13 Inappropriate Things to Say to the People in Your Life (humor post)

You might think you’re funny, but here are a few tips on what not to say in jest.66

1. To the mail carrier: “Have you had a rabies shot recently? I can’t find my dog.”

2. To the traffic cop: “Gosh, you’re not drunk again, are you?”

3. To the mechanic: “That blue wire there is either the detonator for a car bomb, or part of my son’s science project. The worst part? An employee just walked off the job all disgruntled and my son is making some sort of dirty bomb for a science project.”

4. To the ice cream truck man: “Be careful little hands what you do!”

5. To the neighbor: “I probably should have said this earlier but I saw a family of rats burrowing under your house last week. No worries! Our python loves rats and got into your house with no problem.”

6. To your spouse: “I changed my status to “single” on Facebook two weeks ago, that’s why I was gone this weekend. I thought you were cool with it.”

7. To the Jehovah’s Witness: “I don’t want to talk with you unless can sit down together, in my tub, of course. You like lavender-scented bubble bath?”

8. To the Little League Coach: “I have a concealed weapons permit. You just never know when someone’s gonna bench your kid.”

9. To your tax preparer: “I did all my bookkeeping on post it notes. There’s like ream here, you don’t mind right?”

10. To the barista, “All I have is pennies.”

11. To the library: “Here’s my book. Yes, it’s damp…You’re going to think this is hilarious!”

12. To the garbage man: “What’s worse than your little guys having the runs and super cheap trash bags? Yeah, I don’t know either. I hope you have a light touch.”

13.To your pastor: “I was in your office last month when you were on vacation. I installed “Covenant Eyes” …so, we know all the naughty sites you’ve been visiting.”

 

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Read “PART II: 13 inappropriate things to say to your family members”…don’t miss the next one, sign up for new content in the sidebar.

Halloween Night: A Christian Spiritual Practice?

Porch Party 2011
We have a rather long side porch. On trick-or-treat night, we fixed it up in creepy fashion. I stuffed pants and shirts and placed them on chairs to look like scarecrows. Plastic spiders, snakes, and mice were peppered near candy bowls. Votive candles and illuminated pumpkins lit the way. We used the internet to stream in 50s-60s themed music (Think Monster Mash and the rest). Out in the back, our fire pit made a toasty atmosphere on a chilly night; and coffee, warm cider, and cookies added to the warmth, on a few levels.

The most fun was meeting new neighbors, re-connecting with known neighbors, and talking with them. I realized that there isn’t another “holiday” like this one. Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter usually involve travel, plenty of food prep, and a different schedule for school or work. Not Halloween. What other time do you have dozens of neighbors interacting with you on your property…at night? It’s a unique night. It’s an opportunity.

Our visitors and friends loved the decor and seemed touched by the effort. Can I say there was joy? Can I say that, for this sort of thing? Well, there was.

I had more time this year, so I sort of “caught the bug” and went all-out. I don’t think is was the Halloween spirit either. It was the Christmas one, arriving early…like department store merchandise. And in the middle of all that good cheer, I wondered, why don’t communities, groups, or Christians team up more often create a safe, fun, and loving atmosphere for these kids and families that come to visit every year? That’s a wasted opportunity, is it not?

I learned some other amazing things:

1. When you prepare to love on people, they “get it”. (Open appreciation: Everyone wore smiles, and said thank you–a lot! It was a delight to just be giving. I got more than I gave. Seriously.)

2. Being welcoming doesn’t take much money. (I was planning to buy candy for trick-or-treaters anyway. I used things I already had to decorate, and my neighbor joined in–donating decor, and cookies.) Pretty cool, huh?

3. My kids love to host and create community. In this way, they learn compassion and kindness. All on their own, they handed out treats, informed visitors of our “amenities”, interacted with the children, and helped people find their way around. How else would I have gotten to see this?

4. It’s only 2 hours. While some parties can linger, and take lot of food prep time, have logistic issues, trick-or-treat night is a specified time with a fairly easy menu. Most people make the time for it, somehow. For our neighborhood, it lasts from 6-8p.m. It’s not too hard to get some extra things ready to make it a more memorable and a special time for visitors.

