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Photo Credit: Jay via Compfight

The following list of 6 is semi-humorous and/or satire:

sat·ire

[sat-ahy^uhr]

noun

the use of irony, sarcasm, ridicule, or the like, in exposing, denouncing, or deriding vice, folly, etc.

The first 6 of 12 Ways to Spike Blog Hits

• Say “vagina”. (It doesn’t even have to relate to the rest of the post. Just wave the it around. The word, that is, not anything else. Wait! What did you think I meant? And also a shout out to Rachel Held Evans who’s keeping things vaginal. The word picked her, actually, and she’s a good sport despite the monkey business. Get it?)

• Threaten Violence. (This is especially powerful if the sentiment is violent but the reference is farcical. You come out smelling better this way too. Pretty even.)

• Disclose something sexual, or promise to.

• Be angry and let a rant loose. (Have you seen the 1st Harry Potter? Do what he did at the zoo, just with your words…obviously.)

• Feed people lurking around for controversy. (Stick to newsy bits, disputes, scandals, injustice, corruption, you get the idea. There are many prowling for this, so really, it’s SO Money.)

• Post about something sordid, or be a punk. (Titillate. Be explicit, rude, foul-mouthed, try adult-themes, sexual content, unhealthy habits, dangerous stuff, immoral activities, etc. Hello, bad ass.)

Many readers give in to their worst or weakest appetites. That’s just the facts.

These next 6 are the ones I endorse. They won’t get you the same sorts of quick spikes, but they will build a loyal and good-natured readership over a longer term.

They also have quite a but to do with generosity.

The last 6 of 12 Ways to Spike Blog Hits
(and by “spike” I mean not that at all, probably)

• Thank others openly (Ed Cyzewski does this well. Thank you, Ed, for teaching me a lot here.)

• Be a credible resource or niche expert (I’ve mentioned my new niche here.)

• Be humorous, amusing, or feature those who are. (Remember this fruity Bert & Ernie classic? …What? I can’t hear you?…What a duo! I plan to “hat tip” this in an upcoming video.)

• Invite others into your limelight (Guest contributors are one way. So, Call me. By that, I mean tweet me.)

• Share your lists of favorites (It’s win-win. Alise Wright does this well.)

• Link up with great causes (Here’s a new favorite of mine: The Good Woman Project)

If you learned something here today, do one of the last 6, k?

Today, I contested a citation for breaking a statute: disobeying a posted (Stop) sign. I made a short video showing that the intersection has a blind corner where one risks being hit from behind if one pauses for too long. The officer admitted on the stand the that intersection, which has two Stop signs, is the most ticketed place in the whole township; however, of the two signs, one sign gets 1 out of 20 violations. When questioned, he could not venture any guess for this disparity.

I pointed out, through video evidence, the hazard of this junction, and why this disparity of violations takes place: Drivers wishing to regard the posted sign and obey it, may pause only briefly out of warranted safety concerns.

I lost the case. The $109.50 fine was not reduced.

Reason: You must stop at Stop signs.

As the judge was deliberating in her chambers, the officer says to me, “I remember you. Weren’t you going to school, to a class? And I said you could use this [ticket story] in your class [Theology of Suffering].”

Me: “Yes.”
Officer Myers: “How did that turn out?”
I said, “It went fine. I graduated…from seminary.”
Officer Myers: “From seminary. Oh, okay. Oh, good. What are you going to do now?”
Me: “Ministry. I hope to help people in recovery from drugs and alcohol.”
Officer: “Oh, ppptt, that’s a tough group. That’s hard. Well, good for you. That’s good. Good for you.”

Me: “I see those types of problems as spiritual problems. I think recovery and healing can take root if they start working at a core spiritual level. Then, healing comes spiritually, emotionally, and chemically.”

Officer: “hmm.”

He seemed to lighten up a bit after that.
A few minutes later I was found guilty. $109.50, (I broke a Statute, so I received no points against my license.)

Here’s the court video I presented. (After the session, both the officer and magistrate offered compliments on my presentation. The strangeness of that bit caught me off guard.)

I still contend I did not break the spirit of the law, even if I did not duly pause. My behavior will change henceforth!

Have you ever plead “not guilty”?
What do you think about this case? :)

STOP, don’t roll through…

~Leave your comments~

Tag: traffic

I fought the Law, and the Law won.