Tag: discernment
Vitriol-proof yourself in 4 Steps
Ranker, hype, and vitriol.
It’s about 30 Days until the 2012 Presidential election, and you can really tell.
I’ve tried to not get wound up. I’ve tried to ignore the surround-sound ejeculations of venom. But, it’s hard to not get sucked into all the emotion and survive the cross-fire unscathed.
Big Bird even made the casualty list…Yes, the huge, friendly, yellow character for pre-schoolers on TV. Bear in mind that citizen support will never wane enough to make our feathered friend, or his cohorts, extinct. But, that fact doesn’t cull the madness, does it?
There’s looniness in the air!
It’s a soiling season, so I’ve tried to think of a few way to vitriol-proof myself. Maybe you can share a few tips. Here’s a few I’m using:
1. Unplug.
Short media fasts can reorient me to what’s most important: My regular life, the people nearest to me, and my deepest values that have much to do with Grace.
2. Think long-term.
As much as people “say so-and-so” will ruin everything forever, that’s 95% fear doing the talking. No vote will truly change as much as people say. (Insert which ever name you want to for “so-and-so”, both sides are tooting this horn.) I’m trying to regularly take a few steps back and try to gain wisdom from a more far-sighted perspective. It does help.
3. Feel powerless.
Huh? It may sound ridiculous to say it like that, but seriously, not too much is truly under our control. Admtting this is the first step for me. Changes, for good or for bad, do happen slower than we care to admit. So much is out of our immediate control. Policies, weather, illness, media, cultural hype, and much more. We can control our responses, but not others. We don’t get that much say and the frenzy is proof of that underlying fear.
…which leads me to #4!
4. Be a Duck.
A duck is the water foul that has the sort of feathers to make water bead and roll off, not soak in and cause problems. I try to think of this as a way of being. Unflappable. It’s engaged thoughtfulness sandwiched by what’s known in spiritual formation circles, and ancient Christian tradition, as “holy indifference”. That doesn’t mean I’m apathetic, it means I’m centered on the Source of Goodness through faith, and not tossed to and fro by opinions, circumstances, or any perceived impeding doom. (This takes loads of practice for me! I’m passionate, and through practice I’ve started to learn when to let that loose and when to dail it in. Though I fail too much, I continue the effort.)
Have you been effected and affected by these acerbic times?
What helps you?
Whoops, I’m in a Cult
Though many close-knit groups or committed communities are not cults, plenty of groups can deteriorate socially so they have cult-like qualities. Maybe even your group.
Groups spreading throughout the spectrum of political or social affiliations have charismatic leaders with devoted and idealistic followers who are purposefully controlled. Not nice. While some affiliations exist casually (like a fervent groups of friends), others are more official and carefully structured, or even well-known. Regardless, socially destructive groups share some commonalities that may surprise you. So, what are they, and do they apply to you?
2 Tipoffs:
Destructive Cult groups have parallel traits that make them unhealthy, but also identifiable. (And yes, “Destructive Cult” are redundant terms.)
1. Employing forms of mind/behavior control (particularly for influencing decision-making)
2. Employing forms of Social Control. (Using social pressure to ensure the adoption of specific ideologies, control approved behaviors and practices; and to create isolation from others/outsiders.)
Teens and young adults can be very susceptible. Social misfits are routinely targeted for recruitment. And most potent?–The almighty “Love Bomb” which works like magic.
Our Challenge:
Make wise decisions in our social bonds, relationships, and commitments; and connect with healthy and gracious communities. Reject controlling leaders and the lure of co-dependent and enmeshed relationships. Instead, nurture Interdependence and free-thinking. We should watch for signs of social decay. Human nature unabated lusts for power. If we locate damaging qualities, we should address them prudently and graciously. And, we should part ways if these qualities persist, or worsen.
Myth: Cults are religious.
Cult groups are not limited to the religious/belief variety. On the contrary, plenty are political groups; social groups; activism groups, market-driven/sales organizations; and wellness/self-help groups. And of course, they don’t think they are cults, let alone admit they are. You have to figure it out for yourself. Once one is emotionally, socially, or financially dependent, this gets quite difficult. Or should I say diffiCULT? (Gosh, sorry. It would appear I have a pun disorder.)
