Lisa Colón DeLay

Before I follow up (click here for part I), I want to say that I’ve learned that talking too much about a splendid spiritual experience is problematic:

1. There’s really no way language can encompass something mystical (an experience with the divine). It just won’t translate.

2. Sometimes the more you sort it out the more the sweet memory lifts in a puff and vaporizes. I just hate doing that to it. It’s like squeezing a kitten until you hear a pop. Bad idea.

(And the details work more like forensics too, like writing a research paper on your first kiss. By paragraph three you just regret starting to tackle the project at all. Not that I tried to do that, because that would be weird.)

I don’t pray the whole time when I go away for a prayer retreat. I have a Brother Lawrence life of faith, mostly. Integrated. That means Life is Prayer. Prayer is lived. Each breath is an exchange of that gift of life up into the atmosphere. That hope and petition… and God is everywhere, receiving it with a smile.

Sometimes when I tell people I go for a whole day to pray, I get weird looks. They think it must be work or simply beyond boring. Or worst of all…that it’s super spiritual and religious. It’s not whatsoever. It’s carnival of inner joy. I wish it for everyone.

A typical day away
So when I’m there, I turn off my phone, I walk the halls or the grounds, enjoy the paintings, sculptures, the plants, gardens, wildlife and scenery. I pray, worship, and intercede for others in the onsite chapel or in the little alcoves, prayer rooms, the library, or benches outdoors. When I get stiff I stretch and walk a bit more. I journal, write prayers, take notes and a few photos, and I read scripture or devotional books… just short bits. They have an art room, so sometimes I draw or paint. I enjoy snacks I brought and a good hearty lunch on the grounds. I make sure that nothing is done out of obligation or becomes drudgery. Sometimes I just sit there and be. Many times. I allow myself to truly relax and be myself. How life-giving it is. My heart fills up. It is truly sacred space. Somehow more fully the permission is given, the place is consecrated for pilgrims to come alive and enjoy it all, and feel loved ever deeply by our good Maker. Do you like picnics? It’s like that.

Sometimes I feel the shine of God and sometimes it seems God is thinking and being quiet next to me. We’re friends and friends can do that.

So, instead of going into everything I enjoyed and relished in the details, I’ll share a few field notes and let the rest be hidden to ponder in my heart.

• The Sacred will hush you and bring you home.

• As jars of clay filled with treasure (God within) we need rest and reconnection to be cleaned out and readied for God’s use in holy work.

• Life is short, bitter-sweet, and suffused with exquisite joy and ravaging sorrow–all that makes us more human but it takes divine healing through it to become whole. We are simply too fragile to do “being human” apart. Beside God, we need people who love God. People have God inside, and that helps.

• The birds aren’t frantic as I assumed for too long; they are alive with work. Excited to be themselves.

• Deep calls to Deep. In God’s whispers the deepest parts of ourselves are stirred yet we often mistake it for others things.

# # #

When was the last time you got away?

 If you’d like to go and you live near Reading/Lebanon, Pa, let me know. I’m always happy to go with a companion. I travel there with a friend or two, then we go off, each own our way to enjoy God or pray and then meet back up for lunch and sometimes discuss it a bit.

I also offer a guided experience there, and more info for that is here if you are interested.

I love this handy-dandy safety chart on riptide. As you swim inland a rip current will prevent you from coming to shore. It will pull you under and drag you out to sea. Even in shallow water a strong swimmer can drown in rip current, so get wise to the wicked water and read it!

In the start of a new series leading up to Easter, my pastor (Jeff Byerly) began on Sunday talking about Recovery. Using themes from the 12 step program (and the Celebrate Recovery organization) he mentioned that even though we don’t all suffer the torments of pronounced addictions, the path to healing remains the same. This is one of the benefits of a support group like Celebrate Recovery. It functions like a life guarding outpost when the rip current is subtly strong.

Whether we tend to get into co-dependent relationships, spend time looking at pornography, succumb to retail therapy (shopping), fixate on eating too little (or feel the compulsion to eat too much) our compulsions and hang ups read like a similar story, a human story. A normal story.

The most piercing portion of the talk came when Jeff referenced some thoughts from C.S. Lewis…here I’m paraphrasing from Jeff’s paraphrase…but it goes something like…

–Bad people really don’t know that much about their badness— (maybe some of you Lewis fans can point me to the exact reference)

In sinning (which is the normal but deadly stuff of life), we go along with things as they come. We don’t distinguish much as we do mostly what we please. It’s only when we resist, try to consistently do what is right and good and when we try to go against the opposing and fierce force within and without that we run into a kind of riptide trying to pulling us under and kill us. Goodness then is a right mirror showing what still needs work in us. It reflects an ugly picture we don’t care to look at.

Paul really fleshes this out in Romans….What a great devotional read this makes. (Go on and click here for that)

So, it is in doing right where we come against the reflecting pool that shows us how bad are really are. Simply because we have terrible failures. We hit a snag. The contrast our need of rescue. Without the challenge of doing what we know is right, we never really assess the weight and scope of our sinful ways. But, my, how unpopular this concept is. Off-putting and out of vague. Time for a few reassuring pats on the back… But try to be unwaveringly good for a while, and we see how true it is.

And how you’ve ever noticed how self-satisfied people are? It’s probably because they aren’t making much of an effort at consistently doing what is right. They haven’t been humbled by failure. They’ve rarely seen felt this opposing monster for themselves because the room is too dark.

Maybe you’ve felt the same way too at times, “Well, I’m not so bad. I’m certain not as bad as most people.” Trust me, the day will not pass before this thought is likely to cross my mind as well.

It’s that kind of subtle self-dellusion that can thwart our willingness to be a part of the ongoing sanctification of  the Holy Spirit. He works us over and makes us over. It’s that mauling process, if you will, that does the hard work. So, Jesus said, “Only the sick need a doctor.” He was of course talking to sick people at the time, only they didn’t think of themselves that way. There’s nothing more hopeless than that.

