Archive for suffering

Piñata Syndrome

Smash him for candy?

Arizona isn’t the only place struggling with immigration issues. My county in Pennsylvania is too.

Some drunk teens, in a nearby town, beat a Mexican man to death, and their (mind you, local-and NOT exactly urbane) peers on the jury fully exonerated them all. Whether the man was an illegal immigrant is not the main issue. (Many have said, “If he was in his own country it wouldn’t have happened. He got what was coming to him.”) His life was taken by thugs, a proper punishment is important.

The Feds have stepped in, and a different outcome for the teens may occur. There is lots of corruption tied to authorities in that region as well. (The latest of that news here.)

This problem of groups and individuals taking out their aggressions on weaker or less powerful people is actually a spiritual problem. It takes many forms, most typically some sort of bullying, but also an attempt at degradation is a classic symptoms. I think, in some ways, we all can do it. Yelling at the kids, railing on other drivers, malicious talk, and of course beating someone up with your karate moves.

I call it Piñata Syndrome: It is s when one person (or group) takes it upon himself (or themselves) to mistreat or abuse another, hoping to get some candy in the end (so to speak).

Who are other famous piñatas in history?

The most amazing human piñata of all?

I’d say Jesus Christ. He took our beating (and death sentence), by those hoping to “get candy” (or some sweet deal) from doing so.

Here’s the twist, you may not like as much: Jesus asks his followers to do the same as he did. Self-sacrifice. “Take up your (piñata) cross, and follow me”.

Are we treating people (or groups) like piñatas, or are we being a piñata, in some way, for the sake of Christ?

What are some other examples of piñata syndrome?

HA! 5 ways to know if you need a vacation

squirrel fights (Flikr)

To be fair, if you’ve never seen a golden-mantled ground squirrel (a.k.a. “chipmunk” by people who get confused?) with a switchblade, you really should tweet this.

1. The squirrel fights in your yard look choreographed.

2. You start going to the store for just odd things, like tapioca or beef jerky.

3. You wonder if time in a prison cell could have its upsides.

4. The garden hose has become your version of a “water park”.

5. You use a beach towel after a shower to add more adventure and pizzazz to your life.

oops forgot one: You realize “pizzazz” has the word “pizza” in it, and that causes a food fantasy for Boardwalk fare.

Let the wild rumpus start!

What tells YOU that you need a vacation?

Spiritual Challenge: Prayer of Release

Spiritual Challenge:

Find a stone, and hold it tightly.

See it, and feel it as the weight of your worries.

Say a prayer of release.

Then, drop it and walk away.

Your comments are welcome here. We hope you share them.

too Hottt to think

WARNING: A HEAT ADVISORY IS IN EFFECT FOR THIS ENTIRE POST. DEHYDRATION AND RELATED HIGH TEMPERATURE ISSUES HAVE LIKELY COMPROMISED THE QUALITY AND COMPREHENSIBILITY OF THE FOLLOWING MATERIAL.

It’s been over 90º indoors all week. It’s hard to come up with coherent sentences, let alone enough rational thought to put together a decent post. (That’s the caveat, to aid you in lowering your expectations for what I might say in this post. I admit, it may be a total waste of your time.)

Unrelated, but on my mind:
We dropped off my daughter at (overnight) camp. It’s strange to arrive at this stage. Some camps have gotten techno-savvy. With a password, you can view photos from the day taken at camp. This was the cutest one of Ellie and her friends.

Ellie chillin' at camp

What was I talking about originally, heat?
So, did I mention it was incredibly hot? When you read 107º F on the outdoor thermometer, you start feeling grateful for the 92º F it is indoors. At 7:30 a.m. it was a comparably chilly 76º …. I audibly gasped. (However I didn’t run for my jacket, despite my shock. I wanted to feel it-really feel it.)

I tried climbing into the fridge, but several jars fell out. Only one leg would fit in. I’m building up my courage to get in the chest freezer next. It’ll be much cooler, but will feel degrading to be hanging out with the meat. Especially if I end up hearing disco music. I’m thinking I’ll feel dirty and cheap about it all, like a window mannequin in a swim suit. (They feel that way, right?)

