Clearing away some “crap” about my name.

OKAY! I’m going to try to point everyone in the right direction…which incidentally is something a certain forefather of mine did NOT do.

4770094-Columbus_Monument_uc-Barcelona — Click to read more about my great (x20+) grandpa, Chris.

So, I’m reading my blog analytics, and I’m confronted with an old foe…of sorts. It seemed a google search for some gastric-related product sent someone to my blog. Welcome to my whole life. My maiden name (and pen name) Colón is pronounced (basically) like this: CO – lone. (The other joke was, “What’s that smell? Is it Lisa Colón? Like eau de cologne…SO ingenious, right?)

Surprisingly…ahem…the word colon is well, confusing for a lot of people, and search engines, too.
Let’s be clear, the name Colón is not the same as the word used for a punctuation mark, or a semi-punctuation mark, or a main part of the large intestine. Oh, but WHAT a funny joke…especially at the doctor’s office. HA. HA. HA. Yeh, whatever. Nurses think they are endlessly funny, believe me.

You may have never heard of the Colón surname, at all, unless you are familiar with a certain Right Tackle football player and once Pittsburgh Steeler: Willie Colón (click for wiki).

willie-colon-213x300 — We have an uncanny resemblance to each other, I KNOW.

Or you are particularly into Salsa music, and know Willie Colón, the Puerto Rican salsa music icon; a Nuyorican salsa musician, and trombonist.

If you are not familiar with Spain, Spanish, Spanish countries, or Central and South American countries, you are in new territory for this nomenclature.

Or!

You haven’t made the connection with all sorts of Columbian words (yes, the word Columbian relates to the “discoverer”..of a place where people already were…of the Americas…. Amerigo Vespucci…er…wait… I mean… “Christopher Columbus”.)

Those related words are Colonize, Colony, Colonel, Colonial, et cetera. Yes. They all originate with Cristóbal Colón, the Spanish name of Christopher Columbus.

Okay, now to clear it up, using the dictionary.

The word “colon” (pronounced COLE-on) which is NOT my name is 1 of 2 things:

colon 1 |ˈkōlən|
noun
a punctuation mark ( : ) indicating
• that a writer is introducing a quotation or a list of items.
• that a writer is separating two clauses of which the second expands or illustrates the first.
• a statement of proportion between two numbers : a ratio of 10:1.
• the separation of hours from minutes (and minutes from seconds) in a statement of time given in numbers : 4:30 p.m.
• the number of the chapter and verse respectively in biblical references : Exodus 3:2.
ORIGIN mid 16th cent. (as a term in rhetoric denoting a section of a complex sentence, or a pause before it): via Latin from Greek kōlon ‘limb, clause.’
colon 2
noun Anatomy
the main part of the large intestine, which passes from the cecum to the rectum and absorbs water and electrolytes from food that has remained undigested. Its parts are called the ascending, transverse, descending, and sigmoid colon.
ORIGIN late Middle English : via Latin from Greek kolon.

My name is Colón, which is different.

ORIGIN from Cristóbal Colón, the Spanish name of Christopher Columbus (see Columbus 2 ).

Why do I continue to use a name that is confusing?
Part of it is that I’m just silly. And, well, my married name is DeLay. It’s French, and poses its own set of problems. Delay. Yes, perhaps I’m the repeated victim of circumstance. This is especially true if colon and delay are put together. Ya know?

And fittingly, this post has constipation…
But, it’s all so you can sit down, relax, and Wait…Wait…wait…

It’s all coming out better now in the end.

So, yeh, if you need a colon cleanser…as you can see, I’m here for you (in a sense).

Incidentally…Thomas Crapper took out nine plumbing patents 1881-1896. Click here for the truth about Crapper (With a name like that, Tom is my reason for some optimism and not taking myself too seriously.)

What do you think…a rose by any other name…blah blah blah???
If you have any “monicker stories”…share away!

Guest post from fake blog writer

Guest post from fake blog writer (and also the story of being nearly Punk’d)

I was asked by “Elizabeth” to post a guest blog and link to what turned out to a fake blog they claim is for people “excited by the prospect of veiled links to the education industry in the form of blog posts”. Now I don’t know about you, but to me, this marketing trickery is so fantastic, and doesn’t sound the least bit manipulative, especially if you’ve gone to 8 years of fake evil medical school. ~coughing while slurring “Fail” under my breath~

But, I’m a girl of my word. I told them I would post it, AND link to them, which was incredibly nice of me, since they were seriously wasting my time. Yep. You bet ‘cha. I will do just what I said.

One smallish adjustment though…. Since they bill themselves as almost educational, their submission could only be almost worthy of being posted on this fine specimen of a blog you have before you, and I will almost post it here.

