Secretly Wishing Tim Ferriss or Jon Acuff Would Whisper Your Name

“Whisper My Blog on the Interwebs, boys…” I think this.

What better way to get a blog following, right? Well…

The obvious biblical analogy here would be the sick woman who knew if she would just touch the hem of Jesus’ robe, she would be healed. Will my blog be healed….Hum…okay, I won’t go there.

Well, in blogging terms, that “proverbial hem” (or Medias Touch, if you prefer) is without a doubt, a shout out from the web Kahunas, like Tim Ferriss or Jon Acuff. Okay, you know what…not even a “shout out”. It’s more likely that a mere tweet-in-passing would act like a combo pack of a vitamin B12 shot, an IV of Red Bull, plus a bag of crack…to your blog….you knowin blogging terms.

Have you ever hoped for a plug from someone trusted…or a mention from someone at least, sort of, kind of, famous? Or infamous, even…. Snookie…call me.

“Hello there, Rubber, meet my friend Road”:
The reality is while a tweet vouch might spike up your hits, it’s really only great content and consistency that will keep readers (and even friends) coming back for more, the next day, or sometime soon. There aren’t awesome shortcuts for doing a great job.

It’s the hard work Tim and Jon invested that made them achieve Web Chieftain status. (A status that I just made up, but is indeed “very important”…indicating almost boundless prowess.)

Yes, they’ve been clever; and yes they’ve benefitted from good timing, loyalty, and following their adroit instincts. But, getting to the blogging big leagues wasn’t simple or easy. They are but two examples.

Really, Lisa, says who, you?
How do I know, since I’m not in their league…AT ALL… you ask? 
Gosh, that’s sort of pointed, putting it that way…but it’s a cogent point.

On a smaller scale, I’ve done it too. I’ve blogged consistently for years. I put in at least 1-2 hours a day (and plenty of times more) in investments of time in promotion and activity in social media, in writing, reading, research, and other super spy stuff from the confines of my lair…um…home office….area…er…okay, the couch. My blog crashed twice, completely, over a 10 day period last month. I went to ZERO visits per day, for a total of 4 days. Ouch! Now, not even 14 days later I recovered to 200 visits per day, and I expect that should improve. It’s just nose + grindstone.

But, it’s even simpler than that. If you read their stuff, Tim and Jon mention this. Themselves. They mention the dedication, the striving, and even the failures on the way.  They try different things, and they don’t give up. It’s not magic after all.

Here’s some Do’s and Don’ts so you can blog better:

DO’S
1. Do use [relevant] visuals or video in your blog. Think of a blog this way: It communicates like the telephone, but still needs the visual injection like tv.

1. Do credit other people when your ideas are derivative of theirs. (This way everyone wins.) A link and a mention is appropriate, and appreciated.

2. Do blog consistently.

3. Do have a niche, but don’t be afraid to branch out to keep things fresh too. (I’m not sure if you’re like me, but I’ve read enough “My Random Thoughts” blogs to last me 22 dog lifetimes. Yawn.)

4. Do offer something. If your blog is more like a dairy, and you aren’t a household name, don’t expect to have high visitor traffic. Probably ever.

Remember that essentially your readers are “selfish” and “don’t care about you” so you have to bring something enjoyable to them, or interesting. Or just incorporate some of these emotions: love, shock, anger/outrage, “tears”/loss, joy, excitement, and so forth, to make it worth reading.

Present company excluded…of course? …Very funny. Let’s be serious, you, too, will stop reading this if you get bored, or it isn’t really helping you, somehow. However, if not, I love you.  (And I wish I was you.) But, now I digress.

DON’TS

1. Don’t expect people to think your life is interesting. If it really was, you wouldn’t have that much time to blog. (Don’t act all surprised that I mentioned this. Other people realize this too, they just don’t say it right to your face.)

2. Don’t express jealousy. Instead, refine it into admiration.

I see this in bloggers a bit too much, and it’s weird. What’s jealousy in blogging, exactly? Well, it seem like jealousy when you write, and you have a beef with somebody. Maybe it’ll be passive-aggressive, or good old fashion: aggressive-agreesive. Nevertheless, it reads as petty, even icky. Look for the positive if you’re speaking of another writer or personality. Unless, of course, you’re being quite clever or satirical, then have at it.  Ooo, except if you’re no good at that, then never mind…just be nice, if possible.  

3. Don’t Whine.

4. Don’t have long posts much. Keep a healthy amount to under 400-500 words.

5. Don’t post something just because you think “it’s time”. The content quality dives when you do this. It’s a silent killer that last year alone murdered 850 thousand blogs. Okay I might have made that last part up.

