do Archives - Page 27 of 39 - Lisa Colón DeLay

On Preparing for the “Other Shoe to Drop”

Maybe it’s happened to you before too…

You look at your child who may sleeping, or being themselves, or doing something they love …and your heart fills with a rush of joy and good pleasure. This is quickly followed by dread.

“Maybe it’ll all be taken away,” you think.

Maybe something terrible is about to happen. Maybe things won’t work out. Fear.

Or perhaps this sort of dread will surface right after a big personal victory or good news.

It’s like that perfect moment of happiness has a gremlin that pops up and spits on it. For many of us, especially if we endured a bit of pain or disappointment, our Joy is followed by foreboding.

This strange death grip on joy is quite common. With a self-protection machete we slash down joy or happiness with contingency plans and preparation for the worst. Upcoming disappointment won’t catch us on our heals, we think.

It’s all about avoiding feeling vulnerable according to Brené Brown who talks about this in her book Daring Greatly. She’s done the research and says that those who’ve done regular preparation to avoid pain still aren’t prepared when disaster strikes. Instead they are devastated, just like the rest of us. But sadly, they have mortgaged away their joyful moments in on-the-spot while bracing for potential disappointment and pain.

So what can inoculate us from from short selling our joy?

It’s simple: In-the-moment gratitude.

Instead of waiting for the other shoe to drop, push aside the tormenting doubt, dread, or mistrust. Sideline the foreboding that steals that moment and latch onto to gratitude. Hold on with both hands. Gratitude sustains joy. It’s like a Defense Against the Dark Arts skill, says Brown. She’s right. It works.

It might go something like this, “Oh, my, we’re all picnicking and enjoying a wonderful time outside. No one’s fighting and everyone’s happy to be here. Yes, it might not last, but my how grateful I am in this very moment, this perfect beautiful moment. I’m going to let it soak into my bones. I’m breathing it in.”

Stay with it as long as you can. There is a guiding light in gratitude… and gremlins, as we know, are afraid of light.

The truth is that joy and sorrow are linked. They do a dance our whole lives, really. But, hope and resilience can win the day. That’s an important bit of useful knowledge to give our children, too. With some intention, we can live in the Joy.

Oh, and when the other shoe drops, use it as a planter.

(photo source)

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I hope you’ll sign up for future posts in the sidebar! Have a joyful day sustained by gratitude today, friend.

A Fig Leaf for You & a Fig Leaf for Me

Peter Adermark via Compfight

A shinny new sports car!

Fast. Convertible. Hot stuff. As it growled away I thought,

“What a Fig Leaf!”

In about 30 seconds you can see (or hear) the things people do to cover up… to compensate and distract themselves and others from their insecurities. It’s all a Fig Leaf dance done to hide shame.

To see it in ourselves can take a bit more time. Funny how that is!

We are always, it seems, pushing back somehow on the sense that we aren’t enough. (Even by drawing a comparison, which is what I did when I spotted a sport car fig leaf, reveals my cover up attempt, “I’m not as bad as that.” I said in my heart.)

Consciously or unconsciously we send signals to whomever might listen, even if the listener is us:

• I’m smart enough

• I’m talented enough

• I’m wealthy enough

• I’m pious enough

• I’m capable enough

• I’m attractive enough

• I’m good enough

• I’m strong enough

• I’m loved enough

• I’m dedicated enough

• I’m worthy enough

I. am. okay.

Each way a Fig Leaf. Each way a stab at trying to reconnect and find home. We all long for connection and acceptance.

Social creatures as we are, we still want to look like we have it all under control and can go it alone. The sinking feeling that perhaps we cannot sends a jolt of pain that has us picking fig leaves and making coverings for ourselves.

The truth is being vulnerable feels like being naked. We hate it. We feel exposed. We’d rather hide.

If something or someone reveals our mistake or shortcoming, we take it personally–as a reflection of some core flaw. Fig leaves are everywhere.

I don’t have a sport car to show off, so my fig leaf might not be so obvious to others. But it’s there! Oh, and I have much more than one fig leaf too. I too feel like I’m not enough, and plenty of ways and failures come up each day to point it out for me.

The only thing that helps to give me traction and drop a few leaves is admitting it and risking and then relying on my closest relationships to reorient me–including my relationship with God. Those who really love me reinforce that I already am worthy of love and acceptance. God reaches out in Scriptures, through others, and in the Living Word (Jesus the Christ) to drill home the fact that he covers all shame with empathy and love.

Guilt = I did something wrong (admit it, fix it, move on)

Shame = I am something wrong (we stay stuck, we go numb, we disconnect, we over-protect ourselves)

If you want to drop a few pitiful fig leaves, start by taking a risk and reveal why you cover up. You don’t have to do it in public, but apparently you have to do it to be well.

Brené Brown (who you’ve probably realized by now has inspired this post) says that “We are only as sick as our shame.”

I’m reading this, and I recommend it to anyone who has a Fig Leaf or two.

