Tag: Holy Ghost

So, You wanna ditch your church? Top 5 Mistakes

Alphonse Mucha's work here reminds me of Redeemed Humanity, the Bride of God's Only Son

Sometimes going to church doesn’t seem worth it. For heaven’s sake, wouldn’t it be better to just have breakfast with some family or friends, and forego irritating people, scheduling problems, overblown or petty dramas de jour, personality conflicts, politics, dodgy doctrinal positioning, and the rest of machine the local church can be? Is the Cracker Barrel growing a bit more more alluring each Sunday morning?

Seems like a no brainer, right?
If this is kind of thing is happening for you, in your local church, maybe church shopping is around the bend? Well, wait just a minute. Here are 5 Mistakes you can make (or have made) regarding your local church.

1. Making theological judgements for what are personal preferences.
2. Mistaking the “local church” for The Bride of Christ.
3. Misunderstanding the idea of “community.”
4. Implementing a consumer approach with the spiritual and transcendent.
5. Overlooking what is happening in the sacraments.

Being from a more independent faith tradition, I grew up with the sense that church, in the local setting, was mainly about worship and fellowship. Well, it is, but not in the small sense I understood it to be. Now a bigger view of Church guides my life, and my relationship with my God and Savior.

Simply put: Church is hardly about “the local church” or about any human individual.

Jesus saved humankind through his Bride the Church. That means our preferences have very little to do with what God is doing, and the workings of Church.

The Church is something universal, invisible AND visible, international, and local. It is bound by culture and history, and yet handily transcends them both. It may exist in a location temporarily, but exists eternally in every location. Yes, it’s bigger, in every way than you think, or have the ability to imagine.

We apprend it in such tiny ways at times…
Perhaps, we get caught up or annoyed by such things a personalities, worship styles, programs, or issues related to our doctrinal formulations, opinion, or personal preference.

We may go “church shopping” and miss the point completely.

How correct to say, “Church is not about me.”
It’s about WE.

In the sacraments, the community of God (Trinity) intertwines with the community of man (humanity). We receive divine grace. God is with us. God is with his Bride, the Church. Locally the church celebrates what the collection of Christians, past, present, and future is enacting, together.

Each Sunday, worldwide, Christ’s Bride gathers, and meets together. The church is with “him”, as it has done from the beginning.

Even as the earth spins, the variances in time zones cause prayer without ceasing, and the fellowship and communion of the saints occur, globally.

And with Christ, Father, and Spirit, we celebrate the reality of koinwnia (koinonia) with the Divine.  Thomas Aquinas wrote, “the Eucharist is the sacrament of the unity of the Church, which results from the fact that many are one in Christ.”[7] (Eucharist means thanksgiving.) Koinwnia is what Christ exercised divinely with humanity, by grace, through his work in his ministry, on the cross, and in his resurrection. It is how we commune with each other, and worship God in Spirit and Truth.

Through a local church body, we live out, and enact the Gospel and participate the actual in-breaking of the Kingdom of God here on earth. The local church is people, and people are flawed. What God has done, is doing, and will continue to do, is not.

This whole concept is all summed up nicely in the Apostles Creed, in which followers of Christ unite in spirit and truth. Many of us may not know the creeds, or declare them together with other Christians. But, this particular creed, well-established in the 300s A.D. (C.E.), and is the/a manifesto (see ref. link) of the Bride. It is a speak-act and agreement of followers of the divine Father, Son, and Spirit, for a way of living and being; and understanding the world.

To take this creed fully to heart will expand your idea of church, unify you with Christians of the last 2,000+ years, and may even help you forebear with the frailties of  local church you attend, here and now.

From the Book of Common Prayer –

I believe in God the Father Almighty,
Maker of heaven and earth:
And in Jesus Christ his only Son our Lord,
Who was conceived by the Holy Ghost,
Born of the Virgin Mary,
Suffered under Pontius Pilate,
Was crucified, dead, and buried:
He descended into hell;
The third day he rose again from the dead;
He ascended into heaven,
And sitteth on the right hand of God the Father Almighty;
From thence he shall come to judge the quick and the dead.
I believe in the Holy Ghost;
The holy Catholick Church;
The Communion of Saints;
The Forgiveness of sins;
The Resurrection of the body,
And the Life everlasting.
Amen.

