Tag: life

Open Diary: On Expectations Outside Yourself

Inspired by the open heart of Henri Nouwen, I am including my own thoughts openly.  In some ways prayers too. Though these are notes I am writing to myself, some of them may have resonance with you. I hope so. 

Open Diary

You’ve been deciding so much based on what you suppose other people want, or want of you. But, you really can’t know what they want. If you can, you can’t let it decide the most important things, like who or what gets the most or best of your time. That is reserved for you children, your spouse, your best friends. When it’s all over–and it seems that will happen sooner than you think–you will just just wonder where the time went, but wonder why things were more important than people to you. Not that they were, but you acted that way sometimes.

Instead of being paralyzed by something outside yourself, look hard within and feel the presence of God calling you to live your truest self. It is the voice of Love calling you to love others better then you do now from a power that is not yours alone. It is the power that set the world to light. It is out of the abundance of Love that you were made, not just by your parents, but by the Source of all Love and Goodness: God.

When you decide things do it because the people closest to you will benefit, not for those who want to use you for their intensions and gains. Put up boundaries on your time for your family but also for yourself.

Only do what God expects of you. That is simple: Love God and love others. The other things can sort out in many ways, but they shouldn’t overshadow the first truth.

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Bargaining with God and life

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I get into this thing sometimes and I catch myself trying to cut a deal.

It’s bargaining. I do it with myself and in prayer.

I’ve noticed that the 5 stages of Grief are also the same as the Stages of Change.

If you’ve ever started something new that should be a good thing and then felt conflicted?

It’s because there is a loss of something involved. Maybe something familiar. Maybe dream. Maybe a place. Maybe a group of people or a person. It’s a process of grief to move through, even for seemingly simple things. Change and grieving are linked.

Stage 1: Denial

(Nothing’s really changed. Nothing big really happened. Everything is normal.)

Stage 2: Anger 

(I really don’t like this. I feel frustrated and upset. I want to lash out or numb out.)

Stage 3: Bargaining

(How about if I do this, you can come through for me in this way. Or. If I do this, maybe this other thing will happen.)

Stage 4: Depression

(I don’t want to deal with this. I’m going into my shell. Go away.)

Stage 5: Acceptance 

(It’s going to be okay.)

I wonder what would happen if we prayed with each stage in mind. Like a roadmap. When we got to the bargaining part, we might just smile, because the script is already there. How funny. Maybe we don’t even have to do it. Or we can do it and in the ritual of it we could heal.

Then, perhaps, in the depression stage we can just sit in silence with God and not feel so alone. Then–I’m guessing here–the Acceptance is more thorough and includes not just accepting the newness but feeling accepted where ever you are too. If only I could catch the stages before they get to me.

However it works, the process will happen again and again. They don’t tell you this stuff when you’re a kid. You stumble into knowing that most of life is like reincarnation in bits and pieces of us. The same patterns. The same stages repeated. The same getting there again and again. For the first time and repeatedly.

What change are you in right now?

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photo source

When it’s time to find treasure: Geocaching

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Here’s the adventure this summer: GEOCACHING! There are more life lessons in this activity than you can shake a stick at…if you shake sticks.

You can literally find treasure TODAY.

1. Just get an App for your smart phone FREE, and

2. start finding treasure using standard GPS technology.

There are (likely) dozens of treasures hidden within 5 miles of your home. It’s the best family fun we’ve had in a while. Plus, when we go camping, we look up where the treasures are close by. My two tips: Wear comfortable shoes and bring a towel. All of all got wet looking for treasure.

Here’s a quick tutorial video:

Or, maybe you’d like to hide a treasure? HIGHLY FUN! Watch a short video and learn how here.

This summer I’m also creating a limited run of Trackable Gemstones that will be discovered by treasure hunters all over, and I’m hoping they quickly move to different geocache spots around the globe. Want one?


FIND OUT ABOUT THAT HERE.

Jump starting human connection: 3 simple steps

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In the last two posts I talked about numbness.

Here and here. (if you missed them, read them. It’ll help a lot.)

The solution is to connect with others, in real life…but here’s a way to jump start that, because it can be harder to do than it seems.

