Tag: interpersonal

Everything…but connection

chianlink

My friend Kayla visited her parents’ church over her summer break for 10 weeks or so.

They were attending this suburban church with a large attendance each Sunday morning and I thought she’d really enjoy the change. Maybe she would be disappointed to come back to her normal, small-town life.

When I asked her about it, she said, “I should have loved it. The music was amazing; the people friendly. They had lots of youth programs and small groups going, and the pastor chose meaningful things to teach. I should miss it, but I don’t.”

This surprised me, so I asked her why she thought this was.

She said something so simple that it gave me a punch of profundity.

“You don’t miss something you don’t feel connected to.”

I started to wonder about the people I’ve lost through death, circumstances, or diverging paths.

Some I missed and some I rarely thought of. Those I did not miss much weren’t really all too different (in general) from the ones I did miss. It didn’t directly reflect the quality of person they were or if we had a lot in common. Like Kayla pointed out, I missed the ones I felt connected with and to. Reflecting on that, the ones that had stronger bonds created more longing or loss in the void of their absence.

That may seem pretty obvious, but the critical gap comes in when we miss why we are connected and what it means to be available and vulnerable on a regular basis with others you can trust. Apart from that, you won’t miss much.

I sense something has been lost in many communities of faith and in many other places because we are so much more amused by our distractions than we are connected in deep ways.

Human connection is never really about measurable stats. We already realize this. It’s about investment in others, sure,

but it’s also about the reciprocity of that investment. It’s always a two-way street.

Some people are wonderful and you invest and hope for a harvest–of some sort–where you both benefit, and you assume they do too, and then it doesn’t happen. The fruition doesn’t manifest or withers on the vine. Maybe the soil was bad, maybe a storm came or drought, or pestilence, maybe something else thwarted success. Sometimes it’s obvious and other times you just sense something is wrong that is hard to make right again. Sometimes you just need to move on and other times, you have to try again in a new season with different seed.

That happens in faith communities and in interpersonal relationships. It happens in business and in extended family life.

If the connection is lacking you won’t be missed. And you won’t miss them. It’s likely that you will feel disappointed about that.

We overlook the idea and process of true connection even as we want it the most.

 

Is there some thing or someone you’d like to feel more connected with?

Oh,
3 more things.

1. I will be posting a “spiritual-themed” topic about once per week. The other times I will concentrate on other ideas depending on what strikes me and will often concentrate on topics related to helping you create and communicate better.

2. I really am excited to see what this year brings and I’m really happy you came today.

3. Check the top right sidebar to get the next post sent to you through Feedburner!

 

Leadership Week [DAY 5] The Balancing of Excitement and Consistency

Are you considered an Exciting Leader or a Consistent one?

It’s hard to balance both.

This is the last post for this week’s topic at the Deeper Leader SyncrhoBlog running September 10-14th. A new topic will be offered up for contributions and discussion later in the month.

Remember, you are invited to add your voice to the greater dialogue too. Go here to get details, a spiffy Badge, and get started. I’ll be sure to check for your link and read your contribution, and others will too.

Once upon a time…

I had a boss. She was a pioneer; she was inspiring.

Back when email accounts were rare, and big companies had to be heartily convinced that a budget for a website wasn’t foolish, she hired me after merely looking at my portfolio and resumé in an email document.

We never met.

There was no on-site interview.

She just called and told me she wanted me after an email exchange. Boom. I was hired.

This was unheard of.

She mentioned this strange and new-fangled hiring fact in a speech to show how fast things were changing through innovations in technology. She was ahead of her time.

I thought working for her would be exciting. We were breaking into new technological territory each day, and she saw a bright future for us. But, she turned out to be capricious and inconsistent. No one knew what she would say or do next. It was hard to follow her or to trust her because she was so unpredictable. Turnover was high and people were often fired as soon as things went wrong.

This is not uncommon in Leadership.

It’s tricky to be a Leader who’s exciting and inspiring and yet one who uses consistent leadership methods that help people follow well.

Leaders, it’s important to be predictable, especially in our character and responses.

If people can’t tell how you’ll react, or if immaturity has you all over the map, your leadership will erode. You’ll lose support. Failure is imminent.

In both of New Gingrich’s recent bids for the White House his team complained that while he had inspiring and innovative ideas, he was hard to follow. He’d bounce from one objective to another and go with his gut without communicating what he was thinking or going to do. At one point a mass exodus happened in all the top positions of his campaign. Poor leadership.

On the other hand, someone like long-time politician Bob Dole was so consistent that he was utterly uninspiring to those he hoped to lead. He failed to generate enough excitement for his ideas. No momentum. Failure.

Inspiring vision beyond current circumstances is vital.

The balance is a tough skill set to master. It comes through trail and error and personal growth.

Check yourself.

Are you both inspiring and consistent?

How could you even this out?

Read the 4 other entries for this Leadership Week series, and please pass along a link to this page so others can tap into the information.

Thanks for coming today.

Leadership Week [Day 4] Why Leaders Need Limits

What happens when a Leader imposes a term limit on him or herself?

A few things and they’re all good.

Again today, I’m a Contributor at the Deeper Leader SyncrhoBlog that runs September 10-14th.

You are invited to add your voice to the greater dialogue too. Go here to get details, get your spiffy Badge, and get started! I’ll be sure to check for your link and read your contribution, and others will too.