Your comments are welcome.

12 Fruit of the Spirit that never made the cut

Tom Cruise drawn in Photoshop
Image by Roberto Rizzato ►pix jockey◄ Facebook resident via Flickr (aka "Mr. Intensity")

WARNING: This post is for humor purposes. If you take it seriously, and get offended, it’s your own fault. Go away today if you don’t like funny things once in a while.

Fruit of the Spirit that didn’t make the cut:

High Metabolism: (or Calorie Burn-Ableness) This is one of those qualities of which people can be envious. Yet, the ability to eat a whole pizza, or a half a dozen Krispy Kremes, and not pay for it according to the bathroom scale does not cut it as a Fruit of the Spirit.

Wrapping. (Giftedness) Because such things given by God are called “gifts” of the Spirit, some have connected this to the qualities associated with wrapping presents, for holidays, birthdays, and such. Cute paper, ribbon, and creative and crafty items to give items away are a way to show off talents, but let’s not get carried away. I’m glad I could clear this up.

Drinking your Coffee black. (Beverage purity) If you think the potent and bitter taste of coffee without creamer has something to do your spiritual gifting, I need to break it to you. The answer is “No”. And it doesn’t mean you love coffee more than other people either. (another related tip: Keep a toothbrush handy.)

Fanciness. Sure, good style is laudable. Though fruit-like, it doesn’t make the cut, and it’s not a gift of the Spirit to be fancy, per se. It can also be incredibly distracting.

Holding your breath. (Lung capacity blessed/breath-worthy) Long sought as a way to intimidate cream puff parents, and impress pool-goers, holding one’s breath for quite a while is a skill mastered with practice and techniques. I’m surprised you would even bring this one up.

Balance. One’s ability to walk with agility on a 2 x 4 does not appear to directly connected to the Holy Ghost. On this one, though, I could be persuaded with the proper argument “for”. Have at it.

Bluffing. (or in fruit language, bluff-tastic-ness) I think this term -bluffing) is used in games, meaning innocent falsehood to get ahead in a harmless game. (And, yes; In the gun-toting old wild west, this wasn’t always the case.. Obviously.) Good bluffers are admired in poker, and loathed in politics and golf. Either way, I’ve decided that, though it’s a close call, it’s not quite fruit-worthy for my purposes here. HOWEVER, perhaps you can weigh in on this story about when Jesus (perhaps) pretended to walk past the boat on the stormy lake of Galilee, shortly before Peter asked to walk on water to meet him. Was it bluffing? TEll me what you think.  (You can read John’s text here John 6:16-22)

Staring. (or stare-Able) Do you win a lot of staring contests and think God has something to do with it? Well, then you’re fooling yourself. The ability to stare well, just means you aren’t too bothered as your eyes get dry. This sensation drives many other people crazy, as a creepy itchy feeling makes it unbearable to not flip out and blink like mad. Plenty of people connect patience with this, but that’s total bologna.

Intensity. Closely related to the above (Staring) in terms of endurance, this quality is perfectly exemplified in Tom Cruise‘s acting performances, much to my chagrin. It’s a poor substitute for Christian maturity, and would no doubt  displease the powerful Xenu, at least in the long run. Plus, it’s so, gimmicky sometimes, ya know? MAYBE YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH-YA KNOW?

Jumping rope like an accomplished boxer. (Jumpishness) Yes, this one looks a bit superhuman sometimes, but it’s only the branch of a deeper issue. Basically, these people don’t care how sweaty they get, and also enjoy a repetitive sound. If you can do it, good for you, but I can’t work my way into respecting you for it, in a spiritual sense. Plus, the exegesis here is spotty at best. I repeat: At. Best.

Pen Tricks. (dexterity) Like Fanciness, this near-Fruit can be positive and appealing, but once you’ve spent hours learning them, to show off in Sunday School class, as you pretend to be thinking about the topic at hand, don’t think it makes you a better Christian. It could just mean you’re obnoxious and have way too much time on your hands. Your über tricky hands.

