Open Diary: On Expectations Outside Yourself

Inspired by the open heart of Henri Nouwen, I am including my own thoughts openly.  In some ways prayers too. Though these are notes I am writing to myself, some of them may have resonance with you. I hope so. 

Open Diary

You’ve been deciding so much based on what you suppose other people want, or want of you. But, you really can’t know what they want. If you can, you can’t let it decide the most important things, like who or what gets the most or best of your time. That is reserved for you children, your spouse, your best friends. When it’s all over–and it seems that will happen sooner than you think–you will just just wonder where the time went, but wonder why things were more important than people to you. Not that they were, but you acted that way sometimes.

Instead of being paralyzed by something outside yourself, look hard within and feel the presence of God calling you to live your truest self. It is the voice of Love calling you to love others better then you do now from a power that is not yours alone. It is the power that set the world to light. It is out of the abundance of Love that you were made, not just by your parents, but by the Source of all Love and Goodness: God.

When you decide things do it because the people closest to you will benefit, not for those who want to use you for their intensions and gains. Put up boundaries on your time for your family but also for yourself.

Only do what God expects of you. That is simple: Love God and love others. The other things can sort out in many ways, but they shouldn’t overshadow the first truth.

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Bargaining with God and life

haggle

I get into this thing sometimes and I catch myself trying to cut a deal.

It’s bargaining. I do it with myself and in prayer.

I’ve noticed that the 5 stages of Grief are also the same as the Stages of Change.

If you’ve ever started something new that should be a good thing and then felt conflicted?

It’s because there is a loss of something involved. Maybe something familiar. Maybe dream. Maybe a place. Maybe a group of people or a person. It’s a process of grief to move through, even for seemingly simple things. Change and grieving are linked.

Stage 1: Denial

(Nothing’s really changed. Nothing big really happened. Everything is normal.)

Stage 2: Anger 

(I really don’t like this. I feel frustrated and upset. I want to lash out or numb out.)

Stage 3: Bargaining

(How about if I do this, you can come through for me in this way. Or. If I do this, maybe this other thing will happen.)

Stage 4: Depression

(I don’t want to deal with this. I’m going into my shell. Go away.)

Stage 5: Acceptance 

(It’s going to be okay.)

I wonder what would happen if we prayed with each stage in mind. Like a roadmap. When we got to the bargaining part, we might just smile, because the script is already there. How funny. Maybe we don’t even have to do it. Or we can do it and in the ritual of it we could heal.

Then, perhaps, in the depression stage we can just sit in silence with God and not feel so alone. Then–I’m guessing here–the Acceptance is more thorough and includes not just accepting the newness but feeling accepted where ever you are too. If only I could catch the stages before they get to me.

However it works, the process will happen again and again. They don’t tell you this stuff when you’re a kid. You stumble into knowing that most of life is like reincarnation in bits and pieces of us. The same patterns. The same stages repeated. The same getting there again and again. For the first time and repeatedly.

What change are you in right now?

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photo source

When it’s time to find treasure: Geocaching

Geocaching.svg

Here’s the adventure this summer: GEOCACHING! There are more life lessons in this activity than you can shake a stick at…if you shake sticks.

You can literally find treasure TODAY.

1. Just get an App for your smart phone FREE, and

2. start finding treasure using standard GPS technology.

There are (likely) dozens of treasures hidden within 5 miles of your home. It’s the best family fun we’ve had in a while. Plus, when we go camping, we look up where the treasures are close by. My two tips: Wear comfortable shoes and bring a towel. All of all got wet looking for treasure.

Here’s a quick tutorial video:

Or, maybe you’d like to hide a treasure? HIGHLY FUN! Watch a short video and learn how here.

This summer I’m also creating a limited run of Trackable Gemstones that will be discovered by treasure hunters all over, and I’m hoping they quickly move to different geocache spots around the globe. Want one?


FIND OUT ABOUT THAT HERE.

Jump starting human connection: 3 simple steps

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In the last two posts I talked about numbness.

Here and here. (if you missed them, read them. It’ll help a lot.)

The solution is to connect with others, in real life…but here’s a way to jump start that, because it can be harder to do than it seems.

TRY THIS:

1. Open a new document or grab a notebook & pen (easy-peasey). Writing it down is the secret sauce. Seriously

2. List your 3-5 closest relationships. …go ahead, do it! It’ll only take a second.

3. List several blessings and rewards associated with each one. (This is the fun part. It’ll make you happier, I promise.)

