Tag: Humor

Clearing away some “crap” about my name.

OKAY! I’m going to try to point everyone in the right direction…which incidentally is something a certain forefather of mine did NOT do.

Click to read more about my great (x20+) grandpa, Chris.


So, I’m reading my blog analytics, and I’m confronted with an old foe…of sorts. It seemed a google search for some gastric-related product sent someone to my blog. Welcome to my whole life. My maiden name (and pen name) Colón is pronounced (basically) like this: CO – lone. (The other joke was, “What’s that smell? Is it Lisa Colón? Like eau de cologne…SO ingenious, right?)

Surprisingly…ahem…the word colon is well, confusing for a lot of people, and search engines, too.
Let’s be clear, the name Colón is not the same as the word used for a punctuation mark, or a semi-punctuation mark, or a main part of the large intestine. Oh, but WHAT a funny joke…especially at the doctor’s office. HA. HA. HA. Yeh, whatever. Nurses think they are endlessly funny, believe me.

You may have never heard of the Colón surname, at all, unless you are familiar with a certain Right Tackle football player and once Pittsburgh Steeler: Willie Colón (click for wiki).

We have an uncanny resemblance to each other, I KNOW.

Or you are particularly into Salsa music, and know Willie Colón, the Puerto Rican salsa music icon; a Nuyorican salsa musician, and trombonist.

Salsa musician Willie Colón

If  you are not familiar with Spain, Spanish, Spanish countries, or Central and South American countries, you are in new territory for this nomenclature.

Or!

You haven’t made the connection with all sorts of Columbian words (yes, the word Columbian relates to the “discoverer”..of a place where people already were…of the Americas…. Amerigo Vespucci…er…wait… I mean… “Christopher Columbus”.)

Those related words are Colonize, Colony, Colonel, Colonial, et cetera. Yes. They all originate with Cristóbal Colón, the Spanish name of Christopher Columbus.

Okay, now to clear it up, using the dictionary.

The word “colon” (pronounced COLE-on) which is NOT my name is 1 of 2 things:

colon 1 |ˈkōlən|
noun
a punctuation mark ( : ) indicating
• that a writer is introducing a quotation or a list of items.
• that a writer is separating two clauses of which the second expands or illustrates the first.
• a statement of proportion between two numbers : a ratio of 10:1.
• the separation of hours from minutes (and minutes from seconds) in a statement of time given in numbers : 4:30 p.m.
• the number of the chapter and verse respectively in biblical references : Exodus 3:2.
ORIGIN mid 16th cent. (as a term in rhetoric denoting a section of a complex sentence, or a pause before it): via Latin from Greek kōlon ‘limb, clause.’
colon 2
noun Anatomy
the main part of the large intestine, which passes from the cecum to the rectum and absorbs water and electrolytes from food that has remained undigested. Its parts are called the ascending, transverse, descending, and sigmoid colon.
ORIGIN late Middle English : via Latin from Greek kolon.

My name is Colón, which is different.

Colón |kəˈlōn|
the chief port of Panama, at the Caribbean Sea end of the Panama Canal; pop. 140,900.
colón |kəˈlōn|
noun ( pl. -lones |-ˈlōˌnās|)
the basic monetary unit of Costa Rica and El Salvador, equal to 100 centimos in Costa Rica and 100 centavos in El Salvador.

ORIGIN from Cristóbal Colón, the Spanish name of Christopher Columbus (see Columbus 2 ).

Why do I continue to use a name that is confusing?
Part of it is that I’m just silly. And, well, my married name is DeLay. It’s French, and poses its own set of problems. Delay. Yes,  perhaps I’m the repeated victim of circumstance. This is especially true if colon and delay are put together. Ya know?

And fittingly, this post has constipation…
But, it’s all so you can sit down, relax, and Wait…Wait…wait…

It’s all coming out better now in the end.

So, yeh, if you need a colon cleanser…as you can see, I’m here for you (in a sense).

Incidentally…Thomas Crapper took out nine plumbing patents 1881-1896. Click here for the truth about Crapper (With a name like that, Tom is my reason for some optimism and not taking myself too seriously.)

What do you think…a rose by any other name…blah blah blah???
If you have any “monicker stories”…share away!

Let me help you…

Pry it out of 'em...

