{"id":17033,"date":"2015-12-04T03:14:25","date_gmt":"2015-12-04T09:14:25","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/lisadelay.com\/blog\/?p=17033"},"modified":"2015-12-08T20:19:09","modified_gmt":"2015-12-09T02:19:09","slug":"eps-39-real-help-for-loss-and-grief-with-alise-chaffins","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lisadelay.com\/blog\/eps-39-real-help-for-loss-and-grief-with-alise-chaffins\/","title":{"rendered":"EPS 39: Real Help for Loss and Grief with Alise Chaffins"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Today&#8217;s guest is a blogger, author, musician and a woman who suffered a string of terrible events and decided to tackle the topic of grief to help others through the process.<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-medium wp-image-17035\" src=\"https:\/\/lisadelay.com\/blog\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/12\/alisechaffins-300x252.jpg\" alt=\"alisechaffins\" width=\"300\" height=\"252\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lisadelay.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/12\/alisechaffins-300x252.jpg 300w, https:\/\/lisadelay.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/12\/alisechaffins-350x294.jpg 350w, https:\/\/lisadelay.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/12\/alisechaffins-150x126.jpg 150w, https:\/\/lisadelay.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/12\/alisechaffins.jpg 960w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><\/p>\n<p><em>If you&#8217;ve suffered a loss or know someone who&#8217;s grieving, this book will\u00a0bring some needed comfort and give you helpful\u00a0information to help better. \u00a0Alise and I have an important conversation today. <strong>Please scroll down to the shownotes to access the important links mentioned in the show.<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><iframe loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/player.blubrry.com\/?media_url=https%3A%2F%2Fmedia.blubrry.com%2Fspark_my_muse%2Fcontent.blubrry.com%2Fspark_my_muse%2FAliseChaffinsGrief.mp3&amp;podcast_link=https%3A%2F%2Flisadelay.com%2Fblog%2Feps-39-real-help-for-loss-and-grief-with-alise-chaffins%2F\" scrolling=\"no\" width=\"100%\" height=\"165\" frameborder=\"0\" id=\"blubrryplayer-1\" class=\"blubrryplayer\" title=\"Blubrry Podcast Player\"><\/iframe><p class=\"powerpress_links powerpress_links_mp3\" style=\"margin-bottom: 1px !important;\">Podcast: <a href=\"https:\/\/media.blubrry.com\/spark_my_muse\/content.blubrry.com\/spark_my_muse\/AliseChaffinsGrief.mp3\" class=\"powerpress_link_pinw\" target=\"_blank\" title=\"Play in new window\" onclick=\"return powerpress_pinw('https:\/\/lisadelay.com\/blog\/?powerpress_pinw=17033-podcast');\" rel=\"nofollow\">Play in new window<\/a> | <a href=\"https:\/\/media.blubrry.com\/spark_my_muse\/content.blubrry.com\/spark_my_muse\/AliseChaffinsGrief.mp3\" class=\"powerpress_link_d\" title=\"Download\" rel=\"nofollow\" download=\"AliseChaffinsGrief.mp3\">Download<\/a> (54.4MB) | <a href=\"#\" class=\"powerpress_link_e\" title=\"Embed\" onclick=\"return powerpress_show_embed('17033-podcast');\" rel=\"nofollow\">Embed<\/a><\/p><p class=\"powerpress_embed_box\" id=\"powerpress_embed_17033-podcast\" style=\"display: none;\"><input id=\"powerpress_embed_17033-podcast_t\" type=\"text\" value=\"&lt;iframe src=&quot;https:\/\/player.blubrry.com\/?media_url=https%3A%2F%2Fmedia.blubrry.com%2Fspark_my_muse%2Fcontent.blubrry.com%2Fspark_my_muse%2FAliseChaffinsGrief.mp3&amp;podcast_link=https%3A%2F%2Flisadelay.com%2Fblog%2Feps-39-real-help-for-loss-and-grief-with-alise-chaffins%2F&quot; scrolling=&quot;no&quot; width=&quot;100%&quot; height=&quot;165&quot; frameborder=&quot;0&quot; id=&quot;blubrryplayer-2&quot; class=&quot;blubrryplayer&quot; title=&quot;Blubrry Podcast Player&quot;&gt;&lt;\/iframe&gt;\" onclick=\"javascript: this.select();\" onfocus=\"javascript: this.select();\" style=\"width: 70%;\" readOnly><\/p><p class=\"powerpress_links powerpress_subscribe_links\">Subscribe to Spark My Muse <a href=\"https:\/\/itunes.