Lisa Colón DeLay

Photo Credit: Jay via Compfight

The following list of 6 is semi-humorous and/or satire:

The first 6 of 12 Ways to Spike Blog Hits

• Say “vagina”. (It doesn’t even have to relate to the rest of the post. Just wave the it around. The word, that is, not anything else. Wait! What did you think I meant? And also a shout out to Rachel Held Evans who’s keeping things vaginal. The word picked her, actually, and she’s a good sport despite the monkey business. Get it?)

• Threaten Violence. (This is especially powerful if the sentiment is violent but the reference is farcical. You come out smelling better this way too. Pretty even.)

• Disclose something sexual, or promise to.

• Be angry and let a rant loose. (Have you seen the 1st Harry Potter? Do what he did at the zoo, just with your words…obviously.)

• Feed people lurking around for controversy. (Stick to newsy bits, disputes, scandals, injustice, corruption, you get the idea. There are many prowling for this, so really, it’s SO Money.)

• Post about something sordid, or be a punk. (Titillate. Be explicit, rude, foul-mouthed, try adult-themes, sexual content, unhealthy habits, dangerous stuff, immoral activities, etc. Hello, bad ass.)

Many readers give in to their worst or weakest appetites. That’s just the facts.

These next 6 are the ones I endorse. They won’t get you the same sorts of quick spikes, but they will build a loyal and good-natured readership over a longer term.

They also have quite a but to do with generosity.

The last 6 of 12 Ways to Spike Blog Hits
(and by “spike” I mean not that at all, probably)

• Thank others openly (Ed Cyzewski does this well. Thank you, Ed, for teaching me a lot here.)

• Be a credible resource or niche expert (I’ve mentioned my new niche here.)

• Be humorous, amusing, or feature those who are. (Remember this fruity Bert & Ernie classic? …What? I can’t hear you?…What a duo! I plan to “hat tip” this in an upcoming video.)

• Invite others into your limelight (Guest contributors are one way. So, Call me. By that, I mean tweet me.)

• Share your lists of favorites (It’s win-win. Alise Wright does this well.)

• Link up with great causes (Here’s a new favorite of mine: The Good Woman Project)

If you learned something here today, do one of the last 6, k?

Ray’s pastoral sensibilities and daily high-quality blog content make him one of my favorites. I’m so glad that he’s our guest contributor today. Ray has some wise words for us, so pay attention. (And BTW Ray, I only use 3 names as my pen name. There are at least two other Lisa DeLays out there, and I owe them the gift of not being associated with my shenanigans!)

Hey, friends, don’t miss other upcoming contributors in this Series. Get the feed burner  email delivery, or the RSS linkup.

The Christian Blogger’s Alchemy
-by Ray Hollenbach

About two years ago a well-known Christian contemporary singer came out as a lesbian. In a moment of what I mistook for inspiration, I wrote 700 words and hit the POST button on my blog. Overnight I received 20-times the page views I normally received. I woke up two days later with the blogger’s equivalent of hangover and the guilt from a one-night stand. My blog is supposed to be about spiritual formation: what did my opinions about someone else’s sexuality have to do with becoming a student of Jesus?

I had discovered Christian blogger’s alchemy: take a red-hot topic, add the name of a famous person (two famous people if you can), and add a sprinkle of holy Jesus words. Mix in Twitter and Facebook, then lean back and check Google Analytics hourly. It was a drunken, orgasmic blogger’s rush. What I didn’t know was that each page view clicked away a little bit of my soul. The new flood of traffic was the mess of pottage for which Esau sold his birthright.

It’s easy. In the past month you needed only write about Trayvon Martin, Mark Driscoll, Westboro Baptist Church, Obamacare in order to achieve mega-blogger status. Just check whatever is trending on Twitter or the Huffington Post, add a few borderline risqué words, a bit of righteous indignation, and heartfelt spirituality. “Heartfelt” is optional.

Lisa Colon Delay, the girl with three names, has given us a gift by starting this series, Spiritual Guidance for Bloggers. Sadly, Richard Foster and Dallas Willard were busy, so you’re stuck with me today. Here is my guidance:

It’s really about you: When we think we are discussing one topic, we are actually discussing another–ourselves. Blogging caters to the powerful urge for self disclosure. That’s why I throw away half of what I write. I’m too ugly, too mean-spirited for general consumption. I need to filter me. If I’m going to be honest, I should drive it home a little deeper: you need to filter you, too.

