C.S. Lewis on longing and friendship

A few tidbits today from a greater mind than mine by a thousand or more:

C.S. Lewis.

jacklewis

Jack, as his friends called him, lived and wrote with an authenticity that made courageously interacting with the most painful and potent stuff of life an ordinary occurrence.

He loved deeply, he thought deeply, he wrote deeply, he suffered deeply. All these things, love, joy, friendship, sacrifice, loss, and longing were the topics of his work.

A heavyweight intellectual with the rare kind of genius to write concisely and accessibly to anyone, he never shied away from the messy parts of life–no matter who the audience. He might be most famous for his children’s fiction, but his poetry, literary criticism, apologetics, and other works reveal him as a polymath and literary giant. Thanks to the recent Hollywood versions of Narnia movies (which ardent C.S. Lewis fans find grossly wanting) ave created a renewed interest in Lewis making him more widely read now than he was in his own lifetime.

What made the man?

Tragedies cultivated a pensive and sensitive aspect of Leiws that complimented an agile, imaginative, and sharp mind.

Perhaps the deepest wound happened at age 9 when he lost his mother in death. His father was emotionally distant and sent him off to a series of boarding schools–which he deplored. The isolation and grief seemed to create a “heart-wound” from which he suffered his whole life; and from which he found solace in the hope of heaven and in the embrace of friendship.

Author Anthony Burgess wrote that “Lewis is the ideal persuader for the half-convinced, for the good man who would like to be a Christian but finds his intellect getting in the way.” (*source)

But, not at first.

First, the pain made him a committed and intellectual atheist at age 14. Despite his choice, Lewis still wrestled with what most creators and artists do, spiritually, as his journal from that time reveals:

“If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world.”

Later, Jack would reconcile these longings more throughly with theism. (An acceptance of God as Creator.)

Subsequently, he found Jesus Christ the fitting Savior and Redeemer of the story–which is life and human experience. The Savior myths of ancient times and other cultures he said evidenced that the story of God and Jesus was a “true myth” reflected in meta-truth and narrative intwined into the cultural fabric and story of (nearly) every civilization.

He continued to explore this idea of desire and longing–from which any one with an artistic temprament can take confort:

“In speaking of this desire for our own far off country, which we find in ourselves even now, I feel a certain shyness. I am almost committing an indecency.

 

 

I am trying to rip open the inconsolable secret in each one of you—the secret which hurts so much that you take your revenge on it by calling it names like Nostalgia and Romanticism and Adolescence; the secret also which pierces with such sweetness that when, in very intimate conversation, the mention of it becomes imminent, we grow awkward and affect to laugh at ourselves; the secret we cannot hide and cannot tell, though we desire to do both.

 

 

We cannot tell it because it is a desire for something that has never actually appeared in our experience. We cannot hide it because our experience is constantly suggesting it, and we betray ourselves like lovers at the mention of a name. Our commonest expedient is to call it beauty and behave as if that had settled the matter.

 

Wordsworth’s expedient was to identify it with certain moments in his own past. But all this is a cheat. If Wordsworth had gone back to those moments in the past, he would not have found the thing itself, but only the reminder of it; what he remembered would turn out to be itself a remembering.

 

The books or the music in which we thought the beauty was located will betray us if we trust to them; it was not in them, it only came through them, and what came through them was longing.

 

 

These things—the beauty, the memory of our own past—are good images of what we really desire; but if they are mistaken for the thing itself they turn into dumb idols, breaking the hearts of their worshipers.

 

For they are not the thing itself; they are only the scent of a flower we have not found, the echo of a tune we have not heard, news from a country we have never yet visited.”

 

How beautifully he captures longing!

For Lewis, camaraderie, fellowship, friendship, and love brought light and healing to his heart and his world. Through them he remained grounded and prolific.

Lewis on friendship:

In a circle of true Friends each man is simply what he is: stands for nothing but himself. No one cares twopence about anyone else’s family, profession, class, income, race, or previous history.

 

Of course you will get to know about most of these in the end. But casually. They will come out bit by bit, to furnish an illustration or an analogy, to serve as pegs for an anecdote; never for their own sake. That is the kingliness of Friendship. We meet like sovereign princes of independent states, abroad, on neutral ground, freed from our contexts.

 

This love (essentially) ignores not only our physical bodies but that whole embodiment which consists of our family, job, past and connections. At home, besides being Peter or Jane, we also bear a general character; husband or wife, brother or sister, chief, colleague, or subordinate. Not among our Friends. It is an affair of disentangled, or stripped, minds. Eros will have naked bodies; Friendship naked personalities.

