Lisa Colón DeLay

It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas….everywhere you go.

Here’s some things I didn’t think I’d say at Christmastime…

“No! Honey, take little baby Jesus out of your mouth and put him back!”

“Yes, he looks like candy, but keep him in the hay. That’s his bed.”

“No Jesus didn’t eat ham for Christmas dinner, I’m sure of it.”

“I wonder why Santa smells like that.”

“That’s garland. It looks tasty, and yes it’s pretty, but it’s not for eating.”

“Yes, if our house was made of candy we might have more cavities.”

“Does that costume ever get washed?”

“No, Jesus, Mary, and Joseph never rode a train.”

“If I see another man wearing mistletoe on his belt, I think I’m going to freak out.”

“Honey, I don’t know why the girl elf has almost no clothes on when she’s from the north pole. It is weird.”

“No, we won’t be using Raisinets to show that reindeer were nearby.”

“Yes, the woman singing Santa-Baby sounds like a cat. I think that’s on purpose.”

“Santa wasn’t one of the wise men, and he didn’t get anything for baby Jesus’ birthday. That came later.”

“No, The Three Magi is not a group Nikki Minaj was in.”

“Why does that elf look like he’s in the mafia?”

“There was no Round John Burgeon at the stable. He wasn’t a shepherd . It’s ’round yon virgin’, not Round John Burgeon….”

“I don’t know why candy canes stick to the backs of sweaters so much.”

“The angel wasn’t named Harold, and he didn’t have a harp. It’s “Hark, with a “k”, which sort of means “listen”, and it’s “herald” which means “a messenger”…oh nevermind.”

“Yes, sweetie, I know a lot of people do smell like cough medicine at Christmastime.”

 Feel free to add your own in the comments section!

(If you had a chuckle, will you please tweet it up? Spread the good cheer.)

…it’s so hot that…

I can’t think of a good joke for this right now. (Feel free to use your wit in the comments section, if you feel inclined.)

The reality of Heaven (that we’ve been discussing in recent posts) pulls into question the validity of the bible’s portrayal of Hell as well.

I think the scorching flames, pitchforks, and undying worms have actually undersold the idea of Hell.

Not that isolation and burning hot sulfur would be fun, but the reality of choosing death over life and the separation from God cannot be caught up in amputated descriptions we ordinarily have.

Who better to elucidate the topic than arguably the foremost New Testament scholar alive today.

Below is the statement not about real keys, or master locks. It’s about the victory of God, and about the hope we have that death is truly conquered.

New International Version (©1984)
I am the Living One; I was dead, and behold I am alive for ever and ever! And I hold the keys of death and Hades. Rev. 1:18

This was not a Christmasy post, was it?

Okay. Time to pull from the archives!

First, remember that Christmas is a time of giving. Here’s my project to give things away (public domain style). There are just a few days left to leave your mark on the world during Advent.

Second. Some needed Christmas humor…okay, it’s semi-dark humor.
Three selections:
1. Funny Santa photo
2. Funny Santa photo 2 (I did a whole week of this last year)
3. (suspicious holiday songs)

Piece of fruitcake, 14 lbs.

Tonight is the Eve of Christmas Eve. Some have referred to this night as Christmas Adam…because Adam came before Eve. It’s all very Biblical, like Christmas itself, when Jesus came down a chimney, and was born under a tree, and then wrapped in swaddling gift wrappings.

I have usually rejected the moniker “Christmas Adam” because it takes away from Santa Clause. This is a tough night for Santa, with all the dry runs they have to do in the North Pole, and the elf toymaker’s threat of strike casting an unseemly shadow on this year’s holiday Super Bowl of Arctic events. It’s one of the best reasons compassion should be at the fore in our minds.

Christmas Adam is not so much a day of cheer. It’s a day of cuss words, traffic, last minute panic buying, and feeling like a dope for forgetting any number of basic merriment preparations.

And- Christmas Adam allows us reflection for one more important holiday theme. Don’t Eat the Fruit…cake.

I buy it twice almost every December, because a genetic mutation passed from my mother-in-law to my husband, allows them both to delight in the stuff. 28lbs later, my shopping is complete… if I remember to include the stuff.

Are you a fan of the holiday Cake of Candied Fruit? (Is it REALLY fruit anymore?) To me it seems like eating cement bread laced with misshaped jelly beans. Bleck!

I know one thing, it’s not Jesus’s favorite birthday cake. And calling it FRUITcake of the Spirit won’t help your cause either. (You can’t even get candles into it!)

Happy Christmas and Best Wishes for the New Year!

In the video Father Chrsitmas (click for trailer) Santa gets ticked-off, grumpy, and self-centered…and takes a vacation. Huh? (He’s practically a jerk. Yeah, I don’t get it either.)

It’s odd also because, even though his vacation helps his stress level, he ends by saying, ”Have a Bloomin’ Christmas!” From spending some time in England, I know that the word “bloomin” is typically used in anger, like, “You’re a bloomin’ disgrace!”

So, he may as well have said, “Have a bloomin’ Christmas and a freakin’ New Year!” Right. OKAY. So, there you have it!