Tips to help with #5: a. When you get a stream of ideas, write them all down. Anticipate that you will have dry periods of creativity. It can be feast or famine, so plan ahead. b. Split your ideas into a series of shorter posts. c. Invite guest post writers to contribute. d. Make lists, like “My funniest posts,” or “Most controversial posts” or “Most popular posts” (An admitted Jon Acuff “favorite”…or whatever… is the “list post”.) Obviously you have to be doing this for a while to have an arsenal to pick from.

5. Don’t grovel for endorsements.
(Included here are asking for retweets of your posts links, begging for plugs,  being gimmicky, or the cardinal sin in social media: sending a DM for a RT. More on that from Chris Brogan here.)

Oh, hey! If you don’t know what I’m talking about with this terminology, you might want to ramp up your social media IQ, and read up on these terms to help your blogging efforts. It’s not that it’s all “cool,” it’s simply necessary. Here’s a spot, for a quick and dirty rundown of indispensable terms.

The fact is, if I ask you to RT (retweet) or to stick me on your blogroll; If I ask you to link up with an article, or to please put in a shout out, gosh…. it just oozes neediness. Un-Attractive. (Yes, I’ve done it…but I am so ashamed, now that I know better.) See, I have to earn this stuff. This comes the hard way, and through its own merits. I need to do the best I can. I will be rewarded in due time (same goes for you).

Whether you blog, or just read blogs—What makes a good blog?

Oh, one more thing….
I DO whisper names. If you leave your blog link, before the end of October, I’ll check it out thoroughly. Then you could get a personal plug. I plan to feature 5 favorite blogs in an upcoming post, maybe one will be yours. Give me until November to check them out, and report!


Shame and wanting to poking out your own eye

There’s a feeling you can get, after you’ve done something horrible. It’s so bad, that you might consider poking your own eye out (if for nothing else than a viable distraction.)

My first job (besides babysitting) was as a hostess at Eat’n Park Family Restaurant. A woman about 10  years older transferred there. She had been a waitress for a long time (even a decorated one. Yes, Eat’n Park is special like that.) She also had the name “Lisa,” just like me. That’s about all the ingredients needed for good communication and lasting friendship, right? um. No.
Background:
Sometimes I’d goof off and crack jokes in passing with Lisa. No big deal. (If you know me, this is all highly typical behavior.)
WELL-
One day, like a stoke of non genius, it came into my head to wisecrack when I noticed Lisa had a blue pen scribble on her forearm. I noticed it was actually a very sloppily rendered mark of her own name. The “L” was super long on the bottom, and not in a cursive way. It was just odd. It struck me as humorous. I already knew she had a 4 year old daughter. Her little girl had probably been playing with her waitressing pen and wrote out her mom’s name all by herself. Or maybe Lisa had done it–for a joke, or because she was bored. So, feeling my comic Einstein vibe coming on me (which is inversely proportionate to my rational thought and good judgment), I said–rather flippantly, I might ad–“Hey, what’s that on your arm? Is that so you don’t forget your name?”

Sudden. Dead. Powerful stare.
Awkward pause. I could hear a spider near the salad bar blink.
Then I noticed she had a sort of sad “How could you, you freaking jerk?” look on her tired face. (I picked up on that because I’m really good at feeling people out!)
It was a tattoo.
A horrible one.
A mistake.
Perhaps a drunk boyfriend or trashed stepdad scrawled it there. Who knows. But whatever the story was, it was part of a painful past. A past she did not want thrown in her face by some stupid and insensitive quip from a dumb teenager.
My heart froze with panic. It’s the kind of panic where you start to smell yourself. A cold sweat mustache erupts on your lip usually, too
.
Would she stab me with a steak knife?
Plan to burn me “accidentally” with a scrod entrée platter? (Wicked hot, they are!)
I fumbled around, and got out, “um… hahah… I’m just kidding.” I was trying desperately to appear nonchalant. I considered whistling a tune to prove it.
Still, she just looked at me–steadily.
“I’m sorry,” I said, getting up the nerve. It felt like a blanket of shame washed over me. Self-loathing–all over the place.
She shook it off, and went back to work. From then on I tried to be extraordinary nice to her, in every way I could think of. I bused her tables, and got her refreshing beverages, and tried to be as pleasant, and positive as I could. She didn’t hold it against me, beyond a day or so.
Once, after a 10p.m.-5 a.m. shift when my dad failed to pick me up, she even drove me home in her weary beater of a car.
I still wonder about her.
It was poke-your-eye-out shame.
I’ll never forget it.

Have you ever had “inner death by shame”? (you can just answer yes or no, unless you want to be brave and tell your story)