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/spark-my-muse\/id988423690?mt=2&amp;ls=1#episodeGuid=https%3A%2F%2Flisadelay.com%2Fblog%2F%3Fp%3D17033\" class=\"powerpress_link_subscribe powerpress_link_subscribe_itunes\" target=\"_blank\" title=\"Subscribe on Apple Podcasts\" rel=\"nofollow\">Apple Podcasts<\/a> | <a href=\"https:\/\/lisadelay.com\/blog\/feed\/podcast\/\" class=\"powerpress_link_subscribe powerpress_link_subscribe_spotify\" target=\"_blank\" title=\"Subscribe on Spotify\" rel=\"nofollow\">Spotify<\/a> | <a href=\"https:\/\/subscribebyemail.com\/feeds.podcastmirror.com\/spark-my-muse\" class=\"powerpress_link_subscribe powerpress_link_subscribe_email\" target=\"_blank\" title=\"Subscribe by Email\" rel=\"nofollow\">Email<\/a> | <a href=\"https:\/\/lisadelay.com\/blog\/feed\/podcast\/\" class=\"powerpress_link_subscribe powerpress_link_subscribe_tunein\" target=\"_blank\" title=\"Subscribe on TuneIn\" rel=\"nofollow\">TuneIn<\/a> | <a href=\"https:\/\/feeds.podcastmirror.com\/spark-my-muse\" class=\"powerpress_link_subscribe powerpress_link_subscribe_rss\" target=\"_blank\" title=\"Subscribe via RSS\" rel=\"nofollow\">RSS<\/a> | <a href=\"https:\/\/lisadelay.com\/blog\/spark-muse-podcast\/\" class=\"powerpress_link_subscribe powerpress_link_subscribe_more\" target=\"_blank\" title=\"Subscribe to Spark My Muse\" rel=\"nofollow\">Subscribe to Spark My Muse<\/a><\/p><br \/>\nVisit\u00a0<a href=\"http:\/\/knittingsoul.com\" target=\"_blank\">ALISE CHAFFINS<\/a>&#8216; website.<\/p>\n<p>Her book on grief.<br \/>\n<iframe loading=\"lazy\" style=\"width: 120px; height: 240px;\" src=\"\/\/ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com\/widgets\/q?ServiceVersion=20070822&amp;OneJS=1&amp;Operation=GetAdHtml&amp;MarketPlace=US&amp;source=ss&amp;ref=ss_til&amp;ad_type=product_link&amp;tracking_id=thbloflicode-20&amp;marketplace=amazon&amp;region=US&amp;placement=B017L900OI&amp;asins=B017L900OI&amp;linkId=GKBM5DHXC5XR2BG5&amp;show_border=true&amp;link_opens_in_new_window=true\" width=\"300\" height=\"150\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\"><br \/>\n<\/iframe><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><strong>Shownotes<\/strong><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: left;\">Min 2:00<br \/>\nWhat is a good first step when someone is suffering?<\/p>\n<p>MIN 3:00<br \/>\n\u201cI\u2019m sorry you\u2019re going through this.\u201d<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>Saying less is more.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>Really listen to the language the person is using and echo it back to them and not the language that is comfortable for (you).<\/p>\n<p>MIN 5:20<br \/>\nUsing faith or heaven language might not be welcome.<\/p>\n<p>MIN 9:30<br \/>\nAbout the string of suffering and trauma that brought grief to Alise and how she needed to get better through therapy and medication.<\/p>\n<p>MIN 14:00<br \/>\nMedication during grief to process properly.<\/p>\n<p>MIN 17:00<br \/>\nIsolation in grief. The paradox of uniqueness and universality of grief.<\/p>\n<p>MIN 20:00<br \/>\nHow we can share our grief with memories or with others in some way.<\/p>\n<p>MIN 21:20<br \/>\n<a href=\"http:\/\/www.griefshare.org\" target=\"_blank\">Grief Share <\/a>organization and places to develop new rituals and finding community of other bereaved.<\/p>\n<p>MIN 23:00<\/p>\n<p>\u201cGrief helps us find our humanity.\u201d<br \/>\nGrief pulls us together. It\u2019s the event that strips us of our humanity.<\/p>\n<p>MIN 25:00<br \/>\nAttaching morality onto emotion is doing ourselves a disservice because it doesn\u2019t allow us to feel what we feel. The actions beyond those feelings can be moral or immoral.<\/p>\n<p>MIN 26:00<br \/>\nGrief and separation anxiety:<br \/>\n<iframe loading=\"lazy\" style=\"width: 120px; height: 240px;\" src=\"\/\/ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com\/widgets\/q?ServiceVersion=20070822&amp;OneJS=1&amp;Operation=GetAdHtml&amp;MarketPlace=US&amp;source=ss&amp;ref=ss_til&amp;ad_type=product_link&amp;tracking_id=thbloflicode-20&amp;marketplace=amazon&amp;region=US&amp;placement=0809126524&amp;asins=0809126524&amp;linkId=PC2OG2RSTDJ5KRT6&amp;show_border=true&amp;link_opens_in_new_window=true\" width=\"300\" height=\"150\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\"><br \/>\n<\/iframe><br \/>\n<span style=\"color: #999999;\"><em>Grief is the (normal) human emotional response to