Humor – Page 34 – Lisa Colón DeLay

7 Reasons Why my Blog will make you cry LESS than Jon Acuff’s blog

I’ve known Jon Acuff for few years now. We ~~have~~ had the same agent. And he even gave me an invitation to write on his blog. (Here’s the post). See, I was a fan of Stuff Christians Like long before Jon wrote his first book, called, well, not surprisingly: Stuff Christian Like. (Now, he has a HQ website for all things Acuff.) And I was reading his funnies, even long before he was selling ads to….what?! NBC… my goodness. And let’s not forget all those fox and CNN appearances. Before those. Oh! and even way back (sort of ) when he was using his …um…decoy name, or something, “Jon Christopher”… seemingly to throw weaker fans, or readers, off his scent (to no avail, of course!). Anyone remember that?

So, I can’t rival Jon’s awesomeness, or his blog of epic fame and legend. (Jon gets more comments to his blog post in two minutes than I get in visitors all week.) However, I enjoy the ironical, and so might you.

7 Reasons Why my Blog will make you cry LESS than Jon Acuff’s (humor) blog

Jon Acuff: Funny man. Serious man. Modern Legend.

1. Unlike Jon, I only rarely talk about orphans. Heck, for ages, “an orphan” was a thing that happens in typography, where a word unsuspecting word is just left by its lonesome at the end of a paragraph. Poor thing. Bad, graphic designer. Bad!

Right now, I’m tearing up just thinking about a person (specifically Jon) writing about orphans (the human kind). So, there you go. You need more proof, then click to read his orphan article here. Orphans break out the water works like nothing else can. The only thing worse for your tissue stockpile is an orphan with cancer. That cute bald head. The sweet bloated little belly. Horrible stuff. I’m changing the subject. ugh.

2. Jon can make plenty of us cry, sometimes by just being a tad more serious, on Serious Wednesdays. That’s skill folks. I’ll never do that to you. It just not in me. (I mean I don’t haz the skillz) For future notice, I happen to be sillier on Wednesday than Jon is, thereby making my ability to incite tears pale by comparison. So, in case you’re keeping track, that would be proof # 2.

3. Jon writes touching things about his kids, that are profound and can make your eyes as moist and irritated as rubbing a hot chili pepper on your iris. Go ahead get a chili pepper and see for yourself.

4. Jon raises money for orphans. So, you know, it’s not talk. It’s action. And needless to say, it’s frickin’ orphans, dude. If that’s not so sweet to be tear jerking, than you must be the Tin Man–pre-Emerald City–my friend.

5. When Jon cries, we cry. More proof here. Don’t miss the comments section. About 400 people admit to crying. I’m not joking. It’s Unbelievable. See, I never cried in an airport except when I’ve been with a TSA worker. You just won’t find a story like that here.

6. Jon loves his wife, and it shows. Witness this. Honestly, where the heck are my tissues, the ones with aloe? (I don’t know if people even know if I’m married-which I am. There I said it. Gosh.)

7. Jon is generous. He’s always helping out struggling writers, ahem, and plenty of other people. Plenty. It’s almost too good to be true. (I have NEVER given huge bundles of hard cash at a bookstore, or iPads, or iPod shuffles, or really any Apple products at all. I’m so lame, but unfortunately not lame enough to stir your tears of pity.)

Have I made my case?

P.S.
If you are a blogger that offers fewer crying opportunities than Jon does, and you’d like some more blog traffic, share your blog link in the comments section, and we’ll stop by.

LeRoy the Pug (Wacky Wednesday)

Since November (yes, last month) I’ve started balancing Jon Acuff’s “Serious Wednesday” posts with a Wacky Wednesday alternative. It’s especially written for those who need a smidgen more zany in their lives on Wednesday, because of the vacuum left by Jon’s only mildly humorous Wednesday posts.

This post is about LeRoy (LEE-roy) James, my friends pugnacious pug.

12 Things about LeRoy

This is sort of like the 12 Days of Christmas, except with a Pug, and it’s not Christmasy.

1. LeRoy is HIGHLY motivated by food. He’s learned all kind of tricks by being tricked. (But he hates potato related products.)

2. He owns a purple snuggie, and doesn’t seem feminine when he dons it.

3. Other names for LeRoy are: L-Train, Lee Lee, Baby LeLory, Grump, son of a **tch, and a few names that can’t be mentioned here.

4. He has a pumpkin Halloween costume (next year he’s going to be an ice cream cone), and a reindeer outfit for Christmas.

5. He makes everyone feel special. So, you get the sense the he loves you the most.

6. He doesn’t mind eating his own poop. Yes, in most ways it’s regrettable, but yet a highly Green lifestyle (recycling).

7. He loves vegetables as much as meat.

8. He’s muscular and has great cardio.

9. He watches tv, and his favorite movie is Toy Story 3. (He brought his own stuffed toy out to watch it.)

10. In the morning, he doesn’t spring from his kennel. He gets up when he’s good and ready.

11. He gets acne.

12. He snores like a buzz saw.

Have you ever known a pug? What are your feelings about them?

7 DAY-AFTER-THANKSGIVING IDEAS. enjoy

So, Feasting Day is over. We’ve been thinking about thankfulness. We’ve been enjoying goodies, and visiting, and football (if the cable isn’t out, that is. grr).