Do you think more crime happens when it’s quite hot because people get crazed? Or, maybe less crime because moving while thinking is so much harder? Or maybe, crime happens, but it’s accomplished far more stupidly, for reasons already identified?

I don’t need central air conditioning…. this torment is too character building. (Do I sound like a martyr? I’m trying to be serious.)

I’m praying for rain too. It’s starting to look like desert around here, not just feel like it.

Around these parts, the elderly order (hot) soup when the extreme heat comes. Is it senility, or are they older and wiser about diet and body temperature?

Any comments, thoughts? Without air conditioning…how you do beat the heat?

(Change the channel or take a walk?) "The Show About Me" (part 2)


One of the most common responses people have when they get fed up with the re-runs of living their own small show is that they try to flip to a different channel. That is, they somehow realize a kind of radical change in life is necessary, so they try to re-make themselves.

Perhaps they start a new relationship, change careers, adopt a baby, buy a vehicle or expensive toy, go back to school, get plastic surgery, switch churches, move away, or in some way try to live out a better story. You’ve probably tried it, I know I have.

Maybe a person gets into religion, or he gets away from it. Maybe they start to need anti-depressants or anti-anxeity medication. Some abuse substances or live more dangerously. Something just seems wrong–and one tries to fix it.

Plenty of the time, these efforts do bring some distraction and change, and therefore a certain kind of freedom or renewal is felt (at least for a bit); but down deep, nothing important has changed at all. After a little while, the person still feels frustrated or undone. (Or something else unpleasant.) The channel may have changed, but what is lived out is just a Spin-off of “The Show About Me”. Sadly, very few fully realize that their perceptive, and how they live out reality, is fairly the same even after a massive change. The same troubles will assail them, in some way. However, the baggage gets heavier.

Our Creator is the true center of the Show (not us). The Supreme Being is irresistibly calling out, wooing us, and our thirst deepens.

It’s a fact that when a person is too dehydrated they may actually stop craving what they truly need-water/hydration and replenishment of nutrients. They may feel tired, ill, hungry, or numb, instead of thirsty. In an ironic twist, the person doesn’t desire what will make them healthy again. It’s a perilous situation. Without help, people die this way.

This kind of confusion happens spiritually too. Often, in fact. A common (household) term often used for what turns out to be a spiritual problem like this is most often called a “midlife crisis” or sometimes an “identity crisis.” It’s common for people to get a point where they need to “find themselves,” or re-define themselves, sometimes multiple times throughout one’s life. This “want to” to change is healthy, though many times misread. An identity shift like this may happen once or several times in one’s life where a person tries hard to better one’s circumstances, and find relief.

If you haven’t enter a stage like this yourself, I’m sure you can think of someone who has. For instance, in the last 18 months seven marriages at our church have spun out of control or failed. I believe a misunderstanding of this spiritual opportunity is a big reason why.

What must happen to be truly free, and on a full path to growth? Something more like a walk has to happen rather than a small show we create. A walk with God and changing one’s perspective to surrender to God and “his” Big Show (the authentic one “Reality”) is a path few take, or attempt for all that long. It just isn’t a simple or smooth road. It is a mysterious, sometimes troubling one, where the answers are rarely simple or pat. This is the path of faith (believing in what you can’t see, but still know is quite real). Sometimes changing the channel, multiple times, seems like the only sensible thing to do. The negative part is that we only get more of the same when we do that. It’s still our story we want to control, and our story stays small and frustrating.

As many who have done the enormous personal work to recover from drugs or alcohol can attest, one usually has to hit “rock bottom,” (or be fully ready), before surrender to a new, and bigger Show occurs (a life centered in God’s Reality). It all starts by doing something very rare and counter-intuitive. It’s something we all fear: Losing control and Humbly yielding to the Higher Power, and admitting that without grace, and true dependence on God and others, a better way cannot be possible. Perhaps the scripture comes to mind, …”if you try to save your life, you’ll lose it. But if you lose your life (yourself) for my sake, you will find it…”

In contrast, we wish to be self-made.… yet, only a small show about “me” is self-made. Transformation, growth, and sturdy happiness (joy) comes instead through the bravery of surrender to the greater Reality, and taking the more treacherous but rewarding path that comes with this decision.