It’s one more holiday weirdness to wrap our brains around.

For the final day of weird Santa week, I’m busting out the rest of the bad Santa photos in a Grand Finale slideshow. Voila!
Tell us which is YOUR favorite.

Thoughts? Comments? Questions?

CHEERS!

[slideshow]

The lighting and the faces in this weird Santa photo seems to point to a pre-photo backstory.

My proposal is that just before this was taken, Santa give little Buddy here a rap on the noggin with his gloved knuckle.

Here the kiddo is saying, “Ouch…what the holly, Santa!”

We’d like to read your theory.

Write a caption, or the backstory of this ODD photo!

Things were so innocent and sweet in the old days…um. no. Santa wouldn’t put up with any nonsense. As shown here, back in the day, if you weren’t good, Santa would bag you at Christmas, water board you, and you’d never be seen again.

Tell us what you think!

"You've been naughty." Elves were kidnapped kids?

Double your pleasure. Double your fun. Take toddler twins to sit on the lap of a large stranger, in weird red

pajamas who smells like Irish Coffee. HO. Ho. Ho.

Were YOU scared of Santa as a kid?

Double the Christmas photo Jolliness!

Welcome to weird Santa week.

Each day, I’ll give you a picture for your amusement.

Do you know any kids who get freaked out by the fat and jolly stranger in the fake beard?

Do you have a weird Santa picture? Add a link to share it with us.

First Entry:

I’m not sure who looks more upset, the kid or the Santa. (If you think of a good caption, leave one here.)

What did they say to each other? Santa looks about to cry too.

Caption: “I feel something wet on my leg.”

I do like the Christmas season songs.

Yet, on closer inspection, I’ve noticed that some winter favorites are a bit…how should I say it…disconcerting…

(click the song title to read the words)

Here’s a list of 5:

1. Baby It’s Cold Outside is not even a Roofie away from an ensuing crime scene.

2. Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer tells a tale of a heard of reindeer bullies, who come to conditionally love a special needs reindeer, but only after he proves useful to them.

3. Santa looks either like intrusive government, or an ungracious deity in an upcoming advent in Santa Clause is Coming to Town.

4. What do sleepy newborn babies enjoy more than anything? Drum solos!
The song Little Drummer Boy couldn’t have been written by a mother, or caretaker of infants. This racket is a song racket.

5. The seemingly sweet  I’ll be Home for Christmas song ends sadly enough to be used effectively for a Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor (SSRI) commercial. [Consult your doctor if you have increased thoughts of suicide.]

What are a few of your favorite Christmas time songs and why?

I enjoy Silent Night, a lot for its spiritual poignancy. But, even if there was a mood of inner peace, I doubt it was that quiet in crowded Bethlehem, or in a stable of animals and an infant.

Are there any songs, you’d like to never endure again?

Or maybe you can make one up!
“Do you hear smell what I hear smell?”

I’m giving out something especially fun this Christmas, but first, I  want to wish all of you a very Merry Christmas, and hope that 2010 will be a blessing for you.

When I started this blog in February 2009, I didn’t know what would happen. I couldn’t imagine the outpouring of kindness and devotion that would come. I started with about 10 hits/visitors a week, and now I get that many by 6 a.m. Thank you all for coming along with me this year. I will be working on this blog, writing almost every day to engage the heart and mind, and injecting fun and humor as well. Plus, in February, I like to give gifts, because it’s my birthday month, so stay tuned for that too, if you like getting amusing, or helpful goodies in the mail.

I thank you so much for your friendship and support. Technology can produce wonderful connections, growth, healing, and joy. It has for me, and I hope you find it here too. I encourage you, if you haven’t in a while, to check the blog categories, and archives to see what you’ve missed.

This is the time of year when my family and I celebrate the advent (arrival) and the most gracious gift of Jesus, the Incarnation. In the spirit of generosity, inspired also by St Nicholas, and many other spiritual giants, I’d like to extend an opportunity to all of you, by way of a contest for a special and very fun Christmas gift. I wish I had the resources to give each one of you this funky gift, I found while cruising around the “interweb,” but alas, the joy of giving will still be there, and I’m SO excited to send it out!

This handmade wallet is quite the neat treat. Made from genuine legos, it’s a snazzy gear for holding plastic cards, bill money, keys, tissues, mints, coins, chap stick, receipts for Christmas gifts you have to return, or other small objects. It’s a fun conversation starter, or a unique gift for a lego lover, (especially a “boy,” ages 5-55). It will also be enjoyed by anyone (male or female) with a taste for fun, or a penchant for innovative, and creative design.

It will be given to the 100th responder that does one of the following:

1. Follow Life As Prayer on Facebook and Twitter http://LifeAsPrayer.twitter.com, and send out a message about it.

2. Retweet this: < @LifeAsPrayer has a funky Lego Wallet Christmas gift for the 100th RT > *(Please include 1 reason why you like Life As Prayer, or how you found out about it.)

3. Send 2 friends (new visitors) to view the LifeAsPrayer blog, and have them leave a comment containing your name.

That’s it!

Have fun.

~MERRY CHRISTMAS~