We would rather examine anyone else’s heart other than our own: Does it strike you odd that we can read one news item about a high-profile Christian celebrity and immediately have the ability to discern the intentions of their heart? This one is a bully, that one is a megalomaniac, and that other one must be called into account at all costs. I would give up my mighty blogging empire to read just one post where a blogger says, “Pastor Moneybags is a jerk, but why am I so upset about it?” Have you ever sent an email to the person you blogged about? How about sending a draft of your post to Pastor Moneybags and ask for his response? Would you be willing to wait for an answer? Deep down, we want others to understand our good intentions–why are we so quick to impugn the heart-intentions of others?

Criticism is easy, praise is hard: Let’s face it: there are plenty of easy targets out there. It says nothing about our marksmanship to shoot at something as big as barn ten feet in front of us. When we read “Love covers a multitude of sins,” have we ever applied Peter’s words to the other guy? Especially the church. Talk about an easy target. The church is filled with hypocrites and idiots. The church is enough to drive God himself crazy. Yet Jesus is passionately in love with the church. Why do we have grace for pagan terrorists and godless child molesters but cannot tolerate the fact that the church is filled with people just like us?

I could go on (I mean really, really go on), but here are a few mini-rants:

Page views don’t mean squat: At last count LMFAO’s Sexy and I Know It had 225 million page views.

The passage you should tape on your computer: Proverbs 10:19

Read Chapter Nine of C.S. Lewis’ Reflection on the Psalms: You can thank me later.

The Hollenbach Twitter commandment: RT others five times more than you promote your own blog.

Most Important: Read http://StudentsofJesus.com every day.

Bio:

Ray, a Chicagoan, writes about faith and culture. He currently lives in central Kentucky, which is filled with faith and culture. You can check out his work at studentsofjesus.com

Click for Attribution link.

If I were to caption this photo for the project at hand, it would say,
“Sweater cubicle? or are bloggers too isolated for their own spiritual good?”

As I promised on Timothy Dalrymple‘s blog a bit ago, I am covering the topic of spiritual guidance for bloggers (as a series). Thankfully, some talent bloggers are joining us, too.

In plenty of ways technology has outpaced our spiritual reflection. The needed inner gaze at the practice (spiritual or otherwise) of blogging itself has not been encountered effectively. Bloggers have specific spiritual needs and encounter spiritual pitfalls that are under-addressed…even on blogs themselves, where you’d expect them to be handled. Well, no more.

In the next few weeks, I’ll lay this topic out and do just that, with the help of some talented bloggers as featured guest contributors.

For me, it’s an EPIC mashup of blogging experience (since 2006), and three scores of credit hours with my seminary education (M.A. in Religion, Spiritual Formation concentration) cross-fertilizing at the perfect juncture to rock this thing out. Boom. Pow!

For example:
Pitfall #1. Bloggers can be grandiose when introducing a new series.

If you are a blogger, this is especially for you. You and I both need this.

If you know someone who blogs, please send them over. Encourage him or her to read and participate in this series. If they seem reluctant, or just too busy, just say, “See, that’s exactly the whole point!”

A peek at some of the upcoming themes:

• Seductions Specific to Christian Bloggers and What to do About it
• Overcoming the Spiritual Pitfalls of Blogging
• A Writer’s Mistress is a Blog (humor)
• The Best Spiritual Disciplines for Bloggers
• Blogging and Community: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

Plus, Articles from fantastic Guest Writers:

- Thom Turner

- Joy Bennet

- Ed Cyzewski

- Anita Mathias

- Jennifer Luitwieler

- Sarah Bessey

- Warwick Fuller

- Ray Hollenbach

…and others.

click for photo source

In the latest issue of Harper’s Bazaar, actress Demi Moore replies to the question, “What scares you?” by saying,

“If I were to answer it just kind of bold-faced, I would say what scares me is that I’m going to ultimately find out at the end of my life that I’m really not lovable, that I’m not worthy of being loved. That there’s something fundamentally wrong with me … What scares me the most is not knowing and accepting that just about everything is not in my control. That makes me feel unsafe.”

Some people may claim the Hollywood starlet is speaking of a “God-shaped void” as Blaise Pascal once referred to it. But wait just a minute…

Not everybody will admit to this sort of thing. Some never gaze inward long enough to see it. But there it is. While many won’t realize what what the jilted Moore is talking about for themselves, I think this women has hit on a fundamentally human frailty fraught with universal relevancy. (And it has virtually nothing to do, in fact, with a certain shaggy-headed addition to the Two And A Half Man sitcom.) This frailty, I might add, is not actually negative, as we might first imagine, but rather part of the vulnerability that is the stuff of being human.

