Lisa Colón DeLay | Spiritual Formation and the Way of the Desert Elders
Resources, Guidance, Products, and Services for personal growth, spiritual formation, and community connection
There’s a dynamic connection between flexibility and healthy personalities. It took me many years of healing to not be swept into self-hate when I messed up. Here’s what helped.
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Today KJ Ramsey and I discuss Religious Trauma and Spiritual Abuse. ⬇️
Book link (amazon affiliate) https://amzn.to/3DEjqor
(The Substack and Patreon links below have links to KJ and an update on my experience in Hurricane Fiona here in Puerto Rico.)
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This episode is brought to you by:
-customized, guided, quiet, refreshing
Wine segment:
Involve all the senses as to wine and enjoy wine.
Take your time and build your awareness. (This makes for a great spiritual practice as well.)
Sparking your Muse:
Today’s topic:
A personal Retreat – critical for creativity, spiritual sensitivity, and well being.
The retreat center I go to.
Spiritual Thirst:
By the time you are thirsty, your kidney’s have sent an emergency signal to your brain. Now the brain tries to regain health for your body with urges to drink. It’s better to provide for the body ahead of time, of course. The same is true for a thirsty soul. Don’t let yourself get morbidly parched. It’s not healthy for you or anyone in your life. It’s terrible for your art and your creative muse, and your mission in the world. You have to be well to do right by others. You have to be well to do well. But most of all you have to properly BE.
Getting it wrong:
A retreat that’s more of a social gathering with activities…That’s a Protestant, Western, answer to a problem that misunderstands the question.
Catholic tradition with it’s long history of spiritual retreats and spiritual guides was too much spurned by Protestant protest against it in favor of being busy at work and productive, while too often letting the soul starve for want of divine tranquility and peace.
God is best found in stillness and when the boisterous yammering of our heart and mind are soothed by rest and unplugging in every way.
The real question is not how can I find a party so I can feel whole….but How do I find my whole way home?
Home is within.
You become quiet and you go inside. God is within. You won’t find a God of Sabbath rest “out there” or at a place.
3 Most Important Tips:
1. put it on the calendar. mark it off. It’s a vacation day.
Or as the British say it (better) “you need to go on holiday!”
HOLY DAY.
Holy means set apart. That’s exactly what retreat should be.
If you take take off from work for doctor’s apps, then think of it like that.
Block off 4-6 hours at minimum
8-10 is better and 24-48 is really when things get very beneficial.
AND Go away from home and people. A retreat center, a natural setting, a private room at a church or someone’s home.
2. Do all you can to minimize all distractions and obligations.
Plan ahead. Tell people you WILL be off the grid. Not able to be contacted. at all.
Leave your phone in your car. A few hours won’t kill you. If you think that it might, or that you can’t possibility be out-of-contact…or maybe that you are too important and busy to do this.
Then you have to be even more serious able doing it. Delusion has set in. You have become blind. You are starting to die a soul death. Get away RIGHT away!
(You may be afraid of what thoughts are going to come up when things get quiet. Be brave!)
3. Let the chatter die out.
If your mind is clamoring…and it will be if you have a lot to be responsible for….then you really can’t get to a place of rest.
• Jot everything down quickly and put it to the side. It will be there when you get back and you will be able to deal with it better.
A simple Worksheet that’s perfect for retreats:
• The SHARPENING Ritual
• The SHARPENING Ritual
(PRAYER-centered VERSION)
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Spark my muse is The podcast for curious creatives types, wine newbies, and those willing to put up with my occasional silliness. Thank you so much for sharing your time with me.
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Today:
How wine can go to the dogs and how to best store wine in the wine segment.
Plus, a bit about a topic and a book that has made a huge difference in my life.
This episode of the podcast is brought to you by:
Dog in the Gap
Having a pet in your care, who helplessly depends on your for life and well being can teach you a lot of things. 10 essays both funny and insightful written by 2 authors and plenty of memorable photos.
Or get the bonus addition for $1 more that has an extra essay and non public video links, and other assorted goodies.
Name Your Link
Today’s wine segment!
Why might your wine taste like wet dog fur….and what to do about it?
Basic Stats:
A wine bottle has 25.33 oz. (750ml).
