The Many Lives of the Hippest Street in America

What if YOU lived on the coolest street in America?

Ada Calhoun writes for the New York Times, (and has written for O magazine, The New Republican, The Atlantic, and Cosmopolitan, among others). She grew up as the daughter of 1960s Bohemians who came to live in the East Village during the Bob Dylan era.

Maybe the most ubiquitous thing about the most famous (and infamous) hip section of New York City is how commonly people declare that it’s not as cool as it was before. And strangely, there’s a 100 year- history of just that thing.

Calhoun researched the 400 year history of New York in the St Marks area and she has written a fascinating book called St Marks is Dead which is an excellent commentary on the idea of “cool” as well as a glimpse into one of the most culturally powerful streets in the U.S.

Ada Calhoun / Author
Ada Calhoun / Author

Her book “St Marks is Dead” can be found here.


A peek at The East Village

SHOWNOTES:

MIN 1:00
The background for her article that went viral “The Wedding Toast I’ll never Give”

1:30
Realism for love and marriage.

2:30
The “and yet” philosophy of paradox in life and love.

3:00
The big flight fight.

4:00
Ada’s mother says, “The way you stay married is you don’t get divorced.”

5:00
The marriage “toolbox” for staying together only had a bent screwdriver and tweezers.

6:30
How her parents’ marriage defied the odds.

6:50
Thinking of a spouse as “family”.

8:00
Thinking of marriage, not as a dating phase, but as becoming family.

9:00
There’s going to be joy and pain both.

11:30
Ada’s parenting book about how you should ignore all the parenting books and look at your kid and figure out who they are, instead of worrying about being the perfect parent:
“Instinctive Parenting: Trusting Ourselves to Raise Good Kids”

12:00
On growing up as the child of 1960’s Bohemians of the Bob Dylan era in New York City’s East Village in the St Mark’s Place neighborhood and being one of the only kids in the neighborhood during a time when it was not child-friendly. (Many fires, the AIDS epidemic hit the area hard, drugs, junkies, homelessness and tent cities, prostitution were all nearby).

18:00
Working at the Austin Chronicle

19:00
On being a journalist in New York City

On her new book “St Marks is Dead: The Many Lives of America’s Hippest Street”

20:30 High rent, and neighborhood changes to St Marks Place cause people to wish for the way it was. They feel betrayed.

Ada researched and found that each generation had the same experience throughout the last century.

21:30
Malcolm Cowley: “Bohemia is always yesterday.”

22:00
What St Marks Place is like in 2015.

23:30
(Lisa) My first experience in New York City.

24:30
Complaining is the one constant in NYC neighborhoods.

25:30
Hippy boom, punk era, DIY art scene, then the GAP moved in in the late 1980s, then the tv show Kids era, then the Bloomsburg era.

26:30
Answering: Where in Manhattan is the artistic cultural hot spot now?

27:30
once a franchise moves in….

29:00
The franchises that opened and then closed in the East Village.

31:00
Places she recommends on St Marks Place. 3rd Avenue to Avenue A: 3 blocks that ends at Thomkins Square Park.

33:30
The median apartment costs more than a million dollars.

36:00
Neil Patrick Harris in Harlem and the upswing of that area.

37:00
Music, and art and going outside can happen in NYC public schools now.

39:00
What was St Marks Place like 400 years ago?

39:30
St Marks Place, the church, is the oldest place of continuous worship in New York City.

40:00
About the racial tension and the hippy priest in 1969, named Michael Allen who was kicked out of St Marks Place.

Episode 18 – Nicole Unice is “Brave Enough” AND so are you!

Nicole Unice

BIO:
Nicole Unice is on staff at Hope Church in Richmond, Virginia, and the author of the breakout book: “She’s Got Issues” which she wrote from her counseling and ministry experiences. The book produced and encouraged a refreshing and radical honesty that she’s built on in her new book “Brave Enough”.

Enjoy the Shownotes and links below and please share this with friends that you know CAN be “Brave Enough“. Thanks for listening!

#GetBraveEnough

xo

~Lisa

P.S. Would you like to get a special, cozy Spark My Muse t-shirt?

Let me know HERE.
bravenough


 

 

Get  Brave Enough or find out more here:

Like to listen instead of reading? Get the AUDIO book here.


Shownotes – Episode 18 Nicole Unice is honest, enthusiastic, and “Brave Enough”, so you can be too.

 

MIN 1:10

Nicole on staff at Hope Church

on the Richmond VA place and new midtown location.

 

1:30

Nicole’s podcasting experience (the Becoming Podcast) doing hundreds of episodes with her pastor doing 15 minutes shows for commuters.

Lisa asks: Is “campus” a Christian code word for mega church?