But here, like the turkey, are some leftover thanksgiving jokes and ideas to brighten your ~~Black Friday~~ post Thanksgiving Holiday. (I call it BED Friday, because I’ll skip shopping for a nap ANY DAY, and especially today!)

DAY AFTER THANKSGIVING BRIGHT IDEAS!

1. If the stuffing didn’t go over well, lace it with Prozac, reheat, sprinkle with cinnamon, and serve warm.

2. Dry turkey this year? No problem. Toast it in the oven, and use it for packing material when you send out your Christmas packages.

3. I’ve heard that leftover turkey sandwiches go down much better with 2 glasses of hard apple cider. Who knew?

4. If you don’t think YAMS are yummy, add more brown sugar. Still no good? Add mini marshmallows. It’s perfectly legit. What’s not to like?

5. Roll unwanted mashed potatoes into baseball shapes, freeze, and throw them at people in those long ~~Black Friday~~ holiday shopping lines. It spices things up. (Personally, I wouldn’t know. I’m in bed ~~on Black Friday~~ more than I shop, but good luck!)

6. If the cable goes out for 3 days, try not to panic. [I’ve said this to myself about 83 times in the last two days.] Just think of it as a way to use up the extra Benadryl in your mom’s house. Broken cable brings on childhood congestion, right?

7. In a pinch, cranberry sauce makes great fake blood. Put 1-2 cups in the bathtub, add warm water, get in, and just start screaming your head off until someone finds you. (It’s sort of an April Fools meets Halloween meets Turkey Feast Day type of gag, to kick off the winter holiday prank season.) Let me know how it works out for you, k?

Can you think of any holiday ideas?

Evangelicals and Lack of Tradition

This year, the Christian calendar begins November 28th. It is the Season of Advent.

Catholic, Orthodox, Anglican, Lutheran and many mainline churches observe the Christian calendar. The topic for each Sunday is predictable. Scripture from the lectionary guides the themes, liturgy, sermon, art, and music of that particular time. Traditional? Yes. Useful? I do believe it is.

It provides congruence. Most Evangelical pastors are accustomed to, more or less, speaking about what’s been on their mind recently. This is carefully referred to as “what God has laid on their heart.” (And you’d be a fool to question the movement of the Spirit, right? Maybe a fool, or maybe a blasphemer…if you spoke your thoughts.)

In general, it’s not a terrible thing to follow the leading of the Spirit. (If that is truly what is happening. But, that’s another post entirely!) But does this unformatted contemporary formula help cinch together the Story of God, the Christian Story, and bring a cohesive message of the Gospel, in history and depth, in a palpably connected way? Or, is the shoot from the Holy hip often more of a “bang here and a bit there,” approach?

I’d like to hear your take on it?

I tend to think a healthy mix of several Christian traditions could be very spiritually useful in contemporary times. We are already malnourished on a sound bite way of life as is it.

Chaplain Mike, a one-time Southern Baptist preacher, who blogs at imonk does the whole topic much more justice than I can. I strongly encourage you to link to his specific post with the link at the bottom, if you’d like.

Witness this poignant quote found there:
(It really hit home with regards to my Christian church experiences.)

“Part of the problem is that evangelicals really don’t have traditions,” said Carter. “Instead, we have these fads that are built on the strengths and talents of individual leaders. … But a real tradition can be handed on to anyone, from generation to generation. It’s hard to hand these evangelical fads down like that, so it seems like we’re always starting over. It’s hard to build something that really lasts.”– Joe Carter as quoted by Terry Mattingly

My main resource for this post and a really helpful article is here at imonk. It is most helpful for Evangelicals, and I challenge you to consider a deeper appreciation for the Christian calendar year, starting this Sunday, November 28th.

Thank you for reading.

Chocolate

What you see here is a cup of “Turbo” and the Dark Chocolate Crepe (filled with mascapone cheese, fresh strawberries & dark chocolate truffle ganache. Served with more strawberries, fresh cream & chocolate drizzle) from Cafe Chocolate in Lititz. I only wish I had more than my poor quality camera phone to capture it.

WHAT AN EXPERIENCE. If church were like this place, well, we’d all go a lot more, and be heavier. Heavier, but probably happier too. Jolly. We’d be jolly.

Their signature beverage is the Turbo. Made with West African %60 chocolate cocoa, frothed with organic milk, and infused with a shot of smooth Espresso. Image a rich, creamy, chocolaty goodness that sort of shoots you into euphoria, on a Japanese magnet propelled train.
Pleasurable? Yes. Think of your best worship experience with God…and then add fudge.
Okay, don’t do that. I think I went over the line there, plus, it’s like comparing apples with oranges, or chocolate bars with communion wafers.

It’s the kind of drink that can make you cry or sing (or in my case, both). Since God made chocolate, it was eventually a worship moment for me.
And thank goodness for smelling salts!

Lititz, Pa is also the home of Wilbur Chocolate, a very superior confectioner, and the now famous yearly Chocolate Walk. With Hershey Chocolate close by, this whole area of Lancaster County is sort of a Mecca for chocolate lovers. Also Sturgis pretzels is there in Lititz; and they boast America’s first commercial pretzel. You can make your own pretzel on their tour, and eat in fresh out of the oven.

Oh happy day! :)

HAVE YOU BEEN TO LITITZ?
What is your favorite chocolate goodie?