 

Hence (if you will not misunderstand me) the exquisite arbitrariness and irresponsibility of this love. I have no duty to be anyone’s Friend and no man in the world has a duty to be mine. No claims, no shadow of necessity. Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art, like the universe itself… It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which gave value to survival.

Friendship: Unnecessary for Survival?

Prompted by a C.S. Lewis quote posted by fellow-writer Mark Zellner, hug

 

C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art…. It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which give value to survival.

New to my life is this:

I’m a manager on Saturdays at Spring Gate Vineyard in the tasting room.

It’s a place where friends meet. It’s a great place to get to know people, and also to study people as they socialize (observe and people-watch).

People could meet there for business, and some do. But these sorts of gatherings are few by comparison to all the others.

There’s something about friendship that gets enhanced through the communing with food and drink in a bucolic setting. People linger and relax. They smile more. 

I’ve never seen someone pre-occupied on there smartphone, unless they were checking on their friend’s arrival. Most everyone is fully there enjoying the company, the setting, and of course the wine (and the food from the caterers we partner with).

Alcohol? Is that part of the equation?

Not in the way you would think.

This is no place of obliteration with alcohol (the odd exception being the occasional limo parties who make us one stop of many). It’s a moderate environment in every way.

 

Friendships that can help moderate the cruelties of life are a treasure.

The complexities of flavors…in the wine, the food, and the company are savored where I work. And that is the sweetness of life.

I do pity those without friendship. I pity those who do not make friends by being a friend. My mother told me this is how it works. I agree with her, but that’s how you get one started.

They need nourishment, cultivation, compassion, and sometimes weeding or pruning–the hard work of digging in and getting dirty when things are not perfect.

And I do pity those who dare not trust and risk to forge close friendships, because the rewards of deep friendship are lavish.

(This is not to say that pain will be absent from friendship. Any friendship without some pain is a swallow one. Sadly, though, the threat of this (typical sort of) pain keeps too many watching at a distance.)

Perceived betrayals and miscommunication are the tannin.

And like tannins make wine better as it ages, the bumpy patches can (potentially, and with God’s help) work positively make our friendships get better with age.)

 

I’ll add to Lewis’ thought,

“Cooperation-not friendship-is necessary for human survival…but friendship elevates survival and gives it the balance, lovely complexity, and long, sweet finish.” -LD

So there is, like many things in this world, a “wastefulness” about friendship. Like beauty and ingenious design, of say a fly’s wing or a plant, friendship has something that points off the map to a greater reality. A greater Truth.

Friendship may be the most necessary thing after all to feel fully alive. It taps deeply into our wiring, into our human need for connection and meaning. It may look a bit different for each of us, of course.

Without it we may have a disease of mind, or of society at large. Without it we can tap into the hopelessness that strikes when we feel we are forgotten or alone. Disconnection is hell after all.

That Carol Jones!

Carol Jones

Yet another kind review for the new book  “Dog in the Gap”? Yes. But, this time it’s different.

Carol Jones isn’t just a writing and idea guru, she’s a 20 year friend of Doug Jackson and his wife Becky, and she has the pictures to prove it. How splendid that she wrote this special post. It’ll warm your heart.

Here’s an Excerpt:

What is most beautiful about
Dog in the Gap is how it “probes questions about trust, mutuality, ownership, personal and spiritual growth, grief and joy through the acute lens of canine care-taking and guardianship.”

I believe Doug says it best in his introduction, “Man with dog,” writes C.S. Lewis in “The Four Loves”, “closes a gap in the universe.”  This book is written from inside the gap.

Written from inside the gap.  I love that.

Read the rest here.

I  hope you’ll grab a copy of our book. And, please, leave us a review on Amazon and help us spread the word.

Thank you from Doug and me!

The Four Loves and Dogs

DOGintheGAPbonusedition+.pdf

I’m SO excited that our  book “Dog in the Gap” has been so well received. It’s even sold over a dozen copies BEFORE the Official release date!

Yes, you can buy it now.
Here.

or upgrade and get the BONUS EDITION:
here.

It was great to read a stellar review by Crystal Hurd, too. Crystal is a C.S. Lewis scholar and Lewis makes several appearances within the pages of “Dog in the Gap” thanks to my co-author Doug, a celebrated C.S. Lewis enthusiast and scholar in his own right. (He may be reluctant to tout it, but I’m fine telling you that he was even invited to the UK to present a paper on C.S. Lewis recently.)

But back now to the good tidings!