TRY THIS:

1. Open a new document or grab a notebook & pen (easy-peasey). Writing it down is the secret sauce. Seriously. 

2. List your 3-5 closest relationships. …go ahead, do it! It’ll only take a second.

3. List several blessings and rewards associated with each one. (This is the fun part. It’ll make you happier, I promise.)

 

So, think about it. You are blessed. What would you like to do with and for those people in your life?

Who else would you like to know better and get closer to?

What one thing will you do to make a step toward that TODAY?
(It just takes one thing to get an A+ today! GO. FOR. IT.)

Want to upgrade the experience and reflect on your life more deeply?

I recommend this book I’m using right now.

(Don’t miss the next post

    coming soon

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(photo source)

Are you a ZOMBIE? 3 Ways to Know if you’re truly stuck and NUMBING-OUT

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As a kid I would see adults numb out. (I didn’t know it was that at the time.) They’d get obsessed with hobbies, drink too much, channel surf late into the night, veg-out with a bag of potato chips, flitter about with shopping, or keep their nose in a book. Smart phones hadn’t been invented but going numb abounded!

I sensed I wasn’t like them because I was always moving on to the next adventure. I was sort of powerless as a kid, but I wasn’t stuck. It wasn’t just their actions, it was their faces gave away that something had shut off.

I get it now.

I get that we grow to numb out because it’s a way to reduce anxiety. Anxiety doesn’t lessen with age. In fact, more disappointments have piled up and more is at stake after a few decades of life. Disappointment, pain, fear, and frustration all drive us to numb out. I can’t think of anyone who doesn’t do it in some variety.

The difference is that some people can block and judo chop numbness and start moving again, and others get stuck in a pattern they go back to it–like food, or stay stuck in it–like a bed. That makes you fat and sleepy. Undead. A Zombie.

 

I have to fight off a tendency to go numb and zombie out, too. Life is painful, I get it. But, I’ve realized it’s worth the fight. (It’s an actual life or death struggle.)

Blasting numbness takes skills.

But how can you tell if you’re numb or just in a slump?
Here are 3 Ways:

 

1. You just can’t “get to it” 

Whether it’s that you’re -super busy-, or that you feel the conditions are never quite right to get started, there is a special sort of “stuckness” that signals Numb territory. You meant to. You want to. You should. But, there’s lag and drag.

2. You’re distracted by design

You try to stay busy or occupied (whether you realize it or not). Maybe you check your emails a lot, or play apps or video games, surf the net for reading material or naked people, or scrapbook like mad. Maybe you text a lot, or you have to “get your run on” (frantic exercise), maybe you troll blogs, or do Facebook on your Smart Phone when you find a gap in your day. You want a break! It makes sense.

Or maybe, it’s more subtle. Maybe the kids have crazy schedules of activities you must attend to. Whatever it is, you have to admit that you’re trying to appease to your restlessness. You’re trying to stay moving but really you’re going nowhere. In the end, you only want more “soothing” or movement because you’re still in the same place.

3. You’re less connected

Have you really opened up to a friend lately, face-to-face? Can people get close to you or really know you? Have you avoided getting close to other people because they seem like a pain in the butt? This is because there is something painful about it. You want to avoid that stuff and you want to stay numbed out. People are a great source of anxiety for all kinds of reasons, but disconnection means you’ll stay numb. It’s time to be fearless.

What’s really so bad about going numb or staying numb?

Tons, but I’ll limit it to 3.

• You. Stay. Stuck. (Hardly anything is more frustrating. It’s like a jail. But, you made this jail. It’s time to get out.)

• You stop growing as a person. (Remember the cranky neighbor or the jerk boss? That is or will be you! Don’t be that guy. Remember, the mean librarian or pissed off gym teacher. Don’t let it come to that.)

• Deadness. Zombies look cool in the movies, but…hello…they. are. dead. (and they eat the brains of living people. gross. Wow. How true is that, anyway?)

If you are numb, you are deadened. You can’t feel the good stuff either, like love, acceptance, belonging, and joy. (This stinks because it’s hardly living when you’re numb to the good stuff!) You can’t fine tune numbness. It’s a categorical deadening.

I can’t stress this enough: Don’t be a Zombie.

In the next post, I’ll share best practices for judo chopping numbness in the neck…and getting on with your best life. (Click the content link in the right sidebar to get that post zipped right to you.) 

Now you’ll like this! Check out what a good judo chop can do.

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