self and move toward collapse, snuffing out our energy and health. Worry thoughts stay with the self, and do not move outward or around a stabilizing idea or deity. This causes degeneration into a Worry Spiral that undercuts growth, health, and well-being. Other problems may arise like illness, anxiety disorders, depression, paranoia, and much more.

In part 3, I’ll unpack how to move from Worry, which is negative, to Meditation which is peace and life-giving.

Did you read the previous Post? Please read Part 1 of this series where I discuss some common misunderstanding of Worry.

Do you think I got it right? What does Worry and Meditation look like for you?
Please, let me know.

• Recycling is when you take what appears to be garbage and you reform or reuse it again. But what’s this “up-cycle” stuff?

• Upcycling is when one converts waste materials or useless items into new materials or products of better quality or for better environmental value.

The act and habit of worrying can be upcycled and in the next few posts I’ll unravel that.

First–
Stuff you might not know about WORRY:

1. Out-of -balance hormones can spike worry. A dip in progesterone in women or a drop in testosterone in men, for instance.

(This means that you can’t always get a handle on worry just by “thinking your way out of it”. There’s biological component.)

2. Anxiety (often seen as worry and other related problems) can be a genetic predisposition that runs in families, like heart disease can.

3. Changing habits can lessen worry, much like eating a good diet can help slim you down even if you come from a family that’s…um..big boned.

The Hopeful News…
If you have a knack for worry (negative), then you may have a great capacity to meditate (positive). Prayer and mediation are almost synonyms, and overwhelming evidence shows that the use of prayer/meditation improves one’s level of anxiety, well-being, and health. Worry is a Soul issue. That means it’s more than mental or spiritual (the Soul is the whole of you and who you are). Soul Care address this. So, here we go!

Getting to a good place is NOT like throwing a switch, so I’ll start to tackle ways to move toward Upcycing worry more this week.

(photo source)

 Ranker, hype, and vitriol.

It’s about 30 Days until the 2012 Presidential election, and you can really tell.

I’ve tried to not get wound up. I’ve tried to ignore the surround-sound ejeculations of venom. But, it’s hard to not get sucked into all the emotion and survive the cross-fire unscathed.

 Big Bird even made the casualty list…Yes, the huge, friendly, yellow character for pre-schoolers on TV. Bear in mind that citizen support will never wane enough to make our feathered friend, or his cohorts, extinct. But, that fact doesn’t cull the madness, does it?

There’s looniness in the air!

It’s a soiling season, so I’ve tried to think of a few way to vitriol-proof myself. Maybe you can share a few tips. Here’s a few I’m using:

1. Unplug.
Short media fasts can reorient me to what’s most important: My regular life, the people nearest to me, and my deepest values that have much to do with Grace.

2. Think long-term.
As much as people “say so-and-so” will ruin everything forever, that’s 95% fear doing the talking. No vote will truly change as much as people say. (Insert which ever name you want to for “so-and-so”, both sides are tooting this horn.) I’m trying to regularly take a few steps back and try to gain wisdom from a more far-sighted perspective. It does help.

3. Feel powerless.
Huh? It may sound ridiculous to say it like that, but seriously, not too much is truly under our control. Admtting this is the first step for me. Changes, for good or for bad, do happen slower than we care to admit. So much is out of our immediate control. Policies, weather, illness, media, cultural hype, and much more. We can control our responses, but not others. We don’t get that much say and the frenzy is proof of that underlying fear.

…which leads me to #4!

4. Be a Duck.
A duck is the water foul that has the sort of feathers to make water bead and roll off, not soak in and cause problems. I try to think of this as a way of being. Unflappable. It’s engaged thoughtfulness sandwiched by what’s known in spiritual formation circles, and ancient Christian tradition, as “holy indifference”. That doesn’t mean I’m apathetic, it means I’m centered on the Source of Goodness through faith, and not tossed to and fro by opinions, circumstances, or any perceived impeding doom. (This takes loads of practice for me! I’m passionate, and through practice I’ve started to learn when to let that loose and when to dail it in. Though I fail too much, I continue the effort.)

Have you been effected and affected by these acerbic times?

What helps you?

Here’s a little reminder that everyone gets tired.

Everyone gets unbalanced.

Maybe you’ll be touched deeply and start crying when you hear a rapper slinging rhymes, which is really weird, but I did that.