5. It shines a light in the darkness. Times are tough, and there a lot of bad news and bad things happening in the world. It’s nice to give people something good. I find it totally ironic that this could or should be best served on Halloween. But why not? No day can shut out God’s Light and Love. (This also gives new meaning to the phrase “Take Back the Night”, yeah?)

Here’s some important background information
As a kid, raised in a very conservative (i.e. fundamentalist) Christian home, and my parents believed that going out for candy in costume on or near October 31st was colluding with the Devil. “It’s Satan’s Day,” I used to hear. Strangely enough, for all our protesting of it, the (unintentional) focus was more on Halloween and evil, than it was for any typical trick-or-treater. Now, that’s whack. Sometimes our efforts to be “righteous” (or whatever) have the opposite intended consequences. It seems we had it all backwards. Reinvention is key. Hospitality can happen any day or day. Take back the night with grace and love, or at least some goodwill to men!

Is Halloween a Christian Holiday?
Well, I’ll be honest and say I had no plans to hand out tracts, or influence a conversion experience on my porch. I wasn’t sharing verses or inviting people to my church. But, it was a rather blessed time. If anyone got the message that we made a spot for them in our week, then we accomplished a lot. Maybe a lot more than the typical church (which can feel like a club) can do most nights of the week.

I don’t think I’ve had the chance to touch so many lives in such a short time, as I did on that nigh. And to borrow Eric Liddell’s phrasing (think of the ancient “Chariots of Fire” film), “I feel God’s pleasure.” Parents and kids alike remember who was kind and who had a fun place to visit. And that, my friends, is shining a light. (The short answer is just, “Yes,Halloween is a Christian Spiritual practice–now“.)

Have you ever done this sort of thing for Halloween night? If not, give it a try. You can make some effort to spread more love and good cheer on this night too. If you do, let me know how it went.

Here are some photos of our night:

First Cause and 3 views of Reality (video Ravi Zacharias)

Ravi Zacharias speaks to Yale students in this video. It’s really worth a look!

Great stuff + profound & humorous.

– “God” proposed as Personal, Moral, Infinite, Intelligent, and First Cause
– Worldviews

Leave any comments or thoughts you have, okay, friends?

More Mystery: Video, Lady Gaga PRAYS (yes, to God)

Several times I have covered Lady Gaga on this blog. She is a complicated person, and now she’s openly speaking of spiritual things. So, this is my tuff (area of expertise and education), and I want to weigh in. You can too.

It’s the habit of most who comment about Gaga to past judgement on her, but that is not the point of this post, or my other posts. While I welcome your comments, I ask that you attempt to be thoughtful and intelligent in your responses. You don’t have to like her to comment, but if you want to bash her,  find a different blog to barf on.

It seems she’s the archetype of a person who is (seemingly) easy to pigeon hole. But this mega star, and so many like her (who are not in the limelight) are just people who are trying to find their way in the world. You may think differently, but maybe you should watch the footage below, first.

I provide this engagement on the topic of the person who is  the singer and performer Stefani Germanotta because so many are watching her and following her.

When she asks people to do things, millions respond. This strikes me as important to note for Christians, as we interact with those God loves, and enact the messge of the gospel of God’s grace poured out on us, in Jesus Christ.

Also, I think it helps (as Christians) to engage the struggles of many people, all while questioning our motives and the hidden influencers of our interactions with people that sound, look, dress, and act differently than we prefer. I’d say it takes to task our enactments of grace and love toward God, ourselves, and others. I hope it will challenge this in you.

Besides, it’s really a gawker vortex, seriously, no?

So, here is the topic de jour. Let’s talk about this. I found this recent video footage quite curious:

The scoop:
Unlike many stars, Lady Gaga prays before concerts (to God, not herself as some might first assume or expect).

This prayer footage (from her upcoming HBO special) begins at the 2:40 marker. (The first part of the video is somewhat of a breakdown in her confidence. Quite a bit of crying, part pep talk, some non sequitur stuff, and some emotional hysteria. But, to me, it also seems to be, at least in part, some genuine footage of the acute struggle this 25 year old has performing and living life larger than life in front of millions of fans and foes.)

Will her public prayers to God encourage others to rely on him too? Perhaps. What do you think?

