Tag: mistakes
Translucent Mosaic or Shards of Glass?
I met with my spiritual director today. In our time of prayer and reflection with God, the image came to mind of being seated among colored shards of glass. And I sensed God’s direction to let him put them together into a beautiful mosaic. How less beautiful would the work of art be without his Light to shine through it?
I don’t know how to put the broken pieces of my heart or my life together. But, I can hand them over to my Artist to make a masterpiece. The design, intention, and artisanship, of a Creator changes the useless into his glorious creation. I’m “in progress”, and when he’s done, I won’t just be mended, but I’ll be his lovely work of art.
Help me, dear God.
Do you feel like a mosaic in-progress? What places need to be mended in your life?
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Shame and wanting to poking out your own eye
There’s a feeling you can get, after you’ve done something horrible. It’s so bad, that you might consider poking your own eye out (if for nothing else than a viable distraction.)
My first job (besides babysitting) was as a hostess at Eat’n Park Family Restaurant. A woman about 10 years older transferred there. She had been a waitress for a long time (even a decorated one. Yes, Eat’n Park is special like that.) She also had the name “Lisa,” just like me. That’s about all the ingredients needed for good communication and lasting friendship, right? um. No.Background:
Sometimes I’d goof off and crack jokes in passing with Lisa. No big deal. (If you know me, this is all highly typical behavior.)
WELL-
One day, like a stoke of non genius, it came into my head to wisecrack when I noticed Lisa had a blue pen scribble on her forearm. I noticed it was actually a very sloppily rendered mark of her own name. The “L” was super long on the bottom, and not in a cursive way. It was just odd. It struck me as humorous. I already knew she had a 4 year old daughter. Her little girl had probably been playing with her waitressing pen and wrote out her mom’s name all by herself. Or maybe Lisa had done it–for a joke, or because she was bored. So, feeling my comic Einstein vibe coming on me (which is inversely proportionate to my rational thought and good judgment), I said–rather flippantly, I might ad–“Hey, what’s that on your arm? Is that so you don’t forget your name?”
Sudden. Dead. Powerful stare.
Awkward pause. I could hear a spider near the salad bar blink.
Then I noticed she had a sort of sad “How could you, you freaking jerk?” look on her tired face. (I picked up on that because I’m really good at feeling people out!)
It was a tattoo.
A horrible one.
A mistake.
Perhaps a drunk boyfriend or trashed stepdad scrawled it there. Who knows. But whatever the story was, it was part of a painful past. A past she did not want thrown in her face by some stupid and insensitive quip from a dumb teenager.
My heart froze with panic. It’s the kind of panic where you start to smell yourself. A cold sweat mustache erupts on your lip usually, too
.
Would she stab me with a steak knife?
Plan to burn me “accidentally” with a scrod entrée platter? (Wicked hot, they are!)
I fumbled around, and got out, “um… hahah… I’m just kidding.” I was trying desperately to appear nonchalant. I considered whistling a tune to prove it.
Still, she just looked at me–steadily.
“I’m sorry,” I said, getting up the nerve. It felt like a blanket of shame washed over me. Self-loathing–all over the place.
She shook it off, and went back to work. From then on I tried to be extraordinary nice to her, in every way I could think of. I bused her tables, and got her refreshing beverages, and tried to be as pleasant, and positive as I could. She didn’t hold it against me, beyond a day or so.
Once, after a 10p.m.-5 a.m. shift when my dad failed to pick me up, she even drove me home in her weary beater of a car.
I still wonder about her.
It was poke-your-eye-out shame.
I’ll never forget it.
Have you ever had “inner death by shame”? (you can just answer yes or no, unless you want to be brave and tell your story)
Parenting mistakes
Have you ever gotten in over your head as a parent? Maybe having kids at all was over your head to begin with.
When I saw this picture, and the wild panic in the face of this dad, I actually felt a great relief…that I wasn’t him.
What caption would you give this photo?
Once I passed out and dropped Ellie when she about 4 months old. Now that’s a mistake! We took her right to the ER. It turned out that she was quite fine, and she got away with just a light red mark on her forehead. I got prescribed a Sprite. (Probably that beverage really cost about $800.)
The doctor said, “Now she can blame you for everything, because you dropped her on her head.”
“I think she more or less slid off my lap, but I plan to not tell her,” I said.
As it is now, if Ellie were any smarter, I might want to drop her on purpose. Maybe from a tree top. By her school marks, and testing scores, it may have had a beneficial effect. So, there you have it.
What mistake have you made, or has a parent made with you?
Broken Pots Shine Beautiful Light
We not made out of such strong stuff, are we? Dust to dust.
Though at times we feel confident or even invincible, reminders of imperfection, mortality, weakness, and helplessness spring up everywhere.
Suppose you placed a lit candle in a jar–a solid jar, what would happen? A bit of light would come out through the top, yes?
Now suppose that jar was punctured, shattered and pieced back together, or cracked in places. Some could think the piece was ruined. Others would admire it even more, once a lit candle was placed inside, because the spaces would fill with beautiful light. The weaknesses of the jar would shine as the most beautiful parts, making a unique and dazzling spectacle of shapes and illumination for others to see. The specialness would be the combination of once-perceived flaws co-mingled with the luminosity and brilliance of something added to it, working through it for something altogether appreciable and precious.
Be encouraged, you broken pots out there! Never over-worry that you have made mistakes, or that you have flaws, weaknesses, gaps, and broken spots. We all do. The grace and radiance of Christ will shine that much more through you because of them, if you allow it, and let the Light work in you. Each space that you give over to the Light will be made beautiful. Christ, and his love and grace is the light that gives new hope, and a new purpose for the scars we carry, and broken parts we’ve sustained.
Verses to ponder:
2 Corinthians 4:7 – But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show us that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.
2 Corinthians 12:9-10 Each time [God] said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
What broken space has the light shined through in your life?
Will you let all your broken places be a light for others?
What area might this be in, and how will you move forward in this process?
(all comments, thoughts, ideas welcome)