loss. It is a common part of human experience and may produce growth. We can lose people, places, objects, relationships, and even ideas. Some losses may not be actual, but\u00a0anticipated, or a perceived loss. (25) Acute grief looks remarkably similar to a classic anxiety attack (same physical\u00a0symptoms). It is similar to the feelings felt in fear. In grief one fears the loss of self through separation, and experiences separation anxiety. (28)\u00a0<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #999999;\"><em>It is a function of attachment. It can be understood also as our emotions catching up with our reality. (38) The more we can love the more we can grieve. Our\u00a0abnormal<\/em><em>\u00a0attachments show up (caused by an improper process of \u00a0grieving) as permanent emotional detachment\u00a0or heightened attachment. (30)<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #999999;\">R. Scott Sullender, \u201cGrief and Growth: Pastoral Resources for Emotional and Spiritual Growth\u201d Paulist Press, 1985.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>MIN 28:30<br \/>\nStages of grief like a water cycle and forgiveness and grace.<\/p>\n<p>MIN 31:30<br \/>\nExtending forgiveness during grief and the risk and humility needed.<\/p>\n<p>MIN 32:15<br \/>\nHealing and time and doing our part and letting go once we\u2019ve done what we can.<\/p>\n<p>MIN 33:15<br \/>\nA mustard seed of faith that the story isn\u2019t over yet. Reconciliation can mean we put our weapons down and that\u2019s restoration too.<\/p>\n<p>MIN 34:15<br \/>\nRecognizing progress.<\/p>\n<p>MIN 35:00<br \/>\nBeing more aware of grief in others so that you can have more grace during trying circumstances.<\/p>\n<p>MIN 37:00<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/knittingsoul.com\" target=\"_blank\">Alise&#8217;s website:<\/a><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/knittingsoul.com\" target=\"_blank\">\u00a0<\/a>http:\/\/knittingsoul.com<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/facebook.com\/alisechaffins\" target=\"_blank\">FACEBOOK GROUP PAGE:<\/a><br \/>\nhttp:\/\/facebook.com\/alisechaffins<\/p>\n<hr \/>\n<p>Thank you for listening! If you enjoyed the show please leave a review that will be helpful to would-be listeners on iTunes and <strong>don&#8217;t forget to sign up for the newsletter<\/strong>!<\/p>\n<p>New episodes come out on Wednesdays and Fridays!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<iframe loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/player.blubrry.com\/?media_url=https%3A%2F%2Fmedia.blubrry.com%2Fspark_my_muse%2Fcontent.blubrry.com%2Fspark_my_muse%2FAliseChaffinsGrief.mp3&amp;podcast_link=https%3A%2F%2Flisadelay.com%2Fblog%2Feps-39-real-help-for-loss-and-grief-with-alise-chaffins%2F\" scrolling=\"no\" width=\"100%\" height=\"165\" frameborder=\"0\" id=\"blubrryplayer-3\" class=\"blubrryplayer\" title=\"Blubrry Podcast Player\"><\/iframe><p class=\"powerpress_links powerpress_links_mp3\" style=\"margin-bottom: 1px !important;\">Podcast: <a href=\"https:\/\/media.blubrry.com\/spark_my_muse\/content.blubrry.com\/spark_my_muse\/AliseChaffinsGrief.mp3\" class=\"powerpress_link_pinw\" target=\"_blank\" title=\"Play in new window\" onclick=\"return powerpress_pinw('https:\/\/lisadelay.com\/blog\/?powerpress_pinw=17033-podcast');\" rel=\"nofollow\">Play in new window<\/a> | <a href=\"https:\/\/media.blubrry.com\/spark_my_muse\/content.blubrry.com\/spark_my_muse\/AliseChaffinsGrief.mp3\" class=\"powerpress_link_d\" title=\"Download\" rel=\"nofollow\" download=\"AliseChaffinsGrief.mp3\">Download<\/a> (54.4MB) | <a href=\"#\" class=\"powerpress_link_e\" title=\"Embed\" onclick=\"return powerpress_show_embed('17033-podcast');\" rel=\"nofollow\">Embed<\/a><\/p><p class=\"powerpress_embed_box\" id=\"powerpress_embed_17033-podcast\" style=\"display: none;\"><input id=\"powerpress_embed_17033-podcast_t\" type=\"text\" value=\"&lt;iframe src=&quot;https:\/\/player.blubrry.com\/?media_url=https%3A%2F%2Fmedia.blubrry.com%2Fspark_my_muse%2Fcontent.blubrry.com%2Fspark_my_muse%2FAliseChaffinsGrief.mp3&amp;podcast_link=https%3A%2F%2Flisadelay.com%2Fblog%2Feps-39-real-help-for-loss-and-grief-with-alise-chaffins%2F&quot; 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