In part III installment on this topic, I’ll mention some things that happen once this pivotal choice is made. A person’s attitude and outlook change; and how one orders one’s life undergoes critical and unavoidable development with radical shifts in thinking, acting, and relating to others–for the better! We’re talking here about spiritual formation.

I’ll describe that a bit more, soon, in part III. Check back in the next few days and see.

This is a lot to chew on, especially if this is a new concept, and you’ve never encountered these ideas before. Some people call it “being born again”…. and in a real sense, a new life starts for the person who is ready: A whole new life begins.

…to be continued…

Reflections questions:

Have I been living my own small story?

Have I longed for a richer life, but have really only being encountering re-runs or spin offs of a short-changed Show?

What is stopping me from walking a new life?

What are your responses, insights, or thoughts on this topic?

ANGER: Venting vs. ?

WOW! 25,000 times readers came by to check out this blog! What an honor. Thank you for being a part of something that is much bigger than me and you. May God’s love and grace be with you. May the posts and comments here be a benefit to your growth and your relationships.

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Steam pipe, for machines or Cyborgs

Edited from ethoughts weekly 5/13/04

Lisa Colón DeLay ©2004

Letting off steam regularly is fine-- if you're a train

Anger: Venting vs. ?

Indulge with me in a short scenario to see if you can relate:

Suppose one beautiful spring evening you sit in your living room enjoying a good book, or something on tv. Outside you hear the sound of adolescent laughing. Mildly amused, you peek through your curtains and see some familiar neighborhood youth tossing several ping-pong balls to each other as they go up your street. You smile and settle back in your chair reminded of the simple but fun antics of your younger days. The following morning you go outside to find your car crusted in egg yolks and smashed shells.

You fume with anger. “How dare they! Rotten kids,” you think. “Those weren’t ping-pong balls! If I had known they were going to egg my car I would have stopped them.” Your blood boils. You fantasize of chucking an egg at those ankle bitters who made your car a target of vandalism. You feel the need for a good vent for your fury. Right?

However, as you approach your car you notice a mother bird in a tree branch high above your vehicle fussing about her nest nervously. Suddenly an egg falls from the nest and lands amongst the other destroyed eggs. You realize the young people had nothing to do with your car’s condition. Does your attitude change? You feel a certain sense of relief, right? If so, what happened to the anger? Where did it go?

I contend that the notion of purging or venting our anger for good mental health is actually a myth, and a destructive one. It seems it rarely is necessary for feeling better at all. We don’t go around like human forms of unopened soda pop that have bounced down the stairs. One crack in the container, and–POW!

The only thing that cools, or adjusts the anger, in the scenario I mentioned, and many others like it, is the change of the mind. It’s a choice, rather than a reaction. It’s a way to see a happening without being emotionally hijacked. In reality, all that is required to alleviate anger is a change in mentality, or a new perception. As one modifies anger, the feeling is consequently neutralized.

I think the idea of the venting our anger as a tactic for good mental health may have been birthed when those burying anger found it coming forth in baffling and unconstructive ways. (The technical term is repression.) The discovery of psychoanalysis was pioneered by delving into the sub-conscious mind; including the newly named matters of “repressed feelings”. If matters are dealt with– pop psychology  tells us– in a proper visible “exorcizing,” we won’t have unexplained, reoccurring anger problems, frustrations, and related psychological disorders. This kind of “repressed anger management strategy” of our era is so intertwined with our culture and norms, we scarcely see it as a recent invention.

Notwithstanding, repressed anger is real and dangerous, like submerged toxic waste. I will dare allege anger buried becomes guilt; and this anger pointed inward (guilt) ferments, and turns into depression. It is also quite avoidable–without ever discharging the anger like steam from a blazing locomotive. These negative emotional features and many others surface because anger isn’t transformed or neutralized. Buried, anger of the past however; in contrast to present-day, situational anger, is not the same matter.