Swimming. (buoyancy) Walking on water, yes, of course. Obviously that’s totally backed up by Scripture as a spiritual gift, with some Fruit of buoyancy needed (Okay, yes. I’m still researching the buoyancy Fruit or near-Fruit). But, listen to me. Swimming is something even a dolphin can do. Nothing supernatural there…once you throw off the terrifying thought of drowning.

Fruity stuff from Paul Cheng. (The bananas look like horns because...?)

 

 

Please Note: Some of items here (nearly Fruit) that didn’t make the cut, are helpful to us in a general sense. Some may even coincide with certain biblical spiritual fruit. In themselves, however, they have here been identified as not really what Paul (the writer of Galatians, not the fruity artist above) was talking about.

Galatians 5:22-26But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.

This is a formula I made up (after rigorous hours of study). When used it will take you far…like a camel in heat:

{GIFTS – FRUIT = corruption }

Bear in mind, this refers to the things of God, not Gift Baskets.

SO, my sweet readers,

What other things could make this list of Spiritual Fruit that couldn’t or didn’t make the cut? Share your suggestions. One lucky winner will get a humorous fruit of the Spirit t-shirt.

Self-test: Is the Holy Spirit like a York Peppermint Patty?

 

taste the sensation

 

Self-test: Is the Holy Spirit like a York Peppermint Patty?

Some of you won’t remember the goofy York Peppermint Patty commercials of long ago, but thanks to the marvel of technology, you can view a couple retro ad pieces right now to either refresh your memory, or thank God you were not routinely subjected to such silliness.

After you watch the short video, have some fun and take this self-test to see how you score.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jaVTrIjoqo4&hl=en_US&fs=1&]

Self-test:
Answer true or false, and add up your scores.

1. When you hear the word “Holy Ghost” you get “shivers.” (You prefer the less weird  term “Holy Spirit.”)

2. Spiritual things are sometimes what you would call “spine-tingling”.

3. When eating minty candy, sometimes you feel a cool draft, or get a bit of a chill.

4. Watching shows like Ghost Hunters is fairly tempting.

5. You like to say “God bless you” when others sneeze–and now that you think of it, a dry and powerful sneeze seems practically other-worldly. (A wet one is just plain gross.)

6. If chocolate was served instead of bread at Communion, you would look forward to going to church more often.

7. The idea of dressing up as the Holy Ghost has never crossed your mind, yet you realize drinking some milk when eating chocolate makes sense.

8. If it were not sacrilegious, or highly odd, you could imagine the Holy Ghost (or Spirit) as a good choice for the pitchman for York Peppermint Patty and saying, “Get the (cool) sensation,” in a dry humor sort of way.

9. You can imagine Jesus eating and enjoying a York Peppermint Patty.

(Perhaps you can relate to this scenario: If you had two, and if he was physically there, you would give him one. If you had one, you would split it, but maybe you would have a brief conflict of conscience thinking of hiding it, or not mentioning it. After realizing that he would know anyways you would hope he wouldn’t mind if you kept the whole thing. Maybe you’d look at him in the eyes to check for a “knowing look,” after you averted eye contact for a little bit, first.)

10. You are finding that something simple like a York Peppermint Patty can somehow remind you of God, and yet make you a bit hungry for candy at the same time.

Scoring:

If you got more than 5 True answers you have made an irrevocable connection between a minty chocolate treat and one, or more, of the three persons of God. Use this connection wisely. It may help integrate your spirituality and draw you into a more intimate relationship with God, in everyday ways. On the other hand, you could get terribly fat filling a huge spiritual void with empty calories, and go to hell in the process.

Okay, I’m not really sure about that last part, but I do think something could go wrong in this whole setup, I’m just not completely sure what. And also, the test really isn’t scientific, in case you were wondering.

If you had fun, got a laugh, were the least bit amused, or even got mad, please tell a few people to drop by and visit to take the self-test for themselves. Then, they’ll get their own sensation.

Your thoughts and comments are always welcome.

-Lisa, peppermint patty lover, God lover, and putting on the pounds with various chocolates.