After I read the submitted piece by “Andrew Hall”, (a blind, autistic, amputee from Tuzla, with only two working thumbs), I was SO UNDERWHELMED that I thought it was a good fit for my humor site, that is equally underwhelming.

I made up the thing about Andrew. I’m not sure about his situation, at all.

On a personal note: So, sorry “Andrew”, this is a bit of a downgrade for your humor piece, but thank you for trying. Keep your chin up, because I’ve heard (from an Indian-themed movie) that blind singers get the most money; I think you will do fine. You can sing, right? Bless your heart.

Anyway, you may click FAIL to go to their fake site, and read the submission here.
I’m only sorry I can’t give you what you can never get back: the 6 minutes of your life you wasted here today.

Humor Site Premiers

Triple Dog Dare is the humor portion of my writing.

This page may give opportunity to divert there, if the post is recent and fairly funny, witty, ironic, or silly. There will be games, riddles, dares, polls, and prizes.

I hope you enjoy it. Tell me what you think about the first post/game. Thanks.

Yes, I have a fan page.

Welcome Schuylkill & Berks News readers (SBN- Facebook link). (Related to my column: If you have good traveling tips, please leave them in the comments section.)

Some of you have been wondering if you can “LIKE” me.

This is perfectly understandable.

You have a battle raging within…or maybe you don’t know what I’m talking about…or both…

Um. So.

We all like to be well-liked, but in this case, if you haven’t figured, I’m speaking about Facebook. It’s a so-called fan page. Even though I’m not my biggest fan, in a desperate attempt at self-actualization, I created my own fan page. Pathetic. I know. But wait.

If I could have changed the name to “Fun page” I would have. It’s really all Facebook’s fault. It’s not vanity. You would do the same thing, if you were backed into a corner. And what a corner…

What if, you’re Not on Facebook?
very bad. Your punishment is to leave a comment explaining why. :)

OKAY! I just snapped, a little. Sorry ’bout that. (See why spiritual practices are indispensable? Imagine if I didn’t do them. Yes. We’d all be sorry.) Um. Yes. Where were we?

Right. The Page Facebook page called “Triple Dog Dare” is my way to connect with friends, fans, and the random person who likes to read something humorous.

(Image yourself holding a full pail of funny…See, you’ll love it.)

Click a photo below to get there; and remember, I love you, more than cheddar cheese, despite its power, and I mean that!

If you “Like” and “Share” to your FB page, I’ll leave you a witty quip on your Wall, and you’ll actually like it, (Help me know who you are, and/or confirm you did this, right here, or on my Facebook wall).

Happy Autumn, ya’ll.

-Lisa

5 Things Readers Wish Bloggers Knew

dunkin — wifi, coffee, donuts: A bloggers paradise

If you want to have a devoted readership, these 5 ideas will eliminate some common mistakes bloggers make. That means more readership, and more reader loyalty.

1. Be original. Even if you get sparked to write because of someone else, put your own creative twist on it.

2. Use good images. In a recent static that just came to me… more than 90% of regular internet users are visual people. The other 10% squint. A good image attracts attention, and makes your post more memorable. [Double points if it’s funny.]

NOTE: Be ethical. Always use your own photography, or ask permission and credit your photo sources. Link to the original image. Photos belong to the creator, not to you. Swiping them for your uses is what we called stealing.

3. Remember, you’re probably not that interesting. Rarely do people enjoy a personal journal type blog, unless you’re Lady Gaga, ~~David Hasselhoff,~~Lance Armstrong, ~~Snooki~~, or someone who is both famous and intriguing–No one cares that you made Mac and cheese, went shopping, took a nap, ate something, or some other stupid thing that chronicles your life. No. One. Cares.

(If that’s all you have to post about, read an interesting book, and blog about it, or skip the postings until you become infamous.)

4. Know when to post. Don’t write and post when you’re tired, quite ill, hungry, or up late because of insomnia. These posts you may live to regret. They won’t be your best work, and if you write during these circumstances often your posts will get very annoying.

5. Don’t linger. If possible keep your word count to 200-500 words. A reader should be able to get through your post in 3-7 minutes. Blogging is a different writing medium than books, or magazines. Don’t get confused and believe that even with good content you can get readers to stay for more than 3-7 minutes on one post. It just doesn’t work that way, my friend.

Sometimes I break this “rule,” but I know my blog suffers for it.

What things bug you about blogs?

Any questions?

UPDATE: In the comments, I post a reply to a reader who defends “swiping images”. Find out what is legal to take from the web, by clicking the Comments button. Thanks for reading and participating!