shame – Lisa Colón DeLay | Spiritual Formation and the Way of the Desert Elders

How rigidity means emotional immaturity

There’s a dynamic connection between flexibility and healthy personalities. It took me many years of healing to not be swept into self-hate when I messed up. Here’s what helped.

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Eps 219: Guest, Aundi Kolber: Strong Like Water

Trauma therapist Aundi Kolber is my guest. With her book Strong Like Water, Kolber builds from her critically-acclaimed and much-beloved first book called Try Softer. Her work has been healing and life-giving to many including myself.

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(The Substack and Patreon links below have extras—including the latest work from Puerto Rico!)

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Eps 193: A Seeker Mentored by Thomas Merton; Guest, Sophfronia Scott

Enjoy my conversation with Sophfronia Scott today as we converse about her book “The Seeker and the Monk: Everyday Conversations with Thomas Merton”. This is a enriching and down-to-earth interaction with the private journals of the famous author monk of the mid-20th Century in conversation with Sophfronia’s own life and spiritual growth. We also talk about the Lenten online retreat Pilgrimage of Renewal she and writer Lisa Deam are offering and the resources available for anyone interested.

🚩This book is our selected reading for MARCH. Sophfronia will join us LIVE for a discussion of her book on Wednesday, April 7th. Come with your questions or just listen in. It is free to attend, but registration is needed. Join us for what will be a wonderful time! https://www.crowdcast.io/e/sophfronia/register

Some of us have been reading Robert Monson’s Devotional together in February. When you post your reflections online uses the hashtag #subvstill (copy available here: https://www.subcultureinc.org/product-page/subversive-stillness-1) Meet with us for the discussion on Wednesday, March 3 (2021), or watch a replay of our discussion with author Robert J Monson. 🚩It is free to attend, but you need to register here: https://www.crowdcast.io/e/spark-my-muse—book-4/register.

My book “The Wild Land Within” will be available wherever book are sold next month! Now you can pre-order it here: tiny.cc/wildland. Or, you can help an independent bookshop by shopping here: 🥰 tiny.cc/wildINDIE

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Eps 80: Exploring Pride, Confidence, and Success, Guest Dr. Jessica Tracy

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Today’s guest is Dr Jessica Tracy, the leading expert on the emotion of pride. Jess is a Professor of Psychology at the University of British Columbia and a Canadian Institute for Health Research New Investigator. Her work is currently supported by a Canadian Institute for Health Research (CIHR) Operating Grant. She is an Associate Editor at Journal of Personality and Social Psychology: Interpersonal Relationships and Group Processes.

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Show Notes:

MIN 2

There are 2 kinds of Pride.

Dr Tracy’s new book on the topic.

The distinction between emotions and how pride is expressed.

Universal expressions of pride in humans around the world.

4:40

Both kinds of pride lead to power–both different kinds.

A self evaluation is needed for the emotion of pride.

Amy Cuddy’s book Presence

(Power poses produce certain chemicals that help us succeed.)

MIN 7:00

Shame

A gobal negative sense of self.

Pride and shame body expression in congenitally blind athletes.

MIN 9

Dr Tracy became interested in studying more complexed emotions. Paul Ekman showed that 6 distinct emotions were recognized all over the world (1960s) and determined through facial expressions. Similarly pride was determined to be an emotion due to bodily expressions.

MIN 13:30

Do other primates have expressions of pride and what is it like?

MIN 17:00

Humans notice high status expressions in pride body language.

18:30

Dominance and Prestige both work to get power.

Dominance and success.

Types of tasks and types of leaders and types of pride.

23:30

Avoiding the wrong kind of pride.

Authentic pride is a huge motivator.

MIN 25:30

Looking for praise (which can lead to bragging) for the feelings of pride instead seeing the accomplishments for the sense of pride.

Social costs to hubristic pride ( which gets you power or status) but creates situations where others don’t like you.

