Tag: suffering

Love Deeply (from Henri Nouwen’s Journal)

I’m getting so much out of this little book!

(I really recommend getting a copy. I saw one on Amazon for $1.50 (used). What a bargain!)

Henri Nouwen gathered his thoughts and pennend notes for his personal use during a difficult 6 months of reflection and healing. They were meant as private notes, but after 8 years a few friends encouraged him to have them organized and published sensing other soul searchers would be encouraged by them. His pain is often palpable and humble and his words are like food for kindred spirits. I’m grateful he was so brave.

page 59

Love Deeply
Do not hesitate to love and to love deeply. You might be afraid of the pain that deep love can cause. When those you love deeply reject you, leave you, or die, your heart will be broken. But that should not hold you back from loving deeply. The pain that comes from deep love makes your love ever more fruitful. It is like a plow that break the ground to allow the seed to take root and grow into a strong plant. Every time you experience the of rejection, absence, or death, you are faced with a choice. You can become bitter and decide no to love again, or you can stand straight in your pain and let the soil on which you stand become richer and more able to give life to new seeds.

The more you have loved and have allowed yourself to suffer because of your love, the more you will be able to let your heart grow wider and deeper. When your love is truly giving and receiving, those whom you love will not leave your heart even when they depart from you. They will become part of your self and thus gradually build a community within you.

Those you have deeply love become part of you. The longer you live, there will always be more people to be loved by you and to become part of your inner community. The wider your inner community becomes, the more easily you will recognize your own brothers and sisters in the strangers around you. Those who are alive within you will recognize those who live around you. The wider the community of your heart, the wider the community around you. Thus the pain of rejection, absence, and death can become fruitful. Yes, as you love deeply the ground of your heart will be broken more and more, but you will rejoice in the abundance of the fruit it will bear.

Post-election Teachable-moments

Some people are relieved today. I see a lot of joy on Twitter, “You are wonderful. We love you Obama!”

White males took a shellacking and there’ll be gun sales to prove it.

But the victory is a short and really a bitter-sweet one, if anything. The troubles the mire this country are severe.

We must look for ways to love each other no matter how we voted.

I’ve talked to people who are hurting. I live in PA Coal Country. Largely white and low income. A great many get government assistance. The local Walmart is a mad house the days government checks are distributed. Companies are laying off and shutting down, too. For good. So many can’t find work that’s better that we they get with government checks. Some want to expand their little businesses but have low profits, no way to borrow money, and no way to provide what the government mandates if they expand.

Will people be too squeezed to give to charity? I worry about that. Will white people resent black people more and vice versa? That is not okay. Will hatred and divisions increase? We need to heal these rifts. How do we do this?

For my family, it’s the unstoppable incremental demise of making a few hundred dollars too much to be poor, and never really having the chance to make enough to be better off. It’s very precarious for my family. I didn’t have that much confidence in Romney, but I’d hoped the last four years wouldn’t lay waste to the area in which I live. Maybe it’s different for you, but. I see people begging for positive change and improvement, but none is in sight. That’s why people are so ramped up. No matter who’s President, when wages freeze, and food and fuel prices go up, the middle class suffers and deteriorates.

America spent 2.6 billion on the status quo. I shutter at that maddening thought. I can’t even clearly picture in my mind 1 billion dollars, can you? Just a portion of that would alleviate poverty for most.

16 Trillion dollars is out-of-balance. Again, this number is so large as to be meaningless. But what it means in a way that matters is that the interest to pay the debt back to China and others propping us up will ascend, and then the banks will tighten and investing will make little sense. Thus, prices will spike on everything.

I think there is a dear consequence to this path. The path both parties have been party to. Our national priorities aren’t sane. What a strange time and place we live in.

When people talk smack of God’s judgement they think in terms of demise. Maybe fire, or storms, or flood, or nuclear war. But, that isn’t how it works. God doesn’t get in our way.

