Click for my latest KINDLE books.

Some writing I’ve done elsewhere:

• Featured guest writer at the Moody Radio show Midday Connection‘s blog: “Does Everything Really Happen for a Reason?”

• Featured Writer in the Belonging Series at In-a-Mirror-Dimly contributing a piece called, “Seasons of Belonging“. 

• Promoter and advocate for “Little Free Library” movement, which promotes generosity and literacy on a small but powerful grassroots level.

I wrote the first main Wikipedia article, a related essay for the STORY Conference in Chicago, and at Jeremy Statton’s blog.

• Here’s my article at the BURNSIDE WRITER’S COLLECTIVE on “Blue Notes” (Jazz, God, and the human experience.)

• Here I wrote about a very painful subject I rarely bring up at Caleb Wilde’s blog Confessions of a Funeral Director 

• Here’s a Guest Post I did for Jon Acuff’s Stuff Christians Like blog entitled: “The Popcorn Collision”. (On prayer and Christianity, humor/satire)

• Here’s a Guest Post I did for Ed Cyzewski’s blog on why I REALLY went to Seminary.

2 books to which I’ve contributed. Blah, blah, blah.

(brief comic interlude)

Top 10 Books Christians Didn’t Write

1. Crazy Pug: Overwhelmed by a Relentless Dog -by Francis Chan

2. Jesus Calling and Texting: Enjoying the Piece of His Mind Quite a Bit -by Sarah Young

3. Outlive Your Wife: You Were Meant to Make a Different 2nd Marriage -by Max Lucado

4. Stuff Christians Hike: Christians meet Nature -by Jon Acuff

5. When Vaginas are Ineffable: How My Privates Became Public -by Rachel Held Evans

6. Heaven is for Reel: A Little Boy’s Lucrative Story of a Trip to Hollywood and Back -by Todd Burpo (Not far-fetched. Check this Sony Picture’s article.)

Katy Perry's 2nd fragrance is called Meow.

I submitted the following article as a guest post for Stuff Christians Like over the summer. I haven’t heard from Jon Acuff, so I’m going rogue and posting it here, in an edited form. (I’ve had a humor post there -on prayer- so, no, I’m not crushed or anything.)

Kick back, relax, and have a laugh.

Secretly Wanting to Have a Signature Fragrance

Now, before you say, “This is not really a Christian struggle. I, for one, have never wanted my own fragrance,” just hear me out. Because, before you finish reading this, the thought will take root, and even intrigue you. You’ll see that smells have always mattered somehow to your Christian life. And believe me, you’ll make a kind of internal agreement with yourself to sign a fragrance deal, if the opportunity ever arises.

Let’s face it: smell does matter. No one wants to be the “stinky kid”. Do you remember “the stinky kid”? In childhood, my brother spilled his vat of Drakkar Noir in his bedroom, and ruined that once-delightful fragrance for me…forever. No one hopes for that. So, be assured, no one in their right mind turns down a fragrance contract. You wouldn’t either. Let me explain:

Back when meteoric pop star Katy Perry was just pastor’s kid Katy Hudson belting out gospel songs to Christian audiences, a fragrance deal was an impossibility. But, now? Well, now she’s a big hit. The next obvious professional move is marketing a smell. A signature smell. And she has. Her (first) fragrance is called Purr sells for $45 for 1.7 oz. Her eau de parfum begins with the aroma of peach nectar and forbidden apple, then evolves with a distinct floral bouquet of jasmine blossom, Bulgarian rose and vanilla orchid, and slowly reveals accents of creamy sandalwood and musk. Plus it comes in a purple, cat shaped bottle, complete with rhinestone cat eyes, collar, and heart shaped id tag. Apparently, Katy has gotten some recognition for her naming her cat Kitty Purry; and from the looks of the Purr marketing posters, Katy likes being associated with felines, especially if they have a shinny, form-fitting coat.

But celerities aside…Being associated with a positive scent just seems to make sense with God’s message. As a Christian, you know, at some gut level, that you really should have a godly fragrance about you. Yes. In literal terms. It’s practically an evangelistic tool. Cinnamon for example. Imagine if every Christian, at the very least, smelled like cinnamon. You have to agree that the world would be a better place. Am I right?

So, now you might be thinking, “Hum. Girl, you’re not as crazy as I thought at first…” But, listen. I know this:  If you’re worth your weight in salt as a good Evangelical, you’ll say to me, “But, Lisa, can you prove your point using Scripture?” To that I say, “Check, and….wait for it. Wait. For. It. …Mate.” I say “Check Mate” in Christian love.

You bet I can prove it. God is super cool about us smelling awesome. For instance, in Exodus 30:22-33, God has Moses go into 11 verses about making special perfume to anoint his priests, and all the things of the Tent of Meeting. We’re talking about God’s abode! Plus, after that, they made incense too, as an added touch. Since God doesn’t have a nose, I’m pretty sure that this was something for his people to enjoy. The fragrant oil was made with five sweet and delightful aromas: Liquid myrrh, sweet cinnamon oil, sweet smelling cane, or calamus ; and cassia. I actually bought a sample of this online right after I canceled my order for an old ossuary box (I made that last part up). For the record, prophets and kings got anointed with fragrant oil too. Boom!

Of course, there’s way more Biblical proof. I won’t include the actual wording of King Solomon’s thoughts on scents and sensuality, because it’s rated M for Mature. But, let’s just say the wise king found many smells very, very sexy. His palace and massage parlor probably smelled amazing.

Even though Jesus had a beard, some lady in the village of Bethany gave him this really expensive aftershave cologne called spikenard that they used back in olden Bible times. (Mark 14:3) I’m actually wearing some spikenard right now, because I love the earthy, mossy, dark oriental qualities that seem perfect for any occasion…from feasting to, well, execution.

But, wait, there’s more. Paul specifically instructs Christians, and the church to be a sweet smelling fragrance of Christ in 2 Corinthians 14-17. Yes. Those are his actual words. (He was REALLY ahead of the curve in marketing and public relations…well, sort of.) He also mentions that though we’ll smell like life to some, we will stink like death to those who reject God. This is an obvious downside; and I can imagine Katy Perry’s perfume could have a dead furball smell, in a manner of speaking.