George Washington had a brilliant idea about his job as a leader: impose term limits

Although George Washington had the character and credibility to be President as long as he desired, he saw the dangers inherent in keeping the same position of leadership for too long.

It’s rare that a leader will have the wisdom to limit his or her position, but it creates some things vital to the long-term success of the organization.

A corruption of power is the most obvious reason leadership needs limits, but some other vital reasons apply.

Freshness A organization is essentially locked into the era in which it was created. Organizations naturally lose momentum. Most Presidents accomplish far less in their second term, and shakeups at companies are sometimes the only thing that truly incite needed positive growth. Apple is a prime example. When Steve Jobs left Apple he gained perspective. It floundered without him, but when he return success was assured. Most leaders grow complacent or uninspired as time goes by, even without knowing it. Having a break is good.

THIS IS CRITICAL to KNOW:
The ability to evolve and adjust to changing times and circumstances decreases the longer that organization exists. The tendency to stay with what has worked works against innovation and growth. Two things that are critical to organizational health, development, and future success.

Authentic Succession
A planned shift in leadership energizes a group and creates opportunities for new vision. Studies, like this one, show that most organizations don’t have any legitimate succession plans, even at places where CEOs only last for 3-5 years.

Churches do the same sort of thing, but far worse. They don’t see that new leaders take over and move into position until a big problem or gap exists. Crisis mode determines succession in most cases. It’s regrettable.

Commitment
If you knew that your leadership post, say in a church or in a community organization, would only last 2 years, would it make it easier to accept the position? Would you put in more devotion and energy knowing that you were installed for a set time? I know I would! Sometimes positions of leadership are simply filled by the closest warm body who’s willing to do it, not by the most talented person for the job.

Organizations often find it difficult to get dedicated leaders, but sometimes this is because commitments necessary for the job are vague or appear too long-term to be desirable. The most talented person passes on the offer to lead. But what if the norm was term limits? What if you could tell an upcoming leader, “You’re perfect for this job, and we need a full commitment for a year, and then we’ll let someone else have a turn.”?

Accountability Nothing improves performance more than when a person has boundaries and healthy oversight. It’s said that the Broadway Show Spiderman, which spent over $80 million and nine years in production, was a total flop because creative limits and other typical boundaries weren’t never in place. It failed to open six times. When it didn’t it was plagued with problems.

With free-reign productivity falters and needed decision aren’t made.

Boundaries on time, resources, and other parameters actually help, not hurt, projects and organizations. Creativity and resources focused on solving specific problems that limitations offer. Limitations create tangible possibilities. The result is innovation and progress. A limit on the parameters and length of  power is very important too.

So, ask yourself….Where could you limit your power?

Leadership Week [DAY 3] Learn What?

We’ve all heard that Leaders should keep learning, right?

But what should be the focus of this learning?

<cue suspenseful music>

In case you haven’t been here before, I’m a Contributor at the Deeper Leader SyncrhoBlog that runs September 10-14th.

You are invited to add your voice to the greater dialogue too. Go here to get details, get your spiffy Badge, and get started! I’ll be sure to check for your link and read your contribution.

So, what’s important for Leaders to learn?

 

They’ve actually studied this stuff, so rather than just give you my opinion, let’s look at what the research from the Center for Creative Leadership found.

Assessing leadership strengths

When subordinates rated their company leaders, failure was found, quite a bit. But, their failures of leadership overwhelmingly stemmed from certain character qualities and interpersonal relationships rather than their technical skills needed to do their job well.

Their failures were actually personal failings.

Poor or inconsistent values and the inability to communicate and interact well with their co-workers were the biggest problems. By a long shot.

When leaders were considered failures personal failing were overwhelmingly the reasons why. This isn’t just true for only the corporate world, is it?

See, Technical training is fairly easy to do, and most companies may do that sort of training. Lots of place can educate you with book knowledge. But, training some one to be a better person from the inside out, well, that’s hard. It rarely happens formally, to be honest. But, obviously, according to the little black bar at the bottom there, this is the kind of education and transformation is a must for leaders to truly succeed.

Learning and revising our most core-level traits and behaviors moves into spiritual issues. Growth at a spiritual core-level is how transformational personal change can happen. But, there has to be a hefty “want to” from the learner. Time, money, and effort is needed, even if the learning isn’t formal. Too few meet the challenge; the media reports these failings daily. Authority figures are dropping like flies, people.

A company can’t force a person to take up this hard task, it comes from a internal commitment to do better, look at the negative stuff, make new habits, and do what ever hard work is necessary to improve. And when guidance and mentoring moves the learner beyond theory to applying the new lessons learned, personal or professional success is far more likely is the short and long terms.

One of the reasons I’m supporting this Synchroblog effort is because it pairs with a new program [A Master of Arts Degree in Christian Leadership] that focuses developing the spiritual formation of Leaders as well as important management skills. It’s education that will help improve all facets of one’s life and career.

The shortages of integrity in leadership don’t have to be the norm, and I don’t want it to be.

Sure, it’s harder than learning a new technique in organization or production, but it sets up the learning leader to succeed not just in her current position of leadership, but in all the aspects of her life now, and later when other challenges arise.

Maturity, integrity, and harmony with others is what makes a leader worth following.

When leaders fail it’s usually because they haven’t taken the time and done the hard internal and ongoing work to grow, mature, and be a better person. So, let’s do the hard the hard work, and encourage other to do the same.

That is what a Leader should continue to learn.