PRAYER FOR THE SHAMEFUL

God, hear my prayer!
I keep scrounging for things to make me feel better.
I remain unfound by your love in times when I deeply need it.
Be my Hope and Deliver
Let your love wash over me and renew me
That I can be born again into a greater Light and Love
And even as a new born baby is vulnerable and so dearly loved
Let me sense that I am your child in the same way
I am strongest and most protected when I realize I am in your arms
Let me sense your acceptance and closeness.
Remind me of who and where you are.

Click for Verse of the day

Likes VS. Hugs: Upgrade your Reality

I’m not sure there’s any number of Facebook likes that can replace a hug. –Seth Godin

It’s true that as real life plays– out not in the hard scrabble face-to-face ways, but through pixels and clicks– that we grow not just a bit more jaded but also less human.

Typing away about our problems and working on getting noticed for what we think can fool us into thinking that this is normal or optimal human behavior. It’s not. It’s distancing behavior. It’s the kind that can’t stand under the weight of true in-flesh reality, and makes us less ready to do the real and messy work of grace and friendship. Or, reap their invaluable rewards. This stuff of the inter webs is not the kind of being that often propagates a compassion that breathes real life into our souls and health into our bones, at least not like the solace that in-person camaraderie can.

If reading your screen is making you often angry or upset it could be making you sick. Maybe physically but surely in your soul. And it should be well with your soul.

Write out some of your frustrations for no one to see.

Distance yourself for a bit from the thing that distances you from other humans or too often makes shallow mockeries of fellowship and communion.

Unplug and be well.

When Prayer feels like nothing at all

My friend shared this quote with me.

Feeling it was too good a gift not to share…I just had to present it to you, today.

Abbot John Chapman wrote:
‘The time of prayer is passed in the act of wanting God. It is an idiotic state, and feels like the most complete waste of time, until it gradually becomes more vivid. The strangest phenomenon is when we begin to wonder whether we mean anything at all, and if we are addressing anyone, or merely repeating mechanically a formula we do not mean. The word God seems to mean nothing. If we feel this curious and paradoxical condition, we are starting on the right road.”

This quote can sound like one of two things, mainly:

1. Super weird, if not heretical.

2. Just what you need to hear and strangely comforting.

….okay maybe option 3. Confusing. (you’ll have to let me know)

When prayer feels useless, it’s not. But, prayer doesn’t have to look and feel like you’ve been taught: active, powerful, transforming.

Takeaway: You don’t have to feel guilty when you feel nothing at all.

Some feel repelled by the silence or felt absence. It pulls them toward agnosticism or even atheism, but silence and other mysteries can also bring us toward the contemplative stream of spiritual growth.

What did the quote sound like to you?

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Spiritual Formation Recommendations 2013

This weekend I’m the spiritual director at the Renew & Refine Writer’s Retreat.

So many times as writers or creatives we fail to integrate Soul Care into ordinary life. This has a burnout or burn up effect. Eventually, we end up hurting not only ourselves but those close to us. Even worse we often end up damaging our ongoing work–our vocation (what we are called and gifted to do). Vocation is the very thing that makes life so meaningful and rewarding.

God’s wishes for us to be uniquely us. We have permission to work and be in a way that is life-giving to ourselves and others.

This is why a “Rule of Life” or regular rhythm of self care and God-awareness is vital. It’s not complicated but it’s so very necessary. You can just start with your calendar and clear out certain days for what you really need.

Jesus, in discipling his followers, said it this way:

Matthew 11:29

^28-30“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.” –from The Message paraphrase

Becoming a disciple refers to training–to process. The process of this life-giving training leads us to more abundant life. It’s not binary: all good or all bad. Dead end or open vista. It’s a bit of both and really a pilgrimage. Getting on with it is helped when we take up better habits that give us more breathing room and vitality, just like learning to pack a suitable backpack makes hiking and camping a better experience.

Some habits may involve integrating certain spiritual practices like morning prayer, meditating on Scripture, fellowship, unplugging from technology, or observing a sabbath rest, to name a few. Many refreshing options exist. Only by being habitual can we truly reap the benefits. Freedom can happen in a schedule crafted for breath of life. This is actually the real meaning of the word “religion”. Religion simply means “bind”…it’s the fiber or tether that helps us hold on to a sweeter and richer life. (Of course, the word has been spoiled and perverted in every which way, and some reject using outright because of all the baggage that comes along with it. Yet, in its simplest form “religion” refers to how we stay grounded and become our most fully human selves, if we don’t make our tether a noose or shackle instead!)

To be sure, this stuff of routines and habits is hard for me because I tend to do a whole bunch of things and once and push soul care to the side as “least urgent”. Too often I forget that just like I need food every day, I also need to care for my Soul (my whole integrated self).

The following are some great tools I’ve found quite helpful as spiritually enriching resources for devotional practices and learning how to have a deeper walk with God: Creator, Jesus, and Spirit.

Pick one that looks good to you, and get started.

Handbooks

Refreshing Devotionals (quick reads)

On soul Care

Regaining yourself – Prayer of the Heart