So, really! Why don’t Christians get with it and get their own fragrance lines? Especially celebrity Christians. Rick Warren should have one for sure! I think it would have a breezy sandalwood odor with a light musk and juniper scent about it. Don’t you?

Francis Chan’s scent would be slightly more exotic. I would have woody, amber, and oriental overtones, with hints of mandarin, clove, and a marine finish of Gorse Flowers, obviously.

But, wait. Want about more controversial folks? Would it still work? How about Mark Driscoll? Simple. His would have leathery, resin of Myrrh undertones, Tonka bean, and a hint of grapefruit. A mannish hint, mind you.

I can imagine John Piper as a velvety spearmint, black tea, Oliban Wood, and just a smidgen of nutmeg.

Rob Bell: Lavender, Vetiver, Sage, Cardamom, Iris, Cocoa Bean, Amber, Vetiver, Rosemary, with a hint of German Leather.

I would be remiss if I left out the ladies. Nancy Leigh DeMoss? I’m thinking Jasmine, creamy Amyris Woods, with accents of fruity basil.

Joyce Myers is a trickier one. Probably Gardenia, musk, and pine needles with just an edgy hint of frankincense.

So there you have it: Plenty of reasons to smell fantastic. And God is okay with it.

What would your signature fragrance smell like?
Can you imagine any famous Christians and the scent that would be associated with them? Give it a whirl!

Over-sexualized.

Worship songs? No. Everything.

I’ve been both a victim and a participant in the American cultural norm…Scope out opportunities to rejoin comments with, “That’s what she said.”

(To be sure, the phrase was around long before the TV show “The Office”, but a certain Michael Scott character seemed to usher the phrase into a broad and sweeping cultural vernacular. Am I right?)

So now, it seems thousands of words and phrases are hijacked, and church gatherings are not immune to it either. Or, maybe it’s just me. It can be hilarious, dreadful, or just plain embarrassing. Recently, a few worship songs have sort of had their way with me on this, so to speak.

"Bride of Christ" by Marion Coltman (I thought it was entitled: "Jesus, keep your hands where we can see 'em") ...and it's all just a bit too much for me.

I didn’t want to think it at the time, but the Casting Crowns song “Your Love is Extravagant” sounded just a little too much like a “friends with benefits” song. Golly, all you have to do is take the “t” off Christ, and you have a fine mess (in my head):

Your Love is Extravagant

Your love is extravagant
Your friendship, it is intimate
I feel like moving to the rhythm of Your grace
Your fragrance is intoxicating in our secret place
Your love is extravagant

Spread wide in the arms of Christ is the love that covers sin
No greater love have I ever known You considered me a friend
Capture my heart again

Spread wide in the arms of Christ is the love that covers sin
No greater love have I ever known; You considered me a friend

Capture my heart again
Your love is extravagant
Your friendship, it is intimate

Don’t get me wrong, Casting Crowns does so many great worship songs I really enjoy. This may be one your favorites, which is fine. I hope it creates a worshipful experience for you, and for everyone, but I get derailed.

Basically, if a worship song talks about touching, my mind wanders. Such as Kari Jobe song:

I wanna sit at your feet.

Drink from the cup in your hand.

Lay back against you and breathe, here your heart beat

This love is so deep, it’s more than I can stand.

I melt in your peace, it’s overwhelming.

In his blog, Jon Acuff posted recently: How to make an entire audience deaf. It’s a funny and accurate article about how words can ruin an audience’s concentration. So many comments from readers that followed were of amusing and uproarious stories of double entendre and language malfunctions.

The fact is love is risky. God is risky…Obviously risky and risqué has sort of been a fine line in songwriting. But, to be honest, I realize that love can often feel awkward as it gets emotionally deeper. When it starts to change and effect us–and affect us. The awkwardness is part of the path to greater spiritual maturity. (In this case, I’ll let you know for sure when I get there.)

Admittedly, the psalms that King David wrote got quite amatory, and for some it feels embarrassing. I can handle David getting up close and personal with God. I’m fine with Song of Solomon’s sexy talk, and David’s passionate poem songs, but maybe in singing those things corporately, we confront those issues of intimacy differently than we do in our times of personal devotions, songs, or prayers. What do you think about it?

I think the challenge, for me, is a renewing of my mind a bit more, and praying for better ears to hear. Thank you for your patience with me, Lord.

Lastly, for all you songwriters out there, if you’re writing something sweet to sing for Jesus, please–for me–don’t put the words “intimate,” “secret place,” and “rhythm” too close together. (It can be a “worship hijack” for some of us, okay, for me.)

When was the last time you felt embarrassed/awkward at the worst time?

“Whisper My Blog on the Interwebs, boys…” I think this.

What better way to get a blog following, right? Well…

The obvious biblical analogy here would be the sick woman who knew if she would just touch the hem of Jesus’ robe, she would be healed. Will my blog be healed….Hum…okay, I won’t go there.

Well, in blogging terms, that “proverbial hem” (or Medias Touch, if you prefer) is without a doubt, a shout out from the web Kahunas, like Tim Ferriss or Jon Acuff. Okay, you know what…not even a “shout out”. It’s more likely that a mere tweet-in-passing would act like a combo pack of a vitamin B12 shot, an IV of Red Bull, plus a bag of crack…to your blog….you know…in blogging terms.

Have you ever hoped for a plug from someone trusted…or a mention from someone at least, sort of, kind of, famous? Or infamous, even…. Snookie…call me.

“Hello there, Rubber, meet my friend Road”:
The reality is while a tweet vouch might spike up your hits, it’s really only great content and consistency that will keep readers (and even friends) coming back for more, the next day, or sometime soon. There aren’t awesome shortcuts for doing a great job.

It’s the hard work Tim and Jon invested that made them achieve Web Chieftain status. (A status that I just made up, but is indeed “very important”…indicating almost boundless prowess.)

Yes, they’ve been clever; and yes they’ve benefitted from good timing, loyalty, and following their adroit instincts. But, getting to the blogging big leagues wasn’t simple or easy. They are but two examples.

Really, Lisa, says who, you?
How do I know, since I’m not in their league…AT ALL… you ask? Gosh, that’s sort of pointed, putting it that way…but it’s a cogent point.

