Anya Krugovoy Silver • December 22, 1968 – August 6, 2018
This audio is released in the memory and honor of the late poet, Anya Krugovoy Silver who died August 6, 2018, just days after this conversation was recorded.
Though she fought terminal inflammatory breast cancer for 14 years, at the time of this recording she told me how she was beginning her fifth book of poetry using her recently-award 2018 Guggenheim Fellowship in Poetry– and we had planned to meet for a visit in early October. I personally had no sense that she would not be alive to hear the release of this audio, and that she would pass away just a few days later.
Her passing is a devastating loss and her spirited life continues to be an inspiration to me and to all who knew her. I grieve along with those who knew and loved her and I offer my deepest condolences to those missing her.
Find EXTRAS for this special episode (including about 30 minutes of BONUS Audio) and more info about her work, plus links to related episode topics, and her website, go HERE.
I had a viral post last week and that was fun! Check it out.
I don’t watch my stats much. It gives me a brain bug. But a few times per week, sometimes, I take a peek and it was cool to see the huge spike upward. Stats used to get me on a roller coaster of moodiness. No more.
A special thank you to Ray Hollenbach and David Fitch who shoved the Myth of Ordinary Time post lovingly into the Twitterverse and also to everyone else who liked it on Facebook and read it and shared it. Was that you? Thank you!
Want a little holiday humor?
Search this site for Weird Santa Photos.
There’s a trove you’ll love.
(caution: Santa appears to be Caucasian in these photos.)
“Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors for you where there were only walls.”
― Joseph Campbell
“If you do follow your bliss you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while, waiting for you, and the life that you ought to be living is the one you are living. Follow your bliss and don’t be afraid, and doors will open where you didn’t know they were going to be.”
― Joseph Campbell
Campbell wrote “The Power of Myth”, “The Masks of God”, and “The Hero of A Thousand Faces” among many other works and was an American mythology professor, writer, and orator best known for his work in the fields of comparative mythology and comparative religion.
Follow your bliss refers to a path you take. The journey and the making of a hero.
(video is cheeky and humorous summary of what happens in a Hero’s Story)
It’s the journey of every great person and every life well-lived also.
Why? Because nothing’s more active than that (and it rhymes, which is a nice mnemonic device).
This is the name for the moment you cross the threshold to adventure and finding your purpose. It’s when you decide you have a deeper calling in this world and living from your core is what counts most. I’m crafting a book on this right now and it’ll be out this fall. I hope you’ll come back for more details soon.
You will find that once you embrace your passion and gifts and kiss them full on the mouth a switch happens. At that point the sides fall off your holding cell and it turns into a go kart. You pick up speed, scream in delight and your passion is infectious.
Make no mistake: It is a risk.
There is true danger involved.
At the KISS POINT you will gain two things:
1. A following–people you splash with your passion who come for the ride, guide you, or cheer you on.
It is also characterize by new and better-fitting opportunities unveiling themselves and new connections and relationships emerging. You’ll “be on to something” with all kinds of vague but palpable mystery that whispers of the divine. You’ll feel “in the flow” with new energy and a revived sense of purpose.
2. The devils–people (or systems) who are threatened by your passion or jealous of it because they are lacking it and feel empty.
The obstacles will be new too and formidable. You’ll feel a target on your back and a strange level of animosity that has no proper explanation except that which points off the map to something cooperative and moved by the otherworldly trying to thwart you and divert your path. Weird, I know.
Nathan is weird. Embrace it! (Pssssst. You’re weird too.)
I’m taking a Theology of Disabilities course right now. I have to admit that some baggage that I didn’t realize I was carrying has gotten heavy. I’m putting it down, starting now. The truth is, I realize I have felt disappointed by the church, and by my church. I’m hurt that the church has failed so badly in helping the disabled (specifically my disabled child) feel like they really belong. It’s not just about allowing the disabled to be there near us, it’s about really knowing them, and really appreciating who they are, because God made them, and they are valuable.
Ya see, times have changed. When I grew up in the 1980s, we’d all make fun of kids that “rode the short bus”…maybe not to their face, but imitating “Tards” was something I excelled at. I was hilarious. I was the disabled one, if we’re telling the truth here. I was spiritually retarded. God gave me a precious gift in my son to show me God’s true heart. To show me my true humanity. The disabled personify the weakness we avoid. Nathan helps me get over my human/secular and foolish ideas about what it means to belong and be successful in God’s worldview.
Here’s the other cool thing. God gave me Nathan to share with you, too!
I think, my generation still fears the disabled. I doubt many will dare admit it. (It’s not politically correct, and we can’t look like uncaring jerks, right?) To most of us, the disabled are still a stigmatized and strange group; and we don’t know what to do with them…we don’t know what to do around them…we aren’t sure what they need. It’s all quite uncomfortable. Gosh, we are so glad we are not them. And we’re afraid. Afraid of the unknown and the unfamiliar, and the “other”.