Surely we should attend to anger and not stow it. A constructive, respectable dialogue regarding upsetting issues is quite wise. Unfortunately, what often happens in using venting as anger resolution is we may feel entitled to vent, or ill at ease if this venting doesn’t transpire. This is simply not accurate. In reality, expelling our anger is so often counter-productive or damaging. It can be like throwing a grenade on a comfy campfire. Additionally, we are bound to be angrier people if we rehearse being angry and letting the vehemence rocket rather than changing our perspective.

Next time something deplorable happens we can think to ourselves, “How can I consider this differently ? Do I have all the fact to warrant blowing up, probably not.” This will transform the mind and transport us from anger. We don’t have to rely on the ventilation of anger. Understanding this is truly a victory. We need not be captive, or slaves, to anger. We need not give vent to it, like detoxifying a poison from our system, if we truly resolve it, and more importantly transform it.

If something offensive occurs soon think of it as a chance to practice this principle. I believe it will also develop our strength of character to think this way more often.

Please leave your thoughts about venting, anger, or anything related to this topic.

Is the Snuggles Bear the Stuff of Nightmares?

When you’re gone, Snuggles the  Bear will hover over your sleeping baby, and drape a blanket on her. Isn’t it great to know child care is so simple these days?

I’m sure this commercial was made to be sweet, or perhaps so jolting as to be memorable. Personally, teddy bears rate right behind Chatty Kathy dolls, and right before Sock Monkeys for my childcare needs. Snuggles is really the stuff of nightmares…. or is he?

Have you noticed that it’s not the wisest choice to put words in someone’s mouth.

For example, I highly doubt teddy bears make good babysitters, even under the best circumstances, with the most eloquent, and most intelligent stuffed bears. It hasn’t been my experience anyway. The biggest problem is dialing 911. Their paws usually dial 991. It makes many parents leery. Me, for one.

This is a 30 second commercial of the babysitting Snuggle Bear….cute or chilling?

Can’t the same thing happen in our relationships? Our perceptions place certain expectations or presuppositions that have little or no connection to Reality. How do our wrong perceptions change to be more correct? The simple answer: Deeper relationships, and a fuller knowing of the other.

Doesn’t the same thing happen in theology? (Our study of God, be it formal or folk.) You or I can determine what God is like, or what “he” is up to, but the voiceover won’t really be accurate.

1. The movements we imagine will be stiff and unreal.

2. Our humanity will skew our translation of God.

3. We’ll make determinations about his sovereignty, or attitudes, in ways that probably reveal more about us, than God.

And when all this happens, we make God into our own image. It works best when it’s the other way around. We grow and mature, as we give in to our Creator, and mirror those qualities of love, holiness, goodness, and mercy.

Is there a way to cut to the marrow, and perceive better?

Probably. I believe it stands to reason that when we speak of God, we must begin to understand “him” on “his” terms, not ours. We start with his nature, with God’s holiness, perfection, omni-benevolence, and mercifulness. If it were not so that God is thus, there would not be enough evidence or reason for all there is that is good, and beautiful in creation, and even in us. We bear this image, in part, as does the world designed so intricately by a Supreme Being we only begin to understand.

After that starting point, we continue what must be a humble (and unassuming) path to pray (ask, request) for the desire to know and love God, and to see God as “he” is. God’s revelations abound, if we have the eyes to see. I once was blind, but now I see.

What perceptions of other people, or of God have changed for you?

Anything else on your mind?

Freaked out!

The face of "Freak out"

I got this on Facebook from Susan Sims. Me thinks she pulled it from somewhere online. If anyone knows the proper source for citation, give me a shout out.

I thought this picture just perfectly captured what happens on my insides when I get suddenly horrified or surprised. Notice the weird hand gesture of fright. Classic.

In a rather unrelated note, due to my employment research, I found this, and I thought it would make a fine read, even for those not in recovery. Please note the restorative humility it takes to get well seen in these steps. It makes one wonder how many of us are all that well, right?

(I welcome your thoughts and comments!)

