death Archives - Page 10 of 12 - Lisa Colón DeLay

Death of Pet (Nathan encounters mortality/separation, video)

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deadfish — Engaging mortality (pet dies) 47 sec video.

Here is another (short) installment in exploring the theology of disability and the spiritual growth/development of my autistic son, Nathan (age 11) who has recently claimed that he doesn’t not believe in God (see previous posts).

Part of the spiritual formation process involves engagement with mortality; and so it does for Nathan too. The two fish Nathan caught at the lake recently died in captivity yesterday. He found this very sad. His approach to their passing was very simplistic. They stopped moving, so they are dead. As expected, he wasn’t able to delve into abstract thoughts on this, or death and life, but yet he still understood something profound had happened (see video). Something sort of normal, yet broken about the world seemed real to him. This world is a place were we can be separated from things we care about, in this case, creatures/pets.

On his own, Nathan expressed that he wanted to bury them. This seemed proper to him. The “burial at sea” choice, a.k.a. flushing his two fish friends, seemed unseemly, when I mentioned that some people bury their fish this way.

He took the jar to the garden and added the remains there himself. It was his own idea. Today he said, “[It would] provide nutrients [to the garden]”. He got a bit of a chance to learn that everything dies. I refrained from singing Elton John’s The Circle of Life song from the Lion King. But, it was a “circle of life moment” for sure. Sort of strange and sad and bewildering, yet part of regular life.

A little bit after he buried them, I told him that in heaven we can be with people who have died; people that we miss, and we won’t be separated from them forever. That’s our hope and it can help us to not be as sad. He didn’t seem to be interested, and I didn’t go into it any further. This event may soon open doors for fuller dialogue about life/existence, and the ways of life and death. And I hope redemption!

His sentiment, in general, seemed properly child-like as well as very pragmatic. It will be interesting to hear how he describes the fish, and their death to his sister after we pick her up from camp soon.

Please share your comments or ideas about this.
Question for reflection or comment. How has the death of pets shaped your spiritual formation, or those of your children?

What are your suggestions for guiding others into greater spiritual maturity with this topic at hand?

OH! one more thing. Don’t miss that really interesting look at grief through the primary lens of separation anxiety, here.

Father’s Day Pancakes

Every father’s day I miss my dad terribly. I lost him was I was 20 (he was 44). I say “I lost him”, not because we had a mix up, and misplaced him in the Amazon jungle. I say “lost” because he suffered a sudden stroke and stayed comatose for over a decade. It was a bad loss. It happened in December, when I was away at college, and I hadn’t seen him since August. He was my biggest ally, and we had grown very close.

If you still have your dad, I hope you do something nice for him this Sunday.

Gwyneth Paltrow lost her father a few months before mine left for the next world after his long fight, at age 54. She has got in the habit of sending me email. Well, I admit we’re not super close, since she named her daughter Apple against my advice. Still, I get her GOOP newsletter, and it’s nice. So, in this month’s GOOP newsletter she features one of her foodie father’s recipes included in her cookbook My Father’s Daughter: Delicious, Easy Recipes Celebrating Family & Togetherness. Maybe you can make them for your dad.

Bruce Paltrow’s World Famous Pancakes

Total Preparation Time: 20 minutes + overnight resting

3 cups unbleached, all-purpose flour

1/4 cup plus 2 tablespoons sugar

1 tablespoon plus 1/2 teaspoon baking powder

2 teaspoons fine salt

3 cups buttermilk

6 tablespoons butter, melted and cooled, plus more butter for cooking

6 organic large eggs

Up to 1 cup milk, as needed to thin batter

Real Vermont maple syrup, warmed.

Whisk the dry ingredients together in a large bowl. Whisk together the buttermilk, butter and eggs together in another bowl. Add the wet ingredients to the dry ones whisking just enough to combine (small lumps are okay). Let the batter sit, covered, overnight. The next morning, heat up your griddle or favorite nonstick pan and slick it with a little butter. Add enough milk to the batter to thin it to the right consistency—the thicker the batter, the thicker and heavier your pancakes; the thinner the batter, the more delicate your pancakes—neither is wrong. Cook the pancakes on the griddle, flipping them after bubbles appear on the surface of the uncooked side. Let cook 2-3 minutes more, then remove, and eat with lots of warm maple syrup.

Have you ever made your dad breakfast in bed? What is one of your dad’s favorite foods?

Tell us what you like best about your dad.