Here’s the surprising twist. Our (non disabled) kids don’t have the same mentality. They don’t. Over the last 10-20 years, those with disabilities haven’t been sent away to special schools. They have been included, or in far closer proximity to typically developing children. The secular, public schools have outdone, and surpassed the church in this area of grace. They have honored and accepted disabled kids more than the church.
Please. Read those 2 previous sentences again…Slowly. Okay, never mind. I’ll just state it again: They (secular institutions and those who are a part of them) have honored and accepted disabled kids more than the church has.
(Yes. You should feel convicted right now. Even crying wouldn’t be over-the-top.)
As a Parent:
As the mom of a disabled child, I find that typically developing children, with just the a little bit of prompting or advice, adjust very well to interacting with my son, as if he’s a real human being who desires friendship. They even enjoy him! (It’s not just charity. It’s reciprocal friendship. It’s the kind of relating where everyone wins.)
On the other hand, I find that it is the parents of these (non disabled) children who are fearful, and unwilling to engage with my son, beyond the superficial. They are fearful enough to not help their child build friendships, or regularly interact with a disabled peer, or near-peer. They don’t create an easy opportunity for their child to grow, learn and become more compassionate. They don’t make it priority. As a child’s primary guide, this is a gross failure.
Church: But this is different at church, right? It’s a place of acceptance, and hospitality, and belonging, right? God’s love is shown in tangible ways, right? WRONG. My son has more meaningful relationships and friendships, and more grace shown to him with non Christians, in secular (even godless) environments, and with neighborhood children. (See, the government schools have been telling these kids that atypical kids were worth interacting with.)
KIDS @ PLAY
Once upon a time, I bemoaned to a woman at church the fact that Nathan had no friends at church, no meaningful interactions with any church children, no invitations extended to him to play with them, go to their birthday parties, or even watch a movie together (even after we had make a lot of efforts to create those situations and occasions). Her reply, “Well, I can’t force my kids to play with certain kids, and to like certain friends.”
I listened to her statement, and I didn’t really know what to say. This mom was prominent in the church. I didn’t challenge it. Upon reflection, I should have said, “LIKE HELL YOU CAN’T!”
As parents, we do it all the time. We curb or we encourage friendships for our kids regularly. Do we let our kids hang out with teenagers on the corner who are smoking? Uh, no. Does a naughty and petulant child get to sleep over? No. What about the children who bite, hit, or cuss? Do they get to make cookies in our kitchen with us? Nope. We influence our kids all the time. The fact is fear stops our hospitality. We stick with our comfort level, and pick our favorites.
I’m here to tell you that God has given us these different sounding and acting people as gifts, to teach us so much, but we don’t choose to interact, learn and be gracious.
“But I can’t find a disabled kid… What am I supposed to do?”
Well, try harder. Open your eyes. Ask around. Do you want the truth? The facts? Here they are: Do you live near 5 other homes? If you walk down your street, and pass 5 homes, 1 of those homes will be effected by disability. 1/5 of families are effected by disability everyday.
Do you know more than 6 children? If you know 6 children, 1 of them is likely to have a form of autism, or developmental issue.
Sometimes, I hear this: “Is it my job? How can I be responsible for knowing other people’s needs. I’m just not in their shoes.”
Yes. It’s your job. A frequent reason (or cop out) is saying that the parents of disabled children should just say what they need, and make the efforts to get their kids included. BULL CRAP!
Just thinking up a list of wants and needs would sound exhausting to a parent of a disabled child. Some days, they are just trying to make it through the day without losing their minds. Over 85% percent of marriages don’t survive when a child has a disability. It’s tougher than you think it is.
Listen. These parents have enough to deal with. Wake up! They have enough to do than to also make sure typical children are accepting and relating to their disabled kid/s. Mostly, they are tired. It doesn’t feel worth the effort. Failure seems sure. They are surrounded by frequent disappointments, the broken dream of not having a normal kid, and lots of scheduling issues and therapeutic measures in school, community, and other locations that help their kid or their family. They don’t have enough energy to get people on board with that type of stuff on top of everything else. (Ask them what a typical week is like, go ahead.)
YOUTH GROUP
My son went from being very excited to be old enough to be included in the middle school Sunday School section (See, in 5th grade…you get to sit on cozy couches!!) to now, about a year later, in 6th grade, detesting Sunday School, feeling like an outcast (even more than he had before), and now he doesn’t even believe in God. He says, “God is an unbelievable story.” It must seem like a fairy tell because he doesn’t see the love of God displayed toward him.
Based on the way many Christians behave toward him, he has an excellent point.
Like plenty of other children with autism or developmental disabilities (BTW…”developmental disabilities ” is nicest term for “retards” or the “mentally retarded”), Nathan doesn’t get abstract ideas like, “Is Jesus in your heart?” (He hears, “Is a bearded man in your chest cavity?” Utter nonsense!)