If we ever went a whole week noticing and noting all the strays from what we know is right and good and set about to only do right…WATCH OUT. The proof of our weaknesses, problems, and short-comings will pop up like an angry bee sting.

Fatigued then, in a fight to do what’s right, sometimes we realize it is in he surrender to our powerlessness that we find rescue. It’s counter-intuitive as much as swimming out to sea is when you’re almost drowning. But it works. This is part of the powerful of observing a season of Lent.

The great relief from sin and that sort of deadly riptide comes from repentance and forgiveness. This theme is never more potent than when we celebrate on Resurrection Sunday. More on this sort of thing in posts to come. Please click for updates (right sidebar)

Have you felt this kind of riptide?

(You can leave me a voice message with your thoughts, if you’d like. Click the voicemail tab on the right)

rip current image found here: www.palmbeachpost.com

Here is the next installment in the January and February Discernment Series. (Click the discernment tags for the other articles.)

We are a few days into Lent, a season widely observed by Christians worldwide for the forty days leading up to Resurrection Sunday (Easter). So, today, I’m tailoring the discernment series to reflect this season specifically.

Characteristically, this a time of renewed devotion and spiritual regeneration. A time of refinement and becoming better aware of our sins that the joy and glory of the risen God-man, Jesus, from the dead and that victory over sin and death is full blown and made manifest within us. It’s potentially a most transformative time.

The period that works it’s way up to the “Superbowl of Christianity” (…Easter that is…) which has been lost among many Christians during modern times and not the least in North America. We live in abundance and forget our poverty….of soul.

Sadly, sometimes this season is reduced to the question, “What are you giving up for lent?” For some it’s a lunchtime meal, or other it’s sweets, for others it’s a cherished activity or luxury, and so on. This sort of reduction can guts the richness fasting can bring. The spiritual gains and insights. Fasting is not about doing without. It’s merely a method to help look within.

You can pray without fasting, but fasting without prayer forgets the whole point of the fast. Fasting is not simply refraining from eating something. It’s not some act of anorexia. It’s a purifying spiritual exercise because it questions are most powerful desires and purifies our intentions and attachments by removing or reducing something we need for life…food…in order to see things differently. We bring these things that surface during our fast before God in prayer. We repent. We start over, refreshed.

A FEW CAUTIONS:

1. Be careful to not ever view fasting, or do fasting, as a way to force God’s hand or suffer in order to get something you need or want. This is manipulation, plain and simple, and rather immature spiritual endeavor.

2. Fasting doesn’t serve the point of getting spiritual brownie points. So, if you enter into a period of fasting, please bear that in mind. We are saved by God’s grace, not the things we do. We please him out of love not to get him to love us more. (His love for us in unchanging.)

3. If you haven’t given up food in a fast before, be very moderate with regards to food. Some people go overboard and this serves as a big distraction. Only skip one meal, for instance. And do the research and preparation needed to insure do don’t run into trouble with your health, or otherwise.

4. During the time you fast, when you feel physical discomfort (hunger) pray, read scripture, or worship. Guard against the seduction to self-righteousness that can happen when you do something challenging, or a have spiritual victory. Jesus warns his followers to not parade around and make a big deal while fasting. This is between you and God.

If you haven’t ever fasted, I encourage you to encounter it this year, at least to a degree. If you haven’t started yet, go ahead and refrain from something, for the next forty days, even if it’s not food. See if it opens your eyes anew.

If you’d like, please use the voicemail button on the right to leave your questions, concerns, or comments about lent or fasting. I’d love to hear what you’re doing this season, or the challenges you’re facing.

On Friday, I’ll post PART II for Lent, Fasting, and Discernment…

I’ll try to answer your questions and reveal a bit more how discernment may be enhanced by fasting.

The first point of wisdom is to discern that which is false; the second, to know that which is true.
- Lucius Caelius Lactantius

Maybe it’s just me, but knowing what is false and true is a chief concern of life. I wonder, “Is this the best decision?” or “I’m a being self-decieved?” or “Am I being told the truth?”

We navigate life as a continual search and quest and discerning of this. On many levels, in many venues, this is a main part of being human.

We don’t arrive at this place like a time-traveler. Boom! We move there through the bumpy journey of discovery, limping. A pilgrimage of mistakes and joys. Sorrow and enlightenment. We get a bit mangled along the way too. But, the whole process is important.

God does not exist to answer our prayers, but by our prayers we come to discern the mind of God. - Oswald Chambers

In the action of praying we become. Slowly the striving turns to listening and abiding. The foolishness of our petulance and pleading matures into familiarity, knowing, and synergism.

You will feel broken as you walk this path. Don’t let that discourage you. God knows who you are. He doesn’t think of you of as a problem. He doesn’t ruminate on what is wrong with you, like you may do to yourself. God only sees what is missing that will come to bring you deep joy and shalom. Never forget that God is always at work. Often in so many ways we do not and cannot understand. He never slumbers. He never sleeps. His eyes are loving upon you. Watches over you and sings your name.

This is how we learn to know what is true.

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One more thing! Do you have a question about prayer or finding God’s will? Use the Voicemail Feature in the blue bar on the right. I’d love to explore your questions or comments! :)

Have a super day, everyone!

I’ve mentioned recently about going though a season of obscurity historically (and in Spiritual Formation circles) called “a dark night of the soul”.

It can be a disturbing time, or it can have a purgative nature. Refinement. For me, (this is me being all vulnerable), it just seems like old answers are unsatisfying and resolution is unavailable in certain areas where it had been clearer before. In a way there’s some refreshment in knowing that some certainties are gone and a narrowing in my life is underway. It means simpler and more crucial things are left. But there’s a twist…

I’m surprised to have “consolations” during this time…

It’s a lot like having a flashlight on a dark path. I don’t feel alone or separated from God, as is often characteristic of a dark night season. This time I have just enough light to take a few steps, but all else is in the dim background. What could be ahead? It’s too hard to tell.

I wonder when dawn will come, but I know it will.

Have you ever had a season where it seems like all you have is a little flashlight in the big dark night?
How long did it last and what helped you?