2:40

How she grew with Hope Church for 18 years, as they started out small in an elementary school “cafetorium”.

3;50

The “Youth Lodge” plans and the unique setting with wetlands and hills.

5:10

On the importance of Beauty, Setting, and Art in architecture and church building planning to evoke the imagination, inspire awe, and connect with the heart.

6:40

Collaborative workspace, and place where kids can do their homework and where people can enjoy the time away in a beautiful setting.

7:40

“artist come through the side door of the soul and preachers come through the front door.”

8:50

The history of the church and Christian tradition is one where the Church is source of beauty, wonder and connected to art because God is a the Creator.

9:40

Her first book: She’s Got Issues

6 main issues women (and men) face that can be a hinderance.

A rich relationship with God can come to a dead end as the ways we do life stop working.

12:00

How was it received? The #1 thing Nicole heard was, “You’re so honest.”

Why would honesty be such a revolution in Christianity?

12:40

She leaned into that for her next book “Brave Enough”

13:00

The story of how she got the title for the book:

To the question, “Do you think you can be brave?” Lucy Pevensie in the Chronicles of Narnia says, “I think I can be brave enough.”

14:35

Few women will self-identify as brave. [and not many men will either]

“After we identify the hinderances, what does it look like to walk forward in freedom?”

15:00

Brave Enough is about Grace and its effects, inside and in action.

15:40

Nicole answering the question: Do men have the same problems in this area?

16:00

“Women hearing teaching from women is like hearing in your first language.”

16:30

Ways Nicole leads and teaches men.

17:00

on how women have to translate teaching from men into their “language” and context.

18:00

On how, similarly, Brené Brown was challenged (by a man) to include men in her writing and teaching. (Lisa)

18:40

How men and women have similar vulnerabilities though they might deal with them differently.

19:40

“up speak” tones in language in women and men revealing different insecurities. (Lisa)

21:00

Nuggets from the Brave Enough book:

How the ingredients mixed into something she didn’t expect. It follows a narrative “arch of the heart”. How we can be full and free and confident in life.

22:30

on why (inner) freedom is illusive for men and women.

On “Fake Grace” in our head. (the excuses we make or how we blame others). Inviting God/Jesus into those places.

24:10

We all (default) and go back to rules and laws and how to short circuit that pattern.

It’s about resetting the heart with a new spiritual reality.

25:00

Radical honesty about our ugly parts inside the heart.

25:30

Nicole’s Parable: The violently stopping of the elevator door…(and how it relates to our soul).

26:10

Open ourselves to God’s Presence and healing.

26:10

(Lisa) God uses what bothers us about other people is a mirror of what we don’t like in ourselves.

27:20

How our baggage works to impede our progress.

Brave Enough includes major parts on forgiveness

28:00

God’s breathing on us and giving us the mission of forgiveness, first.

(Click to read the reference John 20:19-23)

28:30

When we keep living out of a wounded place.

29:10

How we continue categorizing our experiences to support our false and faulty premises and hypothesis about ourselves.

29:30

Questioning what is really true about ourselves (and the mental “tapes” we play).

33:20

God gives us opportunities to practices forgiveness every single day, often in small ways in the relationships and event of regular life.

33:40

If we can’t be gracious to ourselves we can’t be gracious with others.

34:20

The economy of our heart: if we forgive little then we love little.

36:30

(Nicole asks Lisa) “What have you learned in doing podcasting?”

38:30

We have the chance to never stop growing and transforming and God never gives up on us.

39:20

Brave Enough is also an AUDIO book. Find it here.


 

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Want to extend the good times and answer the question of the day?

What “bad/negative tape” do you have playing in your head most often?

 

Writing for the 2% -publishing

Screen Shot 2015-03-28 at 10.39.42 AMThe cost is prohibitive. Monetary success is doubtful. Potential buyers (probably you) will wince, and balk and hem and haw and most will click away…

So why bother?
I wrote a book for the 2%.
It’s something I had to write down for my kids, and to leave something behind that I want to be most remembered for. That path means you have to do it differently, because–to put in bluntly–publishers want a sure-sell and are trying to make money. They don’t care about the things I care about.

I raised the money to make this book. In 2 days on Kickstarter I got the funds to do design it and do a small run and mail off copies to those who funded it. Now I’ve put it on the market at a high price. Chances are you won’t want to buy it. If you do, you will understand why I had to do it. There just isn’t another way–and that’s okay.

I give (and have given) a lot of things away here at the website. Resources, information, tips, ebooks, graphics, etc, and I plan to write more things and create more things at modest prices. But, not for this one. It’s high-end and worth a different route.

If you get a copy, let me know what you liked the best about the book.
I hope you enjoy it!

xo
~Lisa

The Science and Spirituality of Humor [SERIES]: Is Humor a HUMAN thing?