(photo courtesy of the Ellen DeGeneres facebook page)

To me this photo says…

If you find it’s hard to talk about something, a good friend will help you in any way she can.

Your turn–
CAPTION PLEASE

Fasting Class, January 23rd

Bellegrove Church, Anneville, Pa

My first session with the brothers and sisters at Bellegrove church was a lovely time.
For those in my last class, the free online copy of Brother Lawrence’s Practicing the Presence of God is here. I hope you enjoy it. You will also find more resources for Lectio Divina here. Just type those two words in the search field, and BOOM–jackpot.

Fasting is the topic for next week.

Together, we’ll be covering the questions:
What is fasting?
What does it involve?
Who fasts; or who should fast?
What’s the point of fasting?
What are the benefits? What are the drawbacks?
How and when has it been used in the Bible, and throughout Christian history?
What kinds of fasting are there?
Should I fast, and for how long?
Guidelines, explanations, and interaction this coming Sunday, January 23rd, and 10 a.m. Bellegrove United Methodist Church, Anneville, Pa. (Worship service, with Pastor Dave Alderson, begins at 8:45a.m.) We hope to see you. The previous post with more details, here.

For those who can’t make it, I’ll post some notes on the lesson, next week. Or, if you’d like to set up some sessions with your group, of 5 or more, contact me.

Have you ever fasted?
Please, share your last experience with fasting, here.
Thank you for reading.


7 Things You Might Believe during the Playoffs

SO, it’s the the season of the NFL Playoffs. I’ve noticed myself bending toward some folksy theology. Maybe you’ve noticed this for yourself. Or…just let me remind you. :)

Bring on the comments, friends! Can you think of any items I missed?

1. Caffeine is somehow linked to the Holy Spirit.

2. People who use the words “Demon Alcohol” don’t use the words “Demon Lactose”, but really, which one seems more demonic on a regular basis?

3. Gluttony of anything [but food] seems sinful, but eating until it almost hurts is a worthy epicurean goal, and probably some sort of “listening to God thing” or even a gifting of the Spirit.

4. Lack of a TV makes you more spiritual, but the possession of an iPhone helps you help God.

5. Twinkle lights in December and January help show the Light of God’s Love, but by March they are tacky, and used by Satan to distract people from the blessing of Spring and rebirth.

6. The ability to host a kickin’ NFL Playoff party with great food is called “the Gift of Hospitality” and it makes God proud when when use our gifts. [I’ll be over @ 4p.m.]

7. Routing for teams like the Cowboys, the Eagles, the Browns, the Lions, (and so on) develops the Fruit of the Spirit we call Patience. So, it’s a good thing, but like many spiritual lessons, it is learned through pain and struggle. Watching such teams fail each year helps those fans grow spiritually…more than Patriot or Steeler fans, let’s say.

So…That’s 7 nutty beliefs that can happen in January. Have you noticed anything weird lately? If so, please share.

4 Classes at Bellegrove United Methodist Church, Anneville

Beautiful Bellegrove church, near Anneville, Pa

Pastor Dave Alderson and I invite you to learn and experience 4 classes on Spiritual Formation topics, at the Bellegrove church a bit north of Anneville, PA.

Going southbound down Rte 943, this beautiful stone church building is located on the left, just north of the small village of Bellegrove. It is 5 miles from I-78 exit South from the Annville/Ft. Indiantown Gap exit for [South] Route 934 heading toward Lebanon Valley College, Anneville (Anneville @ Rtes 422 & 943).
(Get custom directions here.)

I will prepare 4 interactive sessions for the 10 a.m. time slot, for this January 16, 23, 30 and Feb 6, 2011. If you plan to come, please leave a comment below, or call the church (717) 867-7460, so I can prepare materials for your use.

Topics will include prayer, spiritual growth, devotional practices, fasting, and related subjects. Brief and engaging explanations will precede class discussion and involvement. This time is sure to bring added vitality to your prayer and worship experiences with God, and promote spiritual growth and intimacy with our Savior, both collectively and individually.

We really look forward to seeing you!

Please-DON’T Forget! Here is the book I’m giving away (to one “lucky” reader this January) to make Bible reading WAY more interesting and effective.

Can’t make it? Contact me and we’ll come up with something. :)