Enjoy this EXCERPT from Crystal Hurd’s blog:

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Lewis writes in his non-fiction work The Four Loves, ‘Emerson has said, ‘When the half-gods go, the gods arrive.’ That is a very doubtful maxim. Better say, ‘When God arrives (and only then) the half-gods can remain.’ In other words, when we fall under the all-wise (and therefore safe) authority of the One God, we can carry out our God-given responsibilities without becoming tyrants.  And among those responsibilities is the duty to woo the rational and relational in the lower animals.  Humanity’s creation in the image and likeness of God (Genesis 1:26) means, among other things, that we carry an inborn desire to sub-create rational begins and have relationships with them.

 

What great truth is this.  Have we ever considered that our responsibility to animals is molded after God’s responsibility of His children?  And as His children, do we always carry this responsibility with the same fervent devotion and attention that He offers to us?  It completely redefines the relationship I have with my pets and by extension to the animal kingdom at large. Not only do we forge important relationships with animals and gain substantial perspective (and companionship), but we also please our Father, the author and creator of Love who is the Great Architect of deep and meaningful connections.

Read the rest of Dr Crystal Hurd’s Review here.

The Surprise for readers of “Dog in the Gap” [Video]

Doug Jackson
Doug Jackson

 Here are a few excerpts of some advanced praise for our book!

Dog in the Gap: Brief Explorations of Canine Care-Taking and Human Flourishing” (It releases on Amazon: Monday August 19th!)

From Evelyn Romig:
What a refreshing read! And by refreshing, I mean not only crisp prose and photos that are–wait for it–so doggone cute! but true living water for the spirit. This collection of small essays by two different stylists not only celebrates the wonderful relationships of humans and their best friends, it examines the spiritual significance of ownership, training, domestication, and companionship. Doug Jackson and Lisa Colon Delay complement one another: one will write about a specific experience (the true “Labrador” nature of her pup) and then the other will challenge the reader with questions about animal souls, using sources as varied as C.S. Lewis and St. Francis. Hard for the Christian reader to finish this treat of a book without wanting to do two things–share the book and volunteer at the local animal shelter. Thanks, Doug and Lisa, on behalf of the sweet souls that cannot speak for themselves!”
 
From Michelle Moore Mitchell:

“Just finished reading the review draft. I want more! … Not sentimental — but lots of tears. I’m going to read it again, starting tomorrow. This time, a chapter a day, so I can live with, experience, think about, and feel what is there more fully….”

From Clark Roush:

“Only on page 30, and I can already confidently declare you will want to read “Dog in the Gap.'”

Would you be willing to write a review? Hooray! Use the contact form here.

ONLY 7 days until you can get the much anticipated book I’ve written with esteemed professor and long-time pastor Doug Jackson.

WHAT’S SO COOL
I’m really proud of the content and layout of this book. For instance:
• Nearly all of the 88 pages include a captivating photo which really adds a lot to the experience.

Anyone who’s had a dog they loved will “get this” book (both editions). It’s powerful. It put into words and takeaways those deep bonds and lessons we experience uniquely when we have a furry companion.

BONUS EDITION!
• The BONUS EDITION (will also be released on the same date) has well over 100 pages of extras, secret links to exclusive videos for this group, and plenty of extra photos and humor. (It’s the hardcore doggie fans Edition.) See below for the Charity component.

CLARITY
It’s set up to be easy to read. It’s no dense tome. There are terrific stories and there’s plenty of material and insights even a non pet owner can enjoy.

CHARITY
• We are donating portions of the money you pay for the book (which is an affordable $2.99. You’d shell out $3 to help dogs, right?) to two local non-profits:

For Doug, it’s the Gulf Coast Humane Society of Corpus Christi, TX.

For me, it’s a low-cost spay and neutering clinic in Allentown, PA (named alliteratively: “No Nonsense Neutering“). They offer low cost services in Reading, Allentown and Quakertown, PA as a humane and preventative alternative to regulating overpopulation through euthanasia. (Unlike PETA who funds mass euthanasia programs secretly. “Fur is murder!” they say, but they have a mass extermination system in place for kittens, rabbits, and puppies. VIEWER CAUTION ADVISED: Previous link has some grisly and disturbing photos.)

VIDEO:
Doug was kind enough to sit down and answer a few interesting questions on video for me. Some I’ve saved for the Bonus Edition for you super fans!  You’ll have to hold tight patiently for a few more days!

In this video (just 80 seconds long) Doug shares what he thinks will most surprise readers about the book.

I hope you’re as excited as we are!

Want a sample to read for free?
Just sign up just below! We’ll be sending it out soon.

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“Dog in the Gap”

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