Tomb Day

Things have been sort of heavy around here lately, with Lent, and Jesus dying and everything. Easter-wise, I think we’re in “tomb time” at this point. It’s where Jesus is physically dead from execution. Everybody in Jesus’ world has had a super crappy day. They put him in the ground, and seal it up. He’s dead. Their hearts and dreams are broken and shattered.

Jesus is in paradise or Hades… or maybe someone should explain that to me…hang on… Okay. Checked on that. If that bit is confusing to you too, try this article. (Then get back here, before I lose my train of thought.)

Anyway, I’m writing this from home. No. I should say, I’m writing this from a place where my mother lives, and where I spent a few college breaks, and one horrid 6 week summer stint before I got married almost 16 years ago. So, actually not home at all. There’s a dislocation all over.

My mom still lives here. It was her late husband’s house. A guy who wasn’t my father.

There’s a guy here, now. I call him Jerry, she calls him fiancé. They met on the computer, in February. I thought he would go back to his place by now, but it’s almost 11pm, and he’s still hanging around. We’re slated to see him, at his place, tomorrow, and most of Sunday, here. Trust me, it’s weird to be in my head, right now.

It feels much like I’m the protagonist in a very awkward Ben Stiller movie. But I haven’t had a chance to figure out my lines. The plot is sketchy. The characters are underdeveloped. I wouldn’t be able to explain it all, even if I tried. But, this picture may reveal much of what I can’t. (I’m the one on the left.)

Kind of funny picture, no? Laugh for me, if you can.

So, I ate my feelings today. Which, in this case, means about a half a cup of Rasinets, and other sugar and carb no-nos. It feels like Tomb time. Things seem ruined, or broken, and altogether not right. I will acknowledge this.

I won’t shove it aside, or pretend I can’t feel it, see it, smell it. Life can really suck. (That’s a theological term. It means…oh nevermind.)

YET! I know this thing. Nothing can keep the dawn from coming.

I really like Easter and Spring. And well, life. Rebirth is also–excellent. Brighter days are ahead. Death has no victory. The tomb cannot keep us. Even the tomb of discontent, or broken dreams.

We are poised to celebrate life and renewal. Come, Lord Jesus.

I usually encourage responses to my posts. But this time, I’m just letting it all hang out without a care of that. You can do what you’d like, I just need to sit here for a while.

Thorny Crowns

clipjesus thorns — A crown fit for this King, our Sacrifice. Our selfless Savior.

The image and concept of the thorny crown is powerful to me. As heirs of the King, I think our “crowns” are, also, thorns–in this present world. We’re not here for glory in any human sense. Our “success” will look very different. It will be counter-cultural, or even unapparent.

The story of the thorny crown is a provocative one:
Imagine a mighty and good king coming from another place, and he is “welcomed” with the “honor” of huge, piercing barbs smashed down into his head.

This strange irony is such a perfect picture of our rejection of God and his ways. We pick our own way. Absorb the idea that God paid for your foolishness.

The thorny crown is also a most vivid depiction of God’s condescension (click here for and explanation of that precise meaning) to human form to bear our wrongs, and give himself over to our brutality to, in fact, truly redeem it, and pardon it.

Let this crown you see pierce your heart with it’s potency, and the doom that is our rebellion. We need a Savior.

How does the Crown of Thorns affect you?

In the boat, in the storm…

japan tsunami whirlpool — Tsunami whirlpool, Japan

I saw this shocking photo of a boat being pulled into a whirlpool off the coast of Japan. Like a giant bathtub drain, the water is swirling downward into a crevasse in the ocean, and sucking in life with it. You can see a boat to the left of the whirlpool’s center. It looks a bit like a toy boat. Amazing. Awing. Terrifying. (Click the photo for enlargement).

I’ve been thinking about storms lately, as many have been, and I was drawn in by the visual of Jesus in the storm. It’s the story where he’s sleeping through one, and probably narcolepsy wasn’t a factor. But I must admit, sometimes people who sleep this soundly annoy me.

On a personal level, in my devotional practices, I was struck to sense the invitation of God to not stand in the boat, but to sit, and be still next to him. He does not calm every storm, but if I let him, he can calm me. Either way, standing up in the boat won’t help. The waves look bigger and more deadly from there. Sometimes we have to ride out the storms, and remember to not waste energy futilely by combating them.

Are you in a storm right now?
Please share some of your thoughts, today.