It’s these same underlying and exquisitely human fears that we mask, medicate, bury, avoid, deflect, or anesthetize, that cause all manner of destructive behaviors and coping mechanisms. For Demi, who was just hospitalized for stress-related health issues (namely exhaustion…and likely malnutrition), it can create potent consequences. It’s something wealth, influence, fame, accolades, and beauty doesn’t seem to ameliorate. Curious, no?

For many religion or spiritual practice helps to blunt the reality of our human predicament, but clearly that alone doesn’t seem to actually mend the situation. I refer not to just the situation of being mortal, but of being fundamentally impotent. Rarely is this gnawing sense placated for long. Demi, for one, is connected to the practice of Kabblah, but it hasn’t helped this core need.

Though her vulnerability and frailties are up for public scrutiny, many possess the same sorts of fears and maladies, and even despair, but go unnoticed.

To me, our condition seems unmendable…purposefully, that is.

Christians may argue they are the exception; they feel a great sense of hope because of belief in Jesus Christ, arriving to our world as the incarnation of God to make a pathway back to God. Alas, Redemption! Closure, right? Yet a cursory survey of believers (even 3 minutes scanning twitter feeds) show they too are rife with the same sorts of problems as Moore, and Jesus hasn’t seemed to fix that for them.

(The particulars of why are widely speculated and even hotly contested. Some call for more faith and prayer, while others osmotically move into greater embracing of “the mysteries”.)

The funny things is, I get Demi. I feel those things too. I wrestle with them, and I’ve taken up the journey to walk through all the rough patches, which are aplenty.

I think it’s high time to bring what it means to be human out it the open.

A kind of unlearning happens as we grow wiser, and the sort of acceptance of our weaknesses may take hold as we become more acquainted with our human condition. Maturity I think it’s called. The “Will we ever get there?” question lingers.

What do you think about Demi’s quote?

Do you relate to her, or do you see things differently?

editing video...joy?

This December I started interviewing people for this little, fun project (for me) which I call, “Ninja Interviews”.

This was really quite odd actually, because I dislike watching myself on the screen, be it little or big. I bristle at hearing my voice being played back too. See, unlike plenty of the American population I have no desire to be famous. We live in times were people will settle even for infamy to get noticed…but me? Not so much. Celebrity, of any stripe, is fool’s gold, and I am dead panning. I’d prefer it that way.

Nevertheless, I’ve really enjoyed this little project, because I’ve gotten to meet and talk to some wonderful people. Their insights have added a joy to my life. Also, I’ve quickly learned 5 things. Well, actually, 6.

1. I have broken nose.

I broke my nose (what professionals like to call incurring a “deviated septum” thus making it sound almost natural, or at least not ghastly). The first incident happened when I was 10, and got an operation on it. Apparently, it’s not okay—STILL. I must have messed it up again. I can think of quiet a few reasons actually–antics I may reveal at some later time. I sound nasalized, and it’s unappealing in its imperfection. ugh.

2. The camera adds 10-15 pounds…Maybe. I’m overweight, and that’s the other reason.

3. People don’t or won’t “get me”. I’m odd. I know this. Some people will hate. End of Story.

4. I had Bells Palsy in 11th grade. It paralyzed half of my face (Including my muscles and taste buds on the right side of my tongue, my right eyelid, and my lips on the right side too) for 6 weeks. On video, I can tell I didn’t recover 100%. It’s humbling.

5. I nod, blink, and respond…a lot. When I’m in the editing stage it’s a bit freaky and underwhelming in general.

6. I don’t care about any of the above, not for too long anyway. That feels nice. Maybe I’m becoming a grown up.

What have you learned about yourself, lately? Have you been too critical of yourself?

Share your tips for growing out of it.

“Whisper My Blog on the Interwebs, boys…” I think this.

What better way to get a blog following, right? Well…

The obvious biblical analogy here would be the sick woman who knew if she would just touch the hem of Jesus’ robe, she would be healed. Will my blog be healed….Hum…okay, I won’t go there.

Well, in blogging terms, that “proverbial hem” (or Medias Touch, if you prefer) is without a doubt, a shout out from the web Kahunas, like Tim Ferriss or Jon Acuff. Okay, you know what…not even a “shout out”. It’s more likely that a mere tweet-in-passing would act like a combo pack of a vitamin B12 shot, an IV of Red Bull, plus a bag of crack…to your blog….you know…in blogging terms.