Read the 1st post of the humor series here. Screen Shot 2014-09-25 at 10.46.13 AM

Is humor human?

Do animals laugh and why should we care?

One of the first things that comes up when you start to study what people find funny, and why they do, is the issue of purpose.

“What’s it all for?”

And when you start asking those questions invariably you need to see if humor is a uniquely human quality or if other creatures have some of it too and why might they.

Some animals experience emotions in ways humans do. Anger, pleasure, fear, and sorrow are a few commonalities.

For instance, pachyderms express grief at the death of a member of their parade. House cats don’t give a crap about the death of anyone (usually), but they are certainly spiteful on par with the cunning and potency of humans.

So why not the emotion of humor…?

It turns out that science has tried to measure that. The results, in my opinion, are mixed and even a bit unsavory. But, I’ll get to that in a minute.

Noises of Play

Plebeian anecdotes of laughing dogs or snickering nonhuman primates circulate and seem to indicate that something akin to genuine laughter or maybe some sort of sense of humor could be at work. Yes?

For a number of years scientists have discerned what seems to be jolly noises coming from chimps at play. These sounds mimic the intonations of young children at play and keg parties.

And then there’s the business of rodents.

Rats, actually.

I told you it would get unsavory.

Laughter in the Lab

Apparently, scientists can get grant money to tickle rats.

You heard me right.

See, if they just use the phrase “heterospecific hand play” on their proposal, a grant check comes in the mail.

The phrase sounds sophisticated and science-y, and no one in the grant issuing department considers it perverted.

With grant money in hand, scientists use their other hand and go about tickling rats of different ages, in different settings, at different times, and sometimes (I’m guessing) on the couch near a cozy fire in the fireplace and atmospheric candlelight as Barry White music plays softly in the background. It’s all very clinical.

The Results
Older (married?) rats don’t seem to respond, but juvenile rats, foolish to the wiles of scientists, make high frequency chirping sounds as they encounter “heterospecific hand play”.

The sounds are somewhat comparable to staccato laughing of human children at play. Human children playing but also gnawing at garbage in a dumpster, perhaps. Or, perhaps the panicked sounds of high anxiety.

The strange result is that the young rats then seek out the human that tickled him or her for plenty more of the same. (This convinces the scientists that the impressionable rats are enjoying the interaction and not developing strange and unhealthy co-dependency issues sourced in dubious psychologically damaging tickle abuse.)

In fact, the rats grow closer to their ticklers socially, and perhaps hope for an engagement ring one day.

I’d also like to note that so far I’m finding no such experiments are conducted where rats are allowed to tickle scientists and whether the rats or the scientists laugh because of it. This seems like a gross oversight. It would also be interesting to know if the scientists found the rats attractive in different outfits and vice versa. Or, maybe not.

I don’t know whether to be proud of the these discoveries or terribly embarrassed for the scientists.

The Purpose of Humor

What laughter–or its nonhuman equivalent–appears to do in the animal world is to build social bridges through appropriate positive interactions.

Positive, mutual, social responses build bonds, trust, and cooperation. Everyone wins.

Rats, dogs, and chimps are all highly social creatures, and maybe this is needed for things to go well.

The exception is the occasional instance where rats eat their young.

 

• This seems to indicate that some tickling just isn’t funny, or that kids can be a real pain sometimes.

Humor and Spirituality

I’m proposing that humor remains invaluable to human flourishing, not just for healthy social bonding, but ultimately for the vital element of identity, and this is the territory of spirituality. We’ll get into the reasons of why more deeply as we continue.


 

Like those laughing animals, humans are social too. When they are not socially healthy, bad things happen: murder, sexual assault, arson, random violence, and strange behavior on Facebook.

But, unlike animals, scientific experiments show that humans have three main reasons for laughing besides a tickling episode, according to work by psychologist Diana Szameitat. Here are the other three:

1. Laughing in joy.

2. Taunting laughter. Laughing at someone in contempt.

3. Schadenfreude laughter. Laughing at another person who encounters something unfortunate, like falling down. The Germans have just the precise word for it too, which is not surprising.

I think there are several more, but that’s for future posts.

 

Funny Things are Seriously Complex

Humor and laughter comprise a whole system of complex emotions for humans, compared to animals.

And as anyone who’s been tickled for too long knows, sometimes humor includes mixed emotions like discomfort, fear, apprehension, or wanting to slap a scientist for creepy “heterospecific hand play”.

We’ll learn much more about the complexity of humor as we go. In future posts I’ll also cover the dubious reputation of humor among early philosophers, the fascinating aspect of humorous sarcasm and mockery, plus the latest compelling humor research theory that explains both the good and bad reasons why we find things funny.