On a smaller scale, I’ve done it too. I’ve blogged consistently for years. I put in at least 1-2 hours a day (and plenty of times more) in investments of time in promotion and activity in social media, in writing, reading, research, and other super spy stuff from the confines of my lair…um…home office….area…er…okay, the couch. My blog crashed twice, completely, over a 10 day period last month. I went to ZERO visits per day, for a total of 4 days. Ouch! Now, not even 14 days later I recovered to 200 visits per day, and I expect that should improve. It’s just nose + grindstone.

But, it’s even simpler than that. If you read their stuff, Tim and Jon mention this. Themselves. They mention the dedication, the striving, and even the failures on the way.  They try different things, and they don’t give up. It’s not magic after all.

Here’s some Do’s and Don’ts so you can blog better:

DO’S
1. Do use [relevant] visuals or video in your blog. Think of a blog this way: It communicates like the telephone, but still needs the visual injection like tv.

1. Do credit other people when your ideas are derivative of theirs. (This way everyone wins.) A link and a mention is appropriate, and appreciated.

2. Do blog consistently.

3. Do have a niche, but don’t be afraid to branch out to keep things fresh too. (I’m not sure if you’re like me, but I’ve read enough “My Random Thoughts” blogs to last me 22 dog lifetimes. Yawn.)

4. Do offer something. If your blog is more like a dairy, and you aren’t a household name, don’t expect to have high visitor traffic. Probably ever.

Remember that essentially your readers are “selfish” and “don’t care about you” so you have to bring something enjoyable to them, or interesting. Or just incorporate some of these emotions: love, shock, anger/outrage, “tears”/loss, joy, excitement, and so forth, to make it worth reading.

Present company excluded…of course? …Very funny. Let’s be serious, you, too, will stop reading this if you get bored, or it isn’t really helping you, somehow. However, if not, I love you.  (And I wish I was you.) But, now I digress.

DON’TS

1. Don’t expect people to think your life is interesting. If it really was, you wouldn’t have that much time to blog. (Don’t act all surprised that I mentioned this. Other people realize this too, they just don’t say it right to your face.)

2. Don’t express jealousy. Instead, refine it into admiration.

I see this in bloggers a bit too much, and it’s weird. What’s jealousy in blogging, exactly? Well, it seem like jealousy when you write, and you have a beef with somebody. Maybe it’ll be passive-aggressive, or good old fashion: aggressive-agreesive. Nevertheless, it reads as petty, even icky. Look for the positive if you’re speaking of another writer or personality. Unless, of course, you’re being quite clever or satirical, then have at it.  Ooo, except if you’re no good at that, then never mind…just be nice, if possible.  

3. Don’t Whine.

4. Don’t have long posts much. Keep a healthy amount to under 400-500 words.

5. Don’t post something just because you think “it’s time”. The content quality dives when you do this. It’s a silent killer that last year alone murdered 850 thousand blogs. Okay I might have made that last part up.

Tips to help with #5: a. When you get a stream of ideas, write them all down. Anticipate that you will have dry periods of creativity. It can be feast or famine, so plan ahead. b. Split your ideas into a series of shorter posts. c. Invite guest post writers to contribute. d. Make lists, like “My funniest posts,” or “Most controversial posts” or “Most popular posts” (An admitted Jon Acuff “favorite”…or whatever… is the “list post”.) Obviously you have to be doing this for a while to have an arsenal to pick from.

5. Don’t grovel for endorsements.
(Included here are asking for retweets of your posts links, begging for plugs,  being gimmicky, or the cardinal sin in social media: sending a DM for a RT. More on that from Chris Brogan here.)

Oh, hey! If you don’t know what I’m talking about with this terminology, you might want to ramp up your social media IQ, and read up on these terms to help your blogging efforts. It’s not that it’s all “cool,” it’s simply necessary. Here’s a spot, for a quick and dirty rundown of indispensable terms.

The fact is, if I ask you to RT (retweet) or to stick me on your blogroll; If I ask you to link up with an article, or to please put in a shout out, gosh…. it just oozes neediness. Un-Attractive. (Yes, I’ve done it…but I am so ashamed, now that I know better.) See, I have to earn this stuff. This comes the hard way, and through its own merits. I need to do the best I can. I will be rewarded in due time (same goes for you).

Whether you blog, or just read blogs—What makes a good blog?

Oh, one more thing….
I DO whisper names. If you leave your blog link, before the end of October, I’ll check it out thoroughly. Then you could get a personal plug. I plan to feature 5 favorite blogs in an upcoming post, maybe one will be yours. Give me until November to check them out, and report!

Here’s a collection of posts you may have missed that are worth a read, a second look, or passing glance:

1. On Speaking About Gender:  (A “how to”…in church this has gotten to be a sticky subject.)

2. And this too: (The poster that made me want to be a guy)

3. On Understanding the Bible: (Things you’ll get wrong when you study or read the Bible)

4. Most likely to surprise Evangelicals: Why the Rapture is garbage Doctrine.

5. On modern day Baal Worship: (Does Tech = Baal? Find out.)

6. 5 Mistakes you can make when you’re thinking about ditching your church: 

7. 7 Reasons Why (Christians) Aren’t Ready for Heaven.

8. Faith and Fleecing God: (Some surprising stuff about Gideon)

9. Post with the most puns referring to the word “sharp“. (Called Like Jael, I got you so Pegged) Remember the underdog, tent peg through the head story? Tough sledding for Sunday school teachers, but enough gore to keep the adults happy or guessing. Guessing what? Exactly.

10. Taste the Sensation: The Holy Spirit is (apparently) quite a bit like a York Peppermint Pattie: This self-test will give you the scoop. (humor) I should mention that the most popular humorous self-test on this site is here: Can Your Soul Fit into a Mailbox? Find Out Fast.

11. 7 Reasons Why My Blog Will Make you Cry Less than Jon Acuff’s (humor) blog. 

12. Funniest 18 seconds of video I ever shot:

I probably did a bad job with this…so maybe you can help me. What posts have you liked? You can “nominate” posts for “best of”. Think back, or Do a search, pick your favorites, and share them in the comments section. Thank you for reading.

What to promote your own favorite blog post? Leave a link.

Taking an interlude away from my theology of disability post series, today.

