Making Maps for Your Life [SSL80]

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This is Soul School Lesson 80
 [SSL80]

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Lesson 28: Soul School-The Myth of “It Is What It Is”

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Soul School, Lesson 28 is special – You can access PART II for just a buck. (Ten dimes. Or, Four Quarters.)

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LESSON 28:
What does “It is what it is” mean to you?

Today, I talk about what we can change and the work of Carol Dweck.

The pivotal and transforming power of “growth mindset” as seen in her work and case studies could change dozen of things you thought were unchangeable in your life: your health, relationships, circumstances, living arrangements, learning, lifestyle, career, and much more.

Dweck shows that we tend toward two main ways of thinking. Making a strategic switch and using a particular word as we frame our thinking and describe our situations has a profound impact on outcomes. Her case studies prove it–listen in.

• After you listen to PART I (click the audio button below) be sure to watch the video lesson, PART II here (a Varsity Club PREVIEW special-for just $1).


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EPS 47: Specific Behaviors That Lead to Happiness – Guest Benjamin Hardy

I like to define happiness as “sturdy joy” and there is some science that shows us that specific behaviors increase it in our lives. Benjamin Hardy’s article on the topic caught my attention and I had to have him on the podcast to share his findings.

Scroll down for detailed show notes and don’t forget to come back every Wednesday for a “Soul School” episode and each Friday for a special guest episode.

 

BenjaminHardy

Ben is a writer and a PhD candidate in Industrial and Organizational Psychology at Clemson University.

Ben’s twitter

Ben’s website

SHOW NOTES

MIN: 1

Slipstream Time Hacking the book and Ben’s philosophy on “experienced time” and perceived reality.

The movie Interstellar

MIN 4:
Shortcuts to goals.

Medium

MIN 7:30
How do you define “happiness”?

State of mind no matter the circumstances.
Do something every day that terrifies you.

MIN 9:
Living according to your beliefs.

MIN 10:
Principles vs. moods
“every principle has a promise”

Happiness cannot be directly pursued. Happiness comes first (not after you get something or somewhere). “Happiness is the way.”

MIN 12:00
The Myers-Briggs test and being future thinking and not here and happy now.

Kolbe A Index text

MIN 14:30
“Be where you are.”

MIN 16:00
Studies show that Anticipation is better than the actual thing.
The Soul School episode on that very thing.

MIN 18:30
High Stakes and no exits and “the point of no return” and big promises

MIN 19:30
Tim Ferriss the stick works better than the carrot.

MIN 20
The endowment effect

MIN 22:00
#8 Do something every day that terrifies you.
Darren Hardy “Be courageous 15 seconds a day.”

Our anticipation builds up fears to think the outcome or experience are much worse than they actually are.

Push yourself to grow.

MIN 25:30
Most risks are inflated by our perceptions.

MIN 28
We adapt during our experiences. We can take on challenge to create growth.

MIN 29
#9 Put the important before the urgent

Defend the important from the urgent thing that suck away time from you.

MIN 32
Put things in order.

MIN 34
“If you wait for too many tomorrows you’ll find that you got a lot of empty yesterdays.”

Steven Covey

MIN 36
Setting time limits and realizing what your time is worth.

MIN 38
#10 Forego the good to pursue the best
Bad on your values.
“Never let a goal to be accomplished be more important than a person to be loved.”

Jim Collins “Good is the enemy of great.”

MIN 40:30
Ben’s goat farm experience with his wife Lauren.

WWOOF

VIDEO

Read the whole article:

The Secret to Happiness Is 10 Specific Behaviors

Finding Your Purpose: Using the WISP method (part II)

Here we are at PART II.

If you didn’t read the first post in the series,
it’s the important first step.

You don’t want the ISP method. That would be weird. :)


 

Read about the “W” by clicking HERE.


journal

As I’ve studied transformation and purpose I’ve noticed there seems to be something slippery about it. Sometimes we can feel derailed or question our purpose. It’s rather ordinary, in fact.

The famous people in the Bible went though times of doubt and I’m glad those ancient accounts are included because it helps to know that the human condition is rife with slumps, bumps, murky waters, aimless wilderness periods, and questions about what we should be doing on this “Big Blue Marble”.

 

We tend to see these periods of purposelessness or doubt as problems instead of as part of the journey.

The WISP technique is something I came up with to keep me on track.

I find that keeping a notebook of the process makes it much simpler.


 

Did you do your homework?
Make sure you do it before you encounter the next step, okay?


 

STEP 2

“I”

Inquiry

 

General inquiry is not what the “I” in WISP is about.

This step of the process helps to loosen our firm grip on seeing and directing our lives as usual.