We suffer not so much for the come-and-go leaders we pick, but for the way we’ve made our way.  That is, natural and obvious consequences: Go into debt, lose your credibility. That sort of thing.

I mourn that times will be tougher, and not really for me, but for those who are already poor. Kids lose out. I’ve see it already for several years. Around here, their parents buy alcohol, or lottery tickets, or cigarettes or other items (TVs, clothes, phones, guns, “toys”) to cope and they don’t keep enough money for food and essentials. Well, the assistance money isn’t food stamps in books (like it was when my mom needed for us, mid-1980s, when my dad ditched us for a while), it’s just a credit card looking thing. I’ve seen it used at McDonald’s and Dunkin Donuts. That makes the money run out very quickly. Most run out in a week or two. They tell their kids to wait for school to eat. I’ve seen kids run, not walk, but run to get their free meal at school on a Monday morning, because they’ve hardly eaten all weekend. And these parents need not change their habits. It’s heartbreaking.

People who’ve helped others before will no doubt hunker down and use their energy and resources for self-preservation. Others with means will leave it to the government to remedy, and fail to care. It’s messed up.

And also I know, for sure I know, that struggles produce character.

Those who grew up in the Great Depression were made of stronger stuff. (see photo. Look at the girl’s eyes.) They tried harder and accomplished more, more for their children than themselves usually. They had a revived spirituality, that we’ve now replaced with entertainment consumption.

We’ve had great abundance in America. And, if we don’t have it, we’ll learn from that.  It’s not just about the economy. It’s not about a political party. We’ll learn to be good in deeper ways and give when it hurts. Isn’t that when love is made more manifest? We’ll keep trying. We are resilient.

And remember this too:

Perfect love casts out fear.

O’ God,

Give us your peace. 

If our hope be dimmed, light it with your Presence.

Create in us the stuff that you are made of,

Love, Grace, Hope, Peace

Relieve us from our bitterness and fear.

Heal us, deeply. Inside.

Comfort us who are downcast and weary.

Give us joy in your salvation

And eternal and internal peace that only you provide.

Amen.

Everything Happens for a Reason?…probably not

Part of my journey, spiritually, has been to move from a fundamentalist upbringing, to an Evangelical / post-conservative theological formal training, and then toward “the mysteries” (i.e. mystic tendencies). What brought me there? Tremendous pain. I usually don’t talk of it for too long. Maybe there’s a memoir in me that should come to light, but the progression is palpable.

In “the mysteries” this means that I don’t think of suffering as a problem, sorrow as un-wellness, or bouts of profound unhappiness as a sign that I have too little faith. In fact, most of the biblical characters were kind of tortured souls. It’s a more recent construct that we should think the life of faith has a “Sunshine Mountain” feel to it.

So, I wanted to write out a few thoughts about what Mark Lepper posed out there on the Twitter-verse (see lower image).

My initial Twitter response (you see below) was less than 140 characters, so I thought I’d add a bit more.

@thelepper Nah. That notion helps us cope, but we can’t possibly verify it. It’s part of “the mysteries”

For just a moment…

Imagine your child kills himself. The most horrid thought (you needn’t linger there).

In the first few days, probably 20 people will tell you, “Everything happens for a reason.” Or, they’ll say, “All things work together for good…” You know the verse, right?

Rubbish.

(Probably most people don’t realize how out of context that verse is used that way. Erroneously they utilize just a part of it as a “band-aid platitude” to offer kindness.)

There are a great many things that have no good explanations and will not. The reasons won’t be revealed later either. On earth or in heaven. It really doesn’t work that way. And it really shouldn’t. Otherwise movement toward maturity would be at stake.

Really, it would be too confusing for us that God would answer these questions, so don’t count on an inquiry at the “ask the author” line in heaven, my dear friends.

When the pain of suffering wallops you and you can’t shelve your doubts long enough to work through the real hardship of it, one temptation is to consider that God must be malevolent or AWOL, instead of considering that we can’t possibly know the answer.

