1. You used to be so cute.
2. I’ve been posting your showers as a LIVE feed. You have 1,740 “likes”.
3. I wouldn’t have gossiped about you so much if I had known you were actually going to marry my son.
4. I didn’t realize that was your toothbrush. I’ve been using it to clean the grout.
5. It’s great to have everyone around the table again. Want me to tell the plunger story?
6. I told your mother it’s her fault that you’re in counseling.
7. You’re still handsome, in a Cialis commercial kind of way.
8. If you feel a little nauseated soon it’s because the date on the cream expired a while ago.
10. Would you like to know who your real father is?
11. If you do that one more time I will mention vaginal dryness at the top of my voice, right here in this elevator, I swear.
12. The back of your dress was tucked into your belt at church today.
13. I didn’t say I caught you doing that. I said we ran out of tissues and it was suspicious.
(Read part one)
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