Lisa Colón DeLay

Today as a regular contributor at the Deeper Leader Blog, I’m linking in with them, and tackling the topic of Mentoring today.

I’ve always seen the value in having the aid of someone a bit further down the road from me.

As a kid, camp counselors provided this a bit. In undergraduate school, my academic advisor turned out to be a helpful voice in my life, and in my profession, but not someone who had a heart for God. At church, I had prayer partners, and in graduate school a few ladies had mentoring qualities I really appreciated. None of them though really nailed what I was looking for. It took over ten years to pair up with a trained spiritual guide that made sense for me.

It happened in a most unexpected way. I went outside of my Christian tradition (Evangelical) and attended a very enriching day of personal guided prayer at a Jesuit Spiritual Center during the season of Lent. There I heard Sister Maria and I thought, “This woman is like a female Gandalf. I need her!”

But she was booked in that area and could take me on. :(

I continued speaking with her and asking for her help. Maybe she had a clone I could work with, I suggested.

But she didn’t have a clone and thought that was a strange idea to be cloned in the first place.

She did send me to a lovely, wise, grandmotherly woman who became my formal spiritual director, and I continue to meet with her each month.

Like a thought it would be, the benefit of a mentor is invaluable.
A spiritual guide, companion, advocate and advisor with maturity has incalculable worth in our lives. It’s no wonder that so many leaders fail, or ministers fall off into affairs, pornography or other addictions so readily. They don’t make guidance a priority. The accountability and advocacy that a spiritual guide brings doesn’t remove the bumpy pathces, but it certainly makes them more bearable!

It took me over 10 years to find one, but it was worth it.

For those who seek a mentor I have some advice:

• KEEP LOOKING! (push discouragement aside!)
• Ask around. A lot.
• Find a spiritual center that trains spiritual companions
(Evangelicals do not seem to have this in ANY abundance, but Catholics are really into it.)
• Make the first move, (don’t wait to be asked by a mentor, approach him or her)
• A directory of spiritual companions may help find you someone, but if you don’t find a good fit on the first try, keep looking.

Don’t know where to start? Here’s a large directory (international, with various spiritual traditions included)
at Spiritual Directors International.

What about you? Have you ever had a mentor or spiritual guide? If not, what do you hope for in a mentor?
Share your story at the Deeper Leader Blog, or read what other have to say.

Probably the first thing people think of with “Depth” in Leadership is experience and know-how. Good stuff….but I think there’s an undervalued “Special Sauce” to Leadership …more on that in a minute.

Here’s the important and obligatory mention of the impetus for this post:

I’m contributing to this week’s new Deeper Leader Blog topic “How Do We Define ‘Depth’ in Leadership?”

The Deeper Leader SyncrhoBlog sponsored by Evangelical Seminary is running September 24-28th. (A new topic will be offered up for contributions once or twice per month. It’s a great place to read fresh ideas, get inspiration, learn some things, or join in anytime.)

Remember, you are invited and encouraged to add your voice to this dialogue too by commenting here, or over there, or linking up your related article if you write one. Go here for more details to get started. 

The Special Sauce

I’m not sure why I said it like that. I guess I’ve landed on something: The loudest leaders aren’t the best at it. Not usually.

Sure, the leaders who get the gigs and have the awesome bio paragraphs, big numbers and impressive sounding credentials seem the most successful. But, I’ve been most transformed and most influenced by the “nobodies”. The ones with quiet and stable wisdom.

I have a rather introverted spiritual director, for instance. She’s grandmotherly and loving. Though she’s formally trained and experienced she won’t be featured at the upcoming Catalyst conference, trust me. She won’t be recognized by “big shots”, nearly all of whom are men, by the way. Perhaps she doesn’t fit their paradigm for leadership experts.

It’s her consistency, character, and depth of understanding that make her easy to follow. I trust her. I listen to her wise words. I soak in her tidings.

ALPHAS

In a world of big burger alpha leaders we can forget about the Special Sauce. The stuff that makes ordinary people worth trusting and following. It comes from battle-tried life experience, courage, and the willingness to care, help, and listen.

It’s funny too because popularity in leadership seems arbitrary. Dave Ramsey, for an example, is all about Leadership (as well as finance). He even coined a term for his leadership training called “Entreleadership”. He’s at the top of the pile with courses, podcasts, books, and resources out the wazoo. I’ll bet he helps a lot of people with all of it too. Yet, when I listen to him on his radio show, I’m not sure I’d like to spend a full evening with the man. Even though I think he’s aces with financial freedom advice, I don’t think he’s earned trust within me like my lowly mentor has done so easily. I’d have to spend time with him to figure that out for certain, of course.