Maybe you’ll just feel a heaviness in your heart that you can’t pinpoint. A slow burning ache, like the weight of the broken world is pushing in and perched on your sternum.

Maybe you’ll see relationships so broken and confusing and full of turmoil that you’ll start to disconnect.

Maybe you’ll snap at your kids, or get angry at a stranger whose story you can’t possibily know.

And grace will leak away from you and your ideals will be shelved, and you’ll wonder if you’re really a person who still believes in goodness anymore.

Here’s a word for you…and for me….

It hurts to be alive.

There are mysteries we want to know but can’t unravel.

You. Will. Get. Tired.

In this sorrow we are not alone, because we are the same.

(If you’d like to share your worry today or your burden, please do. In the comment section or using the contact me tab. I’ll pray for you, and maybe you can pray for me.)

Yatmandu via Compfight

The key to successful leadership today is influence, not authority.

— Kenneth Blanchard

Today’s Wisdom:

A Good Leader Invites.

Some bosses are still tyrannical and ill-tempered. Is it just immaturity, or is some of this vestiges of wartime attitudes that still seep into the management and leadership styles of corporations or even families?

“Do as I say. That’s an order, soldier!”

The big flaw in a bossy leadership style is that civilians are not subject to demands of rank and orders from a autocrats.

They can quit.

They can walk off the job, or worse than any of that, they can undermine everything and stay onboard, resentfully.

What kills morale more than passive-aggresive subordinates mucking up the works, sabotaging projects, and sucking the life out of a group? It’s dire.

Instead, Leaders of this era must INVITE rather than command.

That means that good Leaders draw in their followers rather than intimidating them.

Despot types will always be among us, but the focus in Leadership development these days isn’t about demanding respect. It’s about what gets results and makes positive change. It centers on earning respect.

Do you remember a time when a Leader invited you?

The best examples often come from the world of coaching and mentoring. These relationships are not forced, but forged, mutually.

There, Leadership is not where Authority is the predominant issue; trust is what counts.

I’m happy to be a Contributor at the Deeper Leader SyncrhoBlog that runs September 10-14th.

You’re welcome to add your voice too. Go here to get details. When you contribute, I’ll be sure to check for your link and read your contribution.

Sam Javanrouh via Compfight

When you’re doing a project, starting something creative, or otherwise trying to upgrade your life, sabotage comes at you from many angles.

Think of it as a sign that you’re on the right track.

A little prep work can serve to inoculate you from intentional or unintentional sabotage.

5 Ways Others Sabotage Your Creative Mojo

1. Diversion. Fun opportunities, a needy spouse or friend, or a buzz of busyness will pervade your surroundings splitting your energies, and stretching you too far. Sometimes your focus and determination will draw others to you like a magnet. But instead of giving useable support,  they’ll be agents of distraction. Strict boundaries are the best defense.

2. Guilt-trips. Phrases like,
“You don’t seem to have time for me.”
“I never see you anymore.” 
“You seem so busy.” give you the sense that you’re not being a good person as you pursue your project. Reassure these saboteurs while claiming ground. Tell them you have to balance your life differently now.

3. Bargain-makers. “If you do “this” for me, I’ll do “this” for you,” type phrases signal that your creative energy or determination is being met with a subtle attack. It’s a way to be manipulated away from your task at hand, too. You might need to clarify you needs succinctly and repeatedly: “I’m sorry I can’y get off-task right now. I’ll be able to do more in a month (or whatever time you decide).

Just in writing this very post, I’ll had to say this to my two children 8 times in the last 15 minutes. The “broken record” tactic sends a solid message like only repetition can. But, you must persist!

4. Punitive Words and Deeds. Be it the “cold shoulder”, the passive aggressive responses, yelling and confrontation, or subtle bullying, when others pushback at what you’re doing you must muster the mental toughness to soldier on. Do it before the punishment comes from them.

5. Threats.
When others say, “If you do that, this will happen.” Or, “I don’t think I can support you if you go in this direction,” they may be trying to manipulate your creative mojo off-task for selfish reasons. If/then statements offer a tipoff that all or nothing attitudes pervade your interactions and risk derailing you. Minimize threats with a calm resolved response and carry on.

Surely there are others. What trips you up?

I’m honored to be featured at Thom Turner’s blog today!

