Welcome to weird Santa week.
Each day, I’ll give you a picture for your amusement.
Do you know any kids who get freaked out by the fat and jolly stranger in the fake beard?
Do you have a weird Santa picture? Add a link to share it with us.
First Entry:
I’m not sure who looks more upset, the kid or the Santa. (If you think of a good caption, leave one here.)
Caption: “I feel something wet on my leg.”
I do like the Christmas season songs.
Yet, on closer inspection, I’ve noticed that some winter favorites are a bit…how should I say it…disconcerting…
(click the song title to read the words)
Here’s a list of 5:
1. Baby It’s Cold Outside is not even a Roofie away from an ensuing crime scene.
2. Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer tells a tale of a heard of reindeer bullies, who come to conditionally love a special needs reindeer, but only after he proves useful to them.
3. Santa looks either like intrusive government, or an ungracious deity in an upcoming advent in Santa Clause is Coming to Town.
4. What do sleepy newborn babies enjoy more than anything? Drum solos!
The song Little Drummer Boy couldn’t have been written by a mother, or caretaker of infants. This racket is a song racket.
5. The seemingly sweet I’ll be Home for Christmas song ends sadly enough to be used effectively for a Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor (SSRI) commercial. [Consult your doctor if you have increased thoughts of suicide.]
What are a few of your favorite Christmas time songs and why?
I enjoy Silent Night, a lot for its spiritual poignancy. But, even if there was a mood of inner peace, I doubt it was that quiet in crowded Bethlehem, or in a stable of animals and an infant.
Are there any songs, you’d like to never endure again?
Or maybe you can make one up!
“Do you hear smell what I hear smell?”
I’ve known Jon Acuff for few years now. We have had the same agent. And he even gave me an invitation to write on his blog. (Here’s the post). See, I was a fan of Stuff Christians Like long before Jon wrote his first book, called, well, not surprisingly: Stuff Christian Like. (Now, he has a HQ website for all things Acuff.) And I was reading his funnies, even long before he was selling ads to….what?! NBC… my goodness. And let’s not forget all those fox and CNN appearances. Before those. Oh! and even way back (sort of ) when he was using his …um…decoy name, or something, “Jon Christopher”… seemingly to throw weaker fans, or readers, off his scent (to no avail, of course!). Anyone remember that?
So, I can’t rival Jon’s awesomeness, or his blog of epic fame and legend. (Jon gets more comments to his blog post in two minutes than I get in visitors all week.) However, I enjoy the ironical, and so might you.
7 Reasons Why my Blog will make you cry LESS than Jon Acuff’s (humor) blog
1. Unlike Jon, I only rarely talk about orphans. Heck, for ages, “an orphan” was a thing that happens in typography, where a word unsuspecting word is just left by its lonesome at the end of a paragraph. Poor thing. Bad, graphic designer. Bad!
Right now, I’m tearing up just thinking about a person (specifically Jon) writing about orphans (the human kind). So, there you go. You need more proof, then click to read his orphan article here. Orphans break out the water works like nothing else can. The only thing worse for your tissue stockpile is an orphan with cancer. That cute bald head. The sweet bloated little belly. Horrible stuff. I’m changing the subject. ugh.
2. Jon can make plenty of us cry, sometimes by just being a tad more serious, on Serious Wednesdays. That’s skill folks. I’ll never do that to you. It just not in me. (I mean I don’t haz the skillz) For future notice, I happen to be sillier on Wednesday than Jon is, thereby making my ability to incite tears pale by comparison. So, in case you’re keeping track, that would be proof # 2.
3. Jon writes touching things about his kids, that are profound and can make your eyes as moist and irritated as rubbing a hot chili pepper on your iris. Go ahead get a chili pepper and see for yourself.
4. Jon raises money for orphans. So, you know, it’s not talk. It’s action. And needless to say, it’s frickin’ orphans, dude. If that’s not so sweet to be tear jerking, than you must be the Tin Man–pre-Emerald City–my friend.
5. When Jon cries, we cry. More proof here. Don’t miss the comments section. About 400 people admit to crying. I’m not joking. It’s Unbelievable. See, I never cried in an airport except when I’ve been with a TSA worker. You just won’t find a story like that here.
6. Jon loves his wife, and it shows. Witness this. Honestly, where the heck are my tissues, the ones with aloe? (I don’t know if people even know if I’m married-which I am. There I said it. Gosh.)