A serving (a glass) of wine is 5 oz . (Half way up the glass is full. Where the glass is widest (aroma reasons in the design)
1 bottle = five glasses.
If your wine smells stale or like wet dog fur…it is Corked!
(The cork is not working and too much air has mixed with the wine.)
Wine last 24 hours if the air is pumped out
Here’s the one I recommend we use it at work. It pays for itself after two uses.
Wine lasts only a few hours if it’s not pumped. It’s not harmful, but it won’t taste its best. Pushing the cork back in won’t help too much because air is trapped in there.
Another reason Wine is stored on its side to expand the cork. A bottle corked with a plastic cork won’t be helped by horizontal storage.
On the next PODCAST – I’ll talk about my favorite tool for opening wine and why, and the bottle opening tools you should (probably) avoid !
Now to spark your Muse
Brené Brown’s work made its mark on me before she did her famous 1st TED TALK which lead to you famous ins TED Talk on her research about shame and vulnerability at the University of Houston.
The topics in the book and some of the passages I’ll read to you have really gained new significance because putting up a podcast is risky. I feel vulnerable and I feel like I might get rejected. Some people won’t like it and I can’t change that. I don’t want to fail. And I don’t want to look like an idiot. And looking like an idiot is extremely probable.
When we are about to step out into unknown territory or if we doing something that makes us more vulnerable the two main things we think are “who do you think you are?” and “You’rd going to look like a fool” and I might add one to that “You won’t do it right” (it ’s related to the 2nd one) Maybe you can think of others that come to you mind.
We seem okay to handle other people’s vulnerability but really reluctant to risk that ourselves.
Excerpts from Daring Greatly:
Pg 35 “I define vulnerability as uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure”
My note: We can’t risk feeling vulnerable if we are dealing with shame.
pg 68 “people who don’t experience shame lack the capacity for empathy and human connection”
My note: Social also social pain. We fear rejection and isolation.
pg 67 “shame derives its power from being unspeakable”
Language and story bring light to shame and destroy it
pg 71
Guilt is “I did something wrong”
Shame is “I am bad” (or “I am something wrong”)
• When new feel shame we lash out, get anxious, hide, or numb out, and really we need to do the opposite of those things to have victory.
• Instead of lashing out or hiding we need to reach out, to some one we can trust.
• Instead of overcompensating we have to cut ourselves a break. “I make mistakes. I’m moving on past this one.”
Pg 80 Brené says “If I own the story I get to write the ending.” I just heard a fascinating TED TALK from Monica Lewinsky and she sounds like she’s taking this advise. She said it was time to take back her story and control her own narrative.
Reaching out and being honest creates an environment of empathy, and that’s really why I’m sharing all this with you.
Don’t be afraid to create and do things that are your passion. And mess up while doing them. I’m messing up a lot, but I’m trying to not let those mistakes put me in a choke hold of shame and inaction.
I hope you will be inspired to do the same.
Thanks for listening today!
Or if you have read Daring Greatly, what was the most powerful thing you learned. I’d love to hear from you! Leave comments at sparkmymuse.com or the email contact@sparkmymuse.com
subscribe to the podcast….tell your friends what you and I have been up to. See you soon.
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“Fear of the unexplainable has not only impoverished our inner lives, but also diminished relations between people.” -Rilke
We like categories. We like labels. We like things defined.
A common statement among plenty of people (born after the 1960s?) is to claim: “I don’t like labels”. The closer thing is to say instead that, “I don’t like being confined to a box I can’t alter when I want to.”
We all instinctively use and adore labels…(If we didn’t, bringing it up wouldn’t cross our minds.)
“Not liking labels” is of course a label. It’s a classification.
It’s a way to distinguish an individual. It’s a category we hope people understand. We like the differentiation, but that same differentiation can be it’s own prison, and soon. It is not only a prison, but a blockade from human interactions and healthy bonds.
But, this is because Without categories, we have fear. Our world is much harder to navigate and make sense of without them. Without labels we venture headlong into the “unexplainable” again and again. This production of fear has a halting power.
I don’t know the remedy for it. There may be none. It may help, though, to just admit that we are often afraid. The funny thing is the being afraid draws us closer to each other…when it is not busy destroying us.