Steven Hassan (one of America’s leading experts on cults), says:
”Nobody sets out to join a cult. No one knowingly wants to give up their life, their needs, their goals. ”They come to believe they’re improving themselves and improving the world, and it is then they are led into a psychological trap. It could happen to anybody.”
Hassan, who was once a Moonie cult member, says 4 elements of control are used in cult type groups (The BITE model):
• Behavior Control
• Information Control
• Thought Control
• Emotional Control
He lists 26 specific characteristics, within these 4 headings, at his resource site is here. It’s very informative and worth the 2-3 minute read.
Have you been part of a group with some “BITE”?
I have (though it was long ago, thankfully).
And this nifty site (SOS Soberity) shares 5 traits of Cult Leaders; and they even have a helpful questionnaire to figure out if you (or someone you know), might be in a cult. It’s practically fun…okay, it’s mildly amusing…well, if it all wasn’t so malicious and creepy in the first place, that is.
Here’s a partial quote from them:
Have you seen these qualities for yourself, or seen them nearby?
If so, Please, share your stories.
(Remember: Responding anonymously is an available option in the comments section.)
-Thank you! oxo Lisa
PS
ugh. This post was really serious, so to avoid this being the nadir of your day (especially if you just realized that you’re sort of in a cult, which is typically a huge downer) I pose this bitty “challenge”:
If you were a cult leader, what would be the coolest cult outfit for you and your members? The traditional death cult jumpsuit? Homemade head coverings and sandals? Or maybe something more unique?
(Please note if you’d like to wear something fancier as the leader, because—obviously, in this case– you have unmitigated control.) Are there any secret cultish fashionistas among us? Oh, and promise me you won’t get too excited by this and become a cult leader, okay? Resist the temptation. (If you are already a cult leader, just leave your social security number and mother’s maiden name.)
Shhhh…worst kept secrets
What’s the best way to spread news in the Christian community?
That’s easy. Before you share news, just say it’s a prayer request.
(No one likes to feel left out. And for most people knowing and sharing news feels empowering. Cloaked with the term “prayer request” spreading news verges darn near to righteous.)
Even if it’s something horrible, you can say something like, “I probably shouldn’t say this, but, you know Peggy? She’s going through a lot right now. Her teen flipped out and hit her in the face yesterday. It gave her a bloody nose. It’s so sad. Really pray for her. They’re really struggling. Oh, and don’t tell anyone I told you, okay?”
What will happen is that everyone will know, but no one will admit to anything. It will like like the Spirit told them, and suddenly everyone will know everything, but, miraculously, nobody has betrayed any trust.
Peggy? She’ll get weird and awkward glances, and a few close friends will ninja hug her because they’re not sure what else to do, but want to do something overt to show they support her. Peggy will wonder who knows, and how it got out and about. Smilers and huggers will relieve their guilt from spreading around her business behind her back.
(Yes. This was not a “how-to”…just a bit sarcastic.)
Does this ring true?
Share your input: If someone says, “I probably shouldn’t say this…” what are some good ways to respond?
Just a Narrow Strip
Reflection
When I used the picture you see here in the header section of this blog, it seemed like such a shame to crop it down to fit the format. The expanse of the photograph and the beauty of the scene is diminished when most of it is hacked out. Obviously.
I felt I had to give this scene of Cumbria Lake full exposure. So, here you are.
And…
This limited view concept makes sense on a larger scale too. Our default view is only a partial view. How easy it is to forget that.
We don’t know much about what lies off our perspective. We only know (or think we know), what we can visualize and grasp. Even just that bit may be mysterious or confusing.
An ugly scene or situation is only seen, in part. Our past is hindsight, at best, and our future is unknown. Unseen. What we have before us is a mere strip of the whole picture. The Big Picture.
I believe the justice and goodness of God will one day bring all things into better view. If we judge Reality by only what we’ve experienced, and seen first hand, we settle for just a small strip, and not the panorama. the panorama awaits. Hang on. It gets better.
Have you realized the smallness of your vantage point?
What things, in your circumstances or life, are likely much bigger than can be seen right now?