26:30

[ictt-tweet-inline]A big misconception about pride is that it should be avoided.[/ictt-tweet-inline]

Pride strengthens our identity.

Our society determines what we feel the emotion of pride about.

A caution:
Don’t get caught of in the great feelings of pride and get grandiose and forget why you did the good thing you did.

WEBSITE LINK: Emotion Lab and Dr Tracy’s work. ubc-emotionlab.ca

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Eps 70: Sexuality and Spiritual Formation, Guest Tara Owens

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Today, my guest is anam cara (soul friend), Tara Owens, of Anam Cara Ministries.

Tara’s ministry exists to provide a place dedicated to the practice of soul friendship and coming alongside others in order to facilitate healing, wholeness, holiness and spiritual formation.

• We cover topics about embodiment, sexuality, sensuality, body shame, body and brain disconnect, fear, technology, the vow of “staying with”, spiritual direction, holy listening and attending to others, and using an adult coloring book as a spiritual practice.

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SHOW NOTES:

TARA OWENS
MIN 2:00
Conversations Journal – Spiritual Formation

4:00

In direction you receive the full attention of someone.

Holy listening and focused fully loving attention and being entirely listened to.

A long loving look at the real together.

5:30

Do homework to find a director that has the training to truly attend during your sessions.

The holy ground of the soul. Sacred space.

8:30

Who are the typical people who come for direction?

10:00

Working with Millenials

11:30

Crisis points in faith and needing a director.

Sexuality and Spiritual Formation

Embracing the Body: Finding God in our Flesh and Bones

part I Fears around the Body (we are our body)

part II Theology about the Body

part III Integrating our Body (shalom and the body)

God speaks to us in and through our body

[ictt-tweet-inline via=””]-[Mistakenly] We relate to ourselves as “brains on sticks” -[/ictt-tweet-inline]

Our beliefs about God come to supersede our experiences of God

15:30

We can be taught that the body is the entry point of danger and sin. (Lisa) This is the opposite of true.

Male and Female bodies and brains.

[ictt-tweet-inline via=””]“Shame disintegrates us.”[/ictt-tweet-inline]

(we are separated from ourselves.)

“Our bodies can’t lie.”

MIN 18

[ictt-tweet-inline via=””]“Our bodies will tell us what we believe.”[/ictt-tweet-inline]

MIN 20 The brain and body disconnect. The silos we create.

MIN 21:30

Genesis 12

Vision and a word.

The fully-sensual nature and wholeness of being human and spiritual.

24:30

A walk being spiritual.

26:00

The Emmaus Walk and Prayer Walk

and other practices

Practicing really breathing

Attending to the “ruach” of God (Hebrew for breath)

We usually breath with just 20% of our lungs.

Blessing their body.

MIN 28:00

Body shame and self-loathing

[ictt-tweet-inline via=””]“Being willing to look at yourself with kind eyes”[/ictt-tweet-inline]

we participate in a degradation of our bodies and seeing what is wrong.

[ictt-tweet-inline via=””]We are conduits of God’s blessing.[/ictt-tweet-inline]

Bernard of Clairvaux

We are not a canal but a reservoir – give out of overflow after we have received from God

31:00

The truth about Selfies

[ictt-tweet-inline via=””][Selfies are] not vanity but a mask and fear.[/ictt-tweet-inline]

33:30

It is not good for humans to be alone.

35:00

Staying connected with people once it gets messy.

37:30

The tool of technology.

Skills for connection if you have gaps.

The vows of “staying with” and not leaving when it gets hard.

The discipline of stability.

39:00

The challenge of Embodiment.

Liturgy should involve: God, creation, and other people.

Communion is a tangible way to be physical and incarnate. (meals together)

No more tiny bits of Jesus.

43:30

Tara’s latest project:

At Play in God’s Creation:

Contemplative Prayer Coloring Book

96 pages!

anamcara.com

anamcaraministries

TWITTER:
anamcaraTO

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