Today is my 5th day with Poison Ivy. I wish getting a rash from the stuff made me look like Uma Thurman in the Batman Series. But no. It’s on my right hand, my neck, and my face. (I’ll spare you a picture…but if you’re weird and very curious you can find one I posted on Facebook… cause I’m weird. It was really more of a cry for help.)
My husband was impervious to the wiles of the wicked weed throughout his whole life. He was a sort of “Leaves of three, won’t hurt me,” kind of person. He was quite immune, and had an immense confidence in his resistance.
Little did he realize that one can develop a sensitivity at any time in life; sometimes suddenly–out of nowhere. You probably know where this is going, right?
Yep. Two years ago he yanked out a very pesky vine in our yard, and developed bumps under his watchband. “Bug bites,” he said. Very nasty and itchy bite causing bugs, with the kind of kind of moxie to work around and under a tight plastic strap, and skip all the easy biting areas. Hands? Ankles? Neck? That’s for sissy bugs! These bugs were The Seal Team 6 of the insect world.
After a few days, and the “bug bites” spreading (strangely enough), he complained how powerfully allergic he turned out to be to these vicious insect creatures. I took one look, and said, “That looks just like poison ivy.”
He said, “It can’t be poison ivy. I don’t get poison ivy.” Still, he agreed to have the doctor take a look, and was treated with a steroid for guess what? Now, he lives a life of fear for that side of our yard. Recollecting the agony has made him a different man.
HERE is a link to properly identify these common rash inducers.
People can be like poison ivy. Sure everything is innocuous at first. Maybe, we think, “Great, they’re raspberries!” Raspberries have leaves-of-three. And raspberries are delicious! Mmm. We interact with them, and after some searching, we don’t seem to find the fruit we thought we would. Nevertheless, no ill comes of it. It’s more of a enigma than anything. Hardy plants too. Look at them take off!
Then one day, it strikes us, these leaves-of-three people actually cause irritation, and a distracting burning itch…that spreads. You may try to make it work. You may try to just “semi-interact” with them, but a rash is always the result. Usually, it’s the kind of rash that gets a bit worse with each encounter.
Finally, you realize, “Leaves-of-three, let them be.” They are, in fact, poisonous to you and many others…even though they may seem like wonderful raspberries at first. Where they are comes annoyance, pain, or vexation. They are clever look-alikes. Nothing can make them raspberries, and you have to stop acting as if there is a way that a wholesale change into “something else” is possible. You realize you can cancel their debt of inflicting you, but you don’t want to be touched by them, or get too close anymore. It’s just not worth it.
Have you ever had to avoid a “poison ivy person”?
What are some cures or remedies you’ve heard of for helping with poison ivy? (The plant kind, or the people kind.)
And I’m really curious, What kind of prayer do you think might help with regards to poison ivy people?
Funny but I was just looking at my daughter’s poison ivy tonight which is getting to the point of needing some medical attention. The old calamine, caladryl routine just does not work at this point. It takes medicine and the condition passes before long. Poison Ivy People, now that is another thing altogether. Yes, avoidance is the only strategy but the problem is that they do not immediately identify themselves and, unlike “leaves of three”, they often come in different forms. The result can be anything from mild annoyance to debilitatingly maddening distraction to the point of being unable to do anything other than deal with the itch and paint. “Wise as serpents…” Jesus tells us we must be for successfully maintaining the faith life. There are persons who like being poison ivy and are not looking to be otherwise. We do well to love them best by not allowing them to practice their particular type of dysfunctionality on us. No more than we might prune the botanical poison ivy as a decorative bush should we cultivate a relationship with this type of person. Avoidance when we see the signs is the only thing to do- compassion is not possible when you are infected with an irritant from head to toe whether it be of the vegetive variety or behavioral.
Hey, Lisa, I feel for you. I never had problems with poison ivy but if I got into bull nettle I was in a world of hurt. Being from TX, the only thing worse was stepping into a fire ant mound.Best thing I know for the plant sting is calamine and benadryl (topical or pill).
As far as people, I usually let them be. Even though I’m a glutton for punishment I will usually reach out to them before anyone else I know would. I would pray for the eyes of their heart to be enlightened and pray for them from afar. It is also recognizing that Christ is the one who will bring reconciliation; He stands between you and the poisonous ones.
I like aloe to deal with skin irritations. For human irritations, I try to use an avoiding technique. When that does not work, I usually toss up popcorn prayers while I am with the person and they depend on the situation. I also toss up prayers for myself to ask for God to show me He has connected me with that person. More likely, God has put me into their life to achieve something for Him, like it or not.
I meant that the prayers depend on the situation, not the person. ;)
Lisa – This is where I have found wordless prayer (you will understand the distinction here from all forms of mental or discursive prayer) to be particularly helpful. When I try to “pray for” poison ivies, I fall into the trap of giving God some very valuable information on those people and what they’ve been up to and what God should do about it, and I just end up angrier (and more self-righteous) than when I began. Scracthing does not soothe! Wordless prayer treats prayer as raw material for God to shape as God chooses, and seems to soothe my scorched spiritual epidermis. As to the more practical matter of dealing with such people, boundaries are indeed crucial but, for people with a Trinitarian theology, cut-off is not a final solution. I recommend “Generation to Generation” by Edwin Friedman and “How Your Church Family Works” by Peter Steinke for good insights on how we can remain in relationship with such people by refusing to ignore or enable their poison. (Full disclosure: I articulate my theology at this point far better than I live it.)
As a kid who always ended up in Poison Ivy, I had to wash up with Fels Naptha soap, but that was usually before the infection set in. Ultimately I had to end up in the doctor’s office. As for the people… You’re guess is as good as mine.
I really appreciate what Doug says above. It’s almost like “just sitting there with God” as he examines our spiritual “blisters,” as we might “just sit there” as the medical doctor uses his eyes and (gloved) hands to examine our physical blisters. I get the picture of a child holding out a hurt finger for parental examination. :-) Sometimes the parent can heal the injury with attention and a kiss; other times an antiseptic and a bandage is necessary; sometimes the parent will accompany the kiss or the bandage with an exhortation about the dangers of this world. In similar fashion, God may respond to our wordless prayers in various ways suited to the situation.
And yes, Doug, exclusion is not the final answer . . . and yes, it’s extraordinarily difficult to say things like, “Gee, that comment seemed especially designed to irritate me. Was that what you meant to do?” I wish I were more courageous in those areas, more often; however, avoidance can be much easier in the short run. Perhaps as we deliberately bring these situations to God, we are granted strength for the next encounter.
This is an important topic. (Particularly as it pertains to people..I hope I never encounter the plant form. ;-) It’s especially tricky to avoid “poison” when it’s mingled with the relationships of those closest to you.
I tend to be pretty forbearing when it comes to this…however…I’ve had to really wrestle with becoming honest about a couple things…particularly when I sense this poison ivy thing is chronic.
It becomes an almost spiritual matter, not only in how we consider praying/or loving the individual, but also when considering how that poison is compromising our mission. Maybe even drawing us into a poisonous state ourselves? Some clear, often painful/uncomfortable, lines need to be drawn here.
Thank you for mentioning these books, Doug. I for one plan to check them out.
My church is very much into the “remove toxic people from your life” movement these days. (I’m trying to track down a Christian cultural source; any ideas?) It is tearing families apart. Recently some have begun appealing to OT commands regarding the killing of entire people-groups to justify present-day “cutting off.”
There has to be a better way.
What? um… Might be good to remind those command citing folks that we are not ancient West-Semites. ugh. sad. Blessings in your situation.
Thank you so much to everyone who’s responded on this post. I appreciate you. a. lot.