Have you noticed that Honesty is sometimes confused for speaking out in a tactless way? Being “true to our feelings” can reveal the worst parts of ourselves.
Circumstantial Goodness
My goodness (shown in how I think, speak, or act) is too often circumstance or feelings based. Is that true for you? We may treat someone well, if we feel well and good, or if we fear the consequences of skipping out on kindness. Those two things, however, are not goodness or good character sourced from a deeper, formative level. They don’t reveal goodness engrained in our true selves.
FAKING IT?
While, I will not advocate deception, phony pretense, or falsehood, there is something to be said for acting and speaking in a most virtuous way, until our thinking catches up with it. In other words, do the right thing so often that it becomes the new normal for you.
So, it’s actually the idea of acting (living/interacting) from our “best self”, not from a fabrication.
Example:
Say you struggle with keeping a positive attitude: Try putting on a positive attitude until your way of behaving is difficult to separate from who you are…until your thinking changes. “Wear” a sanguine attitude, until you forget that you’re wearing it, and it becomes an extension of you. Think of it like how you would put on and wear a coat over your regular clothes during cold weather until you feel warm. (For me this would involve a hooded coat.)
Do it until you feel it… or ” option 2 “
I’ve usually advocated the opposite of what I have just said. I’ve thought its best to, “Get your thinking right, and then enact it.” But, you know what? Sometimes we’re just not “there” yet. Sometimes too many circumstances, or unmanageable sentiments block this from happening easily. Now, it seems we can get there from either side, and this, my friends, is good news indeed!
In Christian spiritual formation, we implement practices, concepts, and awareness of that which stimulates Sanctification (a.k.a. the process in which we develop into God-like (Good, like God) people through-in-through. We also consider: “What are God’s qualities?” One that stands out is perfect goodness. This perfect goodness is never based on feelings or circumstances when it’s attributed to God. It simply IS.
Thanks for reading today. I can almost hear the gears moving in your mind, so remember, your comments are welcome.
What can you tell us about feeling/thinking good before doing, or the other way around…doing before we’re feeling it? How does it work for you?
Verse of meditation: Colossians 3:12-14
Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
“We may treat someone well, if we feel well and good, or if we fear the consequences of skipping out on kindness.” Very convicting words. I was a real jerk to a customer service rep on the phone the other day because 1) I was tired and stressed and 2) I knew I could get away w/ it; his hands were tied and I didn’t even have to look him in the eye. An old proverb has it that hypocrisy is the tribute that vice pays to virtue: maybe half-right – perhaps right behavior is not hypocrisy, but a tribute we offer to God.
Thanks for your specificity and honesty, to hit this one home. I wish your example was super uncommon, but I think not. I’d say most people do this in some way. I sure do. I think plenty of us do this in the car, or over the internet, or when somehow responding anonymously.
An element of remoteness emboldens us to employ detrimental responses that we’d dare not try otherwise. And some of us are just plain mean regardless of when and where, sometimes blaming one’s personality. Being rude but honest, is really just being honestly rude. The virtue of so-called honesty is nullified in the implementation.
I bring it all up here so it can be an opportunity to mature…for me, and whoever needs it.
I love how you just explained that “faking it” really can be part of our growth and sanctification. It’s one of those things I know I should do, but you really connected the dots here.
As I read this, I thought of this verse.
Mark 9:24 Immediately the boy’s father exclaimed, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!”
Here is a person putting on the clothes of belief, and at the same time recognizing he does not believe and asking for help in overcoming his unbelief. Is he FAKING belief? I like the idea that he is choosing a preferred behavior.
truth, with grace is always best :) the problem is, many do not understand the grace part.
I echo what Cyzewski said. This was helpful connecting the dots. Thanks, Lisa.
What Mark Kraakevik said :)
I also advocate your kind of faking it. BUT Like those anonymous souls that receive our less than virtuous selves, what do our families receive? Even if we do fake it with them with the good intentions mentioned above, can it come across as truly fake and we get labeled hypocrites or we get labeled doormats, putting up with bad behavior. It with those we live with that this becomes really difficult. I still advocate “Godly faking.” It is what you said, we are all always “practicing” our journey toward perfection.