As soon as I saw this awesome poster, I wished I was a guy for about 2 seconds. It’s so goofy and cool at the same time.

click for video

There’s probably a good reason why there are no females on this poster. And, no I’m not going to say because Evangelical Christianity is basically a boys club with bonus points for popularity. It’s probably because for some reason we can somehow respect a goofy guy, and still take what he says seriously.

Is there a double standard? Take Tina Fey. She’s obviously brilliant, and she’s also cute, and incredibly funny. But, what if she cranked it up a notch, and started a devotional series, or starting sharing her suggestions on worship music, or maybe exegeting Romans 12. Would her street cred take a dive? Would everyone just start scratching their heads? Maybe that’s a bad example.

Let me try it the other way. What if Beth Moore did a poster spoofing Carol Burnett? Would this help women rely on her more thoroughly while getting out of their pits, or becoming more secure?

What is it about leadership or ministry and gender roles? I’m puzzled.

I may have to test it out personally. A Zena Warrior Princess outfit may in my future.

Carol Burnett

Leslie Bibb, the actress from Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby, and Iron Man and Iron Man 2, is set to star in a proposed pilot called Good Christian Witches (okay, no, you have to switch the “w” with a “b”.) Lots of scuttlebutt is starting over the name, of course. And the theme is greatly disturbing some folks…and well even, you guessed it, Christians.  (Full article here)

Here’s the article excerpt that stands out the most to me: “ABC’s core viewership is Christian, so the goal of the show won’t be to attack Christianity. Just like the book [of the same name], this is a show by Christians, for (mostly) Christians, to enjoy a little prime-time self-deprecation,” Los Angeles-based entertainment expert, Jenn Hoffman said.

UM. What? Really? Isn’t this played out yet? What other religious group gets picked on more? What group creates and absorbs more deprecation than Christianity? Matthew Paul Turner, of Jesus Needs New PR, the Christian Nightmares guy, Jon Acuff–God bless him–have all made their fame and/or fortune from this sort of thing–for years now. Plus there are plenty more.

Help me think of others… OH! Stuff Fundies Like is another..hum… what else? I visit all these sites regularly, and really enjoy them.

Is this Hilarious Self-deprecation Tack [HSDT] something we need more of from Hollywood, prime time television, or anybody else? Will people never tire of HSDT? It could just be me, but I’m having some self-deprecation fatigue. We’ve self-deprecated the hell out of ourselves already. It’s a rather cheap commodity now. Maybe it’s time to let off the throttle a little, and find a greater calling, a bit? You know like old fashion devoted hearts and lives? … helping the Kingdom of God break into our world through the outpouring of goodness and love? I’m not saying stamp it out; just mix it up some.

Non Christians will always make fun of Christianity. We need not ever worry we will lack in this department. I think, we can point out issues using humor and loving kindness to improve ourselves. It seem, though, that nothing can be cherished thoroughly, culturally speaking. Anything and everything is up for a tar and feathering…ad nausea , and unchecked, it creates a terminal dysfunction of cynicism.

So-Yes! We truly are imperfect people. YES. Message received.

AND hey, please remember! I don’t mind ironic, or pseudo-ironic tales of Christianity run amuck for entertainment or thoughtful repose. I rather enjoy it. I laugh at sacred cows. Hahaha!

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? I even laugh at the people laughing at sacred cows, who subtly become sacrosanct and bovine in nature themselves. There, I said it. Now, prove my point and call me a “Jesus Juker”. Do. it.

His Lambs?

I transcend the Jesus Juke, dude. I don’t think Christians, or any group should take themselves all that seriously. And I can’t understand getting sidetracked for silly things. Literally silly things, (like you see above). I love that stuff.

But, now could be time we get frank…
Doesn’t this seem like this sort of HSDT speciality is hoisted onto Christians and spared from other groups? Would there ever be a show called “Good Muslim Witches”? or “Bad Ass Buddha Good Girls”?  No way. That would be nasty, and in very poor taste, and no one would stand for it…unless it was the Jewish people…

Right. But, this probably supports my point, rather than takes away from it.

Have we self-deprecated the devil out of ourselves? Do we need to get our equilibrium back some?

Tell me what you think:
Jesus, would want you to…Maybe one of the two Jesus’ you see below.
(thanks for reading)

"I feel you bro. Right in my sacred heart."

Jesus has my hose

Some of us don’t fast. Some of us fast for the wrong reason. This is the first of a few posts on FASTING. Bring your thoughts to the table, and stick with us until the end. I promise, you’ll see Fasting in a new light.

Here are 5 Poor Reasons to Fast, and the “inner monologue” that may follow one’s rationale. Can you see yourself or someone you know in the following?

1. To lose weight.

(inner monologue) Oh, if I could only lose these last 8 pounds. I know, I’ll kill two birds with stone, and fast. It’ll be like a diet, only it’ll make God happy, and me feel better about myself at the same time.

2. Because other people are fasting.

(inner monologue) I’m going to look like such an pathetic loser if I don’t join in this fast with my group. There’s going to be an awkward silence if or when I don’t have something to say amazing to say about my fast.

3. To prove something to yourself.

(inner monologue) It’s just time for a change. I’m ready for God to do something BIG. Really Big. There’s nothing like fasting to give God the signal that I’m ready to follow his lead. This time I’ll try for 5 days.

4. To attract positive attention.

(inner monologue) I like to tell my friends when I fast…to keep me accountable. But it makes me feel encouraged to just tell them about it, I must admit. Hopefully, it encourages them.

5. To feel more spiritual.

(inner monologue) Sometimes when I’m going through a dry period spiritually, I like to crank it up a notch, and give food the boot for a while. I want it to sort of give me a boost, and start a fire for God in my heart.

Have you ever thought any of these things? What has been your inner monologue, or dubious reasons you’ve heard for fasting?

I’ll be address each one of these, and your comments, in the next post.
Can you think of a bad reason to fast?

TO BE CONTINUED…
So-Don’t miss the important conclusions on this topic in the upcoming post. Sign up to get an update notice as soon as it’s posted.

Piece of fruitcake, 14 lbs.

Tonight is the Eve of Christmas Eve. Some have referred to this night as Christmas Adam…because Adam came before Eve. It’s all very Biblical, like Christmas itself, when Jesus came down a chimney, and was born under a tree, and then wrapped in swaddling gift wrappings.