This type of inquiry:

  • is one of faith
  • leaves some open-end questions up in the air, for now
  • digs down deeper into underlying blocks and fears
  • taps into a greater understanding of human purpose and how to get there

For this step, you get your handy-dandy notebook out and start by making a list of all the questions you have on your mind right now. What’s bothering you?

Write. It. Down.

There may be many questions. Just get started. Write as much as you can for about 10 minutes.

As you write them out you will find that categories or patterns emerge. If you don’t, let the questions sit and add more in a day or so. Then, look again. If you still don’t see patterns, ask for help from someone you trust.


Examples of possible inquiry/question patterns:

  • What can I do that I love that will provide enough money right now?
  • What have I enjoyed doing the most and what happened during those times?
  • What will it take to get prepared for the next leg and how will I pay for it?
  • What caused my last failure and how could I have prepared better?
  • What is bothering me about Mr [So & so]’s success?

 

Do you see the pattern that started to emerge here?

It’s Money.
Fear of failure and jealousy are cropping up too. All good to see.

When we put down our burning questions our fears will be revealed.

 

Our fears cloud the way to finding our purpose, but…

“The remarkable thing is that our fears themselves are not the obstacles but the vehicles that lead to finding and fulfilling our purpose.” -LD

Example:

Josie finds it hard to find her purpose. She’s been unhappy at her job and wants to make a bigger difference in the world. 

Through inquiry she locates the root of her fears, and realizes that her compassion for the intellectually disabled is because of her own story.

She always felt stupid in school. A learning disability made it hard for her to read in first grade. Eventually, she did well in school, but the fear of not being smart enough still distracts her and clouds the pursuits of her greater purpose.

Josie’s purpose lies in working closely with this population.

Upon realizing this, Josie sets out with new verve to get experience and the additional skills needed to find other more meaningful work and accomplish her greater purpose. She creates goals to get there.

Goals are measurable. Wishes are not.

During a period of inquiry we may inquire of God and others we trust, too, but we have to do our hard work ourselves, and not cop out.

If we ask questions of them, we have to be prepared to both listen without judgment and superimposing our wishes and agenda (for the time being), but also we need remove the weeds from all that we are hearing get to the best and most useful parts for the next step. No ACTION is required, just honest inquiry, awareness, and digging around.

In this stage, answering all the questions isn’t as important as having the guts to ask them honestly.

The next step is “S”.

(scroll down)


 

Sometimes just doing the first two steps will create a breakthrough. You may have found your purpose already. If that happened, I encourage you to see the whole method through regardless. If you find yourself closer to understanding your purpose right now, that’s great, but you’ll be surprised by the next two Steps, and you shouldn’t miss out on them.


 

HOMEWORK:

Make your inquiry list.

You don’t have to answers the questions yet, just put them out there.

Let them percolate for a few days and then return to them. 

Note what patterns emerge. Add new questions.

See what new perspective you come up with.


Click for the next post here.

 

Introducing Funny Fridays!

personalityMy humor posts tend to rank among the highest on the blog, but I’ve been lax about including humor regularly.

No more.

In the next few months I’ll add a bit of humor to your Fridays!

If you have the time, drop by and see what’s going on, or add a link with something that amused you recently.

Today’s feature wasn’t originally meant to be funny at all.

BACKGROUND:
This video is part of an extended series of educational videos from Mississippi State University in the early 1950s. Parts of them of still useful today, but only if you can get over the heavy-hand teaching method and the very antiquated feel. I can, but only barely.

Upside:

The goals should still be taught today: good manners, consideration of others, and socially pleasant behavior. It’s crazy though because it’s so far removed from our own time and ways of interacting that it seems like satire, (that’s why it’s a Funny Friday feature.)

• But seriously, it made me stop to consider how I might be more polite. (Gosh, Beaver, maybe good manners are important!)

• Most of these actors would have turned into anti-establishment, long-haired, sexually uninhibited hippies about a decade later. (So much for a cutting edge education delivery method with expected outcomes. HA!)

 

Downside:

• The angle seems poorly positioned at the beginning as “a way to get what you what” instead of how to be mature or enjoyable to be around.

• It has nothing about texting etiquette. Major oversight! ;)

• Is it about practicing pretenses and inauthenticity? A bit. BLECKkk! 

 

VIEWING TIP:

Try to not be cynical when you watch this. It’s easy sometimes to disparage things from other eras. We live in a cynical time! if you can manage it, try to appreciate this as a “time-capsule” of another time and a culture removed from ours today (for better and for worse).

The next post will go live on Sunday. It starts a series I’m really interested in and, golly, I hope to see you soon! That would be swell!

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