My son is home with tummy pains. I hope he didn’t eat anything bad.
This grilled cheese sandwich went bad, very bad. (All the way to the dark side.)
When was the last time you got sick from food?
When food goes bad…very bad
Tag: funny
Clearing away some “crap” about my name.
OKAY! I’m going to try to point everyone in the right direction…which incidentally is something a certain forefather of mine did NOT do.
So, I’m reading my blog analytics, and I’m confronted with an old foe…of sorts. It seemed a google search for some gastric-related product sent someone to my blog. Welcome to my whole life. My maiden name (and pen name) Colón is pronounced (basically) like this: CO – lone. (The other joke was, “What’s that smell? Is it Lisa Colón? Like eau de cologne…SO ingenious, right?)
Surprisingly…ahem…the word colon is well, confusing for a lot of people, and search engines, too.
Let’s be clear, the name Colón is not the same as the word used for a punctuation mark, or a semi-punctuation mark, or a main part of the large intestine. Oh, but WHAT a funny joke…especially at the doctor’s office. HA. HA. HA. Yeh, whatever. Nurses think they are endlessly funny, believe me.
You may have never heard of the Colón surname, at all, unless you are familiar with a certain Right Tackle football player and once Pittsburgh Steeler: Willie Colón (click for wiki).
Or you are particularly into Salsa music, and know Willie Colón, the Puerto Rican salsa music icon; a Nuyorican salsa musician, and trombonist.
If you are not familiar with Spain, Spanish, Spanish countries, or Central and South American countries, you are in new territory for this nomenclature.
Or!
You haven’t made the connection with all sorts of Columbian words (yes, the word Columbian relates to the “discoverer”..of a place where people already were…of the Americas…. Amerigo Vespucci…er…wait… I mean… “Christopher Columbus”.)
Those related words are Colonize, Colony, Colonel, Colonial, et cetera. Yes. They all originate with Cristóbal Colón, the Spanish name of Christopher Columbus.
Okay, now to clear it up, using the dictionary.
The word “colon” (pronounced COLE-on) which is NOT my name is 1 of 2 things:
colon 1 |ˈkōlən|
noun
a punctuation mark ( : ) indicating
• that a writer is introducing a quotation or a list of items.
• that a writer is separating two clauses of which the second expands or illustrates the first.
• a statement of proportion between two numbers : a ratio of 10:1.
• the separation of hours from minutes (and minutes from seconds) in a statement of time given in numbers : 4:30 p.m.
• the number of the chapter and verse respectively in biblical references : Exodus 3:2.
ORIGIN mid 16th cent. (as a term in rhetoric denoting a section of a complex sentence, or a pause before it): via Latin from Greek kōlon ‘limb, clause.’
colon 2
noun Anatomy
the main part of the large intestine, which passes from the cecum to the rectum and absorbs water and electrolytes from food that has remained undigested. Its parts are called the ascending, transverse, descending, and sigmoid colon.
ORIGIN late Middle English : via Latin from Greek kolon.
My name is Colón, which is different.
Colón |kəˈlōn|
the chief port of Panama, at the Caribbean Sea end of the Panama Canal; pop. 140,900.
colón |kəˈlōn|
noun ( pl. -lones |-ˈlōˌnās|)
the basic monetary unit of Costa Rica and El Salvador, equal to 100 centimos in Costa Rica and 100 centavos in El Salvador.
ORIGIN from Cristóbal Colón, the Spanish name of Christopher Columbus (see Columbus 2 ).
Why do I continue to use a name that is confusing?
Part of it is that I’m just silly. And, well, my married name is DeLay. It’s French, and poses its own set of problems. Delay. Yes, perhaps I’m the repeated victim of circumstance. This is especially true if colon and delay are put together. Ya know?
And fittingly, this post has constipation…
But, it’s all so you can sit down, relax, and Wait…Wait…wait…
It’s all coming out better now in the end.
So, yeh, if you need a colon cleanser…as you can see, I’m here for you (in a sense).
Incidentally…Thomas Crapper took out nine plumbing patents 1881-1896. Click here for the truth about Crapper (With a name like that, Tom is my reason for some optimism and not taking myself too seriously.)
What do you think…a rose by any other name…blah blah blah???
If you have any “monicker stories”…share away!
Let me help you…
(photo courtesy of the Ellen DeGeneres facebook page)
To me this photo says…
If you find it’s hard to talk about something, a good friend will help you in any way she can.
Your turn–
CAPTION PLEASE
My First Film-35 seconds
I got a cheap App for my Mac today called Smoovie. It’s a super stripped down stop animation Application. It’s quite lowbrow for anyone into film/animation, but for about 50 minutes, I had some fun. It’s 35 seconds long.
Tell us what it’s about (in your opinion).
No worries. There is no right answer.
Not dying in an EPIC PIZZA Fail.
package design varies in 14 years 
1997 crust
What happens when you eat 14 year old pizza crust from Betty Crocker? We found out.
On January 1, 2011, in a short series of unfortunate events, my husband prepared a Betty Crocker pizza crust from a mix. It turned out terribly. We couldn’t figure out why. It was paper thin, and stuck so badly to the pan that it seemed to only come off in stamp-sized pieces, not to mention being brittle and tasteless.
I forced it down, and after the kids bemoaned their meal, I, being a proper mom, I had them finish most of it–by decree. It was only after I saw the varying package design of some just-bought Betty Crocker pizza crust, did suspect something was amiss. That little wave of electric panic fear went around on my back. This could be a long night in the bathroom, I thought.
Soon, it seemed clear that we ingested 14 year old crust mix from 1997. There was no expiration date visable on any package, but there were copyright dates. The new ones said ©2009. [Obviously the old one read ©1997.] Gulp. This was bad news. Really bad news. This is nearly double the age of my daughter. Who eats food twice their age, and gets away with it? Okay, babies. But who else?
The thought was sickening, but oddly the meal wasn’t, in a true sense. We were all fine. No harm done.
4 Proposals:
1. Betty Crocker Pizza crust is not food.
2. God spared us (because sometimes he’s wacky like that.)
3. Pizza crust couldn’t hurt us, even if it was 50 years old…’cause that’s how p.c. rolls.
4. We’ve just realized we are the real life version of “No Ordinary Family”
Do you have any ideas?
It was a mysterious way to start the new year, and things have only gotten stranger since.
What the oldest thing you’ve eaten recently?
Or…What’s the strangest thing that’s happened to you so far this year?