Do you pray before meals with your family?
This Christian spiritual practice is one I grew up with. I was praying at meals since I was 3, and I remember some of those first prayers. Do you remember getting to pray for the meals as a child? It felt like an honor to be asked, as I recall.
Here’s where it gets weird.
My two children (ages, almost 11 and 8 years old, respectively) seem to loath mealtime prayers, under any circumstances.
Unlike many children from praying homes, mine rebuff any offers to say the prayer at mealtime, even when they are sweetened with awesome bribes! They usually complain about mealtime prayer, despite our conversations about having our particular family tradition and its importance in our view of the world. Most often, the kids see mealtime prayers as a unpleasant obstacle preventing their nourishment. And, it seems to be worsening as time goes by.
That’s right a 30 second prayer time before meals is worse than other forms of child torture…like going to bed at 8:00, or hanging up one’s coat, or emptying the silverware from the dishwasher. I don’t get it either.
As a person who’s spent hundreds of hours researching and learning how to help people grow spiritually, this is a bit of a black eye…oh, and a punch in the gut. It’s not just a bit embarrassing to realize, but it makes me think that perhaps my children’s basic spiritual formation is compromised if these times of prayer are not meaningful and helpful when we do them. I think we could all be the worse for our failure here.
So, I’ve been speaking with my husband about how we can change things up, and enliven family prayer time to make God, and thanking God for our food more participatory, vivified, and worthwhile for all of us. I want children with grateful hearts.
I thought of some ideas, and I hope you will contribute to the mix too. I could use your ideas and advice.
Idea 1. Lighting a candle:
Kids love fire. Right? I’d like to try to light a voitive candle for each of us and read John 8:12
Then Jesus said, “I am the light of the world. The one who follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”
We can then respond. “Thank you Jesus for your light in our hearts. Thank you for our meal. Amen.”
Idea 2. Maybe adding a kind of prop, visual aid, or short object lesson with our practice would make it not just a more interesting time, but will carry on in their thoughts. Then, at night when putting them to bed, we could bring it up again, for a little meditating or conversation for an evening prayer.
Idea 2. Maybe using a mixing of responsive prayers during the week could awaken us to a richer time of thanks before meals.
Prayer 1:
(lead voice) The eyes of all wait upon you, O God,
(others) And you give them their food in due season.
You open wide your hand
and fill all things living with plenteousness.
Bless, O Lord, these gifts to our use and us in your service;
relieve the needs of those in want and give us thankful hearts;
for Christ’s sake. Amen.
Prayer 2:
(lead voice) Bless us, O Lord, who bless your holy name
and by this food, feed us for your holy service.
(others) Thank you, Father and Lord. Amen.
This one could be said after meal time, to add some thankfulness “bookends” to the time together.
After meal prayer:
(lead voice) All your works praise you, O God,
(others) And your faithful servants bless you.
They make known the glory of your kingdom
And speak of your power.
For these and all God’s gifts and graces,
let us bless the Lord.
Thanks be to God. Amen.
Other ideas:
1. We could also go around the table and thank God for something. (My kids balk at this usually.)
2. We could stand and hold hands, or change our posture during prayer, from the norm (which for us is holding hands while seated).
3. When could listen to a singing of a psalm, or worship song before the meal.
HELP! What else can be done to make mealtime prayer better?
Okay, this is going to sound blasphemous. Like about half the stuff I say.
But have you considered…not doing it at all? I grew up with saying the “blessing”, also. My Two Year Old actually LOVES to say thank you for everything on the table. But, it’s just a tradition, really. I mean, it’s not a rule or commandment. Jesus didn’t directly address it exactly. I think the point, the root of the tradition, is thankfulness. You can breed and incorporate that understanding into all the parts of your day, without having to squash it into a meal time prayer. In my own life, I’ve always found them awkward, anyway. But then again, I find most spoken aloud prayers awkward…
Thanks for your input, Jessica.
Yep. I think an attitude of prayer throughout the day is really important. I don’t consider praying at meals a law, and I wouldn’t mind taking “a break”…but I think that this ritual (not in a bad way) creates space and time to appreciate the transcendent and be thankful.
Jesus prayed at meals, out loud, and thanked the Father, so I think, generally speaking, it’s a good model to follow in our along our Christian spiritual journey. But, yes, I don’t want to do it unless it’s a beneficial aspect to our family. So, getting there, is where we are.
Other than the idea of taking a break, I would say, just don’t force them to participate, for now. Kids (just like adults) can tell instantly if an atmosphere or practice if manufactured, and will probably resist it. Just keep your own meal prayers, simple, real and not rote. And I think they’ll respect that and you.
