Exploring Misandry in the church Part II

"ugh...typical guy! Idiot."

misandry |misˈandrē|
noun
the hatred of men by women
ORIGIN 1940s: from Greek miso- ‘hating’ + anēr, andr- ‘man,’ on the pattern of misogyny.

As promised, I’m covering the female side of misogyny, which is misandry.
I call this type of article a “BOOM post”. You have been warned.

I would be remiss to not admit that sectors of feminism are strongholds of misandry. Feminism, though, as many women think of it, is far more general. It has to do with equitable treatment toward women, in business, home life, society in general, and it hinges on the ability, explicitly or implicitly, to have choice (of many kinds) as a basic unalienable right. A wiser person, female or male, will understand, however, that freedom of choice must be balanced with one’s community, not rooted or executed from a selfish starting point.

It seems to me that troubles for either gender will stem from control issues. For men, it may be that they feel somehow impotent in their life, interactions, career path, health, etc. Perhaps the feeling or appearance of weakness is the pivot point.

For women, it may be that they want to be regarded well, and cherished (and I don’t mean in simply an emotional, or fuzzy way. This is more of a cherished at an essential level of being for (female) human flourishing). They want to not feel objectified (which, is disregard), or to relegated to a small box, i.e. a narrow role, a low ceiling limiting personal or career pursuits, an intellectual prejudice.

I find it interesting that body image plays a powerful role for both men and women. Ill-health, lack of fitness, the effects of aging, being fashionable, and certainly other issues influence personal issues of self-worth, emotionally and bodily. They also influence how each gender reacts to the other. Those things hated, or feared in one’s self will be trigger points and irritations all too glaringly visible in the other gender. Spite develops.

I will cover some ways misandry happens among women. Please note I use the word among purposefully, because there seems to be an execution of misandry in a social capacity more than in any other way. For men, they may both take their misogyny on as a personal war, and they may find strength in numbers, but women may tend towards a “team strategy”.

For women, physical aggression with misandry is not normative. Rather, it is mental, social, and tactical. Bullying of other female by female happens this way as well. The tendency may to manipulate, rather than misogynistic tendency to (in some respect) conquer or master (perhaps with resources, people, money, intellectual pursuits, empire, and including areas of competencies and skills). (I’m speaking quite generally, please bear with me.) Women seem more socially powerful, while men seem more dominant. Perhaps a good analogy is to say influential in contrast to jurisdictional.

For some general information, I will note 6 areas ripe for, or given to misandry. (Please note that these same areas are ones of great good, effectuality, and ministry if they are not perverted by selfishness and sin. Yes, the same goes for males.) Steps should be taken to purify and strength these venues through the Holy Spirit, and his Fruit, not disable or disband them.)

1. Gossip as bonding.
2. “Tribal Culture” (if you will) of malcontent.
3. A “sick clique” (more on this is a later post) It has to do with venting, fault finding, griping. For men, the counterpart might be verbal attacks or passive aggression. But, this also can and does happen with females.
4. Platforming (A leader or leaders pumping up/motivating a like-minded group)
5. Subversion of Systems (rather than negotiation)
6. Rebellion (overt or covert/and sometimes unintentionally) to authority, powerful groups, institutions, concepts, norms in question.

Often man-hating patterns are established in the context of a social group norm. There may be a retaliation tenor, as well. A pecking order type of culture may subtly and socially pressure its affiliates to employ a particular attitude. Acceptance in the group will be linked to the propagation and use of this structure, and its attitudes. Bear in mind, unlike many times with males, this all happens as sub-context, and is almost always implied, not vocalized.

(There are others areas. I welcome your additions, or specific ideas or comments on them.)

To expose the flaws and missteps among women is to set myself up as an enemy of women, and undermine some of the great and vital gains women have made societally to achieve appropriate equality. Quite a few people, whether they will admit it, or not, believe a certain amount of misandry seems justifiable because of humanity’s long history of abuse and antipathy toward the female gender. In recent, postmodern times, the female voice (or story), as well as many other historically-marginalized groups, has been given new validity and attention.

It is not my intent, of course to sabotage any positive and rightful gains for females. I do believe these rectifications have been sorely overdue, and really have not yet been accomplished. And what a sad commentary on the Christian assimilation of the ministry of Christ, and the human expression of the redemptive nature of the gospel.

To women, I say, we can be secure and mature enough to take on and strength whatever weaknesses we may have that are causing injury of harm to the body of Christ. We can work toward a better way, healing, and unity. As for you males, please read this all compassionately, and let it help you understand women’s weaknesses and strengths better. There is responsibility that comes with know more, so I trust you to use this new knowledge for good not evil.

