{"id":15569,"date":"2015-02-03T12:29:45","date_gmt":"2015-02-03T17:29:45","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/lisadelay.com\/blog\/?p=15569"},"modified":"2015-02-03T18:51:05","modified_gmt":"2015-02-03T23:51:05","slug":"encountering-your-own-loneliness","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lisadelay.com\/blog\/encountering-your-own-loneliness\/","title":{"rendered":"Encountering your own loneliness"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-medium wp-image-15570\" src=\"https:\/\/lisadelay.com\/blog\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/02\/solotext-300x257.png\" alt=\"solotext\" width=\"300\" height=\"257\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lisadelay.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/02\/solotext-300x257.png 300w, https:\/\/lisadelay.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/02\/solotext-350x299.png 350w, https:\/\/lisadelay.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/02\/solotext-150x128.png 150w, https:\/\/lisadelay.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/02\/solotext.png 367w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><\/p>\n<hr \/>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Managing a wine\u00a0<a href=\"http:\/\/springgatevineyard.com\" target=\"_blank\">tasting room<\/a> is a great job for a writer because, when it&#8217;s not too busy, you can become a kind of social scientist: observing people and trying to see why humans\u00a0do what we do.<\/p>\n<p>You can even allow your curiosity to navigate some of the deeper questions about the human experience.<\/p>\n<h3>One recent observation:<br \/>\nThe &#8220;poison apple&#8221; of the <em>smart phone<\/em> has changed how we do things alone\u2013eating, drinking, or\u00a0traveling, in particular.<\/h3>\n<p>FACT: People rarely come to taste wine by themselves (at our place).<\/p>\n<p>That may seem obvious. Wine tends to bring people together, right? Maybe\u00a0I shouldn&#8217;t be so surprised that people only rarely come alone.<\/p>\n<p><strong>But it IS strange.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Think about it like this:<br \/>\nShopping for food or clothes alone isn&#8217;t considered weird and people tasting wine are really just shopping for wine.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><em>The only difference perhaps are\u00a0presumptions, previous experiences, or maybe\u00a0subterranean\u00a0social exceptions.<\/em><\/p>\n<hr \/>\n<p><strong>\u2022 Feeling\u00a0low&#8230;solo<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>When people visit\u00a0the tasting room alone, I can usually sense their\u00a0social discomfort.\u00a0They might suddenly offer\u00a0me a reason why they are alone this time or they might neurotically use their phone to look busy or connected.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>The alternative, of course, would be to interact with and absorb the environment they are truly in or\u00a0look for ways to subvert social fear through some modicum of meaningful interaction: friendliness, conversation, inquisitiveness, for starters.\u00a0So terrifying is the prospect of looking lonely at a winery, that many solo customers barely experience it at all.<\/p>\n<hr \/>\n<p><strong>\u2022 Confronting fear<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>This\u00a0observation got me to thinking of ways I try to numb or avoid these fears or points of discomfort in myself and in my life. What am I missing that I shouldn&#8217;t be. The default is to use technology to connect, but at what cost?<\/p>\n<p>When I interviewed <a href=\"http:\/\/rolfpotts.com\" target=\"_blank\">Rolf Potts<\/a>, famed travel-writer and best-selling author, he talked about his own wrestling with the seduction of &#8220;not being where he was&#8221; by engaging with technology. One of the most memorable things he said was\u00a0this:<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>&#8220;When you travel alone you are forced to confront your own loneliness and boredom, and interact with your surroundings in ways you can&#8217;t [when you&#8217;re] with a companion.&#8221;<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>We miss our chances for new experiences with the advent of constant so-called &#8220;connectedness&#8221;, don&#8217;t we?<\/p>\n<p>The habit forms quickly. Only thoughtfulness will heal this malady.<\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/I5XpCbgNJUU\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p>(Here&#8217;s the video. He\u00a0covers that bit around min 2:40.)<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Do you question how you use technology and confront what it might be stealing from you?<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Encountering our\u00a0loneliness more deeply could create epiphanic\u00a0moments of self-discovery and new insights into what we\u00a0fear and what makes us each\u00a0unique.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Maybe it&#8217;s time to do something alone to test your social fears, deepen your healthy sense of self, and develop a new sense of social, and even spiritual, courage and strength.<\/p>\n<p>Maybe leave your phone is the car for the 30 min you shop, eat out, or exercise. Good things could happen.<\/p>\n<hr \/>\n<p><em>If you like what you\u2019ve read, consider getting my in-depth but consice weekly correspondence, starting\u00a0soon.<\/em><br \/>\n<em>Learn about it\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/lisadelay.com\/blog\/blog\/weekly-secret-missives\/\" target=\"_blank\">here<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n<div id=\"https:\/\/lisadelay.com\/blog\/blog\/2015\/01\/28\/your-thoughts-are-clouds-not-rocks\/\" class=\"linkwithin_hook\"><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Can eating, drinking, or traveling alone really challenge your fears and produce new-found social courage and strength?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,9,5335,5626,76],"tags":[153,186,239,290,4378,5325,530,4541,611,735,771,5542,4937,4708,5735,5995,995,4377,1048,1071,1136,1138,1174,1184,5053,24,4374,27,1503,5521,4716,1763,4609,5181,1858,4081,5645,5974,1987,2016,2070,6266,2246,2367,6259,2521,5651,5840,2747,2787,4079,2906,3013,3068,5123,3126,3184,3241,3267,83,6130,3421,4241,3443,3444,86,3489,3598,4385,3698,3711,3714,3947,3765],"class_list":["post-15569","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-authors","category-books","category-creativity","category-spark-my-muse","category-spirituality","tag-advent","tag-alone","tag-apple","tag-author","tag-be","tag-best","tag-busy","tag-car","tag-challenge","tag-clothes","tag-companion","tag-conversation","tag-cost","tag-courage","tag-curiosity","tag-depth","tag-discovery","tag-do","tag-drinking","tag-eating","tag-environment","tag-epiphany","tag-exercise","tag-experience","tag-fact","tag-fear","tag-feeling","tag-food","tag-good","tag-habit","tag-if","tag-in","tag-insights","tag-interaction","tag-job","tag-just","tag-kind","tag-learn","tag-leave","tag-life","tag-loneliness","tag-lonely","tag-moments","tag-not","tag-numb","tag-people","tag-post","tag-question","tag-questions","tag-reason","tag-right","tag-rolf-potts","tag-self-discovery","tag-shopping","tag-smart-phone","tag-social","tag-spiritual","tag-stealing","tag-strength","tag-technology","tag-test","tag-things","tag-thinking","tag-tim-ferriss","tag-time","tag-travel","tag-traveling","tag-video","tag-weird","tag-why","tag-will","tag-wine","tag-wrestling","tag-writer"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lisadelay.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15569","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lisadelay.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lisadelay.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lisadelay.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lisadelay.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=15569"}],"version-history":[{"count":11,"href":"https:\/\/lisadelay.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15569\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":15581,"href":"https:\/\/lisadelay.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15569\/revisions\/15581"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lisadelay.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=15569"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lisadelay.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=15569"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lisadelay.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=15569"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}