 

So, think about it. You are blessed. What would you like to do with and for those people in your life?

Who else would you like to know better and get closer to?

What one thing will you do to make a step toward that TODAY?
(It just takes one thing to get an A+ today! GO. FOR. IT.)

Want to upgrade the experience and reflect on your life more deeply?

I recommend this book I’m using right now.

(Don’t miss the next post

    coming soon

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(photo source)

Judo Chop Your Inner ZOMBIE: 3 Ways


zomtxt

So, first you have to decide if you’re busy or numb.

The last post talked about that. It’s the necessary reading for this post. (Plus, there’s a hilarious Judo Chop knockout 26 second video you should see.)

Maybe you’re some of both. Read on!

Judo Chopping your inner Zombie = Judo Chopping FEAR

If you’re stuck and assuming some Zombie qualities here  are 3 Ways to deal a Judo Chop blow to what’s holding you back! (btw this is the best and funniest example of how an actual Judo Chop works to knock someone out cold. It surprised me!)

1. Move from self-soothing to solutions

Example:

You want another job but as you troll around to find one at a big employment website…you find it’s complicated and tedious. All those stupid forms to fill out again and again! CURSES! You get bogged down. In a bit, you get distracted or you burnout in frustration. Time to check FACEBOOK, Intagram, or Pintrest. . . buzz—-you’re a zombie! (Can’t relate? Just think of anything else that takes a while and how you tend to get bogged down.)

Solution: Change the whole dynamic. Jump to the end.

Use a computer at a library that has a time limit. (Time limits are the death of passivity.) Make a few phone calls that close the gap between you and someone else, and see what’s available with the contacts you already have in real life. Jumping to the end usually involves direct connects. Don’t avoid it.

Find a way to jump over the lag and drag. Reach out for help. For real. JUDO CHOP the Zombie!

2. Look Harder. 

Example: 

You’re bouncing around on Facebook or otherwise dawdling. You feel frustrated, stuck, or disconnected and ineffectual. You see a neighbor in their yard and think something mean or critical about them. BUZZ–Zombie alert! (It’s you!)

Solution: Look harder at what’s bothering you. 

When we start turning on people we are going numb, because we’re trying to anesthetize our own pain by throwing it outward. Start noticing the red flags. You’re numbing out, my friend. Get real about your pain. Take a few (literal) notes. (we’ve all heard the phrase that ‘s turned into a cliché, “Admitting it is the first step.” This is your big chance. But lots of chances will surface. Assess what you are really feeling.)

After that, refer to Step 1. Judo Chop the Zombie!

3. Put in a Gate

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Example:

You’re at a stop sign and you’re thinking, “Can I make a text from here, or will it take too long?”

or Someone asks you to help on a project and you’d rather sleep, avoid them (in the first place), or find an exit.

Solution: Get your GATE on

The truth is we need boundaries. Using electric fences with barbed wire as some of us are prone to do only disconnects us and keeps us numb.

“Good fences make good neighbors” goes the adage. That doesn’t mean, build a fence to keep everyone out. It means you have neighbors and you need neighbors (some people call this community), but defined boundaries make it better for everyone.

If you have a white picket fence instead of one a federal penitentiary uses, people can see you and you can see them. Busting through in an emergent is possible or you can jump it to reach out. Picket style fences mark off where your sanctuary is and the gate you “install” determines the entry point.

It’s a balance: Don’t use high iron bars like a jailbird, but don’t expect that a boarder row of pansies will get the point across either. If you’re inundated you need a better fence, but to JUDO CHOP your inner Zombie always include a gate.

Boundaries Explained
We need to allocate time for ourselves and what’s really important. This turns out to be people and not things. Things keep us numb. People give us the connection and belonging we are craving. But it’s painful and tricky stuff to be sure. Don’t feel guilt about making boundaries: Our fences need gateways to get let certain things in at certain times.

Want a SECRET WEAPON?

Don’t JUDO CHOP your inner Zombie alone. Grab another Zombie and go for it. Jump the pen of isolation. (more on that in the next post!)

Ending numbness happens in groups. Yes, so do Zombie attacks, but in the end of a Zombie attack there are less brains to go around. So, partner, ally forces, pick someone and make efforts to be a better friend.

Don’t miss that next post! (add this blog to your RSS feed, your bookmark list, or sign up to get instant access when a post goes live. Click in the sidebar to get started.)

 (gate:photo source)

(zombie: photo source)