I mention all of this, not to divide any of us from each other, or to give us weapons to beat each other with, but rather to call out areas of potential growth. Then, we can call them into question ourselves (men and women), confess before God, humble ourselves to each other in love and service, and work toward unity, reconciliation, and enacting God’s glorious Kingdom Come. God transcends gender, and our petty hang ups and weaknesses. It is in God’s strength and grace that we may be fashioned as new creatures that reflect God’s good character and nature.

I would have loved to make this whole article somehow more jocose (or humorous at all), because that’s usually how I roll, but I couldn’t switch gears, adapt and integrate that writing style on this one. Don’t expect such seriousness in any following installments on this, or any topic. (There’s only so much of this trajectory I can take, before I have to insert more cheer.) :)

So-weigh in. I’m listening.

4 Things Leaders Forget

Bridge Building Team 

My expertise is in personal, relational, ministerial, and spiritual growth. So, no, I’m not Michael Hyatt who has loads of CEO experience. But, I tend to notice things that others don’t, and I know a few things about pitfalls.

LEADERSHIP:
Most of us are in some form of leadership. Maybe it’s in our community, as a youth sports coach, at our 9-5 job, as a parent, within an organization, or in some form of ministry. Honing our talents and skills is vital to our leadership success.

I’ve identified 4 things many leaders forget. Do any of them describe you? What critical thing (or things) do YOU think leaders forget?

1. Leaders forget to notice untried (or potential) leaders and develop and mentor leadership in others.

2. Leaders may forget that leadership is more about character than capability or charisma.

3. A leader’s greatest strength will be tested by his (or her) corresponding weakness.

4. Failure in leadership is part of the process.

Unpacking those 4 Things:

1. Notice and develop leadership in others. A critical part of leadership is realizing that the role of guiding outstrips that of commanding. Mentoring up-and-coming leaders is too often overlooked. Sadly, sometimes helping nurture other leaders even seen as an existential threat to one’s future leadership. But, nothing could be further from the truth.

2. Leadership is more about character than capability or charisma. I recently experienced a situation of, “Too many chiefs, and not enough Indians.” (Bear in mind, this phrase is actually misunderstanding regarding Native America tribal leadership. So-called “chiefs” functioned more as “big men” style leaders, not like a monarchy type of leadership and not often lineage-based. No elections either. A lack of confidence would propagate emergence of other “big men” leaders within tribes. Members would break off from the bigger group to follow them.) Sometimes when I work on a group project where action is needed, and I will opt the role of “minion worker bee”, even though the project may be an area of expertise or gifting. Weird, huh? I purposefully do not vie for a leadership role. At all. Why? Well, I learned this little gem “on-the-job”. Depending on the group, I may sense when a team possesses a quality of dominion instead of concert. That means “being heard” is overshadowing the project itself. In this situation, people will display the quirkiest parts of their personality in response to stress. They may appear overly opinionated, stubborn, emotional, or unduly vested in the matter at hand. Control or significance is the force at play, and usually the results will not turn out for the best. Sometimes personal growth comes from stepping back.

In those cases, modeling character is more important that who’s message is the loudest. As leaders we can show the group through cooperative service the spirit and attitude that will achieve the best outcomes.

As a leader, be willing to take a back seat for the greater good in the long run. Now is not the time to peacock your intelligence, capability, or persuasiveness, but rather to act in good character.

3. A leader’s greatest strength will be tested by his corresponding weakness. This one is easy to miss. This one needs your full attention: What has helped us in leadership can be our very downfall. Here’s an fictitious example: Joe Winnar is an extrovert. He’s great at taking action, and exciting others to join him in his vision for what lays ahead. So, his corresponding weakness could be that he steamrolls other’s ideas or contributions. For every gift we possess, we also have a weak point (or points) that can reveal a growing edge. This means it’s a likely pitfall where we will fail somehow in our leadership.

4. Failure in leadership is part of the process. This one stinks. Far more leaders fail instead of succeed. And in what regard? 9 times out of ten it will involve interpersonal issues. Leadership is made or broken at the relational level.

For example: What happens when a leader cheats, lies, becomes abusive, or breaks faith with the group? Integrity is shattered, and relationships are damaged. If we are going to fail as leaders, it’ll likely center on, or least include, this aspect. There is no better way to avoid this other than keeping a close reign on our issues of humility. Not if, but when you fail, admit to your mistakes, don’t act faultless, work cooperatively, and don’t lose a teachable spirit.

Comments? Suggestions? Insights?