Depth is best seen when when know someone. Their influence may be like a secret special sauce that goes unnoticed but changes everything.

That’s depth that makes a positive difference.

Jessica Lucia via Compfight

I was caught off guard. My spiritual mentor asked me today if I was gentle to myself.

“We must be Jesus to ourselves,” she said.

I was taken aback. I’ve heard about being Jesus to others, but I don’t think I’ve thought about using the same grace or perspective with myself.

I wonder if some of you need to hear that today.

Be gentle with yourself, as Jesus would be compassionate and gentle with you.

Any other way takes your life away. Saps you.

Peace to you,

-Lisa

Former CEO, and now Chairman of the Board at Thomas Nelson Publishers

I really enjoy reading Michael Hyatt’s blog on topics related to writing and leadership.

I’ll be covering the topic of leadership somewhat this month, and having a few guest writers post here also. Michael’s recent article really packs a punch, and I think you will find it quite helpful.

Here is an excerpt.
“…[N]early everyone sees him or herself as a leader.

But where are the followers?

I contend that if you want to be a great leader, you must first become a great follower. Although it is rarely discussed, this is where almost all of history’s greatest leaders got their start.

• Joshua followed Moses for more than forty years before he led the children of Israel into the promised land.
• Elisha served Elijah for ten years before he took up his master’s mantle and went on to perform even more miracles.
• The Apostle Peter followed Jesus for three years—and made a lot of mistakes—before he and his fellow-disciples “turned the world upside down” (see Acts 17:6).

Though I don’t have time to develop it here, I would likewise contend that history’s worst leaders never learned to follow. As a result, they became tyrants, making the lives of their own followers miserable.”

Click here to read the Full Article.

Do his words make sense? Have you watched this play out?

I invited Shane to post here, chiefly because I feel a kinship to Shane. The artist and the spiritual formation learner I am jives so nicely with Shane’s outlook, and what he does as his life’s work. Writers, artist, thinkers, creatives, musicians, and so forth bring vital perspective to Christian Spirituality, and walking with God. Shane tends to this group, which is not an easy task.

Shane Tucker

Who is SHANE TUCKER?
Shane lived in Ireland for eleven years with his wife, two daughters and son. Now, he serves as Creative Director for ‘Dreamers of the Day‘ [www.dreamtoday.org] – a network utilizing the arts, spiritual disciplines, evocative messengers, and symposiums to engage people in their journey with Christ. He is passionate about seeing people live into their purpose in life, and he finds applications for that as a ‘soul friend’ (spiritual director) via Soul Friend (www.ArtistSoulFriend.com). He can be reached via either website or at shane dot tucker at gmail dot com.

Please enjoy Shane’s post, and feel free to offer your insights, comments, or questions.

Aesthetic Spirituality
by Shane Tucker

“Art enables us to find ourselves and lose ourselves at the same time.”
-ThomasMerton

We have an innate quality to notice beauty at every turn. To know that something is ugly or unattractive we must, of course, know that true beauty exists . . and in some way, to have experienced it. We resonate most strongly with that which seems to offer wholeness or a sense of completeness to our lives. That resonance may also be experienced as a deep hunger. Seldom do we know ourselves well enough to be able to express those yearnings in a coherent fashion. Itʼs in those times we need a bridge – something enabling us to connect, to integrate disparate elements into a whole. . . into a sense of being whole.

Art – any method or medium of creativity – can often serve as this necessary bridge, this connection, between what we know and what we long or yearn to know. Art gives us the tools, the words, the motion to live into what we sense is already there, but as of yet remains unseen. In this sense, art itself is a means by which we find ourselves by moving beyond ourselves. Through art (the highest sort) we are transported into places and spaces where we can lose ourselves. Itʼs a gift to be fully present to, and fully absorbed into, a situation or individual where weʼve forgotten to be concerned with our own desires or even aware of our image before others. Iʼve had a few experiences like this directly and by extension.

