I’m warning you, right from the start. I’m going to use a word I haven’t used before when blogging, and maybe only 12 times otherwise. It’s one of those words that could make me lose all my readers, maybe even you. But, I’m going to do it, because I have to tell the truth.
I have “checkmark envy”. When I see the Verified Twitter Account, the checkmark reversed out of cyan, I want one, too. Badly. It’s been going on for about three months. It has everything to do with feelings of self-worth. Important people have Verified Accounts. People that matter. Wanting it has everything to do with sensing my value, and worst of all vanity.
So, I realized something, Vanity is spiritual masturbation.
Now that I said “the M word”, I want to unpack what I just said, so we don’t miss the forrest for the trees.
Some people think masturbation can make you blind. Do people still think this? This obviously reflects poorly on blind people. It’s made me question Stevie Wonder, for instance. Well, not really. (After I wrote this, I found out it’s Stevie’s birthday today…what a “God thing”, huh? I mean, sorry Stevie for that extra weird bit of undue attention on your special day.)
Some people think it’s perverted. Some think it’s necessary. Some think it’s just plain fun. Some say, when in doubt, do it. Like Nike, right? Never mind.
Here’s what it really is. It’s a reduction and diminution of a real and powerful thing. The goodness of sexual intimacy is given a shabby surrogate. It’s not more or better, it’s less. It’s a shortcut that cheats you–producing fulfillment temporarily, but soon leaving you feeling more isolated or lonely; even trapped, or increasingly compulsive.
Vanity is the same way, but more thoroughly. It holds hands and makes out with shame. It’s focused on sensing worthiness in a weird, circular, and disappointing quest.
I learned a lot about these sort of pitfalls of shame (a.k.a. “hame”. Yeah, refer to Brown video) yesterday, from Dr Brené Brown in this amazing (20 min) video about so-called “shame studies”. Watching it could change your life.
It’s given me the courage to admit this kind of spiritual masturbation addiction I avoid revealing.
I want to be somebody. God’s answer (healing) for this is to be thoroughly aware of being known and loved ever still in him. It’ll take my whole life to fully get there. This is but one of my forward steps.
Do you feel the need to be “verified”?
Wow. You nailed this one. My big struggles are often about identity and linking it with my work. I want to do the kind of work that makes me feel important. Awesome work = awesome Ed. Time to repent a bit.
I have to admit Lisa I’m not quite understanding what you are trying to say – or maybe better said I’m not sure what you mean by the punchline of vanity is spiritual masturbation.
But I would love to have a verified next to my name, it would mean I’m important enough that people want to rip me off.
Lisa – Charles Williams used the metaphor of “intellectual incest” for the teacher whose subject becomes just that – a thing to be used for career advancement instead of a discipline to be lived, so I don’t think “spiritual masturbation” is beyond the pale. I think it is striking, and apt! Vanity seeks to use entirely for my own pleasure a gift that is inherently relational. Well said! (And now should I admit that part of my motivation for responding is to stay atop your “top contributor” list, which makes me feel verified? No fooling – I have it on my CV!)
Vanity is self-serving and self-satisfying, like masturbation. But it’s even more shallow, because it’s unmitigated . BTW, Charlie, if it means anything…I verify you!
Interesting thought processes pass through me when I read this. But yeah, kinda reminds me of my ranting about authenticity that I get heated about sometimes. Thankfully I realized where to go for support, and that I don’t need everyone’s approval. Instead of letting the real thing be the real thing, I, and most of us, have spiritually masturbated from time to time. It may be hard, but you don’t have to do it! (pun completely intended)…. (sry, couldn’t resist)…. (the pun, that is)
Specifically, regarding masturbation….check out the book Purity: The New Moral Revolution by my friend, Kris Vallotton Sure, the book goes into more than just masturbation – but what this book does that no other Christian author (that I have read) is it really explains why remaining pure before marriage is important..other than “It’s the way God designed it to be”….I mean…he even explains the hymen…Focus on the Family never did that.
*whew*…
Anyway…yeah, this is good insight….and speaking of vain….Deuteronomy 5:11 says “You shall not take the name of the LORD your God in vain” (the NIV poorly translates this to what many people think it means as “You shall not misuse the name”….
When my wife and I got married – she took my name as her own. People who take the name of the Lord (as in marriage) in vain are using His name to find personal gain and favor….they call themselves a Christian, Pastor, Teacher, etc etc….for their own sake and not for His. Sure, they may say “it’s for His Glory”….but even the pronouncement of ‘for His Glory’ is directed inward….
self-gratification, be it spiritual or physical, is wrong. NOW, don’t hear something I am not saying…I am not saying that Christians can’t or shouldn’t receive material & physical blessing…quite the opposite – we should, and do because we are heirs to the Kingdom, here and now for all eternity – but the motivation (in the heart) is where the “real issue” lies…
How do you know? The fruit will reveal the condition of the heart, in due time.
Good post Lisa, it’s a start – dig deeper….you are on to something. :)
In Matthew Chapter 17 three of the Lord’s disciples saw Jesus
transfigured – His outward appearance transformed from within by the
glory of His deity for a brief moment. They fell on their faces,
trembling in fear at just a tiny glimpse of His glory. Therefore, in
Chapter 18, we could expect their reaction to be, “Lord, Your majesty
and splendor have overwhelmed us! What might we do to serve you
better?” Right?
Wrong! Chapter 18 records their most pressing question: “At the same
time came the disciples unto Jesus, saying, Who is the greatest in the
kingdom of heaven?” (Matthew 18:1) The disciples wanted to know the
same thing that a distressing number of Christians want to know today:
“What’s in it for me?”
Jesus answered by summoning a small unspoiled child into their midst,
and told them, “Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little
child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven.” (Matthew 18:4)
Before the Lord imparts His glorious grace upon His human creations, He wants to see the quality of humility. (James 4:10) Humility, it is
sometimes said, is not thinking too much of oneself, or too little of
oneself. However, a close inspection of Christ’s teaching here is that
true humility is actually not thinking of oneself at all. Imagine the
freedom and the inspired power that God can impart to His children when they no longer care how “great” they look to men, but instead begin to get zealous over how great God looks to men, and how much God can do to help the people they encounter on a daily basis.