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Welcome to SOUL SCHOOL. These “lessons” are released each Wednesday (on “Hump Day” aka Midweek).
• Come back FRIDAYS for intriguing guest conversations!
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Today, comes some beauty and wisdom from the late author and poet John O Donohue on the topics of connection, separation, embodiment, grief, and the threshold our soul crosses into belonging and a few of my own reflections. His words are deeply poignant, so, please visit his website, and follow the links listed below for even more interaction with his work. His accent is a delightful treat as well.
Today, is a special TWIN-cast. I’ve NEVER done this before and I’m excited! Brace yourself for this news:
Not only do I have Jeff on as a return guest today, but Jeff interviewed ME. That conversation is released today too. What a treat, right?
Find a link for that below at the end of the show notes.
DON’T FORGET about the Special 1-hour SOUL SCHOOL LIVE Event– this Wednesday, June 8th (2016) at 8pm, EDT. GET MORE INFO info here.
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Every Friday is a conversation with a guest. My guest today is Erika Hayasaki. She teaches workshops in nonfiction writing and classes in digital storytelling at the University of California, Irvine, where she is an associate professor in the Literary Journalism Program.
In her career as a journalist Erika’s seen many tragedies, but it was her involvement with Norma Bowe, the instructor of an unorthodox and very popular course at Kean University called “Death Class”, that showed her a completely different way to think about death and living and initiated her celebrated book project by that same name.
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I hope you come back Wednesday for a new episode called Soul School.
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Today’s guest is a blogger, author, musician and a woman who suffered a string of terrible events and decided to tackle the topic of grief to help others through the process.
If you’ve suffered a loss or know someone who’s grieving, this book will bring some needed comfort and give you helpful information to help better. Alise and I have an important conversation today. Please scroll down to the shownotes to access the important links mentioned in the show.
Min 2:00
What is a good first step when someone is suffering?
MIN 3:00
“I’m sorry you’re going through this.”
Saying less is more.
Really listen to the language the person is using and echo it back to them and not the language that is comfortable for (you).
MIN 5:20
Using faith or heaven language might not be welcome.
MIN 9:30
About the string of suffering and trauma that brought grief to Alise and how she needed to get better through therapy and medication.
MIN 14:00
Medication during grief to process properly.
MIN 17:00
Isolation in grief. The paradox of uniqueness and universality of grief.
MIN 20:00
How we can share our grief with memories or with others in some way.
MIN 21:20 Grief Share organization and places to develop new rituals and finding community of other bereaved.
MIN 23:00
“Grief helps us find our humanity.”
Grief pulls us together. It’s the event that strips us of our humanity.
MIN 25:00
Attaching morality onto emotion is doing ourselves a disservice because it doesn’t allow us to feel what we feel. The actions beyond those feelings can be moral or immoral.
MIN 26:00
Grief and separation anxiety:
Grief is the (normal) human emotional response to loss. It is a common part of human experience and may produce growth. We can lose people, places, objects, relationships, and even ideas. Some losses may not be actual, but anticipated, or a perceived loss. (25) Acute grief looks remarkably similar to a classic anxiety attack (same physical symptoms). It is similar to the feelings felt in fear. In grief one fears the loss of self through separation, and experiences separation anxiety. (28)
It is a function of attachment. It can be understood also as our emotions catching up with our reality. (38) The more we can love the more we can grieve. Our abnormal attachments show up (caused by an improper process of grieving) as permanent emotional detachment or heightened attachment. (30)
R. Scott Sullender, “Grief and Growth: Pastoral Resources for Emotional and Spiritual Growth” Paulist Press, 1985.
MIN 28:30
Stages of grief like a water cycle and forgiveness and grace.
MIN 31:30
Extending forgiveness during grief and the risk and humility needed.
MIN 32:15
Healing and time and doing our part and letting go once we’ve done what we can.
MIN 33:15
A mustard seed of faith that the story isn’t over yet. Reconciliation can mean we put our weapons down and that’s restoration too.
MIN 34:15
Recognizing progress.
MIN 35:00
Being more aware of grief in others so that you can have more grace during trying circumstances.
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By the time you are thirsty, your kidney’s have sent an emergency signal to your brain. Now the brain tries to regain health for your body with urges to drink. It’s better to provide for the body ahead of time, of course. The same is true for a thirsty soul. Don’t let yourself get morbidly parched. It’s not healthy for you or anyone in your life. It’s terrible for your art and your creative muse, and your mission in the world. You have to be well to do right by others. You have to be well to do well. But most of all you have to properly BE.
Getting it wrong:
A retreat that’s more of a social gathering with activities…That’s a Protestant, Western, answer to a problem that misunderstands the question.
Catholic tradition with it’s long history of spiritual retreats and spiritual guides was too much spurned by Protestant protest against it in favor of being busy at work and productive, while too often letting the soul starve for want of divine tranquility and peace.
God is best found in stillness and when the boisterous yammering of our heart and mind are soothed by rest and unplugging in every way.
The real question is not how can I find a party so I can feel whole….but How do I find my whole way home?
Home is within.
You become quiet and you go inside. God is within. You won’t find a God of Sabbath rest “out there” or at a place.
3 Most Important Tips:
1. put it on the calendar. mark it off. It’s a vacation day.
Or as the British say it (better) “you need to go on holiday!”
HOLY DAY.
Holy means set apart. That’s exactly what retreat should be.
If you take take off from work for doctor’s apps, then think of it like that.
Block off 4-6 hours at minimum
8-10 is better and 24-48 is really when things get very beneficial.
AND Go away from home and people. A retreat center, a natural setting, a private room at a church or someone’s home.
2. Do all you can to minimize all distractions and obligations.
Plan ahead. Tell people you WILL be off the grid. Not able to be contacted. at all.
Leave your phone in your car. A few hours won’t kill you. If you think that it might, or that you can’t possibility be out-of-contact…or maybe that you are too important and busy to do this.
Then you have to be even more serious able doing it. Delusion has set in. You have become blind. You are starting to die a soul death. Get away RIGHT away!
(You may be afraid of what thoughts are going to come up when things get quiet. Be brave!)
3. Let the chatter die out.
If your mind is clamoring…and it will be if you have a lot to be responsible for….then you really can’t get to a place of rest.
• Jot everything down quickly and put it to the side. It will be there when you get back and you will be able to deal with it better.
A simple Worksheet that’s perfect for retreats:
• The SHARPENING Ritual
• The SHARPENING Ritual
(PRAYER-centered VERSION)
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SHOW NOTES:
