C.S. Lewis on longing and friendship

A few tidbits today from a greater mind than mine by a thousand or more:

C.S. Lewis.

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Jack, as his friends called him, lived and wrote with an authenticity that made courageously interacting with the most painful and potent stuff of life an ordinary occurrence.

He loved deeply, he thought deeply, he wrote deeply, he suffered deeply. All these things, love, joy, friendship, sacrifice, loss, and longing were the topics of his work.

A heavyweight intellectual with the rare kind of genius to write concisely and accessibly to anyone, he never shied away from the messy parts of life–no matter who the audience. He might be most famous for his children’s fiction, but his poetry, literary criticism, apologetics, and other works reveal him as a polymath and literary giant. Thanks to the recent Hollywood versions of Narnia movies (which ardent C.S. Lewis fans find grossly wanting) ave created a renewed interest in Lewis making him more widely read now than he was in his own lifetime.

What made the man?

Tragedies cultivated a pensive and sensitive aspect of Leiws that complimented an agile, imaginative, and sharp mind.

Perhaps the deepest wound happened at age 9 when he lost his mother in death. His father was emotionally distant and sent him off to a series of boarding schools–which he deplored. The isolation and grief seemed to create a “heart-wound” from which he suffered his whole life; and from which he found solace in the hope of heaven and in the embrace of friendship.

Author Anthony Burgess wrote that “Lewis is the ideal persuader for the half-convinced, for the good man who would like to be a Christian but finds his intellect getting in the way.” (*source)

But, not at first.

First, the pain made him a committed and intellectual atheist at age 14. Despite his choice, Lewis still wrestled with what most creators and artists do, spiritually, as his journal from that time reveals:

“If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world.”

Later, Jack would reconcile these longings more throughly with theism. (An acceptance of God as Creator.)

Subsequently, he found Jesus Christ the fitting Savior and Redeemer of the story–which is life and human experience. The Savior myths of ancient times and other cultures he said evidenced that the story of God and Jesus was a “true myth” reflected in meta-truth and narrative intwined into the cultural fabric and story of (nearly) every civilization.

He continued to explore this idea of desire and longing–from which any one with an artistic temprament can take confort:

“In speaking of this desire for our own far off country, which we find in ourselves even now, I feel a certain shyness. I am almost committing an indecency.

 

 

I am trying to rip open the inconsolable secret in each one of you—the secret which hurts so much that you take your revenge on it by calling it names like Nostalgia and Romanticism and Adolescence; the secret also which pierces with such sweetness that when, in very intimate conversation, the mention of it becomes imminent, we grow awkward and affect to laugh at ourselves; the secret we cannot hide and cannot tell, though we desire to do both.

 

 

We cannot tell it because it is a desire for something that has never actually appeared in our experience. We cannot hide it because our experience is constantly suggesting it, and we betray ourselves like lovers at the mention of a name. Our commonest expedient is to call it beauty and behave as if that had settled the matter.

 

Wordsworth’s expedient was to identify it with certain moments in his own past. But all this is a cheat. If Wordsworth had gone back to those moments in the past, he would not have found the thing itself, but only the reminder of it; what he remembered would turn out to be itself a remembering.

 

The books or the music in which we thought the beauty was located will betray us if we trust to them; it was not in them, it only came through them, and what came through them was longing.

 

 

These things—the beauty, the memory of our own past—are good images of what we really desire; but if they are mistaken for the thing itself they turn into dumb idols, breaking the hearts of their worshipers.

 

For they are not the thing itself; they are only the scent of a flower we have not found, the echo of a tune we have not heard, news from a country we have never yet visited.”

 

How beautifully he captures longing!

For Lewis, camaraderie, fellowship, friendship, and love brought light and healing to his heart and his world. Through them he remained grounded and prolific.

Lewis on friendship:

In a circle of true Friends each man is simply what he is: stands for nothing but himself. No one cares twopence about anyone else’s family, profession, class, income, race, or previous history.

 

Of course you will get to know about most of these in the end. But casually. They will come out bit by bit, to furnish an illustration or an analogy, to serve as pegs for an anecdote; never for their own sake. That is the kingliness of Friendship. We meet like sovereign princes of independent states, abroad, on neutral ground, freed from our contexts.

 

This love (essentially) ignores not only our physical bodies but that whole embodiment which consists of our family, job, past and connections. At home, besides being Peter or Jane, we also bear a general character; husband or wife, brother or sister, chief, colleague, or subordinate. Not among our Friends. It is an affair of disentangled, or stripped, minds. Eros will have naked bodies; Friendship naked personalities.

 

Hence (if you will not misunderstand me) the exquisite arbitrariness and irresponsibility of this love. I have no duty to be anyone’s Friend and no man in the world has a duty to be mine. No claims, no shadow of necessity. Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art, like the universe itself… It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which gave value to survival.

On Mindsets: Achievement vs. Contentment?

couplesmileI’m mulling over some things.

I’m beginning to wonder if those of us with a large degree of ambition, or drive, or even longing have a distinct disadvantage…

Are the skills and traits helpful for achievement also a tripwire discharging unabated discontentment?

Achievement, of course, is not negative. Nor is the desire to achieve, in itself…but I wonder about the byproducts. I wonder about the trappings or downsides.

Is the “content person” someone who tends to be less ambitious and is therefore more satisfied at a core level?

Or, could the experience of a more lasting satisfaction also be reached through a pruning process of maturation and holding the two in a difficult, but possible, creative tension?

How do you see it? I’m throwing it out their and hoping for extra insight.

I’ve been thinking about perspective and mindset. The next post will followup with a look into a framework for mitigating or ameliorating the issue. I created a visual to serve as a guide for the next post. You won’t want to miss it.

It, like me, is a work-in-process, not a final solution.