My contribution concerns prayers of desperation and covers a bit of spiritual formation. I haven’t posted too many prayers, so if you have a moment, I’d appreciate your comments or feedback, below or over there.

Article Link.

Photo Credit: Martin Sharman via Compfight

Originally The Muses refer to nine goddesses in Greek mythology who control and symbolize nine types of art known to Ancient Greece. As daughters of Zeus and Mnemosyne (memory personified) Muses are associated with artistic inspiration. It’s actually a rather clever pairing The Divine & Memory…a kind of divine memory or “remembering the divine nature of being creative” perhaps. Note the word used within “amuse”, “museum”, “music”, and “musing upon” still carry a bit of this in their meanings.

What I appreciate about the idea of Muses in association with creativity and inspiration is the notion that brilliance is not sourced in us. Instead by careful listening and doing the work we join up with something transcendent as we engage in creative pursuits.

This serves as a needed inoculation from the perils of both failure and success. Creative types…and by that I mean me (and maybe you)…are notoriously melancholy and can succumb to discouragement when we assume too much responsibility for our creative endeavors. When some of the pressure is off we do better.

Have you heard from your Muse lately?
What are you most proud of creatively?

OKAY…cool thing today! Here’s my book for free, including a Table of Contents. (It’s available for a limited time, and you can pass it along.)

Set aside 20 minutes for this keynote speech that will inoculate you from many disappointments, and give you great wisdom for your calling in creative endeavors.

Photo Credit: Arallyn! via Compfight

I’d love to save you save money right now. I love education, but I do sense that our system is outdated by 50-500 years. I can hardly think of anything more stifling to creativity and innovation than this strange situation.

So many people in the North America are getting advanced degrees, I’ve noticed. Have you? I see a boat load of cautionary tales in the whole matter.

First of all….Have you noticed how much advertising is directed at feeding the desire to improve one’s self through education?

It gives me pause.

An affluent country can create a whole education industry that can make little sense when pragmatic end goals are apprehended. Indeed, it already has!

It seems many diploma seekers actually don’t actually know what they want…but it’s hard to dismiss education as a waste of time. Yet, education has never be easier to get…and for free. I have a list of places. More on that in a moment…

Since the job market is horrible many are delaying entry into it or avoiding it by enrolling in a masters program, etc. This trend depreciates advanced degrees across the board, duh.

Really the industry have never been shadier since public school teachers have been required to earn a masters degree to keep their jobs. Programs spring up to meet the need and basically make the whole thing a mockery. Busy work and rigamarole replace andragogic excellence. You thought I’d say pedagogic, right? See how outdated the whole thing is…pedagogy is a medieval term. Yeah, right…so anyways…

For people who value high-quality learning and scholarship it’s an affront.

BUT Why do people enroll?
…lots of reasons:

• To add Credibility (maybe some resume fodder)

• To soothe something on the inside

• In hopes that new opportunities will open up

Though plenty of places will give you the paper you think you want…it might not give you what you are really looking for. I contend that it often won’t. (Seth Godin has hit on this too. It’s worth the read.)

The reality is that without careful consideration the results are more debt and angst than possibilities. A Masters Degree or PhD may help to land a college teaching job…except for the fact that there’s a genuine glut of people with advanced degrees and fewer jobs than ever. School budgets are being slashed. Everywhere. Don’t want to teach? Then an advanced degree is the wrong tact much of the time. This illustrates the point that system is quite broken.

If you are (or someone you know) is in or planning to enroll in an advanced degree program, remember to ask the harder questions. The why questions.

• Are you putting something off?

• Are you afraid of something?

• Do you need or want something that really isn’t about the credit hours?

In reality Success can come in numerous ways through the vehicle of technology. Times have changed.

If it’s really education that you want. That’s all cool. Free Education initiatives are underway at so many top universities, like MIT, CMU, Berkley, Tufts, Yale, Princeton, Norte Dame and others. It’s AMAZING. Check it out.

In the end it’s results and experience that give you success, not who you paid on your paper chase.

Success has a lot to do with creativity, hard work, ingenuity, and perseverance. 

I hoped I’ve saved you (or someone you know) some time and $.

Photo Credit: Pulpolux !!! via Compfight

For instance, sometimes I crave and ingest sugar. Sometimes I numb-out with tech, or some distraction. Sometimes I grow irritable and wallow a bit. I could go on and on, but I’ll stop before we both get too embarrassed.