Have you ever hoped for a plug from someone trusted…or a mention from someone at least, sort of, kind of, famous? Or infamous, even…. Snookie…call me.

“Hello there, Rubber, meet my friend Road”:
The reality is while a tweet vouch might spike up your hits, it’s really only great content and consistency that will keep readers (and even friends) coming back for more, the next day, or sometime soon. There aren’t awesome shortcuts for doing a great job.

It’s the hard work Tim and Jon invested that made them achieve Web Chieftain status. (A status that I just made up, but is indeed “very important”…indicating almost boundless prowess.)

Yes, they’ve been clever; and yes they’ve benefitted from good timing, loyalty, and following their adroit instincts. But, getting to the blogging big leagues wasn’t simple or easy. They are but two examples.

Really, Lisa, says who, you?
How do I know, since I’m not in their league…AT ALL… you ask? Gosh, that’s sort of pointed, putting it that way…but it’s a cogent point.

On a smaller scale, I’ve done it too. I’ve blogged consistently for years. I put in at least 1-2 hours a day (and plenty of times more) in investments of time in promotion and activity in social media, in writing, reading, research, and other super spy stuff from the confines of my lair…um…home office….area…er…okay, the couch. My blog crashed twice, completely, over a 10 day period last month. I went to ZERO visits per day, for a total of 4 days. Ouch! Now, not even 14 days later I recovered to 200 visits per day, and I expect that should improve. It’s just nose + grindstone.

But, it’s even simpler than that. If you read their stuff, Tim and Jon mention this. Themselves. They mention the dedication, the striving, and even the failures on the way.  They try different things, and they don’t give up. It’s not magic after all.

Here’s some Do’s and Don’ts so you can blog better:

DO’S
1. Do use [relevant] visuals or video in your blog. Think of a blog this way: It communicates like the telephone, but still needs the visual injection like tv.

1. Do credit other people when your ideas are derivative of theirs. (This way everyone wins.) A link and a mention is appropriate, and appreciated.

2. Do blog consistently.

3. Do have a niche, but don’t be afraid to branch out to keep things fresh too. (I’m not sure if you’re like me, but I’ve read enough “My Random Thoughts” blogs to last me 22 dog lifetimes. Yawn.)

4. Do offer something. If your blog is more like a dairy, and you aren’t a household name, don’t expect to have high visitor traffic. Probably ever.

Remember that essentially your readers are “selfish” and “don’t care about you” so you have to bring something enjoyable to them, or interesting. Or just incorporate some of these emotions: love, shock, anger/outrage, “tears”/loss, joy, excitement, and so forth, to make it worth reading.

Present company excluded…of course? …Very funny. Let’s be serious, you, too, will stop reading this if you get bored, or it isn’t really helping you, somehow. However, if not, I love you.  (And I wish I was you.) But, now I digress.

DON’TS

1. Don’t expect people to think your life is interesting. If it really was, you wouldn’t have that much time to blog. (Don’t act all surprised that I mentioned this. Other people realize this too, they just don’t say it right to your face.)

2. Don’t express jealousy. Instead, refine it into admiration.

I see this in bloggers a bit too much, and it’s weird. What’s jealousy in blogging, exactly? Well, it seem like jealousy when you write, and you have a beef with somebody. Maybe it’ll be passive-aggressive, or good old fashion: aggressive-agreesive. Nevertheless, it reads as petty, even icky. Look for the positive if you’re speaking of another writer or personality. Unless, of course, you’re being quite clever or satirical, then have at it.  Ooo, except if you’re no good at that, then never mind…just be nice, if possible.  

3. Don’t Whine.

4. Don’t have long posts much. Keep a healthy amount to under 400-500 words.

5. Don’t post something just because you think “it’s time”. The content quality dives when you do this. It’s a silent killer that last year alone murdered 850 thousand blogs. Okay I might have made that last part up.

Tips to help with #5: a. When you get a stream of ideas, write them all down. Anticipate that you will have dry periods of creativity. It can be feast or famine, so plan ahead. b. Split your ideas into a series of shorter posts. c. Invite guest post writers to contribute. d. Make lists, like “My funniest posts,” or “Most controversial posts” or “Most popular posts” (An admitted Jon Acuff “favorite”…or whatever… is the “list post”.) Obviously you have to be doing this for a while to have an arsenal to pick from.