I have usually rejected the moniker “Christmas Adam” because it takes away from Santa Clause. This is a tough night for Santa, with all the dry runs they have to do in the North Pole, and the elf toymaker’s threat of strike casting an unseemly shadow on this year’s holiday Super Bowl of Arctic events. It’s one of the best reasons compassion should be at the fore in our minds.

Christmas Adam is not so much a day of cheer. It’s a day of cuss words, traffic, last minute panic buying, and feeling like a dope for forgetting any number of basic merriment preparations.

And- Christmas Adam allows us reflection for one more important holiday theme. Don’t Eat the Fruit…cake.

I buy it twice almost every December, because a genetic mutation passed from my mother-in-law to my husband, allows them both to delight in the stuff. 28lbs later, my shopping is complete… if I remember to include the stuff.

Are you a fan of the holiday Cake of Candied Fruit? (Is it REALLY fruit anymore?) To me it seems like eating cement bread laced with misshaped jelly beans. Bleck!

I know one thing, it’s not Jesus’s favorite birthday cake. And calling it FRUITcake of the Spirit won’t help your cause either. (You can’t even get candles into it!)

Happy Christmas and Best Wishes for the New Year!

Wacky Wednesday is the alternative to Jon Acuff’s Serious Wednesday. It’s meant to be the opposite of Jon’s SCL posts, because some of us need that humor boost, midweek.

I don’t know the story here. There is a distinct possibility that this man, in a deparate attempt to get his monring brew, threw on his sister’s clothes and made a mad dash to Starbucks. Maybe the long line did him in. I don’t see anybody helping him, but I think he needs a caffeine IV drip. Stat!

What’s your take? What happened just before this photo was taken?
Give us a good caption for this scene.

HAVE A GREAT WEDNESDAY.

What happened? Give this a CAPTION!

Need one more humor boost? Warning for parents. This one is PG 13, but imagine getting your teen this for Christmas, and forcing them to wear it to school? (What were they thinking?) ahhhhh!

X-<

I’ve known Jon Acuff for few years now. We have had the same agent. And he even gave me an invitation to write on his blog. (Here’s the post). See, I was a fan of Stuff Christians Like long before Jon wrote his first book, called, well, not surprisingly: Stuff Christian Like. (Now, he has a HQ website for all things Acuff.) And I was reading his funnies, even long before he was selling ads to….what?! NBC… my goodness. And let’s not forget all those fox and CNN appearances. Before those. Oh! and even way back (sort of ) when he was using his …um…decoy name, or something, “Jon Christopher”… seemingly to throw weaker fans, or readers, off his scent (to no avail, of course!). Anyone remember that?

So, I can’t rival Jon’s awesomeness, or his blog of epic fame and legend. (Jon gets more comments to his blog post in two minutes than I get in visitors all week.) However, I enjoy the ironical, and so might you.

7 Reasons Why my Blog will make you cry LESS than Jon Acuff’s (humor) blog

1. Unlike Jon, I only rarely talk about orphans. Heck, for ages, “an orphan” was a thing that happens in typography, where a word unsuspecting word is just left by its lonesome at the end of a paragraph. Poor thing. Bad, graphic designer. Bad!

Right now, I’m tearing up just thinking about a person (specifically Jon) writing about orphans (the human kind). So, there you go. You need more proof, then click to read his orphan article here. Orphans break out the water works like nothing else can. The only thing worse for your tissue stockpile is an orphan with cancer. That cute bald head. The sweet bloated little belly. Horrible stuff. I’m changing the subject. ugh.

2. Jon can make plenty of us cry, sometimes by just being a tad more serious, on Serious Wednesdays. That’s skill folks. I’ll never do that to you. It just not in me. (I mean I don’t haz the skillz) For future notice, I happen to be sillier on Wednesday than Jon is, thereby making my ability to incite tears pale by comparison. So, in case you’re keeping track, that would be proof # 2.

3. Jon writes touching things about his kids, that are profound and can make your eyes as moist and irritated as rubbing a hot chili pepper on your iris. Go ahead get a chili pepper and see for yourself.

4. Jon raises money for orphans. So, you know, it’s not talk. It’s action. And needless to say, it’s frickin’ orphans, dude. If that’s not so sweet to be tear jerking, than you must be the Tin Man–pre-Emerald City–my friend.

5. When Jon cries, we cry. More proof here. Don’t miss the comments section. About 400 people admit to crying. I’m not joking. It’s Unbelievable. See, I never cried in an airport except when I’ve been with a TSA worker. You just won’t find a story like that here.

6. Jon loves his wife, and it shows. Witness this. Honestly, where the heck are my tissues, the ones with aloe? (I don’t know if people even know if I’m married-which I am. There I said it. Gosh.)

7. Jon is generous. He’s always helping out struggling writers, ahem, and plenty of other people. Plenty. It’s almost too good to be true. (I have NEVER given huge bundles of hard cash at a bookstore, or iPads, or iPod shuffles, or really any Apple products at all. I’m so lame, but unfortunately not lame enough to stir your tears of pity.)

Have I made my case?

P.S.
If you are a blogger that offers fewer crying opportunities than Jon does, and you’d like some more blog traffic, share your blog link in the comments section, and we’ll stop by.

Since November (yes, last month) I’ve started balancing Jon Acuff’s “Serious Wednesday” posts with a Wacky Wednesday alternative. It’s especially written for those who need a smidgen more zany in their lives on Wednesday, because of the vacuum left by Jon’s only mildly humorous Wednesday posts.

This post is about LeRoy (LEE-roy) James, my friends pugnacious pug.

LeRoy the Pug

12 Things about LeRoy

This is sort of like the 12 Days of Christmas, except with a Pug, and it’s not Christmasy.

1. LeRoy is HIGHLY motivated by food. He’s learned all kind of tricks by being tricked. (But he hates potato related products.)

2. He owns a purple snuggie, and doesn’t seem feminine when he dons it.

3. Other names for LeRoy are: L-Train, Lee Lee, Baby LeLory, Grump, son of a **tch, and a few names that can’t be mentioned here.

4. He has a pumpkin Halloween costume (next year he’s going to be an ice cream cone), and a reindeer outfit for Christmas.

