Lisa Colón DeLay | Spiritual Formation and the Way of the Desert Elders
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I got this fortune cookie fortune today. This variety of weirdness feels like it was written in Hoboken, not Peking…but I think I like it.
As it relates to my future? Hum…now that’s a good question. It could be in keeping with the Raisinets I found on my porch on the Chinese New Year’s Day (It’s the Year of the Rabbit)
What’s the funniest or strangest fortune cookie you’ve ever gotten?
What happens when you eat 14 year old pizza crust from Betty Crocker? We found out.
On January 1, 2011, in a short series of unfortunate events, my husband prepared a Betty Crocker pizza crust from a mix. It turned out terribly. We couldn’t figure out why. It was paper thin, and stuck so badly to the pan that it seemed to only come off in stamp-sized pieces, not to mention being brittle and tasteless.
I forced it down, and after the kids bemoaned their meal, I, being a proper mom, I had them finish most of it–by decree. It was only after I saw the varying package design of some just-bought Betty Crocker pizza crust, did suspect something was amiss. That little wave of electric panic fear went around on my back. This could be a long night in the bathroom, I thought.
Soon, it seemed clear that we ingested 14 year old crust mix from 1997. There was no expiration date visable on any package, but there were copyright dates. The new ones said ©2009. [Obviously the old one read ©1997.] Gulp. This was bad news. Really bad news. This is nearly double the age of my daughter. Who eats food twice their age, and gets away with it? Okay, babies. But who else?
The thought was sickening, but oddly the meal wasn’t, in a true sense. We were all fine. No harm done.
4 Proposals:
1. Betty Crocker Pizza crust is not food.
2. God spared us (because sometimes he’s wacky like that.)
3. Pizza crust couldn’t hurt us, even if it was 50 years old…’cause that’s how p.c. rolls.
4. We’ve just realized we are the real life version of “No Ordinary Family”
Do you have any ideas?
It was a mysterious way to start the new year, and things have only gotten stranger since.
What the oldest thing you’ve eaten recently?
Or…What’s the strangest thing that’s happened to you so far this year?
I’ve known Jon Acuff for few years now. We have had the same agent. And he even gave me an invitation to write on his blog. (Here’s the post). See, I was a fan of Stuff Christians Like long before Jon wrote his first book, called, well, not surprisingly: Stuff Christian Like. (Now, he has a HQ website for all things Acuff.) And I was reading his funnies, even long before he was selling ads to….what?! NBC… my goodness. And let’s not forget all those fox and CNN appearances. Before those. Oh! and even way back (sort of ) when he was using his …um…decoy name, or something, “Jon Christopher”… seemingly to throw weaker fans, or readers, off his scent (to no avail, of course!). Anyone remember that?
So, I can’t rival Jon’s awesomeness, or his blog of epic fame and legend. (Jon gets more comments to his blog post in two minutes than I get in visitors all week.) However, I enjoy the ironical, and so might you.
7 Reasons Why my Blog will make you cry LESS than Jon Acuff’s (humor) blog
1. Unlike Jon, I only rarely talk about orphans. Heck, for ages, “an orphan” was a thing that happens in typography, where a word unsuspecting word is just left by its lonesome at the end of a paragraph. Poor thing. Bad, graphic designer. Bad!
Right now, I’m tearing up just thinking about a person (specifically Jon) writing about orphans (the human kind). So, there you go. You need more proof, then click to read his orphan article here. Orphans break out the water works like nothing else can. The only thing worse for your tissue stockpile is an orphan with cancer. That cute bald head. The sweet bloated little belly. Horrible stuff. I’m changing the subject. ugh.
2. Jon can make plenty of us cry, sometimes by just being a tad more serious, on Serious Wednesdays. That’s skill folks. I’ll never do that to you. It just not in me. (I mean I don’t haz the skillz) For future notice, I happen to be sillier on Wednesday than Jon is, thereby making my ability to incite tears pale by comparison. So, in case you’re keeping track, that would be proof # 2.
3. Jon writes touching things about his kids, that are profound and can make your eyes as moist and irritated as rubbing a hot chili pepper on your iris. Go ahead get a chili pepper and see for yourself.