More this week specifically on Discernment. Stop by soon!
(Better yet sign up for the RSS feed–at top– or get content sent straight to your inbox–sidebar.)

Once a week for the next 2 months I will be covering the topic of discernment. We’ll learn how to discern much better!

I can hardly think of a theme that comes up more often than “trying to find our way”.

Especially for those of us who create or try to be intentional and grow.

Some think of discernment as “finding God’s will”, some as “knowing with path to take at a fork in the road”, some as “discovering or actualizing one’s calling”, and some think of it as learning to be better and more consistently attuned to God’s voice.

Many don’t realize that about 500 years ago a very keen and practical guide to discernment was created to teach Christians and Christian leaders how to discern the voice of God. Through the practice of these Spiritual Exercises (Ignatius of Loyola), we can be guided with far less angst and far greater freedom and peace as we choose our way and listen for God’s voice.

Millions of believers have undertaken learning and applying these sage writings on the topic, and consequently have better allowed the Holy Spirit to guide their life. Others find great solace in participating in Ignatian retreats. The spirituality influenced by Ignatian involves “find God in all things” and “laboring with God in the divine project of healing the world”. Prayer and action are combined as the spiritual muscles of experiencing God’s abundant love and hearing his voice develop.

Since basic theology tells us that God is everywhere present.  (Of course, whether we actually live this out as we believe it is antoher matter.)

Like King David tells us of God in his poetry, there is no place God is not. Psalm 139.

7 I can never escape from your Spirit!

I can never get away from your presence!

8 If I go up to heaven, you are there;

if I go down to the grave,^a you are there.

The study and exercise of Ignatian principles to improve the abilities of discernment involve the intellect, emotion, memory, and will.

I’ll be sharing those ways and methods here regularly to help you become categorically better at discernment.
Starting now:

What is the first exercise in learning discernment?
Preparing the “soil of one’s heart”.

Imagine that you’ve never run more than a few blocks in your entire lifetime. And maybe when you did it was just to avoid getting bitten by a dog or to catch the ice cream truck. How easy would it be to get up out of bed one early Saturday morning and complete a marathon without ever training your body?  (What is it 26 point something miles? UGH.)

OUCH. . .would be the key word. Oh, and failure.

Beneficial and godly discernment requires that your heart and mind do some prep work too. Some inventory and reflection is needed. Some opening of our will to God. Some asking God to make you ready to hear his voice, change and work on your heart and mind, and improve your hearing (mainly, but not just the spiritual kind).

Start with these few questions:

Focus in on the area that requires discernment then ask,
1. What have I done in the past?

2. What am I doing now?

3. What ought I to do in the future OR What do I hope for the future?

Try to be as specific as possible with your answers. Write them down, pray about them, and revisit them later.
This is no easy sledding and it helps to have a companion along the way.

More on discernment next week!

For more information about help with discernment in your life click here.

If you don’t want to miss a post click here to to get the next ones sent by Email.

Do you know anyone who’s struggling right now or at a crossroads? Would you please tell them about this Series?

Will you pray for me? I’m learning discernment too.
And please don’t leave without sharing something that I can pray about for you.

Some quick Housekeeping:
This year I won’t be posting 3-4 times per week, most of the time.

Since February 2009 I written 815 posts. I’ve put in the time. (Before that I had a Blogger blog (several actually), and a before that I had a Xanga blog (remember them?), and before that in 2004 or so, I sent weekly email articles to about 200 people, when word “blog” hadn’t made it to the vernacular. It adds up to thousands of articles.)

Plus, I’m at a season where my posts should be fewer. All this makes email delivery or a RSS feed situation optimal, because when I do post, I’ll have landed on some cool things I simply must write about. So, fill out the Feedburner button fields in the right column, and never miss a beat.

3 Rough Patches on the Way to Success (courtesy of Henri Nouwen)

As promised back in November, I’m sharing some of the gleanings from my required course work reading. The first book is a short, sweet work chock-a-blocked with wisdom by the beloved Henri Nouwen.

In the Name of Jesus: Reflections on Christian Leadership (Click title for book info. Bonus: It costs just a few bucks. ) In this book Nouwen makes short work tackling common 3 pitfalls we routinely encounter.

The title is a misappropriation because his advice is so helpful for anyone “on a quest” or trying to make their way. Be it an artist, blogger, writer, or just about anyone following a dream will encounter the very same issues Nouwen covers as he targets “leaders”.

He uses his own life and success in academics and leadership as the impetus and a background of practical knowledge and captures crucial insights on the things that most often beset us.

Nouwen was a revered scholar and professor at Yale, Harvard and other impressive-sounding places. Though everyone was telling Nouwen he was doing well, he noticed something deep down. Something just wasn’t right. Then, he realized his success was actually putting his own soul in danger.

“I was living in a very dark place and the term “burnout” was a convenient psychological translation for a spiritual death.”

I’ve been there! Have you?

He came to a point of spiritual dryness and removed himself from the life he knew as a talented academic and choose instead to live with, care for, and minister to the severely mentally disabled. He covers this quite briefly in the book. (In other books he mentions just how nuts people thought he was for the decision.)

What came from that choice is arguably his most memorable and lasting work. A host of profound and transformative pieces. To many some are bona fide Christian Devotional Classics.
To handle the topic of Christian Leadership (which I’ve mentioned may be cast more widely for many of us as success), Nouwen describes the particulars of Jesus as he was tempted in the desert. The lures and trappings of leadership (read: success) typical in this world are cast in sharp relief with the divine call of Christlikeness in one’s life.

It is a striking model for Christians to follow. Jesus was tempted to abandon his Kingdom mission in favor of acquiescing to the temptations offered up by Satan who promised success in the course and manner of this world.

Nouwen also riffs off intimate conversations Jesus has with Peter. They involve calling, leadership, vocation, and Jesus-style success. The heart of these exchanges give us insights to our own path to success and finding our purpose or way in the world.

The three temptations are labeled by Nouwen as the lures to be relevant (necessary, a cure for the world), spectacular (popular, skilled, apt), and powerful (influential or in charge).