5. He makes everyone feel special. So, you get the sense the he loves you the most.

6. He doesn’t mind eating his own poop. Yes, in most ways it’s regrettable, but yet a highly Green lifestyle (recycling).

7. He loves vegetables as much as meat.

8. He’s muscular and has great cardio.

9. He watches tv, and his favorite movie is Toy Story 3. (He brought his own stuffed toy out to watch it.)

10. In the morning, he doesn’t spring from his kennel. He gets up when he’s good and ready.

11. He gets acne.

12. He snores like a buzz saw.

Have you ever known a pug? What are your feelings about them?

Hi. Welcome.
If you’re here to get your Wednesday funny fix, because Jon Acuff is serious on Wednesdays, thank you for stopping by. Everybody else, I think you’re pretty great too.

hint. I’m now plugging shame-free for this entire paragraph. If you click the Alluring Button (on the top left) you won’t miss anything funny on Wednesday–when you need it most. No funny from Jon on Wednesdays threw me into early onset seasonal depression this year. You too? I feel your pain. So, these Wednesday posts are really just my way to survive. Enjoy.

EXHIBIT A: The Faith Tones.
Bad girls of 1960s Christian Music. Y or N? You decide.

Singing hairdressers for Jesus?

10 Things I LOVE about this album cover:

1. Big 60s hair. The higher the groovier, baby!

2. Healthy (I guess) round faces, like the Campbell’s Soup Kids.

3. Prophetic sense of bowling shirt fashion (as seen below with Lavern and Shirley). (Also could be hairdressing attire. Your guess?).

Lavern and Shirley, behind the times in fashion, compared with the Faith Tones

4. Subtle use of colorful, patterned or floral fashion, 60s hip blouses (under the matching uniform shirt) that says to the cool kids, “We know how to have fun…the way Jesus wants us to.”

5. Good vintage example of how you could be a Christian singer and still have crooked or subpar teeth. (Seriously. I defy you to spot a Christian album cover with an unattractive or crooked-toothed girl on it now, or for the last 20 years.)

6. Almost daring use of the album title, “Jesus Use Me,” and maybe just a hint of double entendré to spice it up for the Christian male audience. The 1960s were a time of sexual experimentation. Not so much in the Christian sphere, but a “clever” or edgy title couldn’t hurt sales. (Remember Stryper, “To Hell with the Devil”?) What do you think, was it purposeful, or just piety shinning through?

7. Girls use high tech (for the time) Stereo enhancement for our listening pleasure. Rock it, out, ladies.

8. The middle girl looks like she knows how to party. Whoot.

9. A vintage reminder that Aqua Net (not flower children) is what held the 1960s together.

BEEHIVE IT, BABY!

10. This shows us that 50 years ago, much like today, music ministry tries too hard, but–sometimes–in a lovable sort of way.

Do you dig this photo?
ANYBODY have audio sample of the faith tones? Please, please, hook me up!
I’d like to hear them.
Golly, I sense some boss three-part harmony a-comin’!

Rachel Evans is calling for a response to Marck Driscoll’s recent bullying of effeminate men, here: But I have to mention….doesn’t this sound a lot like an episode of GLEE?

Does this gay bully look like Mark Driscoll?

"macho man: Mark Driscoll" Wait! Is that a flattering blouse?

Mark Driscoll is gay? Don’t kill the messenger…I didn’t come up with this.

You can find a pretty solid case HERE, compiled from his friend Don Miller, who–years ago–coined him, “the cussing pastor” in his best-selling book Blue Like Jazz. (When I say “case”…I mean Donald seems to refer to Driscoll, in with some detail, right along with [other] male leaders associated with…well, gay scandals. Maybe it’s a connect-the-dots thing.)

Another person to recently point out Mark’s hyper (and perhaps suspicious) masculinity, is Brett McCracken, within the pages of his new book Hipster Christianity, (pages 103-105.)

• “There is a strong drift toward the hard theological left. Some emergent types [want] to recast Jesus as a limp-wrist hippie in a dress with a lot of product in His hair, who drank decaf and made pithy Zen statements about life while shopping for the perfect pair of shoes. In Revelation, Jesus is a prize fighter with a tattoo down His leg, a sword in His hand and the commitment to make someone bleed. That is a guy I can worship. I cannot worship the hippie, diaper, halo Christ because I cannot worship a guy I can beat up.” -Mark Driscoll ^[4]
  (There’s a common theme of guy-on-guy fights/violence with Driscoll. You may remember he showed, the hot and sweaty brawl movie “Fight Club” as an official church event. Hum.)

Is Mark Driscoll's Jesus Tough and Buff?

Mark, if you’re reading this, you can stop over-doing it to throw us off track. Don and I both realize you’ve painted yourself into a corner, Mark. The gig is up, dude.

(A bit like gay twins?) Driscoll and Gay WWF wrestler "Giant Gonzales" (Both picts are just so creepy. Sorry about that.)

Nevertheless. IF Driscoll was gay, we would love him anyway. Right, everyone? Right?

There’s a punchline in here somewhere. Can you spot it?

Is Mark Driscoll too overtly macho, and (like recent pastors caught in self-created sexual hypocrisy -Eddie Long and Ted Haggard), too anti-gay to be straight? (This is where you start to realize how silly the whole topic is.)

Disclaimer:
Am I joking about Driscoll? Sure. Of course. I’m a humorist. (I’m upfront about that here at the blog.) And despite loads of circumstantial evidence, and the writing stylings of Don Miller, Mark’s certain proclivity could remain a mystery, much like Theodicy, or atonement theories. This is all probably just a loooong series of coincidences. No biggie. If Mark is gay, or tempted with homosexual thoughts or feelings, I’m sure we could trust that he’d just open up and tell us–straight out. Or, maybe, like his marriage book, he’ll hold out on telling us that he’s had some trouble until he writes a book on the topic. 

Cue the “It’s Raining Men” ditty.

:)

Here is the much-anticipated interview with Brett McCracken, author of Hipster Christianity: When Church and Cool Collide. Thank you, Brett! This was fun.

Brett's face in the City

5 Questions for
Brett McCracken

1. Does the hipster Christian phenomenon pivot on the “Be in the world, but not of the World” Scriptural directive?

2. If you could communicate one thing to your readers that they would remember forever (and in so doing, change them forever), what would it be?