Anything for a laugh.


 

To sum up, humor is both uniquely human and shared among certain other creatures in a lesser way.

Read the next one in the series here.

 Are you enjoying this series? I’d love to know.

Thanks for reading!

-Lisa

Finding Your Purpose: The WISP method (STEP III: “S”)

So, I’ve surprised you with 2 untypical ways to find purpose in your life.

Here (Step 1) and Here (Step 2)

Hopefully, by now you’ve done homework and feel like you are progressing in new ways.

(I’d love to hear about it! Send me a note.)

Now we are on STEP 3

“S”

Service

This one may make little sense to you.

You may think,

“Really? That sounds backwards. I don’t know my purpose yet. I’ll try service once I get that figured out, duh.”

It’s not as backwards as you think.

(Creative Commons photo)
(Creative Commons photo)

What will appeal to us in terms of service is often closely tied to our talents, gifts, and greater purpose.

Here’s an example:

When my kids were very little I made a point of helping my friends prepare for a big, yearly program. Instead of being fulfilling, it was frustrating and felt futile. I realized that my skills and passions were better served elsewhere. This eventually lead to many other types of service that tapped into my greater purpose and held greater meaning for me.

In the beginning, what drew me to help out was a sense of friendship, community, and desire to love and minister to others–to be part of something greater than myself. Those were all things I kept seeking. What I left behind were projects that could miss the forrest for the trees. The experience helped me know when projects were too detail-oriented to be optimally useful in a greater way, for my preferences.

Would I have been able to narrow things down for myself without making this (seeming) mistake? No. And it wasn’t a mistake to help, it was a clarifying exercise.

Would I have been able to decipher what types of service aren’t a good fit for me without this experience? Unlikely.


In serving, something else happens. It’s big and you’ll see the pattern once I mention it:

In losing ourselves we are found.

That means by taking ourselves out of the middle, we can see and choose better and more easily.

(It doesn’t mean thinking less of ourselves, but thinking of ourselves less–by design. Thus, we more expertly “stumble” on to bigger insights.)


In a way, you don’t find your purpose at all, it finds you.

From my perspective, finding God works the same way. You are only lost to yourself, not to God. So you don’t so much “find him” nor does he “find” you. Instead you wake up.

The same holds true for finding your purpose.

We tend to assume, just by default, that finding our purpose must start and end with us. Not so.

Just like Worship, service makes finding your purpose far easier because it becomes a revelatory process. Finding your purpose, like finding happiness, comes as a byproduct of doing other things.


So where can you start with meaningful service that will help you find your purpose?

Here are some categories and qualifiers to explore:

If one stands out as more meaningful, or ignites your passions (which is directly connected to your purpose), try that first. Check with your church, your community, your local schools and organizations, local charities, or just asking around to see what available or sounds like a good fit.

What ever it is, do something. The key on this step in ACTION followed by reflection.

If you are already serving, reevaluate it. It is leading you to a greater purpose or holding you back?

(If you are overly involved in service, then it’s time to scale back.)


HOMEWORK – take some field notes on the following questions:

• Do you like Creating? (What do you like and how do you like to do it?)

• Do you like helping and being useful? In what ways?

•Using your body more than your mind to help out?

OR

Using your mind to help more than your body?
(At the end of the day, which feels more satisfying and why?)

• Do you like being the glue that holds people and projects together?

• Does helping behind the scenes feel meaningful?

• Do you like detail-oriented projects…

OR

Being the visionary that comes up with and starts the project?

• Do you like teaching? (If so, what about it appeals to you?)

• Do people in need ignite your passions?

What about your past service appealed to you and why?

(If you don’t have much past service to serve as a gauge, that’s your biggest obstacle. Start right away. You are much too “in the middle” of your world and you need a break from yourself.)


[You guesses it! This is handy-dandy notebook time! Write out your field notes from the questions above.]

Also consider:
What specific population do you feel drawn to serve?

(It’s okay to specialize and then turn away things that fall outside your scope. This refinement is usually helpful. However, once in a while change it up and serve outside your specific domain–it will surprise you by opening new doors or clarifying your purpose further.)

Types of Populations:
• elderly

• children

• poor

• students

• the needy

• peers

• 20-somethings

• new parents

• the forgotten populations (immigrants, incarcerated, homeless, mentally ill, etc.)

• who else?…


Assess how your TALENTS and SKILLS play into your past service decision.

• What sort of technological knowledge, special skill, unique experience, or centering insight makes certain kinds of service easier?

• What is your “backstory”? Your backstory tends to shift you toward you purpose.

The next step is “P”…come back soon.

Do you know anyone who’s struggling finding purpose, or feels “off-track”? Pass this along!