Have you ever wanted those things as you reach for your dreams?  (Who hasn’t, right?)
Jesus’ response and subsequent choices are worth noting. Not only that, they bring solace for the journey.

The temptations experienced by Christ are shown as the archetype for the human experience in the realm of success (and any sort of leadership). The three kernels of wisdom include–

1. being prayerful instead of craving relevance

2. serving rather than desiring popularity found through skills and competencies

3. being led rather than focusing on power (leading/influencing)

It’s all very counter-cultural.

Nouwen lays out concise and clear arguments for these three and also includes which spiritual disciplines make the Kingdom way plausible (think of discipline here as “training” or “taking your vitamins”).

In a time were celebrity and influence (and even infamy) is the jackpot, just as much in Christian spheres as in secular ones, Nouwen speaks with a fresh and prophetic voice of wisdom that brings us to a path of peace.

In our strivings it’s easy to miss the presence of God, and even the mission of the Kingdom. It’s a quick trip to succumbing to temptations common to humans and not being people of Christlikeness. This book soothes the soul.

# # #

If you’re interested in delving further into spiritual formation, creativity, and learning for a full year, the private online community/learning group called The Cadre is forming right now. (100% free, and I’m not selling anything.) It starts February (2013), and there are about 8 spots open. Click “The Cadre” at the top of the page to learn more, or contact me.

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(photo source: http://evolvenetwork.com.au/wordpress/index.php/5-steps-to-bring-success-into-your-life/)

“It’s Christmas, lighten up! You’re such a ‘Debbie Downer‘!” someone said.

(Not to me, but I was in the throes of lament and just stared in shock wondering what would happen next. Would someone throw a punch, or would the named just wither in shame?)

The Joy and Rescue we are given in the Incarnation, celebrated at Christmas, should banish all pains and sorrow…..er….not so fast!

Lament and Joy always seem to pair off together. Strangely so.

Or Maybe not.

Perhaps because one doesn’t make sense without the other. Joy is chased by sorrow, and sorrow by Joy. Anyone with a choke hold on gladness is probably on drugs, uppers, of course. Can the words “choke hold” be paired with gladness?

Well, that’s my point.

I see a lot of pushiness to “bring Christmas back” and be glad because it’s the most wonderful time of the year, but that feels like a choke hold to me.

I need what I need. God will comfort me when I need it, and be in my Joy when that’s where I am. I’m not sure how I’ll feel today or when family pours in and presents go flying.

That’s what time of year it is!

My Debbie Downer Prayer:

Oh, Lord,

Thank you for the gift of your Son in a manger.

Be with me when I don’t feel this joy in my salvation, 

Give me the comfort of your steadfast love.

For those who are tormented, for those who have sorrow or grief,

For those whose burdens and hope deferred are strong enough

To keep under wraps amidst the cheer, be their hope in trail.

Hear their cries and laments

Salve them with your good Spirit 

Be their Shepherd and Deliverer

Show them you love them, whether they feel happy or not.

Amen.
Here’s some Debbie Downer for you.

2 More Things of Note:

THE CADRE. For those of you who’d like a friendship upgrade or a small group of people to help you through your next project, please check out the section above that reads “The Cadre” to find out what’s coming February 2013. It’s already in the works and promises to be 12 months of blessing. Spots are limited, and just a few remain.

To get the heads up about free download days of all my books and other nifty news, once in a while, sign up to my newsletter in the right column.

December is the month of expectation. It’s ‘full of promise,” right?

And expectation seems to be defined by its connection to promise.

When you are old enough to not want to baubles and tripe on 25th of the 12th month, you want what is just out of reach and can’t be found at a store. Oh, that it could. Life would be magic and simple. But, no.

You want other things…sustained contentment, family harmony, a faith that banishes worry–once and for all. Other things.

You want to scream out, “God, promise me!” When it seems he’s not really tuning in, you try to yell it to the universe. Evidently, it appears that Twitter is a good stand in.

And sometimes, you get a to a certain point where you realize that you have to make and keep some promises. To yourself, to others, to the universe. And the universe starts to seem personal again. Like God. And you wonder if you’ve failed. Well, you know you have, but you wonder what the consequences will be.

Peace and solace don’t take up residence in Christmas and Christmastime. It starts within. That’s the problem really. We keep looking in other places, avoiding that nasty work. We keep thinking it’s our circumstances or someone else’s fault. We keep waiting. Anticipating. Expecting.

We are what makes this promise kept. We are really saying “Promise Me,” to ourselves.

Jeremiah 9:20
But if I say I’ll never mention the LORD or speak in his name, his word burns in my heart like a fire. It’s like a fire in my bones! I am worn out trying to hold it in! I can’t do it!

This is a video, a Advent Meditation. I met Tammy in person this September. She lives in Community in Chicago, and they received me as their guest. I always find her raw honesty and artistic sensibilities inspirational. This video is part of a larger series…

As you watch it, listen. Listen well. Listen 2 or 3 times, because it’s full and rich and good for you. Absorb it and experience hope.

(to read the words, click here)

YEP. Good news about free stuff!

Right after we feast like mad and express our gratitude and thankfulness we charge out to buy and shop! I’ve always thought this was the strangest thing…But, the sales do seem unbeatable, right?

Confession: I can’t handle the bustle. I grow weary so fast from shopping, let alone doing it amid crowds and while fighting chock-a-block traffic. What about you?

Perhaps Cyber Monday is a different kind of bustle?…nevertheless….

I have some things for you. It won’t cost anything. And you don’t have to get “malled” or drive anywhere.

Click  ”Kindle Bookshelf”. (4 FREE books)

On Monday 11/26/2012 all four of my digital (Kindle) books are free for the taking. ONE Day only. (One of the four has not been offered for free until now, and it won’t happen again anytime soon.)

Here’s a secret! If you DON’T have a kindle or a kindle app, you can still click to buy, and Amazon houses them for you, for whenever you want them, on which ever device you choose. So, if you’re getting a kindle for Christmas, click to get them now, and enjoy them later.