What about you?

Want to weigh in?

• Given that discontentment isn’t necessarily negative: Are you more content or discontent, in general?

• Do you sense that it’s connected with your ability or desire to achieve? (Why or why not?)

Visit soon. It’ll be a treat!

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Thanks for visiting, today! See you soon.

-Lisa

Everything…but connection

chianlink

My friend Kayla visited her parents’ church over her summer break for 10 weeks or so.

They were attending this suburban church with a large attendance each Sunday morning and I thought she’d really enjoy the change. Maybe she would be disappointed to come back to her normal, small-town life.

When I asked her about it, she said, “I should have loved it. The music was amazing; the people friendly. They had lots of youth programs and small groups going, and the pastor chose meaningful things to teach. I should miss it, but I don’t.

This surprised me, so I asked her why she thought this was.

She said something so simple that it gave me a punch of profundity.

“You don’t miss something you don’t feel connected to.”

I started to wonder about the people I’ve lost through death, circumstances, or diverging paths.

Some I missed and some I rarely thought of. Those I did not miss much weren’t really all too different (in general) from the ones I did miss. It didn’t directly reflect the quality of person they were or if we had a lot in common. Like Kayla pointed out, I missed the ones I felt connected with and to. Reflecting on that, the ones that had stronger bonds created more longing or loss in the void of their absence.

That may seem pretty obvious, but the critical gap comes in when we miss why we are connected and what it means to be available and vulnerable on a regular basis with others you can trust. Apart from that, you won’t miss much.

I sense something has been lost in many communities of faith and in many other places because we are so much more amused by our distractions than we are connected in deep ways.

Human connection is never really about measurable stats. We already realize this. It’s about investment in others, sure,

but it’s also about the reciprocity of that investment. It’s always a two-way street.

Some people are wonderful and you invest and hope for a harvest–of some sort–where you both benefit, and you assume they do too, and then it doesn’t happen. The fruition doesn’t manifest or withers on the vine. Maybe the soil was bad, maybe a storm came or drought, or pestilence, maybe something else thwarted success. Sometimes it’s obvious and other times you just sense something is wrong that is hard to make right again. Sometimes you just need to move on and other times, you have to try again in a new season with different seed.

That happens in faith communities and in interpersonal relationships. It happens in business and in extended family life.

If the connection is lacking you won’t be missed. And you won’t miss them. It’s likely that you will feel disappointed about that.

We overlook the idea and process of true connection even as we want it the most.

 

Is there some thing or someone you’d like to feel more connected with?

Oh,
3 more things.

1. I will be posting a “spiritual-themed” topic about once per week. The other times I will concentrate on other ideas depending on what strikes me and will often concentrate on topics related to helping you create and communicate better.

2. I really am excited to see what this year brings and I’m really happy you came today.

3. Check the top right sidebar to get the next post sent to you through Feedburner!

 

Safely Home

If you’re here as a new visitor from the Midday Connection blog, or elsewhere…welcome! I update 3-4 times per week, and some great things are in store. Please poke around and enjoy. If you want to, leave a comment, or use the contact form (lower black tab reading: “contact me”) to connect. I’m really glad you’re here.

For all of my regular readers, thank you for making it a joy to have a blog. I appreciate you.

Today’s Reflection: Safely Home

I’m preparing for a season of preparation. Strange, huh? I’ll explain.

Many Christians across the world observe the “Christian calendar” which begins at Advent, about four weeks before December 25th. (In 2012 it starts December 2.) Advent is a pre-Christmas time marked not buy consumption, decorating, cooking, and the usual things that busy us in the time before Christmas day.

Instead, it’s marked by a time of special spiritual awareness. Themes of waiting, longing, and  anticipation are the focus as we await the coming celebration of Light coming into the darkness: Jesus come to earth as a fragile baby.

But, it’s more then just a spiritual pre-season observance of an event in Christian history, it’s a recognition of a present reality that God has made a way safely home, to him.

The Incarnation is the coming of Immanuel (a Hebrew word meaning: God-with-us). It goes beyond the life, ministry, and death of Jesus of Nazareth as well…to the startling promise of God’s ever-abidding Holy Spirit that resides in us.

This is how God dwells among us, in the core of you and me. We are surrounded by his presence.

You are already home.

With God taking up residence within you, you are the home of God.

(He’s not sitting far off on a bright fancy, throne nestled in a cloud as  Michelangelo would paint it, or as Deists may believe. Remember some Theology 101: God is spirit and has no physical body.)

So, during this season, before the holidays kick into hectic full-swing, be mindful and awed by the Goodness and provision of God. Be aware in your body and mind that house the Spirit of God. A gift of unimaginable worth.

Make ready the manger of your heart for a fresh and rich ongoing awareness of God’s love, grace, and presence that will culminate in the joyful celebration of the arrival of God-in-flesh.

If you would like to continue learning about these seasonal themes and enrich your Autumn and early Winter season, keeping visiting. I’ll focus some of my posts on these themes, sometimes with reflections, scriptures, prayers, and such. This time also (soon) includes the 2nd annual Advent Project which is an effort create a space and format for giving and goodwill in the areas of art and other creative expressions.

So, now, it’s your turn…

What touched you about what you read today?


Do you currently observe a season of Advent each year? If yes, in what ways does it have most meaning for you?

photo source 

Advent Article ~Longing a Precursor to Joy~ Schuylkill-News

 

December issue

 

Here is the link to the FACEBOOK fan page where the Schuylkill-News is available in its entirety online. This page (see Fidler’s Tree Farm pg) features my December installment of Notes from the Footpath, and focuses on Advent and longing as a precursor to joy. 

Also featured are snippets from the Holy Bible Mosaic.

The print addition of Schuylkill News is available free at these locations.