3. Every writer has “haters”, what do yours complain about? (Mine complain about nipples, but that’s a rather long story, and this interview is about YOU.)

4. To you, is “cool” more of a state of mind than anything? Why or why not?

5. Have you ever considered offering McDonalds a signature menu item? (For instance, like the McCracken Sandwich: 8 crispy strips of bacon, melted sharp cheddar cheese, and sweet horseradish sauce on crispy, lightly toasted Sourdough bread pocket.) [Seriously, that whole thing came to me in one package like that. It must be a God thing.] If you have not, this could plague your mind, and I’m sorry about that. I too am feeling hungry.

For a signed copy (For beginners, that means eXtra cool) of Brett McCracken’s book, Hipster Christianity: When Church and Cool Collide. You can link over, and leave YOUR comment. YOU might be the lucky winner.

Post here and share any questions, thoughts, comments, etc.

Thanks for reading.

Um. Brett, Justin Bieber called, and he wants his hair back.

photo: Brett McCracken

I’ve finished with McCracken’s book and now it’s time for my “review” (which is an official sounding way of saying, I’ll be sharing my take on the thing.)

PLEASE NOTE:

You may (or may not) have read my previous post in which I set up a giveaway for a signed copy of Brett McCracken’s book, Hipster Christianity: When Church and Cool Collide. You can link over, and give it  a try: Maybe you’ll be the lucky winner.

BOOK REVIEW:

My Rating: 4.45 of 5 stars

(For Liger fans, this apparently translates to 94.5% approval score. [High])

[Within text HC= "Hipster Christianity"]

One sentence assessment (“Tweet Review” version):

Author, McCracken may end our present era of “cool Christianity” single-handedly.

Summary:

McCracken does much to observe and detail the Christian (cultural, or rather sub-cultural) landscape. This book serves as a mirror for Christians so they may assess whether their “image” (whether they may be primping it consciously, or accidentally) helps or hurts the greater cause of Christ. For a certain percentage of readers, (perhaps from rural, or smaller congregations), this book will seems other-worldly and depicting that which appears to be on the fringes of Christian culture. But for many semi-rural, suburban, and urban church folk, between the ages of 21-50, McCracken’s depictions will seem, at first, like standing in front of an embarrassing Fun House mirror. Then, it will give you the reasons and how-tos to do better.

HC exposes the self-referential, pop-culture influenced realm of many Christian leaders, and laity. His 12 descriptions of hipsters varieties can make you both laugh and cry.

[Think: über irony to the point of deprecation. Sometimes funny "haha", and sometimes funny in horrible, cringe way.]

Mental vignette: (While reading it I pictured Tony Jones reading it also and saying the F-bomb 18 times, followed by, “I’m RUINED!” near a group of pre-school children, or a Social Media Bootcamp (consisting 4 over-protective parents, 3 folks over age 81, and 17 recently ex-Amish); and then–with added and great displeasure–spilling his Ristretto Venti with soy, and a hint of nutmeg on his stylish skinny jeans.)

General Style of the book:

Adjectives: Informative, funny/clever, intellectual, helpful, jargon-heavy (not always in a helpful way), thorough (both in historic overview and cultural contextual), hyper saturated with cultural references and information, well-intentioned (constructive) and non-cynical (a nice surprise!).

Will Most Likely be enjoyed by:

18-50 year olds (anywhere on a spectrum of Mildly Stylish thru and including Tragically Hip & Techno Savvy) who will no doubt find themselves pictured in the descriptions, much to their [combined] amusement and chagrin.

Could be improved by:

Realizing many of the 12 varieties of hipsters, who are the likely target audience, won’t have the attention span to read the whole thing.

Recommendation 1: Tweet a version of the book, in a series.

Recommendation 2: Write a “translation” for non-hipsters. Possibly include an emerald green decoder ring.

One surprising find:

Mark Driscoll is practically pigeon-holed as a semi-pervert, “frat-boy testosterone” laden, misogynist who’s hanging on to his election by some sort of  tiny, irresistible thread, but doing well at really just not getting it.

(Which makes it all so HiLarIOuS!)

It may be that I’m too cynical, but my unsolicited guess for his strange hyper-masculinity syndrome involves the preventative tactic that goes something like: “I’m so very manly, so please, don’t think I’m gay..because, of course, that would be extremely ridiculous, and, duh, of course, I’m total %110 NOT even a smidgen gay, or even homosexual, nor do I like to gaze at really burly men who workout in tight clothing, who drive even guys crazy…so we hope our scantily clad wife at home can ease that sort of burden after for me, I mean, other hot looking guys, who are NOT like me, when we, er…they work out.” Not that any of us have witnessed this, from pro-wrestlers, or firefighters, or policemen, or interior decorators, or hairdressers, or rodeo cowboys, or anything. [For that brand of insecure men, maybe it only takes 1 weird or ambiguous camping trip experience, or communal shower situation, to instigate this sort of overcompensation...Right, guys?]

But,  hey, what do I know?

Did I find out I that was a hipster?

Yes, a bit more than I liked, but not as much as I feared.

Publishers Weekly said:

Being hip is about valuing independence, freedom, and reinvention. But when evangelical Christian culture adopts hip’s rebellious nature, what happens to the message of the institutional church? In his book debut, magazine editor McCracken steps outside of his own hip subculture to question whether the quest to be hip is “turning Christianity into a shape-shifting chameleon with ever-diminishing ecclesiological confidence and cultural legitimacy.” This critical analysis reads like a sociological study aimed at evaluating a demographic segment of churchgoers. From the Jesus People of the 1960s to the Missional Church movement of today, McCracken demonstrates how hip came to collide with the values of the church. By bowing to trends in order to reach youth, Christianity may be sacrificing content and authenticity. McCracken’s analysis isn’t wholly scientific and unbiased; with lists like the “12 common types of hipsters” and an appreciation of pop culture, he may unintentionally fuel the very subculture he’s attempting to question. Yet his “gut check” offers a much needed perspective that will make Christian leaders question the direction of their postmodern undertakings. McCracken successfully sets the stage for an important debate.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

(link to amazon)

Faux-hipster summary:

It’s not lame. It’s cool. You may feel like you’re a dork after he exposes you for your hipster ways–SNAP. But yet, HC transcends cool, and that’s really what we all should want, dude.