7. Jon is generous. He’s always helping out struggling writers, ahem, and plenty of other people. Plenty. It’s almost too good to be true. (I have NEVER given huge bundles of hard cash at a bookstore, or iPads, or iPod shuffles, or really any Apple products at all. I’m so lame, but unfortunately not lame enough to stir your tears of pity.)
Have I made my case?
P.S.
If you are a blogger that offers fewer crying opportunities than Jon does, and you’d like some more blog traffic, share your blog link in the comments section, and we’ll stop by.
So, Feasting Day is over. We’ve been thinking about thankfulness. We’ve been enjoying goodies, and visiting, and football (if the cable isn’t out, that is. grr).
But here, like the turkey, are some leftover thanksgiving jokes and ideas to brighten your Black Friday post Thanksgiving Holiday. (I call it BED Friday, because I’ll skip shopping for a nap ANY DAY, and especially today!)
DAY AFTER THANKSGIVING BRIGHT IDEAS!
1. If the stuffing didn’t go over well, lace it with Prozac, reheat, sprinkle with cinnamon, and serve warm.
2. Dry turkey this year? No problem. Toast it in the oven, and use it for packing material when you send out your Christmas packages.
3. I’ve heard that leftover turkey sandwiches go down much better with 2 glasses of hard apple cider. Who knew?
4. If you don’t think YAMS are yummy, add more brown sugar. Still no good? Add mini marshmallows. It’s perfectly legit. What’s not to like?
5. Roll unwanted mashed potatoes into baseball shapes, freeze, and throw them at people in those long Black Friday holiday shopping lines. It spices things up. (Personally, I wouldn’t know. I’m in bed on Black Friday more than I shop, but good luck!)
6. If the cable goes out for 3 days, try not to panic. [I’ve said this to myself about 83 times in the last two days.] Just think of it as a way to use up the extra Benadryl in your mom’s house. Broken cable brings on childhood congestion, right?
7. In a pinch, cranberry sauce makes great fake blood. Put 1-2 cups in the bathtub, add warm water, get in, and just start screaming your head off until someone finds you. (It’s sort of an April Fools meets Halloween meets Turkey Feast Day type of gag, to kick off the winter holiday prank season.) Let me know how it works out for you, k?
Can you think of any holiday ideas?
This year, the Christian calendar begins November 28th. It is the Season of Advent.
Catholic, Orthodox, Anglican, Lutheran and many mainline churches observe the Christian calendar. The topic for each Sunday is predictable. Scripture from the lectionary guides the themes, liturgy, sermon, art, and music of that particular time. Traditional? Yes. Useful? I do believe it is.
It provides congruence. Most Evangelical pastors are accustomed to, more or less, speaking about what’s been on their mind recently. This is carefully referred to as “what God has laid on their heart.” (And you’d be a fool to question the movement of the Spirit, right? Maybe a fool, or maybe a blasphemer…if you spoke your thoughts.)
In general, it’s not a terrible thing to follow the leading of the Spirit. (If that is truly what is happening. But, that’s another post entirely!) But does this unformatted contemporary formula help cinch together the Story of God, the Christian Story, and bring a cohesive message of the Gospel, in history and depth, in a palpably connected way? Or, is the shoot from the Holy hip often more of a “bang here and a bit there,” approach?
I’d like to hear your take on it?
I tend to think a healthy mix of several Christian traditions could be very spiritually useful in contemporary times. We are already malnourished on a sound bite way of life as is it.
Chaplain Mike, a one-time Southern Baptist preacher, who blogs at imonk does the whole topic much more justice than I can. I strongly encourage you to link to his specific post with the link at the bottom, if you’d like.
Witness this poignant quote found there:
(It really hit home with regards to my Christian church experiences.)
“Part of the problem is that evangelicals really don’t have traditions,” said Carter. “Instead, we have these fads that are built on the strengths and talents of individual leaders. … But a real tradition can be handed on to anyone, from generation to generation. It’s hard to hand these evangelical fads down like that, so it seems like we’re always starting over. It’s hard to build something that really lasts.”– Joe Carter as quoted by Terry Mattingly
My main resource for this post and a really helpful article is here at imonk. It is most helpful for Evangelicals, and I challenge you to consider a deeper appreciation for the Christian calendar year, starting this Sunday, November 28th.
Thank you for reading.