Nathan can’t see or touch Jesus; we have to be Jesus for him. He has to experience love-in-action, benefit from it, and be allowed to return this love as an equal. I don’t know if it’s too late for my church to be hospitable in the way that he’ll to want to be a part of it. I will keep that hope. I’m writing this now to start a change in how we respond and interact, so other kids with disabilities can feel like they belong, and are loved and accepted.
TIPS to get you started (for kids and adults) • Interaction doesn’t have to be hours of incredibly awesome friendship per day or week. A blood brother bond is not necessary. But, the interaction should be authentic, not out of duty or pity. Something simple like making something for them, sharing something, or just chatting pleasantly with them is plenty for starters.
• Asking about their interests (direct questions are best, maybe even just asking “yes or no” questions, at first), and then actually listening to them (even when you may not always understand them or know what to say) is helpful. They WILL understand when you care about them. Just take a bit of time to be gracious. It’ll do you good.
• Inviting them over for a snack, to watch a movie, take a walk, ride bikes, play with your pet, or play videos games may be enjoyable for them, and of course invite the family if possible. Ask if you can visit them. Create times that are specially for them, even if they are brief periods. 30-45 minutes is fine. (But realize they will love you for it, and want to do it again soon. My son never seems to stop talking about the boy we invited over to play, about 2 months ago.)
• Offer them yourself. Nothing fancy. Invest in them for real, emotionally, and with some of your time and efforts. When you offer authentic friendship it looks different than just a saying or doing the “right thing”. You take a risk.)
• Help them make a craft, picture, or a simple snack, play a game, look at a book, build with legos, and take the time to talk to them, or just be close by and attentive, etc. and show them you like them.
• Offer the parents of disabled kids respite time. Give them an hour or two break, and get the help, information, and extra helpers you may need to care for the child. (Only 10% of churches do this. Change this statistic.)
• Be inviting. What’s the worst that could happen if you invite a family over to your house? Maybe the child will do something unpredictable, and you won’t know what to do? Maybe you will feel uncomfortable? Get Over it.
MOVING FORWARD:
Where and how have you seen the disabled as full-fledged participants in your community or ministry? (How was it done rightly?)
AND–
How can I help you? If you want to show kindness, or God’s love to a family of a disabled person, or to a disabled person, What are your questions or concerns?
What about including or interacting with the disabled would you like to know?
What are your fears? Share them.
Let’s get this ball rolling. No question is off limits. Your comments, or experiences can be shared as well.
Thanks for reading. Thanks for changing for the better. -Lisa
When you hear the title “Sea Rocket” what do you think?
Me too.
While I was away, I took a nice ride on the Sea Rocket Northward off the coast of Ocean City, Maryland to the Delaware line and back again. We saw about 40 dolphins, and the breeze from the speed was great. But, I won’t kid you, there were a few toddlers onboard. So—It was a fun family-style watercraft excursion, dressed up with a high energy monicker.
As great as it was, I couldn’t help but thinking, “If the ride was called the “Sea Boat” would it have the same number of riders?
As much as I’d like to think of, or write of this time in my life as fascinating, exhilarating, or exciting, to describe it as such would be to add “Sea Rocket” label to it. I’d be trying to up the coolness…and it just isn’t completely accurate.
Sometimes I read blogs of people who seem to be so much more exciting than me. They have the stories and pictures to prove it. They rub shoulders with famous and fascinating people, and share the details. They write “Sea Rocket” posts, and seem really impressive, if you dig that sort of thing. But, I wonder if it’s more of a Sea Rocket marketing angle to generate more blog traffic. Or, maybe it’s simply old fashioned insecurity. Do you know what I’m talking about?
I’ve done it too. I’ll think, if Sea Rocket posts don’t happen, will readers get bored and look for more exciting people to read? Voyeurism is such a weird and shifty animal (a.k.a construct). It’s dependent on cooperation, too, no? Take the Sales Register tabloid stands. Those “news” rags parade sensational stories to find the same niche. We like to gawk. We like to see the celebrities in “misery” or read something stimulating and newsy. Who doesn’t read the whacky headlines while waiting in line? We think, “Who buys this stuff?” But we’ll read the headlines, too. All “Sea Rocket” stories, I tell you.
People peacock like this on Facebook too. It’s a tabloid universe. They make status posts of how amazing their circumstances are, and post photos to chronicle their Sea Rocket kind of life. I’m guessing it’s just the latest way to “keep up with the Joneses”. Do you think so? It’s this age-old need to feel significant and important. Technology helps us show off.
Do you ever rename, or reposition yourself, or your life, in some way, to exhibit a “Sea Rocket” type experience?
What’s the best example of this that you’ve seen recently?