12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous (& Biblical References) by Alcoholics Victorious

1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol … that our lives had become unmanageable. “I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.” (Romans 7:18)
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. “… my grace is sufficient for you, for my POWER is made perfect in weakness.” (2 Corinthians 12:9) ..for it God Who works in you to will and act according to His good purpose.. (Phil. 2:13)
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of GOD as we understood Him. “… If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.” (Luke 9:23**)
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. “Let us examine our ways and test them, and let us return to the Lord.” (Lamentations 3:40)
5. Admitted to GOD, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.” (James 5:16)
6. Were entirely ready to have GOD remove all these defects of character. “If you are willing and obedient, you will eat the best from the land.” (Isaiah 1:19)
7. Humbly asked Him to remove all our shortcomings. “Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will lift you up.” (James 4:10)
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all. “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.” (Matthew 5:23, 24**)
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. Give and it shall be given you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” (Luke 6:38**)
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it. “For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith GOD has given you.” (Romans 12:3)
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with GOD as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will, and the power to carry that out. “May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.” (Psalm 19:14) “Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly…” (Col. 3:16)
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and practice these principles in all our affairs. “Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” (Galatians 6:1-2) **The words of Christ

People are Shambolic

This sign is kind enough to give us an accurate bio and caution statement.

Like this sign, we all have sharp edges, but we seldom advertise as well.

Here the main fact: People are shambolic. You are, I am, and anybody else you can of think is too, at least in some way.

I like that “shambolic” is a word. I really do. Words sometimes excite me like a day trip to Atlantic City might enthuse a slots player. When I find a word that’s a good fit, or a new word I’ve never come across, I feel I’m part of a small but effective coup that has just taken back a fortress in Mediocre Illocution Land. I believe that’s somewhere between Middle Earth, Krypton, and the Death Star, but I’m not positive.

Shambolic basically means something or someone that is emblematic of being in shambles.

The cold hard truth is that people are either in the middle of being shambolic, just coming out of being shambolic–in the same manner as a person whose ferocious fever has just broken (quite ill, but just a bit better), or worst of all: one can be a person who is headed right for a shambolic state–whether he knows it or not. Actually, I’m sugar-coating it. Each particular circumstance is just half of it, our inherent weaknesses are most are the other half.

I’m sorry I don’t have better news, but this isn’t sunday morning church… I’m not asking for your tithe, so I have no need to butter you up, or put a little pep rally together. I can just tell it to you straight.

I’m not afraid to say, I don’t think there is a cure for being shambolic, despite how we seem to seek one.

Have you ever known, or have been a perfectionist?

Is this classic denial for a shambolic person? Bingo. Darn, kind of an Atlantic City reference/call back….um, not bingo, um…I mean, yes indeed! It is. Denial is what happens when we haven’t figured out what’s really going on fully, or haven’t had the courage to accept it, and move onward–grow.

But this bit of new is our reality. We are mortal and flawed. (Now don’t act liked you are shocked, you’ve known it all along…)

Be this as it may–We don’t have to just muddle through. Yet, being realistic helps us to grow personally and spiritually.

Here are some ideas for struggling through the human condition:

1. Full awareness/Humility.

2. Regularly reminding ourselves of #1 (afore mentioned).

3. Dependence on God (Higher Power, The Great Spirit, The Supreme Being, or whatever word for The Highest One, you prefer that happens to not be you).

4. Prayer. Meditation. Rest. (They’re all closely linked, so I plopped them in #4 together. It’s efficient, okay?)

5. Unaccounted generosity to others.

Many more ideas remain.

What are some others you can think of?

Short Prayers and Cries for Help

Suggestions for getting help

The greatly maligned short prayer! Is it really legit?

When we need help, we should ask for it. If we only ask for help, something has got to be wrong. What kind of friend only pops up to scream out for help? The mooching kind, perhaps?

Yet, I’m here today to give you the good news that a short prayer to God for help, is not a prayer in vain. A sincere plea for God’s rescue or mercy is something that God has honored to seeking petitioners in the Scriptures.

The shortest prayer recorded is from Jesus’ disciple who feared drowning–Just 3 words:

“Lord, save me,” Simon Peter. (Matt 14.30)

In reality, a saving prayer is the most important kind.

This tells us something about the benevolence of the Living God. Pagan gods of old needed much formality, and a host of preparatory rituals, and highly respectful observances, and rites so the petitioner could escape enormous fury from the deity. Yes, (false) deities are a lot like people when it comes to wanting plenty of respect. The Living God–the One who hands down deserves the utmost respect–in an unexpected twist, accepts “prayers on the fly”. What a gracious and humble God.