Back to the basic. Keep it simple. Foundations are better than facades.
I consider meal prayers more of a practice and example of who we are in Christ and where God stands in priory in our lives.
For me it’s more of a reflection and meditation, causing me to pause before stuffing my face, all the while being grateful for the blessings of food, drink, and nurishment.
If the kids, or you, or I don’t have some kind of foundational, biblical, and Christ-centered understanding and relationship with God, then even meal prayers are empty religious fodder and a backwards approach to a God who seeks our hearts not empty words.
Hi, new to the blog, but I love this discussion.
We have 2 blessings: “God is great…” and “God Our Father, We Thank You”
My daughter (age 3) gets to choose which one each night. We also ask her to choose holding hands or prayer hands. She doesn’t always speak the prayer, but she’s at least involved with it. A couple time a week, we ask her to say Thank you to God for one thing from that day.
As they get older, I am sure that kids will have some sort of rebelling happening. I would hesitate to simply stop though- that reinforces the idea that if the kids refuse long enough, you will simply give in.
I would, if I were you, have a non meal time discussion, like one afternoon after school. I would remind the kids that prayer before dinner is mandatory. I would discuss why- gratitude for the blessings we receive. Then I would ask ideas for their involvement. They may want to say it, may not want to, may want a set prayer (“Bless Us O’Lord” is a good one), etc…
Good luck! The teen years are hard, but mostly it’s just testing boundaries.
Our kids aren’t at the point where they detest praying before meals. I hope I won’t have to deal with it! Sorry.
As I understand it, it is a Catholic tradition to say a prayer of thankfulness after the meal. I can appreciate that. It’s not only being thankful for what God gives, but what God has given as well.
Thanks. Stay blessed…john
hey Lisa… We pray before our meals and our son will gladly offer but not our daughter…so Dave started to print out different sentence prayers and put them in a dish in the middle of the table and then alternate picking and reading the prayers. I like your ideas as well!! :)
Did He? Did Jesus pray at meals?
I recall wording to the extent of “He took the bread held it and blessed it”. Perhaps that’s a prayer….
….just sayin… ;)
Our kids fight over praying at meal time. Each one prays in their own way. Our 3 year old will Thank Jesus for each person’s meal individually – her prayers often take the longest out of the 5 kids. The 5 year old will thank God for making everything in the whole wide world and for giving it all to us. Our 7 year old will pray something like ‘give us your peace, joy, and presence (I’m not sure if he’s saying presence or presents). Even our 12 year old will ask God to bless the food to our mind soul body and spirit. Sometimes, we literally have to drop the ‘gavel’ and say “NO, Dad is going to pray!” When we say “let’s pray” our 19 month old will extend his hands to hold whom-ever is sitting next to him and wait patiently until he hears everyone say ‘amen!’ to start screeching and squealing for his food.
These are all generalizations in the children’s prayersm – although they usually do include some of these phrases. Our prayers at mealtime are more a boisterous offering of praise, honor, and blessing to the Lord for His provision in all things – not particularly the meal.
We’re praying for His Kingdom to Come and His Will to be done on earth as it is in Heaven…not for His meatloaf. :)
How goes it, Lisa? I just came upon this post and wonder if the wonderful suggestions above, or anything you’ve learned since have helped.
I recently ran across a verse that may have some bearing here. Exodus 23:25 says, “Worship the LORD your God, and his blessing will be on your food and water. …” The rest of the verse and v26 specify God’s promised blessings which include a full life span. While your children probably don’t care about specifics, you need to know why you are doing this. Is it for you as God’s child and servant, or so you will be seen as a good parent? (I don’t know you, so I am not assuming anything. I am learning a lot about my own motives now that my children are gone.) Tradition is becoming a non-reason in our culture and may even be used as a reason not to do something by younger folks who feel a need to be their own person and think for themselves.
I agree with Lauren that you shouldn’t abandon anything you know is important, just because your children object to it. I have not had good results with forcing my children to do anything, but they don’t need to say the prayer for it to be included as an important part of each meal. Pausing to focus on worshiping and thanking God for all he has given us can be done without taking enough time for the most adamant (vocal) preteen to think they are starving. My short prayer is “Thank you, God. Amen.”
The more you make an issue out of this, the stronger a stubborn youngster will be forced to be to stay in opposition. Pray about it. Pray for wisdom and for yourself, as well as these precious young ones God has entrusted to your care and training.
Another thought: What other influences are your children exposed to that might be fostering this hostile and/or disrespectful attitude? Many current cartoons, for instance, portray self-governing, arrogant children as the main characters. We all become like those we associate with. TV counts.
I hope things have improved for your family since this post. Blessings, prayers and a cyber-hug.