4. Jon raises money for orphans. So, you know, it’s not talk. It’s action. And needless to say, it’s frickin’ orphans, dude. If that’s not so sweet to be tear jerking, than you must be the Tin Man–pre-Emerald City–my friend.
5. When Jon cries, we cry. More proof here. Don’t miss the comments section. About 400 people admit to crying. I’m not joking. It’s Unbelievable. See, I never cried in an airport except when I’ve been with a TSA worker. You just won’t find a story like that here.
6. Jon loves his wife, and it shows. Witness this. Honestly, where the heck are my tissues, the ones with aloe? (I don’t know if people even know if I’m married-which I am. There I said it. Gosh.)
7. Jon is generous. He’s always helping out struggling writers, ahem, and plenty of other people. Plenty. It’s almost too good to be true. (I have NEVER given huge bundles of hard cash at a bookstore, or iPads, or iPod shuffles, or really any Apple products at all. I’m so lame, but unfortunately not lame enough to stir your tears of pity.)
Have I made my case?
P.S.
If you are a blogger that offers fewer crying opportunities than Jon does, and you’d like some more blog traffic, share your blog link in the comments section, and we’ll stop by.
Welcome Schuylkill & Berks News readers (SBN- Facebook link). (Related to my column: If you have good traveling tips, please leave them in the comments section.)
You have a battle raging within…or maybe you don’t know what I’m talking about…or both…
Um. So.
We all like to be well-liked, but in this case, if you haven’t figured, I’m speaking about Facebook. It’s a so-called fan page. Even though I’m not my biggest fan, in a desperate attempt at self-actualization, I created my own fan page. Pathetic. I know. But wait.
If I could have changed the name to “Fun page” I would have. It’s really all Facebook’s fault. It’s not vanity. You would do the same thing, if you were backed into a corner. And what a corner…
What if, you’re Not on Facebook?
very bad. Your punishment is to leave a comment explaining why. :)
OKAY! I just snapped, a little. Sorry ’bout that. (See why spiritual practices are indispensable? Imagine if I didn’t do them. Yes. We’d all be sorry.) Um. Yes. Where were we?
Right. The Page Facebook page called “Triple Dog Dare” is my way to connect with friends, fans, and the random person who likes to read something humorous.
(Image yourself holding a full pail of funny…See, you’ll love it.)
Click a photo below to get there; and remember, I love you, more than cheddar cheese, despite its power, and I mean that!
If you “Like” and “Share” to your FB page, I’ll leave you a witty quip on your Wall, and you’ll actually like it, (Help me know who you are, and/or confirm you did this, right here, or on my Facebook wall).
Happy Autumn, ya’ll.
-Lisa
Okay, when you become wildly famous, rumors circulate, and some of them must be dispelled. I wouldn’t know much about that.
Just have some fun with this:
1. I invented Pop Tarts
Fiction. But I do like them.
2. I am an illegal alien of African descent.
Fiction. I was born in Puerto Rico, but the island is an American Territory. African descent? My Nana was a bit mum and shifty-eyed on that.
3. I’ve been hit by a bus.
Fact. I’m writing about that right now. Your appetite is now whetted, yeah?
4. Author Donald Miller wrote me a personal note.
Fact. It involved something about Paraguay and paper, but I don’t want to embarrass him too much at the moment.
5. I wrote Hebrews.
Fiction. But, It’d be great to write a book about my husband who makes me coffee each morning, and it could be called, He-brews: All about Hymns and Hers. (Okay, that’s but a working title) Also, I wrote a mediation in the Holy Bible: Mosaic. But, that’s not really the same thing, is it?
6. I’ve been shot out of a canon.
Fiction. But, I’ve both shot a Canon (camera), and written about the (biblical) canon.
7. I’m allergic to bananas.
Faction… half-in-half. Unripe bananas make the roof of my mouth feel like it’s sort of dry, splitting open, and raw. Ripe bananas? No problem.
8. I’m bilingual.
Let’s not get carried away.
9. My son can count cards, like Rainman.
Fiction. Nathan has autism, but his cool savant-type of qualities are limited to paper 3D models and legos. (So far, not all that marketable.)
10. I’ve stayed in Prague.
Fact. And I like to call it Praha.
1. List 1 fiction and 1 fact, and we’ll make a guess.
2. Guess what the photo is.