It is in the unknowing that we become enlightened to the ways of God.

It seems the two most common tactics (ways of coping) in tragedy are…

1. Try to believe that something horrible or evil has some sort of good redemptive reason, or will eventually come to something good because of it.

(Though it is true that God makes it his business to redeem everything…eventually….somehow…. we can’t think of this backward when we come into pain, and try jumping ahead. Pain can serve a point.)

2. Realize that so much is unexplainable and let our hope and faith erode or dissolve.

But there is a third option. And maybe more than just one more (you can let me know). Another way that’s been employed since humans have had optimism and spirituality (read: a very long time) is…

“the way of the mysteries”. And it’s not a cop out.

It’s farsighted. It’s a perspective that holds that the beauty we witness in this world is almost out of place in the nastiness and madness of it. It’s the idea of (good) ideals we all seem to possess that point to a greater, underlying and sustaining beauty and goodness obscured by the ways of the world, suffering, and the hardships of being human.

To embrace our situation as the mystics do is to not shun hardship or revel in it, but rather to let the pain refine us and make us wise. Oh, and it hurts. It hurts like hell.  And it, in some real sense, beats the hell out of us, and makes us endearing and compassionate. Beautiful.

The trouble is that if we’re satisfying with answers like, “Hey, friend! Don’t worry there’s a reason this horrible thing is happening,” then we are of very little good to those who are truly suffering.

In fact, our notions of “reasons” are often so pale and wanting. They just couldn’t possibly be sturdy enough. They don’t reveal what is legit and accurate.

Only when we can sit there alongside in the pain of those who hurt, and even take a part of the sorrow itself do we find we can make our way, honestly. And too, we must sit in our own pain. It’s uncomfortable. It’s dark. Sometimes horrid.

But to have the permission to hurt can send us toward wellness. It shows us that great sorrow comes on powerfully, and hurts badly, but does not have the final word. In the process of living well and deeply do we like a tender shoot become oaks of maturity and grace.

Please friends, be careful and don’t make a mockery of pain by disrespecting it or minimizing it (for yourself or anybody else). There is no human life without pain. There too is no growth without it. That’s the bit about incarnationality: The divine enters the human experience. That is our model.

So very deeply have I hurt, but now deeply can I love.

It’s true that redemption is chosen.

To be chosen it must first be acknowledged.

(that’s my longer answer)

Caleb Wilde breaks up Funeral Brawls. A lot.

This is Part II of my interview with 6th generation funeral director Caleb Wilde.

Caleb Wilde, Part II (click)

PLUS.

There is also Bonus Video material I decided to upload that largely contains my own thoughts on how we tend to wrongly respond to grief and suffering, followed by Caleb’s response.

It is an unbroken 4:24 min clip. This is also very unusual, as I usually feature very few of my own thoughts in Ninja Interviews. So, I didn’t even add the Ninja graphics into this clip.

Being that this is the season of Lent, it might be nice to hear your reflections on mortality. If you’d like to share you own thoughts about the theme of Lent, or what you’ve heard through watching the video, I’d love to hear them. (You can leave them either at the youtube channel, or here. Click the comments link at the top of the post, then scroll down to the comment field.)

Interviewing my favorite undertaker: Caleb Wilde

I’ve appreciated Caleb Wilde’s blog for quite a while now. It could be my own experience with grief, suffering, and the dying process that makes Caleb’s sentiments on death and unique perspective a kind of solace to me.

If death and dying has touched your world, I think you’ll feel the same way about his blog. If it hasn’t, at some point it will. That’s just the facts.

Speaking from experience, I suggest purposefully familiarizing yourself with the inevitable issues of mortality (your own and your loved ones’) before they arrive without warning and manage to capsize your world, crush your faith, or in some other way batter you. And for purposes of minister and soul care it’s quite helpful too.

This is part one of our chat. Check back this week for part 2.

(click for video)