And, yes, in case you’re wondering…I could speak to what seems like a bit of flawed theology, but I’m waiting for her to phone me, so we can talk it over.

Actually, I think many would be good to follow her lead in seeking God’s help, as she does here.

Yes, I question her use of the word “worship” when  speaking about her fans. It strikes me as overdone, misguided, and/or unhealthy, unless she is actually referencing serving and loving them selflessly. And, yes, it could all be just a stunt, as pop stars are given to do. I’m not naive.

Nevertheless it provokes a deeper look at the spiritual.

Let’s face it, how many super stars pray, and ask for God’s help before a show, let alone allow the world to see them do it? Don’t say “Amy Grant”. That doesn’t count.

Remember this also, her core fans aren’t Christians, or praying types, in particular. What does it behove her to be so “old fashioned”? Isn’t it much cooler to be “over Christianity” and be Buddhist or wear a red string Kabbalah bracelet?

Sign up to continue the conversation/see future posts.

NOTE: If you watch the first part, or the very end after, marker 3:46, be aware that there is some cussing. You have been warned.

3:46
Lady Gaga Presents: Gaga Revealed by HBO


Lady Gaga and Fundies (video and commentary)

I TRIED to clip down this gagavision 41 video to focus on a perfect example of how not to create encounters with pop stars. But I couldn’t. (I’m not the techie I hoped I could be.)

There are parts that could offend some of you, my readers. If Lady Gaga offends you, you are certainly not alone and I respect your perspective. In that case, I urge you to not watch this video–at all. The parts I refer to happen at minute 2:20 – 4:00, and are suitable for audiences over age 10. My advice is to skip the other parts, primarily because they do not refer to this post.

The scoop: It appears a Christian Fundementalist gave Lady Gaga a card/tract that said, “Get Out of Hell Free.”

In a far friendlier tone than I can image approaching hostile protesters, she said, “Hi, I’m Lady Gaga.” and they said, “What do I care?”

What I find so interesting is that she bothered to talk to them, and tell them she did believed in God, and that she had Christian influences in her formative years. It was like she was trying to find common ground. A novel concept for approaching those you disagree with, huh?

They were more concerned with showing their opposition, and contempt for her. From her comments, it seems to me, that their actions, got to her, at least for a little bit. They bothered her. She said that she didn’t want her fans to have to see that, but it seemed to bother her on a personal level, as well. (But, sadly, NOT in a way that would likely bring her to a closer fellowship with followers of Jesus.) I would really like to hope that Gaga would not lump these loonies with authentic followers of Jesus. I hope it wouldn’t sour her on the whole bit.

Maybe these people just couldn’t find a Koran to burn that night, or something.

At best, the whole encounter would be confusing, or hurtful to her, or anyone. Hurtful? To a super star, really? Yeah, that’s my guess. Because, I think she’s mostly a regular 25 year old young woman. Like almost all of us, she wants to be liked and not be disparaged and maligned.

It’s easy to hear the condescending tone from the protester speaking, and his smug uses of the word “darling”. In snide fashion he tells her that the book “with the black cover, and the gold pages, and the ribbon down the middle” will show her she has “pervert ways”. It seems he’s piecing it all together for her, in case she’s not aware of the visual image of a Bible. Really, a sweetheart…um. NOT!

Ya know, these are not endearing traits of Christians. They are shameful ways to act. (I should put that word Christians in quotes, because I think they had their own agenda, and their “Good News” …sucked.)

Perhaps Get out of Hell Free signs, tracts, and cards, helped these protesters turn from sin and come to God. But, in most cases, relationships (read: legit friendships) are far more helpful. Their demonstration and literature was probably are more of a confusing message.

So, now we know how to not show God’s love and redeeming grace, right?

IT BEGS THE QUESTION:
What if there had been loving dialogue? What if the people who think they are doing God’s work, acted like Jesus, and started interacting with Stefani Germanotta on common ground, instead of peacocking self-righteousness on what they deem to be enemy lines.

Maybe you’re a Gaga monster, paws up, and everything. Or maybe you don’t care for Lady Gaga’s music or showmanship techniques, but will you share your take on Christianity / evangelism, and music stars?