What are some of the neurotic things you do?

I’ve saved the best volumes for last. If you liked the others, you’ll be the happiest May 10th. If you haven’t read the others, you’re in for a treat, and soon.

Here’s more about Volumes 4 & 5:

VOLUME 4: Slumps, Burnouts, and Frustration

This details the instigators, root causes, and symptoms of our 3 big foes as Creators and Communicators. Some symptoms are so insidious or camouflaged that you haven’t noticed them. You’ll be surprised. An audible gasp is a distinct possibility.

You’ll be challenged. You’ll be shown how to take a special kind of inventory that’ll take the teeth out of these monsters that stand like obstacles to our calling and abundant life.

Beyond that, we’ll cover jump start action steps to keep you encouraged and progressing. It’s like sucking down pure Oxygen. mmm!

VOLUME 5: God’s Grand Story

This is the piéce de résistance for Creators and Communicators.

Risking some scorn among zealous Donald Miller’s devotees, I ask readers to look beyond our individual micro-stories.

We’ll uncover the Meta-Narrative of God’s Grand Story witnessed in the whole council of God, the stories therein, and within our unique life experiences. Here God, not us, is the Star….and in every scene.

(Note: I too loved Blue Like Jazz and other non Religious Christian Spirituality stuff Don’s written, just like everyone else. But I’ve sense a change with Miller’s approach. I’m not convinced that life-mapping strategies, tracking software, and yearlong Storyline memberships get to the marrow of what it is to be human.)

Absorbing the 4 themes explained in Volume 5 gives much-needed perspective, comfort, encouragement, and hope to meet our needs better than formulas ever can.

Note that the 4 adjectives in bold harken to the 4 themes, but do not yet reveal them! A blatant gambit to arouse you. Please, I have to let this thirst build, okay? Listen to me. You’ll love this volume.

The Launch Pad of Vol. 5:
To those of you who’ve combed 500+ page theological tomes, it follows the canonical-liguistic theological approach with one crucial amendment.

To those of you who have not trudged through the tedious works of scholar theologians…most of you…I unpack some heady academic treatise material into snappy language and keen usability that even Sarah Palin could understand and apply, before she shoots her morning Elk. You bet ‘cha!

Any questions? What are you curious about? Let me know.

Buy it at AMAZON for KINDLE. (There will be some days that you can get it for free. Nov 12&13 are the first days for that)

By way of a recap, I’m suspending my blogging for a while, but I’m still going to post a few more interviews. I hope you enjoy them.

The bio of Rolf Potts reads like a who’s-who of celebrated travel writers. His NO BAGGAGE Challenge last year highlighted the idea that travel can be much simpler than we tend to think. He trekked over 30,000 miles without a single bag to weigh him down.

The same mentality can be helpful in life too, according to Rolf. Enjoy watching this short chat we had, (and subscribe to the youtube channel for more great stuff).

Besides his website that contains some great articles, blog posts, and case studies in vagabonding–here are 2 of Rolf’s book that make great reading:

I had a great chat with Alise Wright and we talked about her upcoming book project Not Afraid. Plus, we talk a bit about a few other things like marriage equality and Mark Driscoll’s new polemic book “Real Marriage” (and I may need to offer some bonus video material on that insightful stuff); can men and women be friends (best of friends, even when they are married to other people); and Alise’s upcoming personal work in keeping with her calling.

I find myself at crossroads…a lot. I’m met with choices, options, and opportunities routinely. Maybe everyone is.

Here are some good questions to ask:

1. Why have I been on the path that I’m on now?

For growth?

For new opportunities?

To “fix something”?

To avoid something?

To learn something?

…it just sorta “happened”…

What else?

(list these)

2. Where am I finding meaning and satisfaction right now?

Is this from something different than I anticipated? Which part is the best fit that I should step into now? What have been the surprises?

3. Is there anything I need to finish before I take a different path?

What might I be tempted to run from, overlook, or avoid instead of deal with? How do I properly conclude this portion of the trip? Have I collected baggage, and if so, what should stay behind? (most of it)

4. What will be some of the challenges this new path will bring?

Since the new path isn’t truly greener, at least not in every way, where will there growing points for me? (places where I’ll be refined) What resistance or obstacles will need to be dealt with? (All whilst knowing that full knowledge of this part is incomplete.)