Potential ramifications:

By reading it you may realize it’s the Unforgivable sin if one is labeled a hipster. That will be the “end of cool” as you’ve known it. Also it’s possible the multiverse could implode; or a black hole could suddenly suck in every Whole Foods before one can blow a clove-scented smoke ring. (BUT-If you’re gutsy you’ll take your chances anyway.)

If you’ve read the book, share your thoughts.

If you haven’t, ask your questions.

COMING SOON:

You’ll hear from Brett McCracken himself. He’ll be answering my (oh, so exclusive) questions, and you can leave questions for him to respond to.

I knew I wanted to read Brett McCracken’s book Hipster Christianity: When Church and Cool Collide, and I’m quite glad (Hipsters read: “Stoked”) he sent me a copy, and 1 signed copy my way to give out to a fortunate soul.

The book is much better than I thought it would be, and I already figured I would enjoy it. I’m currently authoring a write-up about it as I finish it. That will be put up soon, as a new post.

And SOON (within 4-9 days), I’ll post the interview now underway with Hipster Christianity author, Brett McCracken.

What a free, signed, copy?

Then, post something about the topic of trendy Christianity,

OR answer: “Is it hip to be square? And what does that even mean?” OR “Nominate someone who has the best Justin Bieber-esque coiffure (hairstyle).”

GOOD LUCK! (You are ALL winners to me!)

Being Crucified with Christ has never been so Sweet!

Yes, this is “Something Christians Like” in Jon Acuff style… you can’t make stuff like this up.
Besides the Lamb cake, (Lamb of God or maybe spring lamb… the jury is still out. See previous post.) my sis also brought over a Crucifix Pastry. She said a local Catholic-owned bakery in Mt. Lebanon (PA) makes super, delicious products, including religious themed items.

(To be honest, I found it a bit dry. This was remedied by dunking it in good coffee, and soothing myself with chocolate.)

I can’t help but wonder, if Jesus Christ had died by stoning, would it have looked like a pile of stones? Or, if the electric chair had been around…. oh never mind.

What do you think about religious baked goods?
1. No way-Not for me!
2. Not sure.
3. Delicious!
4. Other ___________ (explain)

This “toy” begs a few questions:

Batteries and Holy Spirit included?

Will he be found eating among the trampy Barbies?

If you hold the toy while praying, does it count as an idol?

Can he heal other toys?

If he breaks, will the toy fix itself after 3 days?

What’s your caption, or headline?

I hope Christmas went well. I’m throwing out a question, or two, to you. Take a few seconds and think about your hopes, and wishes…

okay–ready?

What do you wish for in the New Year, that can’t be bought? (This doesn’t have to be profound)

And for fun– what is the worst, or silliest Christmas gift you’ve ever gotten? Mine would have to be one of the numerous re-gifts I’ve gotten from family members. It’s hard to pick just one.

One of the stinkers, for me, was the Mickey Mouse red collared polo shirt that exactly matched my husband’s shirt gift. It sported at least 300 Mickey heads, and a USA theme. Really tacky. Strangely enough, this was NOT a re-gift. It came with a receipt from Sears. When I took both items back, they were worth $1.75. Should I keep them, I thought? Nah! I took the cash and bought a small beverage.

Friend and silly man, Jon Acuff wins so far for silliest gift. Check out his great website.

Enjoy the holidays!

(link to photo source)

Wouldn’t it be cool if God was a genie, and if you rubbed him the right way you could get your wildest dreams to come true?

Or maybe he could be like the Lotto, and you could hit the Jackpot with him, and a windfall of goodies could come your way, with no trouble at all.

Or God could be like a butler with supernatural body toning and skin enhancing skills to diminish the signs of aging and flabbiness.

Ah, God, the big vending machine in the sky…

Except-God asks us to be familiar in relationship to him like a spouse. He calls us his “Beloved.” Hum… conundrum…

Is the Get God-Get Rich idea perhaps a bit immature? Near-sighted?

Anyway, God is a Being described as a Person, right? 

A friend of mine, Jon Acuff, has a hilarious post called “Secretly Believing in the Prosperity Gospel.” You’ll laugh out loud if you read it. His book, “Stuff Christians Like” is a great commentary on Christian sub-culture that will have you laughing non stop! (Especially if you were ever a preacher’s kid!)

I love you

If you’re visiting because of Jon’s Stuff Christians Like blog. I welcome you!

If not, um this might get a little awkward. (I’m trying to woo new readers, so talk amongst your selves for a sec., k?)

Anyway, I think Jon is  a rock star. And by that, I don’t mean that he just has his mind on drugs, violence, sex, and music with a throbbing beat. I mean, I think he’s highly funny, clever, poignant, and says all the right stuff, so you can’t help but to really like him, for just being him.

If you enjoy him, you probably have a vivacious sense of humor. Perfect. Please look around, comment on posts, and know that I’m pretty much, wishing on a star that you’ll come back and read things here again soon. (I had put in here “kissing your buttocks,” but I thought that sounded needy and cheap. So, I took it out. I suppose I have to draw the line somewhere.)

I post 4 times per week, or more, so please drop by soon. One fun post I recommend to visit here, is the quiz that can determine if your soul can fit into a mailbox. Check that out. (You can do a search in the sidebar, when you scroll to the bottom of this page.) It’s a bad Cosmo Quiz meets a Christianity Today mini-article sort of thing. And golly, it’s cleared up a lot for soul-searching types of people so far.

Thank you for coming to visit. I feel like we’re practically best friends at this point-almost like we known each other for just years and years!

(Is this coming on too strong? Do you feel smothered? Well, you know, come by soon, we’ll talk. Or I can call you maybe. Or is that’s too much, too soon? Sorry. I’m being forward now. Right. You can…you know, just call me, I guess. I love you. Give me a call. Or, you know, whatever makes you feel comfortable. No pressure. Except… I just love you SO much. xoxo.)

This tongue-in-cheek post gave me a chuckle:

The Sales Pitch Prayer Request or 
How To Get Whatever You Ask For in Prayer - by Jarrod Haggard

Post was submitted to the stuff Christians like blog by Jon Acuff. Jon is clever and generous. I’ve enjoyed his blog for a few years now. I’ll be featured as a guest writer there on 9/18/09.