feeling Archives - Page 5 of 7 - Lisa Colón DeLay

Thinking Class: Session 3

Here’s the third one.

Do you ever get the feeling that your work is useless and that no one will bother listening anyway? I confess, in the wake of so much going wrong with the leaders of the United States I’m more than a little depressed.

Thinking reasonably is in short supply, and yet I don’t suppose that teaching how to come to contentions and conclusions logically will actually be of much help in the world. Be that as it may, I still want to do the right thing and (potentially) expose others to learning what critical thinking and a reasoned argument is, in case they ever come in contact with one.

Yes, this is the Sasquatch of educational knowledge and intellectual integrity. Enjoy!

(Click to enlarge)

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Session 2

Session 1

Hey, just two more things, friends. Will you to pass it along? You can embed it at your site, or just share it on Pinterest or Facebook. (It’s free to share: a Creative Commons work).

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Are you Skipping “Brain Pain” but picking the Plague?

Professor Bop via Compfight

Most of us don’t realize that we spend a bunch of time avoiding a familiar “Brain Pain”.

Just below our radar, but deeply connected with our emotions is an unsettling sense that something isn’t right.

That’s because it isn’t. Though it’s a normal sensation it’s not well-received.

We order and reorder things to avoid this feeling. But, it persists. And, it’ll make us do the strangest things.

Simply put: This “brain pain” happens when we try to hold two or more conflicting ideas together.

It’s officially called cognitive dissonance.

Unidentified, you don’t like it either.

But, in fact most of life and love is full of paradox and contradictions. All the great thinkers and spiritual masters speak of it.

The big problem?

Our cognitions don’t live together in a good jive and comfortable harmony. Our ideas, beliefs, values or emotional reactions have pointy and mismatched edges and we keep wanting things to piece together nicely like a glossy jigsaw puzzle.

Instead of feeling and living with dissonance, we try to avoid it or reduce it. Anything from changing our beliefs to be in keeping with the situation (to make it bearable), to reducing our regret through irrational justification, to reaffirming our bias even if a logical reason is absent. We are very irrational creatures and the more we think we are NOT the more irrational it is.

(It’s dissonant to be a partially rational creature, see?)

In wanting everything to “make sense” we pick fiction and live by figments instead.

You do it. I do it.

What’s worse?
The social pressure to relieve this sort of brain pain will blast toward us from everywhere. Maybe nowhere more powerfully than from our leaders. People in the pulpit, or the podium, power players in the board room or on news and media outlets they let the zingers fly that force you to inconsistently choice a faulty form of consistency. On cable television and radio of all stripes it’s a full-blown-plauge.

Everyone will try to sway you to give up the dissonance and see it their way (which they call “the right way”). It makes them feel better. But, the dissonance is part of reality just like it is part of jazz music. Not every note sounds just right or fits together seamlessly. It’s off-pitch and off-tempo. It’s very hard to predict.

How tricky! How disconcerting.

It is a mark of maturity to accept that reality is chock-a-block with inconsistency and incongruence. (That’s worth reading again.)

Though it can be unnerving, an abiding peace can yet remain in what seems a spongy place. This place is a good and useful tension of balance. It’s very hard to find and even harder to keep.

So, what about you?

Think about the things that create the discomforting feeling of dissonance for you.

• What are they? (relationships, finances, politics, tragedy, redemption?) Narrow it down to one or two big ones, for now.

• Have you been dodging logic or minimizing regret for the fantasy of consonance because you want to avoid the pain (and reality) of dissonance? Let’s be honest.

What could you hold in dissonance and balance that you haven’t been?

(Thank you for reading today. I would love if if you would share this post. Also great? If you would sign up for the next post in the sidebar.)

-Lisa

A Recipe for “Dogged Tenacity”

I’m concerned that my daughter won’t do well in life. Why? Tenacity.

Tenacity is what separates the successful from the naturally gifted.

Having a high IQ should be a good thing. It can be, but it can make a person (potentially) very lazy. For instance, it can make you try less. So, why work hard at school (to learn new things), if the grade come easy?

A lack of struggle will hold actually us back from achieving success in the future.

Smarts can mean that when you run into a problem you quits because you hate the feeling of struggling.

The only way to get into a practice of being tenacious is to make sure that some things are fought for.

We will want to take short cuts. We want to skip the work. But, we can’t.

by Seth Casteel (click for source)

It’s about dogged tenacity!

That’s what I’ve been striving for with doggedly promoting my book about dogs and how having them makes a big difference in ways I never realized. In the last few weeks it’s been a lot of work! It’s hard but the success is worth the pain and toil. The success isn’t the money–it’s in the process of the work itself. The joy is in knowing you are doing something you love even though it’s tough.

I’m sometimes surprised at how much has been accomplished. The project has gone from zero to hero with hundreds of people excited about the release, on August 19th (2013). It’s exciting.