I do hope you enjoy them.

If you would please leave an Amazon review, I would be most grateful! I have lots of people reading, but hardly anyone leaving reviews yet. So, I need your help!

Season’s Blessings!

-Lisa

P.S. Spread this good news with a Tweet or two, please?

(If you miss your chance, don’t fret. Each is only $3. Way less than a latte at Starbucks. Amazon lets you read sample pages. Try each one and see what you like!)

Two things that don’t really go together are SPEED and Introspection.

But in 90 seconds, I think you can get off the blocks and make that crucial first step to the kind of growth that can only happen by linking up with the transcendent through your unique humanity. An inner gaze has to start somewhere. If not, we get stuck.

Be warned, once you look inward it can be painful. This is one reason why it happens too infrequently. The point though is to get started. Sometime during the holiday weekend I’ll post something of a followup. Creating a useful tool for yourself…the spiritual autobiography (which is something I too will be doing for my Masters class work. I hope you’ll join me).

For now, follow these simple steps: 

• 1. Get paper and a pen
• 2. Jot down the first things that come to you mind as you read the list below. (Don’t linger on this list. Be speedy.)
• 3. Put away your paper for 1-3 days.
• 4. Revisit your notes in 1-3 days when you have 20 minutes or more. (I’ll remind you, here at the blog.)

Consider these questions:

1. Look at your failed or troubled relationships and list similarities, and note what makes you angry about them, or things you fear.

2. Examine past patterns and recurring themes in your thoughts and behavior. Note any patterns that you see.

3. Uncover the commonalities in your interpersonal difficulties. Do the same troubles with others come back again and again? Note them.

4. Label areas of stagnation in your life, (i.e. work, relationships, poor habits, etc.).

5. Consult with trusted friends and objective sources to ferret out problem areas. Okay, this takes some time, so for now jot down a few names.

6. Include a list of your good qualities/strengths, and places or ways you find encouragement. [This should be easy, because it's the feel good part. Briefly, look for all the good you can and mark it down.]

(So, what did you think about these questions? Was it hard to do?)

photo credit

I’m getting so much out of this little book!

(I really recommend getting a copy. I saw one on Amazon for $1.50 (used). What a bargain!)

Henri Nouwen gathered his thoughts and pennend notes for his personal use during a difficult 6 months of reflection and healing. They were meant as private notes, but after 8 years a few friends encouraged him to have them organized and published sensing other soul searchers would be encouraged by them. His pain is often palpable and humble and his words are like food for kindred spirits. I’m grateful he was so brave.

page 59

Love Deeply
Do not hesitate to love and to love deeply. You might be afraid of the pain that deep love can cause. When those you love deeply reject you, leave you, or die, your heart will be broken. But that should not hold you back from loving deeply. The pain that comes from deep love makes your love ever more fruitful. It is like a plow that break the ground to allow the seed to take root and grow into a strong plant. Every time you experience the of rejection, absence, or death, you are faced with a choice. You can become bitter and decide no to love again, or you can stand straight in your pain and let the soil on which you stand become richer and more able to give life to new seeds.

The more you have loved and have allowed yourself to suffer because of your love, the more you will be able to let your heart grow wider and deeper. When your love is truly giving and receiving, those whom you love will not leave your heart even when they depart from you. They will become part of your self and thus gradually build a community within you.

Those you have deeply love become part of you. The longer you live, there will always be more people to be loved by you and to become part of your inner community. The wider your inner community becomes, the more easily you will recognize your own brothers and sisters in the strangers around you. Those who are alive within you will recognize those who live around you. The wider the community of your heart, the wider the community around you. Thus the pain of rejection, absence, and death can become fruitful. Yes, as you love deeply the ground of your heart will be broken more and more, but you will rejoice in the abundance of the fruit it will bear.

You know you’re lost in the weeds when frustration sets in.

The weeds.

That’s the place off the narrow path.

And what’s the common wisdom for those who are lost? Stay put.

You will be found.

And indeed, it’s not that God will look for you and find you.

Because he knows just where you are. And he knows you.

You will instead awaken to him, and finally

Notice that he’s beside you, and you are not lost at all.

The benefit of a solid theology

Is knowing that there is no place that God is not.

O, God, let me find you in the weeds.

Although the act and habit aof worry may come from biological sources, retraining our habits can move us from worry (negative) toward meditation (positive). Make sure to check out the difference and similarities between the two that are shown in visual form in the last post.

Use these three words to start retraining yourself.

STOP.

VISUALIZE.

REMEMBER.

Stop.
This means the second you realize that you’re caught in a “Worry Spiral” put yourself on pause.  Try to back out of this cycle and see it for what it is. Imagine yourself 3 years from now. Ask yourself ” Is the situation really worthy of the heavy cost that worry will bring me?” How else could I respond? What lie might I be believing as I worry?

Visualize.
This has helped me quite a bit. When I feel stuck in my worry. I to imagine that I’m pulling out all my worry from me, like a bunch of crumpled, dirty paper chunks. Then I imagine handing over to Jesus to hold. He takes what I give and it changes into light. Give it a try for yourself. It’s form of prayer. Or think of something that would help you more than my example. What could you repeatedly visualize to hand over your worry? Go back to this each time you are caught in a Worry Spiral. Note how you feel before and after do this.

Remember.
Remember you are walking with God. There is no place God is not. Each time you practice handing over your worry to God it will be easier to remember to do it when needed in the future. What other ways can you remember to center your repeated thoughts to not spiral but instead revolve around our loving and all-powerful God?

In the Old Testament thousands of everyday and seasonal reminders where built into the Jewish culture to be ever mindful of God’s provision, care, presence, goodness, and love. From food, to ways of dress, to festivals, to rituals, and much more various reminders where infused into life. We don’t live the same way now, but we can bring in our new, personal remembrances.

What have you done lately to break your “worry spiral”?

Today, I’m elucidating the anatomy of Worry in contrast with Meditation using this handy dandy visual I made.

Notice the differences.

Worry and Meditation have commonalities.