5. Does this new path lock me into something?

If so, what? And is that beneficial? Are there alternatives once I take this path, if so what? Wiggle room? Where will I need to make sure I fortify my commitment?

Maybe applying these questions to something you’re going through will help you right now. I hope so.

And I could use your help:

When you find yourself at a crossroads, what questions do you ask?

How do you choose the next path?

God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob...perhaps putting the smite on someone.

On Wednesday, I have something special for ya’ll. My interview with David Lamb will be posted. It’s one of the most interesting interviews I’ve ever done. In his new book, he covers smiting, among other things. It’s called God Behaving Badly: Is the God of the Old Testament Angry, Sexist and Racist?

In advance of this über cool post, I want to throw out something to chew on.

What bothers you most about God? Just be honest. Maybe nothing does, or maybe you think he smites people recklessly in the Old Testament accounts. Maybe you think he has Anger Management Issues… whatever it is, let’s hear it.

Then we’ll tackle (or approach might be the more accurate word) at least some of those things this week.

Also, feel free to check out these related previous posts:

The Man Upstairs Fallacy

Confusing God with the dad you got (Also features best “worst dad” photo. seriously.)

God with a Spatula (Does God spank us?)

 My personal review of David Lamb’s God Behaving Badly (at amazon)

Nathan is weird. Embrace it! (Pssssst. You're weird too.)

I’m taking a Theology of Disabilities course right now. I have to admit that some baggage that I didn’t realize I was carrying has gotten heavy. I’m putting it down, starting now. The truth is, I realize I have felt disappointed by the church, and by my church. I’m hurt that the church has failed so badly in helping the disabled (specifically my disabled child) feel like they really belong. It’s not just about allowing the disabled to be there near us, it’s about really knowing them, and really appreciating who they are, because God made them, and they are valuable.

Ya see, times have changed. When I grew up in the 1980s, we’d all make fun of kids that “rode the short bus”…maybe not to their face, but imitating “Tards” was something I excelled at. I was hilarious. I was the disabled one, if we’re telling the truth here. I was spiritually retarded. God gave me a precious gift in my son to show me God’s true heart. To show me my true humanity. The disabled personify the weakness we avoid. Nathan helps me get over my human/secular and foolish ideas about what it means to belong and be successful in God’s worldview.

Here’s the other cool thing. God gave me Nathan to share with you, too!

I think, my generation still fears the disabled. I doubt many will dare admit it. (It’s not politically correct, and we can’t look like uncaring jerks, right?) To most of us, the disabled are still a stigmatized and strange group; and we don’t know what to do with them…we don’t know what to do around them…we aren’t sure what they need. It’s all quite uncomfortable. Gosh, we are so glad we are not them. And we’re afraid. Afraid of the unknown and the unfamiliar, and the “other”.

Here’s the surprising twist. Our (non disabled) kids don’t have the same mentality. They don’t. Over the last 10-20 years, those with disabilities haven’t been sent away to special schools. They have been included, or in far closer proximity to typically developing children. The secular, public schools have outdone, and surpassed the church in this area of grace. They have honored and accepted disabled kids more than the church.

Please. Read those 2 previous sentences again…Slowly. Okay, never mind. I’ll just state it again: They (secular institutions and those who are a part of them) have honored and accepted disabled kids more than the church has.

(Yes. You should feel convicted right now. Even crying wouldn’t be over-the-top.)

As a Parent:
As the mom of a disabled child, I find that typically developing children, with just the a little bit of prompting or advice, adjust very well to interacting with my son, as if he’s a real human being who desires friendship. They even enjoy him! (It’s not just charity. It’s reciprocal friendship. It’s the kind of relating where everyone wins.)

On the other hand, I find that it is the parents of these (non disabled) children who are fearful, and unwilling to engage with my son, beyond the superficial. They are fearful enough to not help their child build friendships, or regularly interact with a disabled peer, or near-peer. They don’t create an easy opportunity for their child to grow, learn and become more compassionate. They don’t make it priority. As a child’s primary guide, this is a gross failure.

Church:
But this is different at church, right? It’s a place of acceptance, and hospitality, and belonging, right? God’s love is shown in tangible ways, right? WRONG. My son has more meaningful relationships and friendships, and more grace shown to him with unChristians, in secular (even godless) environments, and with neighborhood children. (See, the government schools have been telling them that these atypical kids were worth interacting with.)