So, back to the recipe:

The recipe for tenacity…for you and me, is to try things that are too hard for us. Try what is uncomfortable until it doesn’t bother you any more.

And other things too:

1. Meet fear head-on.

2. Combat, “I might fail.” with “I’ll learn something no matter what.”

3. Persist and when you feel like letting up…rest for just a tiny bit and then persist again.

I’m inspired by the dogged tenacity of a dog on the fetch. The dog pictures of Underwater Dogs capture it well.

So, on that note, please join a whole pack of us as we get ready to doggedly put the puppy into the splashy, so to speak. Let’s do this!

Photo is the an incredible artist Seth Casteel, photographer of the best-selling and amazing book “Underwater Dogs”.

Bargaining with God and life

I get into this thing sometimes and I catch myself trying to cut a deal.

It’s bargaining. I do it with myself and in prayer.

I’ve noticed that the 5 stages of Grief are also the same as the Stages of Change.

If you’ve ever started something new that should be a good thing and then felt conflicted?

It’s because there is a loss of something involved. Maybe something familiar. Maybe dream. Maybe a place. Maybe a group of people or a person. It’s a process of grief to move through, even for seemingly simple things. Change and grieving are linked.

Stage 1: Denial

(Nothing’s really changed. Nothing big really happened. Everything is normal.)

Stage 2: Anger

(I really don’t like this. I feel frustrated and upset. I want to lash out or numb out.)

Stage 3: Bargaining

(How about if I do this, you can come through for me in this way. Or. If I do this, maybe this other thing will happen.)

Stage 4: Depression

(I don’t want to deal with this. I’m going into my shell. Go away.)

Stage 5: Acceptance

(It’s going to be okay.)

I wonder what would happen if we prayed with each stage in mind. Like a roadmap. When we got to the bargaining part, we might just smile, because the script is already there. How funny. Maybe we don’t even have to do it. Or we can do it and in the ritual of it we could heal.

Then, perhaps, in the depression stage we can just sit in silence with God and not feel so alone. Then–I’m guessing here–the Acceptance is more thorough and includes not just accepting the newness but feeling accepted where ever you are too. If only I could catch the stages before they get to me.

However it works, the process will happen again and again. They don’t tell you this stuff when you’re a kid. You stumble into knowing that most of life is like reincarnation in bits and pieces of us. The same patterns. The same stages repeated. The same getting there again and again. For the first time and repeatedly.

What change are you in right now?

# # #

photo source

On Preparing for the “Other Shoe to Drop”

Maybe it’s happened to you before too…

You look at your child who may sleeping, or being themselves, or doing something they love …and your heart fills with a rush of joy and good pleasure. This is quickly followed by dread.

“Maybe it’ll all be taken away,” you think.

Maybe something terrible is about to happen. Maybe things won’t work out. Fear.

Or perhaps this sort of dread will surface right after a big personal victory or good news.

It’s like that perfect moment of happiness has a gremlin that pops up and spits on it. For many of us, especially if we endured a bit of pain or disappointment, our Joy is followed by foreboding.

This strange death grip on joy is quite common. With a self-protection machete we slash down joy or happiness with contingency plans and preparation for the worst. Upcoming disappointment won’t catch us on our heals, we think.

It’s all about avoiding feeling vulnerable according to Brené Brown who talks about this in her book Daring Greatly. She’s done the research and says that those who’ve done regular preparation to avoid pain still aren’t prepared when disaster strikes. Instead they are devastated, just like the rest of us. But sadly, they have mortgaged away their joyful moments in on-the-spot while bracing for potential disappointment and pain.

So what can inoculate us from from short selling our joy?

It’s simple: In-the-moment gratitude.

Instead of waiting for the other shoe to drop, push aside the tormenting doubt, dread, or mistrust. Sideline the foreboding that steals that moment and latch onto to gratitude. Hold on with both hands. Gratitude sustains joy. It’s like a Defense Against the Dark Arts skill, says Brown. She’s right. It works.

It might go something like this, “Oh, my, we’re all picnicking and enjoying a wonderful time outside. No one’s fighting and everyone’s happy to be here. Yes, it might not last, but my how grateful I am in this very moment, this perfect beautiful moment. I’m going to let it soak into my bones. I’m breathing it in.”

Stay with it as long as you can. There is a guiding light in gratitude… and gremlins, as we know, are afraid of light.

The truth is that joy and sorrow are linked. They do a dance our whole lives, really. But, hope and resilience can win the day. That’s an important bit of useful knowledge to give our children, too. With some intention, we can live in the Joy.

Oh, and when the other shoe drops, use it as a planter.

(photo source)

Thank you for reading today. If you’d pass this article along to someone who needs it or out on the inter webs, I’d be grateful. You can feature it on your blog too. Just click on the Permissions Policy for details to stay legit.

I hope you’ll sign up for future posts in the sidebar! Have a joyful day sustained by gratitude today, friend.