5. Don’t grovel for endorsements.
(Included here are asking for retweets of your posts links, begging for plugs,  being gimmicky, or the cardinal sin in social media: sending a DM for a RT. More on that from Chris Brogan here.)

Oh, hey! If you don’t know what I’m talking about with this terminology, you might want to ramp up your social media IQ, and read up on these terms to help your blogging efforts. It’s not that it’s all “cool,” it’s simply necessary. Here’s a spot, for a quick and dirty rundown of indispensable terms.

The fact is, if I ask you to RT (retweet) or to stick me on your blogroll; If I ask you to link up with an article, or to please put in a shout out, gosh…. it just oozes neediness. Un-Attractive. (Yes, I’ve done it…but I am so ashamed, now that I know better.) See, I have to earn this stuff. This comes the hard way, and through its own merits. I need to do the best I can. I will be rewarded in due time (same goes for you).

Whether you blog, or just read blogs—What makes a good blog?

Oh, one more thing….
I DO whisper names. If you leave your blog link, before the end of October, I’ll check it out thoroughly. Then you could get a personal plug. I plan to feature 5 favorite blogs in an upcoming post, maybe one will be yours. Give me until November to check them out, and report!

I have a confession to make.

ambition while missing the point

In about 2 weeks, this blog site will be a year old. In the last 5-6 months, I’ve been trying pretty hard to write interesting, helpful, or entertaining stuff for this place, almost every single day. I’ve made fantastic contacts, great new friends, and I’ve had a good time doing it.

This is hard to admit, but, I have to confess, that I’ve been blogging mostly to build a larger reading audience. A little while ago my agent told me that I stood a good chance to have my material published, but the biggest obstacle was “lack of platform.” Lack of platform sort of means, not too many care who you are, or what you do. A successful blog can change that, and help a writer build this much-needed platform. I know there’s nothing shameful about writing a blog and hoping others read it, but my remorse at this moment is that I realize I have made it my means to an end. I’ve been holding so tight to this idea that I can generate a solid readership base to, as Pedro says, “make all my wildest dreams come true,” that I didn’t realize I was putting it before the whole point, which is to share myself and my God with others. In a real sense, I’ve thought of this blog as a vehicle to “get me somewhere,” and I’ve made it an idol. Sometimes I have said to myself, “Well, it’s really both, a vehicle and my ministry.” This may be true, and I hope things work out like this, but if my priorities or motivations shift weight, things get off balance. And they have been.

I stopped long enough for God to speak to my heart, and in my spirit, it seems “he” said, “Let it go.” I got a little panicky at first. “Completely? What? Huh? What ‘chu talkin’ ’bout Willis…er, Father in Heaven?”

Then it seemed like God nudged me, and “said,” “Don’t be such an extremist.” This threw in off a little. So, I sort of looked around sheepishly for a little, almost looking for an exit, but without trying to be obvious about it. It seems like God “said,” “You’re clutching. Stop it. Just write and stop thinking about the rest. It’s none of your business.”

This bothered me. I felt out of control. Of course, it was a false assumption that I really have control like I was thinking I had. But, then I thought about what that might feel like…to hand things over… and I tried to “put that skin on.” Even just putting it on halfway felt SO nice. Relaxing. Like the pressure was off, and leaving the room, like a smog lifting. So, I stopped that exercise midway, I took a deep breath and I yielded. I took my sweaty feet off the pedals and coasted. I waited. And nothing happened. Nothing, for better or for worse, but I felt much better.

I wanted to tell you about it, because I know I haven’t been thinking the right way. I know that has to change, and I’m turning my heart the other way. I may post less often, but maybe there will be more true joy and inspiration when I do.

I do hope many are blessed by this blog, and resources, but I’m not going to transpose the priorities anymore, if I can help it, (with God’s grace). This will happen on a heart level, and it might not even be apparent to you, but I hope that my honesty will not only encourage you to look carefully at your own priorities, and goals, but also be a way to ensure that I stay congruent to my core convictions and values, in the way and nature of my God.

It’s hard to make confessions because, sometimes, it makes you feel really weak, stupid, or like some kind of a scum bag. It’s risky. The temptation to keep on a mask, and act like things are all pulled together, can be a strong influencer. Even though it feels embarrassing, it’s still the only way to move forward, and toward shalom (well-being/peace). I’m trying to be brave.

Thoughts… comments?