Another short and ancient Christian prayer came to be a Western staple after being mentioned its importance to the Eastern Desert monks, by the Abba Isaac of Scete, as written in The Conferences by St. John Cassian. I highly suggest reading this interesting and enlightening devotional classic. (click link) The power of this short prayer, and its uses are fleshed out very well.

Here’s a tiny portion: In order that the vigour of this courage may, by God’s grace, continue in me still longer, I must cry out with all my powers, “O God, make speed to save me: O Lord, make haste to help me.”

I’ve also thanked God with short prayers. What short prayers have you used?

…Out of curiousity-How often do you say short prayers? (once per hour? per day? per week?)

…Or what % of your prayer life might be of this brief sort?

Your responses are valuable. Thank you!

If you enjoyed this post, don’t miss the next issue. Click the “Wow…” button in the right column. Thank you.

A Pathway to Publishing, Interview with Ed Cyzewski

A Path to Publishing, by Ed Cyzewski, 2010

Interview with Ed Cyzewski

Author of  A Pathway to Publishing ©2010

1. At the end of each chapter you give Action steps to help a writer move toward concrete goals. Is this what you did when you wrote, or do you wish you had done it? How important is this element?

It’s some of both. Most of the action steps are based on what I have found most helpful, but a few of them come from what I have learned from other writers and publishing professionals. I’ve had some wonderful guides throughout my brief career and they helped me take the right action steps along way, though sometimes I stumbled onto what worked best for me.

Beginning writers need to take themselves and their work seriously, and the best way forward is to take action. Whether it’s something as simple as reading the latest edition of a writing magazine (such as Poets & Writers, Writer’s Digest, or The Writer) or jotting down ideas for books and magazine articles, we all need to start somewhere.

2.      Which part of the publishing process is a beginner most likely to overlook?

I think there are two things beginners can overlook. The obvious one is the degree to which writers must be able to market their work on their own, but the more subtle one is learning how to write a book that is both true to their vision for it and suited to a specific audience. I believe that getting into the heads of readers is one of the most challenging and important aspects of writing. There are a lot of writers who labor over manuscripts that will not connect with readers because they aren’t asking the questions that readers will be asking. I have made this mistake far too often myself.

3.    From the start of your book, you tell readers to prepare for rejection. Aren’t you afraid you’ll scare them off?

I used to work at an art gallery, and I was in charge of the volunteers who returned work to artists after it was rejected by a jury. About a quarter of them acted surprised, outraged, and suspicious that their work was rejected. I’ve always thought they shouldn’t submit their work unless they are prepared to see it rejected, and that’s how I feel about writing. Publishing hopefuls should not try this unless they are prepared for editors to say “no,” reviewers to say “not quite,” and readers to say, “That book’s not worthy my $15.”

Handling rejection is a necessary and ordinary part of the business for every writer. Even Christian literary legend Fred Buechner shared at an event last year that his regular publisher rejected his latest book proposal. It never ends, but it does become easier to deal with. In addition, if you can keep the big picture of your writing career (and/or ministry) in view, then a few measly rejection letters aren’t too big of a setback. For a bit more about dealing with rejection, I have a series on it at www.edcyz.com.

4.      Do writers really need literary agents in order to succeed?

Agents aren’t exactly required for everyone. I have a friend with a really influential blog, and he was offered a book deal based on this amazing series he posted. No agent necessary. However, for the vast majority of us hoping to secure a book deal with a major publisher, an agent is necessary. Most editors will not even look at a manuscript unless an agent sends it to them.

If you want to try publishing without an agent, keep in mind that you’ll probably make tons of mistakes, some of which may affect your bottom line, control over your material, and future works. One friend I know narrowly avoided legal trouble because of some misunderstood contract terms. I view agents as an insurance policy and as a first line of defense to make sure your proposal/manuscript is as bullet proof as possible.

5.      You mention self-publishing as an option in this book, and the book itself is self-published. This has been thought to not be a legitimate form of publishing in the past. Is that still true, and what makes a self-published book succeed?