• Both activities involve circling/cycling, repeated thoughts, but how they circle is very different and give us different outcomes.

(monotheistic) Meditation centers on the good supreme God, and often the One described in the Bible. The love and presence of God energizes the one meditating. Thoughts and cares are kept in close contact with God, not one’s self or self-interests. Prayer, worship, and centering are interrelated with meditation.

In Worry (in Christians or any one) thoughts are repetitive and  ingrown, not centered on apart from self and move toward collapse, snuffing out our energy and health. Worry thoughts stay with the self, and do not move outward or around a stabilizing idea or deity. This causes degeneration into a Worry Spiral that undercuts growth, health, and well-being. Other problems may arise like illness, anxiety disorders, depression, paranoia, and much more.

In part 3, I’ll unpack how to move from Worry, which is negative, to Meditation which is peace and life-giving.

Did you read the previous Post? Please read Part 1 of this series where I discuss some common misunderstanding of Worry.

Do you think I got it right? What does Worry and Meditation look like for you?
Please, let me know.

 Ranker, hype, and vitriol.

It’s about 30 Days until the 2012 Presidential election, and you can really tell.

I’ve tried to not get wound up. I’ve tried to ignore the surround-sound ejeculations of venom. But, it’s hard to not get sucked into all the emotion and survive the cross-fire unscathed.

 Big Bird even made the casualty list…Yes, the huge, friendly, yellow character for pre-schoolers on TV. Bear in mind that citizen support will never wane enough to make our feathered friend, or his cohorts, extinct. But, that fact doesn’t cull the madness, does it?

There’s looniness in the air!

It’s a soiling season, so I’ve tried to think of a few way to vitriol-proof myself. Maybe you can share a few tips. Here’s a few I’m using:

1. Unplug.
Short media fasts can reorient me to what’s most important: My regular life, the people nearest to me, and my deepest values that have much to do with Grace.

2. Think long-term.
As much as people “say so-and-so” will ruin everything forever, that’s 95% fear doing the talking. No vote will truly change as much as people say. (Insert which ever name you want to for “so-and-so”, both sides are tooting this horn.) I’m trying to regularly take a few steps back and try to gain wisdom from a more far-sighted perspective. It does help.

3. Feel powerless.
Huh? It may sound ridiculous to say it like that, but seriously, not too much is truly under our control. Admtting this is the first step for me. Changes, for good or for bad, do happen slower than we care to admit. So much is out of our immediate control. Policies, weather, illness, media, cultural hype, and much more. We can control our responses, but not others. We don’t get that much say and the frenzy is proof of that underlying fear.

…which leads me to #4!

4. Be a Duck.
A duck is the water foul that has the sort of feathers to make water bead and roll off, not soak in and cause problems. I try to think of this as a way of being. Unflappable. It’s engaged thoughtfulness sandwiched by what’s known in spiritual formation circles, and ancient Christian tradition, as “holy indifference”. That doesn’t mean I’m apathetic, it means I’m centered on the Source of Goodness through faith, and not tossed to and fro by opinions, circumstances, or any perceived impeding doom. (This takes loads of practice for me! I’m passionate, and through practice I’ve started to learn when to let that loose and when to dail it in. Though I fail too much, I continue the effort.)

Have you been effected and affected by these acerbic times?

What helps you?

Part of my journey, spiritually, has been to move from a fundamentalist upbringing, to an Evangelical / post-conservative theological formal training, and then toward “the mysteries” (i.e. mystic tendencies). What brought me there? Tremendous pain. I usually don’t talk of it for too long. Maybe there’s a memoir in me that should come to light, but the progression is palpable.

In “the mysteries” this means that I don’t think of suffering as a problem, sorrow as un-wellness, or bouts of profound unhappiness as a sign that I have too little faith. In fact, most of the biblical characters were kind of tortured souls. It’s a more recent construct that we should think the life of faith has a “Sunshine Mountain” feel to it.

So, I wanted to write out a few thoughts about what Mark Lepper posed out there on the Twitter-verse (see lower image).

My initial Twitter response (you see below) was less than 140 characters, so I thought I’d add a bit more.

@thelepper Nah. That notion helps us cope, but we can’t possibly verify it. It’s part of “the mysteries”

For just a moment…

Imagine your child kills himself. The most horrid thought (you needn’t linger there).

In the first few days, probably 20 people will tell you, “Everything happens for a reason.” Or, they’ll say, “All things work together for good…” You know the verse, right?

Rubbish.

(Probably most people don’t realize how out of context that verse is used that way. Erroneously they utilize just a part of it as a “band-aid platitude” to offer kindness.)

There are a great many things that have no good explanations and will not. The reasons won’t be revealed later either. On earth or in heaven. It really doesn’t work that way. And it really shouldn’t. Otherwise movement toward maturity would be at stake.

Really, it would be too confusing for us that God would answer these questions, so don’t count on an inquiry at the “ask the author” line in heaven, my dear friends.

When the pain of suffering wallops you and you can’t shelve your doubts long enough to work through the real hardship of it, one temptation is to consider that God must be malevolent or AWOL, instead of considering that we can’t possibly know the answer.

It is in the unknowing that we become enlightened to the ways of God.

It seems the two most common tactics (ways of coping) in tragedy are…

1. Try to believe that something horrible or evil has some sort of good redemptive reason, or will eventually come to something good because of it.

(Though it is true that God makes it his business to redeem everything…eventually….somehow…. we can’t think of this backward when we come into pain, and try jumping ahead. Pain can serve a point.)

2. Realize that so much is unexplainable and let our hope and faith erode or dissolve.

But there is a third option. And maybe more than just one more (you can let me know). Another way that’s been employed since humans have had optimism and spirituality (read: a very long time) is…

“the way of the mysteries”. And it’s not a cop out.

It’s farsighted. It’s a perspective that holds that the beauty we witness in this world is almost out of place in the nastiness and madness of it. It’s the idea of (good) ideals we all seem to possess that point to a greater, underlying and sustaining beauty and goodness obscured by the ways of the world, suffering, and the hardships of being human.