KIDS @ PLAY
Once upon a time, I bemoaned to a woman at church the fact that Nathan had no friends at church, no meaningful interactions with any church children, no invitations extended to him to play with them, go to their birthday parties, or even watch a movie together (even after we had make a lot of efforts to create those situations, and occasions). Her reply, “Well, I can’t force my kids to play with certain kids, and to like certain friends.”

I listened to her statement, and I didn’t really know what to say. I didn’t challenge it. After all, this was a pastor’s wife talking. An example for us all. (I kid.) Upon reflection, I should have said, “LIKE HELL YOU CAN’T!”

As parents, we do it all the time. We curb or we encourage friendships for our kids regularly. Do we let our kids hang out with teenagers on the corner who are smoking? Uh, no. Does a naughty and petulant child get to sleep over? No. What about the children who bite, hit, or cuss? Do they get to make cookies in our kitchen with us? Nope. We influence our kids all the time. The fact is fear stops our hospitality. We stick with our comfort level, and pick our favorites.

I’m here to tell you that God has given us these different sounding and acting people as gifts, to teach us so much, but we don’t choose to interact, learn and be gracious.

“But I can’t find a disabled kid… What am I supposed to do?”
Well, try harder. Open your eyes. Ask around. Do you want the truth? The facts? Here they are: Do you live near 5 other homes? If you walk down your street, and pass 5 homes, 1 of those homes will be effected by disability.  1/5 of families are effected by disability everyday. 

Do you know more than 6 children? If you know 6 children, 1 of them is likely to have a form of autism, or developmental issue.

Sometimes, I hear this: “Is it my job? How can I be responsible for knowing other people’s needs. I’m just not in their shoes.”
Yes. It’s your job. A frequent reason (or cop out) is saying that the parents of disabled children should just say what they need, and make the efforts to get their kids included. BULL CRAP!

Just thinking up a list of wants and needs would sound exhausting to a parent of a disabled child. Some days, they are just trying to make it through the day. Over 85% percent of marriages don’t survive when disability is an issue. It’s tougher than you think it is.

Listen. These parents have enough to deal with. Wake up! They have enough to do than to also make sure typical children are accepting and relating to their disabled kid/s. Mostly, they are tired. It doesn’t feel worth the effort. Failure seems sure. They are surrounded by frequent disappointments, the broken dream of not having a normal kid, and lots of scheduling issues and therapeutic measures in school, community, and other locations that help their kid or their family. They don’t have enough energy to get people on board with that type of stuff on top of everything else. (Ask them what a typical week is like, go ahead.)

YOUTH GROUP
My son went from being very excited to be old enough to be included in the middle school Sunday School section (See, in 5th grade…you get to sit on cozy couches!!) to now, about a year later, in 6th grade, detesting Sunday School, feeling like an outcast (even more than he had before), and now he doesn’t even believe in God. He says, “God is an unbelievable story.”

Based on the way many Christians behave toward him, he has an excellent point.

Like plenty of other children with autism or developmental disabilities (BTW…”developmental disabilities ” is nicest term for “retards” or “mentally retarded”), Nathan doesn’t get abstract ideas like, “Is Jesus in your heart?” (He hears, “Is a bearded man in your chest cavity?” Utter nonsense!)

Nathan can’t see or touch Jesus; we have to be Jesus for him. He has to experience love-in-action, benefit from it, and be allowed to return this love as an equal. I don’t know if it’s too late for my church to be hospitable in the way that he’ll to want to be a part of it. I will keep that hope. I’m writing this now to start a change in how we respond and interact, so other kids with disabilities can feel like they belong, and are loved and accepted.

TIPS to get you started (for kids and adults)
• Interaction doesn’t have to be hours of incredibly awesome friendship per day or week. A blood brother bond is not necessary. But, the interaction should be authentic, not out of duty or pity. Something simple like making something for them, sharing something, or just chatting pleasantly with them is plenty for starters.

• Asking about their interests (direct questions are best, maybe even just asking “yes or no” questions, at first), and then actually listening to them (even when you may not always understand them or know what to say) is helpful. They WILL understand when you care about them. Just take a bit of time to be gracious. It’ll do you good.