As far as legitimacy, let’s note the three major things publishers provide: editorial/design development, distribution/marketing, and authority. Today writers can hire their own editors, designers, and publicists, while selling through online sites instead of book stores. Most nonfiction writers won’t get in the door at a publisher without a marketing platform that will enable them to sell their books anyway.

If an author can make a legitimate case for writing a book and selling it to a specific niche, then I think it has a shot as a self-published work. Many authors are publishing commercially and self-publishing, but they are doing so with an established marketing platform and a degree of authority—Cory Doctorow and Seth Godin come to mind. I have spoken with one very well known editor at a major NYC publishing house who said, off the record, that self-publishing has lost its stigma for the most part. I don’t think self-publishing in and of itself is illegitimate. Authors who skimp on editorial development, design, and building their credibility are the ones who give self-publishing a bad name.

Let’s face it, book covers with clip art and tacky fonts are a tough sell. I hired my brother-in-law (www.joelinmotion.com) who is fresh out of Savannah College of Art and Design to put my cover together. He’s not a professional book designer, but he knows how to pick fonts and colors. The small investment I made in his help made a huge difference in the quality of the book in my opinion.

Having commercially published first, I can say that self-publishing involves a ton more work since you’re doing all of the little things yourself, such as book lay out, sending out press releases, and worrying about how your book appears at online sites. Since I can’t say this self-published book is a success yet, having just released it, I can’t quite answer this question definitively. However, I think the key to success, however you publish, is to market your work until you drop and to contribute to your community of readers.

6. First time writers don’t think too much about marketing their book. You seem to speak to that issue a lot. Was this a surprise to you, and what nuggets did you learn when you published?

I was blown away by how hard it is to sell books. The most effective way to sell books is in person. I’m a big fan of blogging and all that, but when you can hand someone your book and tell its story in 30 seconds, that person will most likely buy it. The personal connections you build online may be significant and may sell books, but selling it in person is quite effective. In addition, I’m a big believer in radio and podcast interviews, as well as online videos. Anything that helps readers make a personal connection with the author will be most effective because we’re all wondering, “Do I trust this person?” Think of the best ways you can answer that question, and that’s how you need to market. Having said all of that, writers need good web sites with stellar blogs in order to stay connected with their readers.

One other nugget is to begin thinking of every personal connection that can help you book speaking events. I find it really tough to find speaking engagements where I can talk about my books, and it can be hard to land events at book stores. Start thinking about this now. If you’re going the self-publishing route, keep in mind that many book stores will not want to host a self-published author, so think up some plan B options.

7.   You offer lots of extra free goodies and resources for new writers, tell us about some.

I think most writers will benefit from the online marketing chapter that I listed online. It covers everything from setting up a web site and writing a blog to using social media. This is a good place to begin building a platform, even if your long-term goal is to integrate speaking engagements and radio/podcast spots. I also have a sample of the book available for those who aren’t convinced by my “brilliant” answers here.

There is a growing list of links at the Resource page, but a glitch in my blogging program erased about 90% of them. I’m adding them again, so keep dropping by there for suggested articles and books on publishing.

Lastly, my writing blog www.edcyz.com has a bunch of series that writers will find helpful. My latest series covers what I learned from the self-publishing process.

Thanks for hosting me on your site Lisa! Happy writing.

Ed

The Precious Rest

early twilight

I was allured by this Flickr picture the second I saw it. It seemed beautiful, yet also strange. A genuine napping red fox in a field of tall clovers? Curious.

The image info told that it was indeed this fox’s last rest. Possibly rabies did him in. What a mournful occasion, but what a comely little beast.

(I apologize that I haven’t been able to find the image again, to properly link to the artist. If anyone can help me with that, I’d appreciate it.)

Come to Rest

From madness to rest

You’ve wandered too far and then too close

You’ve grown weary

You find yourself in the soft clover

Feeling the pull of death’s slumber

There is some precious beauty about you

In this early twilight

In your last breaths

In your grassy bed

So fragile, mortal, yielding

What was wild and fierce, unpredictable

Now laid down, quieted, helpless

Will you awake in another field with new rabbits?

Will you suffer no more?

Lay your head down

Come to Rest

Your thoughts or comments are welcome.

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