To embrace our situation as the mystics do is to not shun hardship or revel in it, but rather to let the pain refine us and make us wise. Oh, and it hurts. It hurts like hell.  And it, in some real sense, beats the hell out of us, and makes us endearing and compassionate. Beautiful.

The trouble is that if we’re satisfying with answers like, “Hey, friend! Don’t worry there’s a reason this horrible thing is happening,” then we are of very little good to those who are truly suffering.

In fact, our notions of “reasons” are often so pale and wanting. They just couldn’t possibly be sturdy enough. They don’t reveal what is legit and accurate.

Only when we can sit there alongside in the pain of those who hurt, and even take a part of the sorrow itself do we find we can make our way, honestly. And too, we must sit in our own pain. It’s uncomfortable. It’s dark. Sometimes horrid.

But to have the permission to hurt can send us toward wellness. It shows us that great sorrow comes on powerfully, and hurts badly, but does not have the final word. In the process of living well and deeply do we like a tender shoot become oaks of maturity and grace.

Please friends, be careful and don’t make a mockery of pain by disrespecting it or minimizing it (for yourself or anybody else). There is no human life without pain. There too is no growth without it. That’s the bit about incarnationality: The divine enters the human experience. That is our model.

So very deeply have I hurt, but now deeply can I love.

It’s true that redemption is chosen.

To be chosen it must first be acknowledged.

(that’s my longer answer)

Here’s a little reminder that everyone gets tired.

Everyone gets unbalanced.

Maybe you’ll be touched deeply and start crying when you hear a rapper slinging rhymes, which is really weird, but I did that.

Maybe you’ll just feel a heaviness in your heart that you can’t pinpoint. A slow burning ache, like the weight of the broken world is pushing in and perched on your sternum.

Maybe you’ll see relationships so broken and confusing and full of turmoil that you’ll start to disconnect.

Maybe you’ll snap at your kids, or get angry at a stranger whose story you can’t possibily know.

And grace will leak away from you and your ideals will be shelved, and you’ll wonder if you’re really a person who still believes in goodness anymore.

Here’s a word for you…and for me….

It hurts to be alive.

There are mysteries we want to know but can’t unravel.

You. Will. Get. Tired.

In this sorrow we are not alone, because we are the same.

(If you’d like to share your worry today or your burden, please do. In the comment section or using the contact me tab. I’ll pray for you, and maybe you can pray for me.)

It’s normal but unsettling…

The period of time when we return to normal life after an event such as a conference or gathering. The Story Conference in Chicago is just that sort of thing.

I woke up today with a palpable need to self-soothe. The stress of travel, new surroundings, increased interactions, imparted wisdom, and stimulation overload unearthed deeper pain.

Creativity and pain hold hands. Did you know that?

The one helps the other and vice versa.

Interactions and creative energy revive us at a wonderful conference like STORY, but the let down happens just afterwards, and we scarcely feel ready for it.

Pain surfaces after our experiences and without the tools to do well with it, and the spiritual friendship and mentoring to make sense of it (a.k.a. SOUL CARE), we can make poor decisions or fail to thrive in the aftermath of something so initially nourishing.

You’ll find yourself doing what I’ve done:

Distracting yourself (be it with tech, food, friends, or hobbies)

withdrawing (disconnecting from others)

feeling angry or discontent (do I really need to explain this???…GEEEZE! …er….whoops)

The inspiration shifts to frustration or let down. 

But this is the time when divine stirrings are greatest. Spiritual companionship is a way to work through this time and grow. It can be a time of hope instead of confusion or awkwardness.

What are some of the emotions you feel in the days after a great and uplifting event?

If you’re interested learn more about spiritual guidance here. Or find a director/companion near you using the directory here.

We’ve all heard that Leaders should keep learning, right?

But what should be the focus of this learning?

<cue suspenseful music>

In case you haven’t been here before, I’m a Contributor at the Deeper Leader SyncrhoBlog that runs September 10-14th.

You are invited to add your voice to the greater dialogue too. Go here to get details, get your spiffy Badge, and get started! I’ll be sure to check for your link and read your contribution.

So, what’s important for Leaders to learn?

They’ve actually studied this stuff, so rather than just give you my opinion, let’s look at what the research from the Center for Creative Leadership found.

Assessing leadership strengths

When subordinates rated their company leaders, failure was found, quite a bit. But, their failures of leadership overwhelmingly stemmed from certain character qualities and interpersonal relationships rather than their technical skills needed to do their job well.

Their failures were actually personal failings.

Poor or inconsistent values and the inability to communicate and interact well with their co-workers were the biggest problems. By a long shot.

When leaders were considered failures personal failing were overwhelmingly the reasons why. This isn’t just true for only the corporate world, is it?

See, Technical training is fairly easy to do, and most companies may do that sort of training. Lots of place can educate you with book knowledge. But, training some one to be a better person from the inside out, well, that’s hard. It rarely happens formally, to be honest. But, obviously, according to the little black bar at the bottom there, this is the kind of education and transformation is a must for leaders to truly succeed.

Learning and revising our most core-level traits and behaviors moves into spiritual issues. Growth at a spiritual core-level is how transformational personal change can happen. But, there has to be a hefty “want to” from the learner. Time, money, and effort is needed, even if the learning isn’t formal. Too few meet the challenge; the media reports these failings daily. Authority figures are dropping like flies, people.

A company can’t force a person to take up this hard task, it comes from a internal commitment to do better, look at the negative stuff, make new habits, and do what ever hard work is necessary to improve. And when guidance and mentoring moves the learner beyond theory to applying the new lessons learned, personal or professional success is far more likely is the short and long terms.

One of the reasons I’m supporting this Synchroblog effort is because it pairs with a new program [A Master of Arts Degree in Christian Leadership] that focuses developing the spiritual formation of Leaders as well as important management skills. It’s education that will help improve all facets of one’s life and career.

The shortages of integrity in leadership don’t have to be the norm, and I don’t want it to be.