• Inviting them over for a snack, to watch a movie, take a walk, ride bikes, play with your pet, or play videos games may be enjoyable for them. Ask if you can visit them. Create times that are specially for them, even if they are brief periods. 30-45 minutes is fine. (But realize they will love you for it, and want to do it again soon. My son never seems to stop talking about the boy we invited over to play, about 2 months ago.)

• Offer them yourself. Nothing fancy. Invest in them for real, emotionally, and with some of your time and efforts. When you offer authentic friendship it looks different than just a saying or doing the “right thing”. You take a risk.)

• Help them make a craft, picture, or a simple snack, play a game, look at a book, build with legos, and take the time to talk to them, or just be close by and attentive, etc. and show them you like them.

• Offer the parents of disabled kids respite time. Give them an hour or two break, and get the help, information, and extra helpers you may need to care for the child. (Only 10% of churches do this. Change this statistic.)

• Be inviting.
What’s the worst that could happen if you invite a family over to your house? Maybe the child will do something unpredictable, and you won’t know what to do? Maybe you will feel uncomfortable? Get Over it.

MOVING FORWARD:

Where and how have you seen the disabled as full-fledged participants in your community or ministry? (How was it done rightly?)

AND–
How can I help you? If you want to show kindness, or God’s love to a family of a disabled person, or to a disabled person, What are your questions or concerns?

What about including or interacting with the disabled would you like to know? 

What are your fears? Share them.

Let’s get this ball rolling. No question is off limits. Your comments, or experiences can be shared as well.

Thanks for reading. Thanks for changing for the better.
-Lisa 

Heads up, friends, readers, and fans,

I’m working on a personal interview with soon-to-be author Caleb Wilde, a 6th generation Funeral Director, and seminary student. Caleb has a fascinating perspective on life, death/dying, and God, that I’d like you to hear.

More on Caleb, and his upcoming book Confessions of  Funeral Director, here.

What questions would you ask a funeral director?

What can neither give nor take?

Our ability to give hinges on our idea of how the world is, does it not? If we believe we must hold tightly to what we have, our ability to receive will also be hindered.

If we perceive others, God, or even life in general to be sparse in goodness and blessings, we will develop a generosity gap. Something besides giving fills that gap, so we give less. The desire to give wanes too. Eventually, we will live thoroughly according to our purview –which  is a close-fisted plexus of Generosity, and a closed system.

Fear and mistrust are the guiding elements in a close-fisted worldview. The close fist builds the muscles of fear and mistrust, and these sinews burgeon into every area of our life. Where God’s people do not give generously, there is a culture and predominating sentiment of mistrust and fear, toward God and others. This is, sadly, also an attribute of spiritual immaturity. Perfect love casts out fear. Perfected love and grace spurs generosity–a very reflection of God’s nature.

Our behavior reflects our Theology. (i.e. It mirrors the way we have studied and apprehended the Supreme Being)

The temptation to withhold is a temptation to not trust in God. It will indeed effect our worship of God, and diminish our spiritual growth.

Is there a cure? YES. (Well, cure is  rather strong word…but let’s continue…)

In short, to be generous in deed and in spirit, remember God’s faithfulness. Notice the lavish displays of God’s generosity, even in his astonishing creation. The intricate details of his many designs, the lavish beauty everywhere in nature, are surprisingly needless–unless we consider God as a generous Being, par excellence.

Verse for Reflection:
II Cor.10-15

Now [God] who supplies seed to the sower and bread for food will also supply and increase your store of seed and will enlarge the harvest of your righteousness. You will be made rich in every way so that you can be generous on every occasion, and through us your generosity will result in thanksgiving to God. This service that you perform is not only supplying the needs of God’s people but is also overflowing in many expressions of thanks to God. Because of the service by which you have proved yourselves, men will praise God for the obedience that accompanies your confession of the gospel of Christ, and for your generosity in sharing with them and with everyone else. And in their prayers for you their hearts will go out to you, because of the surpassing grace God has given you. Thanks be to God for his indescribable gift!

Questions:

Do you think God is stingy? Do you feel your blessing are few? What treasure do you have that you must give more freely to God (time, talents, funds, other)?

Recommended Spiritual Discipling (training) to help galvanize Generosity:

Fasting.

(If you’d like to work on your generosity, with your ministry or small group, or use fasting as training to promote generosity, contact me.)