Santa Archives - Lisa Colón DeLay

EPS 42: Christmas COMEDY Special

Happy Christmas everybody!

If you’re late to hear this episode (and it’s not Christmas any more) or even if you don’t celebrate Christmas at all (I love you non believers very much-xo) you will still have fun hearing this episode that I do with my sweet sidekick Lori Neff.

Enjoy the bonus photo gallery of scary Santa photos, too!

• AND if you want to share a funny or horrifying Santa story or Christmas (or winter holiday of ANY KIND, New Years, Advent candle lighting gone awry, Chanukah hullabaloo, Kwanza craziness, whatever you want) story, or share photos, you can do that here at the Spark community page.

I will have some holiday time and I’ll need a break from consuming empty calories. Friends and fans will love to hear from you, see what you’re up to, and read of your tales.

Scroll down for detailed show notes with links and bonus material.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 27:49 — 38.2MB) | Embed

SHOWNOTES

I’m so happy to welcome back as a co-host, Lori Neff.

After you listen, please visit her Website!

BONUS material! The Scary Santa Gallery!

(Get ready to freak out, kids)

What did they say to each other? Santa looks about to cry too.

“As if it couldn’t get any worse…now this.”

SHOW NOTES:

Min 2:00

IS Santa scary? (usually yes)

Ugly Christmas Sweater Parties

The ironic side of Christmas.

The odd part of my childhood and never celebrating Christmas.

6:00

The RE-gifting phenomenon and a few horribly awkward re-gifting stories.

Tricky things about Christmas expectations

16:00

Favorite things about Christmas

Being drawn to the quiet (Lori)

Christmastide: The 12 days following Christmas

(another wikipedia entry 12 Days of Christmas)

Generosity and service and internalizing the Incarnation of 365 days per year.

Three Kings Day / The Epiphany

22:00

The Church Calendar

Easter

asacredjounrey.net

(a perpetual wall calendar)

We tend to forget. Ritual and remembrance help ground us and keep us in greater intimacy with God.

Thank you for listening and reading the shownotes.

New episodes come out on WEDNESDAYS & FRIDAYS.
(check out the archives and see what you’ve missed.)

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It’s time for Weird Santa

I had a viral post last week and that was fun! Check it out.

I don’t watch my stats much. It gives me a brain bug. But a few times per week, sometimes, I take a peek and it was cool to see the huge spike upward. Stats used to get me on a roller coaster of moodiness. No more.

A special thank you to Ray Hollenbach and David Fitch who shoved the Myth of Ordinary Time post lovingly into the Twitterverse and also to everyone else who liked it on Facebook and read it and shared it. Was that you? Thank you!

Want a little holiday humor?

Search this site for Weird Santa Photos.

There’s a trove you’ll love.

(caution: Santa appears to be Caucasian in these photos.)

Here’s one to get you started:

Stuff you don’t expect to say at Christmas (humor from real life)

It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas….everywhere you go.

Here’s some things I didn’t think I’d say at Christmastime…

“No! Honey, take little baby Jesus out of your mouth and put him back!”

“Yes, he looks like candy, but keep him in the hay. That’s his bed.”

“No Jesus didn’t eat ham for Christmas dinner, I’m sure of it.”

“I wonder why Santa smells like that.”

“That’s garland. It looks tasty, and yes it’s pretty, but it’s not for eating.”

“Yes, if our house was made of candy we might have more cavities.”

“Does that costume ever get washed?”

“No, Jesus, Mary, and Joseph never rode a train.”

“If I see another man wearing mistletoe on his belt, I think I’m going to freak out.”

“Honey, I don’t know why the girl elf has almost no clothes on when she’s from the north pole. It is weird.”

“No, we won’t be using Raisinets to show that reindeer were nearby.”

“Yes, the woman singing Santa-Baby sounds like a cat. I think that’s on purpose.”

“Santa wasn’t one of the wise men, and he didn’t get anything for baby Jesus’ birthday. That came later.”

“No, The Three Magi is not a group Nikki Minaj was in.”

“Why does that elf look like he’s in the mafia?”

“There was no Round John Burgeon at the stable. He wasn’t a shepherd . It’s ’round yon virgin’, not Round John Burgeon….”

“I don’t know why candy canes stick to the backs of sweaters so much.”

“The angel wasn’t named Harold, and he didn’t have a harp. It’s “Hark, with a “k”, which sort of means “listen”, and it’s “herald” which means “a messenger”…oh nevermind.”

“Yes, sweetie, I know a lot of people do smell like cough medicine at Christmastime.”

Feel free to add your own in the comments section!

(If you had a chuckle, will you please tweet it up? Spread the good cheer.)

Hell is For Real…but how hot is it?

…it’s so hot that…

I can’t think of a good joke for this right now. (Feel free to use your wit in the comments section, if you feel inclined.)

The reality of Heaven (that we’ve been discussing in recent posts) pulls into question the validity of the bible’s portrayal of Hell as well.

I think the scorching flames, pitchforks, and undying worms have actually undersold the idea of Hell.

Not that isolation and burning hot sulfur would be fun, but the reality of choosing death over life and the separation from God cannot be caught up in amputated descriptions we ordinarily have.

Who better to elucidate the topic than arguably the foremost New Testament scholar alive today.

Below is the statement not about real keys, or master locks. It’s about the victory of God, and about the hope we have that death is truly conquered.

New International Version (©1984)
I am the Living One; I was dead, and behold I am alive for ever and ever! And I hold the keys of death and Hades. Rev. 1:18

This was not a Christmasy post, was it?

Okay. Time to pull from the archives!

First, remember that Christmas is a time of giving. Here’s my project to give things away (public domain style). There are just a few days left to leave your mark on the world during Advent.

Second. Some needed Christmas humor…okay, it’s semi-dark humor.
Three selections:
1. Funny Santa photo
2. Funny Santa photo 2 (I did a whole week of this last year)
3. (suspicious holiday songs)

Don’t Eat the Fruit… cake.

Tonight is the Eve of Christmas Eve. Some have referred to this night as Christmas Adam…because Adam came before Eve. It’s all very Biblical, like Christmas itself, when Jesus came down a chimney, and was born under a tree, and then wrapped in swaddling gift wrappings.

I have usually rejected the moniker “Christmas Adam” because it takes away from Santa Clause. This is a tough night for Santa, with all the dry runs they have to do in the North Pole, and the elf toymaker’s threat of strike casting an unseemly shadow on this year’s holiday Super Bowl of Arctic events. It’s one of the best reasons compassion should be at the fore in our minds.

Christmas Adam is not so much a day of cheer. It’s a day of cuss words, traffic, last minute panic buying, and feeling like a dope for forgetting any number of basic merriment preparations.

And- Christmas Adam allows us reflection for one more important holiday theme. Don’t Eat the Fruit…cake.

I buy it twice almost every December, because a genetic mutation passed from my mother-in-law to my husband, allows them both to delight in the stuff. 28lbs later, my shopping is complete… if I remember to include the stuff.

Are you a fan of the holiday Cake of Candied Fruit? (Is it REALLY fruit anymore?) To me it seems like eating cement bread laced with misshaped jelly beans. Bleck!

I know one thing, it’s not Jesus’s favorite birthday cake. And calling it FRUITcake of the Spirit won’t help your cause either. (You can’t even get candles into it!)

Happy Christmas and Best Wishes for the New Year!