Sure, it’s harder than learning a new technique in organization or production, but it sets up the learning leader to succeed not just in her current position of leadership, but in all the aspects of her life now, and later when other challenges arise.

Maturity, integrity, and harmony with others is what makes a leader worth following.

When leaders fail it’s usually because they haven’t taken the time and done the hard internal and ongoing work to grow, mature, and be a better person. So, let’s do the hard the hard work, and encourage other to do the same.

That is what a Leader should continue to learn.

Yatmandu via Compfight

The key to successful leadership today is influence, not authority.

— Kenneth Blanchard

Today’s Wisdom:

A Good Leader Invites.

Some bosses are still tyrannical and ill-tempered. Is it just immaturity, or is some of this vestiges of wartime attitudes that still seep into the management and leadership styles of corporations or even families?

“Do as I say. That’s an order, soldier!”

The big flaw in a bossy leadership style is that civilians are not subject to demands of rank and orders from a autocrats.

They can quit.

They can walk off the job, or worse than any of that, they can undermine everything and stay onboard, resentfully.

What kills morale more than passive-aggresive subordinates mucking up the works, sabotaging projects, and sucking the life out of a group? It’s dire.

Instead, Leaders of this era must INVITE rather than command.

That means that good Leaders draw in their followers rather than intimidating them.

Despot types will always be among us, but the focus in Leadership development these days isn’t about demanding respect. It’s about what gets results and makes positive change. It centers on earning respect.

Do you remember a time when a Leader invited you?

The best examples often come from the world of coaching and mentoring. These relationships are not forced, but forged, mutually.

There, Leadership is not where Authority is the predominant issue; trust is what counts.

I’m happy to be a Contributor at the Deeper Leader SyncrhoBlog that runs September 10-14th.

You’re welcome to add your voice too. Go here to get details. When you contribute, I’ll be sure to check for your link and read your contribution.

This is my son Nathan.
He’s 12.5 years old.

It’s been a rough few days with him. It’s a dicey combo mixing burgeoning adolescence and the Autistic experience.

His will is strong and he’s often unreasonable. He thinks he’s the rightful King of his world and ours; and I’ve felt discouraged about how poorly things have been going.

But…today, he built these glasses, and it got me to thinking about perspective.

And it gave me a new one.

What’s the bigger lesson here?

What if our windows of perspective are cloudy?

What if the shutters are closed?

How will an obstructed view hurt my ability to guide, lead, or learn?

Will I even be able to notice how poor my vision is?
And how can I get help seeing better?

It’s true that our perspective is limited.

The fact is easy to miss.
We flare with emotion in the dearth of comprehending how perspective works, or doesn’t work.

But, indeed, we can’t possibly see the full view, just the narrow vision our particular spectacles allow.

And with new lens our perspective changes.

Unwittingly, Nathan gave me the encouragement I needed.

This is actually an answer to my prayer for help.

Keep pushing on and Remember the lesson of the Lego Spectacles!

To you Leaders and Bloggers: Don’t forget to link-up with the SynchroBLOG on Leadership sponsored by Evangelical Seminary. Write something this week and contribute September 10-14. 

Are most leaders mature?

“whaa WHAH!”
(That’s the “nope” sound from Sesame Street in case you’re wondering.)

A deeper leader leads from a place of integrity and maturity.

I’m very happy to be partnering with Evangelical Seminary to bring greater awareness and dialogue to the topic of Leadership and Spiritual Formation. Their new (part distance/part in-person cohort learning method) under 2 year graduate studies program prioritizes spiritual maturity in leadership training, and in our culture, it’s sorely needed.

I’m looking into getting a second masters degree. That’s how good this program is.

Are spiritually mature leaders important to you?

If so, there is an excellent opportunity to associate with the leadership resources launching at ES, and participate in promoting and nurturing spiritually formed leaders through a new variety of approaches. First of all you can help spread the word by sharing the information and resources you find at ES, and through their social media outlets. Articles, events, forums, go-to resources, guest writers, and more is coming.

Also, a synchroblog is in the works for the 2nd September (soon!) on the topic. Learn more on the Evangelical Facebook page or their website this week and next. (I will also post updates here.)

You can join in and be a part of something BIG.

If you are a leader and have a tribe or a blog, you can submit articles for consideration for a featured guest post spot at the Deeper Leader blog sponsored by ES. (Use the contact form on the right to express your interest.) This will pair you with some amazing professions in the the field of leadership, spiritual formation (sometimes called discipleship), leadership studies at the graduate level, and help nurture a whole new generation of better equipped leaders.

The first featured guest writer in this new phase is unveiled today! It’s none other than prolific author, the “living uncaged” Mary DeMuth. Read her contribution on leadership here.

Mary DeMuth is Living Uncaged!

I always assume that “Hazardous” has two Zs.

A “Z” seems like a dangerous letter, don’t you think? (It seems, Zorro is a hidden influencer here.)

Today, I’m passing along the invitation from my good friend Ed Cyzewski to join in a synchroblog starting Aug 27 by sharing your own hazardous faith story.

My own contribution for the syncrhoblog is Wednesday Aug 29. Come back for that, but I’ll have something up to read on Monday August 27 too (unrelated). And make sure you check out everyone involved in this synchroblog effort. There will be some great stories shared!

How to Join the HAZARDOUS Synchroblog

The synchroblog starts Monday, August 27th and runs all week until Saturday.

• Write a blog post sharing a personal story about a challenge you faced as a follower of Jesus. (You could also add: “I’m sharing My Hazardous Faith Story as part of a synchroblog connected with the release of Ed Cyzewski and Derek Cooper’s new book Hazardous: Committing to the Cost of Following Jesus.”).
• At the bottom of your post, link to the synchroblog landing page: http://wp.me/PewoB-SN so that others can share their own Hazardous Faith Stories (Hey, you can just copy and paste these bullet points!)
• Add your post to the link up section at the bottom of the My Hazardous Faith Story landing page on Monday-Saturday. Don’t forget to read and comment on at least one other post!
• Tweet your post with the #HazardousFaith tag.
• Include this image with your post: 400 pixels or 250 pixels width.