One of those experiences occurred three summers ago while I was attending a festival of creativity in middle England. I sought out a band I wanted to become acquainted with and unexpectedly, during their set I was in continual awe. Through their skillful use of music and visual elements, I was caught up in the moment and I forgot myself. Classic. Iʼve had similar experiences standing on green, broad, bald hilltops around Ireland as I drank in the arresting landscape around me. Another example are Christmas mornings since my three children arrived on the scene. Experiencing the uninhibited enthusiasm and joy demonstrated by these little people as they open gifts and share their excitement with the family – these are moments of pure bliss.

In times such as these we are given the gift of losing ourselves . . more specifically, concern for ourselves. The end, however, is not the experience of forgetting oneself in beauty, wonder, and awe; or even that of knowing a deep resonance which affords us the equivalent of tonal tonic through lifeʼs journey. Itʼs knowing Him. I hear, see, touch, taste and feel the Creator in this God-saturated existence called life. Heʼs made Himself ever- present in the created order and ever-accessible. He has, in fact, painted Himself into the portrait, written Himself into the narrative and sung Himself into our lives – even into existence, in Jesus Christ. When we recognize His overtures of love, our moment is to respond whole-heartedly, in trust, recklessly abandoned. In His hands, we then become the artwork by which He invites others to lose and find themselves in Love.

“Those who want to save their lives will lose them. But those who lose their lives for me will find them.” – Jesus, Matthew 16:25

by Shane Tucker / Soul Friend (Spiritual Director) / www.ArtistSoulFriend.com

Thank you, Shane.

1. You find yourself thinking up illnesses that would suffice for excuses for staying home. Sometimes you even invent names like Snufflititus or Schnozatigo: The serious redness and inflammation of the area beneath the nose from too much tissue rubbing. Rx Coffee, remote control, rest, snacks, and tissues with lotion built-in.

2. You suddenly realize how cool, smart, and savvy the early Sunday morning tv shows are, and feel like you might be getting a raw deal but missing them.

3. You feel deeply offended that your church doesn’t care too much that the coffee offered tastes something like armpit, and you start to identify this characteristic with an inherent spiritual problem of your congregation. (perhaps the misusing of the gift of hospitality) 

4. You start to pick apart the pastor’s sermon with a graph, and two columns of hatch marks on your church bulletin, adding up the times he is substituting a self-aggrandizing story instead of using a true parable to teach a point.

5. You find getting tapped for nursery duty a welcomed relief, because you won’t really have to talk to anybody, watch a worship performance you won’t enjoy, or try to not yawn an ungodly amount of times as you try to get through a sermon the pastor must have downloaded from somewhere late Saturday night.

Okay, this was a purposefully whacky list. If you can relate to any of these internal excuses, signs, or avoidance qualities, in some sort of way, then maybe the experience of attending church has grown stale.

It’s normal to have spiritual slumps. It can’t be wise to think of walking with God as a continual emotional high, and when it’s not experienced as such, something is horribly wrong. Like any journey, there will be hills and valleys. Faithfulness demonstrated as a choice done continually, (rather than a feeling-based action) can really see us through times like this. God is always with us, whether we “feel” him or not.

However, I’ll make a different point. There is also a tendency to fall into a consumer mindset, and feel like church-going is like shopping, and picking out something you like. We probably all do it, to an extent. Have you ever walked out of the service on Sunday thinking, “That wasn’t really what I was hoping for,”? Yep. Unmet expectations are common. But, it doesn’t have to wreck the whole bit of it.

Church doesn’t have to delight us every time, and soothe us. Most times it won’t feed us, not in the deep ways we crave. Those times are often found in community that can plumb to greater depths, and do the harder work, but build the stronger bonds that make genuine growth possible. (Think small groups, or spiritual directors, spiritual mentors, and discipleship situations.)

Church isn’t just some way to get recharged for your week, and be poured into. But, have you noticed how easy it is to slip into that bare minimum, and consumerist outlook of it? I have. I’ve been guilty of it way too much.

It’s not about just an experience, nor is it just meant for worshiping God with others. We worship God all the time, whether we do it poorly and unawares, or we tune in and give him our whole selves. We are his creation, our lives lived are a form of worship, like it or not.

Church-going, and the whole of the spiritual walk, are about applying the gospel to our lives in every circumstance and situation, the whole way through. God’s grace and love came down. He draws us to him. He restores. It seems we co-opt and yield to his mighty, gracious work to changing us radically, to be more like him.

Sometimes it just comes down to sucking it up. Sometimes it means you have to change, not your local church.

Have you ever been burned out on church, like I have, at one time or another? What helped you?

Leave any kinds of comments you’d like.