My friend Kayla visited her parents’ church over her summer break for 10 weeks or so.
They were attending this suburban church with a large attendance each Sunday morning and I thought she’d really enjoy the change. Maybe she would be disappointed to come back to her normal, small-town life.
When I asked her about it, she said, “I should have loved it. The music was amazing; the people friendly. They had lots of youth programs and small groups going, and the pastor chose meaningful things to teach. I should miss it, but I don’t.”
This surprised me, so I asked her why she thought this was.
She said something so simple that it gave me a punch of profundity.
“You don’t miss something you don’t feel connected to.”
I started to wonder about the people I’ve lost through death, circumstances, or diverging paths.
Some I missed and some I rarely thought of. Those I did not miss much weren’t really all too different (in general) from the ones I did miss. It didn’t directly reflect the quality of person they were or if we had a lot in common. Like Kayla pointed out, I missed the ones I felt connected with and to. Reflecting on that, the ones that had stronger bonds created more longing or loss in the void of their absence.
That may seem pretty obvious, but the critical gap comes in when we miss why we are connected and what it means to be available and vulnerable on a regular basis with others you can trust. Apart from that, you won’t miss much.
I sense something has been lost in many communities of faith and in many other places because we are so much more amused by our distractions than we are connected in deep ways.
Human connection is never really about measurable stats. We already realize this. It’s about investment in others, sure,
but it’s also about the reciprocity of that investment. It’s always a two-way street.
Some people are wonderful and you invest and hope for a harvest–of some sort–where you both benefit, and you assume they do too, and then it doesn’t happen. The fruition doesn’t manifest or withers on the vine. Maybe the soil was bad, maybe a storm came or drought, or pestilence, maybe something else thwarted success. Sometimes it’s obvious and other times you just sense something is wrong that is hard to make right again. Sometimes you just need to move on and other times, you have to try again in a new season with different seed.
That happens in faith communities and in interpersonal relationships. It happens in business and in extended family life.
If the connection is lacking you won’t be missed. And you won’t miss them. It’s likely that you will feel disappointed about that.
We overlook the idea and process of true connection even as we want it the most.
Is there some thing or someone you’d like to feel more connected with?
Oh,
3 more things.
1. I will be posting a “spiritual-themed” topic about once per week. The other times I will concentrate on other ideas depending on what strikes me and will often concentrate on topics related to helping you create and communicate better.
2. I really am excited to see what this year brings and I’m really happy you came today.
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