In the last post I talked about the qualities of a cult, or a group that has social decay (some cult-like qualities). I got some questions, such as: “So, are you implying that Mark Driscoll is a cult leader?”
Gosh… that’s awkward. Instead of making a pronouncement, I’ll let you judge for yourself.
I made this handy info graphic to make the whole thing easier to understand. Enjoy.
Though many close-knit groups or committed communities are not cults, plenty of groups can deteriorate socially so they have cult-like qualities. Maybe even your group.
Groups spreading throughout the spectrum of political or social affiliations have charismatic leaders with devoted and idealistic followers who are purposefully controlled. Not nice. While some affiliations exist casually (like a fervent groups of friends), others are more official and carefully structured, or even well-known.Regardless, socially destructive groups share some commonalities that may surprise you. So, what are they, and do they apply to you?
2 Tipoffs:
Destructive Cult groups have parallel traits that make them unhealthy, but also identifiable. (And yes, “Destructive Cult” are redundant terms.)
1. Employing forms of mind/behavior control (particularly for influencing decision-making)
2. Employing forms of Social Control. (Using social pressure to ensure the adoption of specific ideologies, control approved behaviors and practices; and to create isolation from others/outsiders.)
Teens and young adults can be very susceptible. Social misfits are routinely targeted for recruitment. And most potent?–The almighty “Love Bomb” which works like magic.
Our Challenge: Make wise decisions in our social bonds, relationships, and commitments; and connect with healthy and gracious communities. Reject controlling leaders and the lure of co-dependent and enmeshed relationships. Instead, nurture Interdependence and free-thinking. We should watch for signs of social decay. Human nature unabated lusts for power. If we locate damaging qualities, we should address them prudently and graciously. And, we should part ways if these qualities persist, or worsen.
Myth: Cults are religious. Cult groups are not limited to the religious/belief variety. On the contrary, plenty are political groups; social groups; activism groups, market-driven/sales organizations; and wellness/self-help groups. And of course, they don’t think they are cults, let alone admit they are. You have to figure it out for yourself. Once one is emotionally, socially, or financially dependent, this gets quite difficult. Or should I say diffiCULT? (Gosh, sorry. It would appear I have a pun disorder.)
Steven Hassan (one of America’s leading experts on cults), says:
”Nobody sets out to join a cult. No one knowingly wants to give up their life, their needs, their goals. ”They come to believe they’re improving themselves and improving the world, and it is then they are led into a psychological trap. It could happen to anybody.”
Hassan, who was once a Moonie cult member, says 4 elements of control are used in cult type groups (The BITE model):
• Behavior Control
• Information Control
• Thought Control
• Emotional Control
He lists 26 specific characteristics, within these 4 headings, at his resource site ishere. It’s very informative and worth the 2-3 minute read.
Have you been part of a group with some “BITE”?
I have (though it was long ago, thankfully).
And this nifty site(SOS Soberity) shares 5 traits of Cult Leaders; and they even have a helpful questionnaire to figure out if you (or someone you know), might be in a cult. It’s practically fun…okay, it’s mildly amusing…well, if it all wasn’t so malicious and creepy in the first place, that is.
Have you seen these qualities for yourself, or seen them nearby? If so, Please, share your stories. (Remember: Responding anonymously is an available option in the comments section.)
-Thank you! oxo Lisa
PS ugh. This post was really serious, so to avoid this being the nadir of your day (especially if you just realized that you’re sort of in a cult, which is typically a huge downer) I pose this bitty “challenge”:
If you were a cult leader, what would be the coolest cult outfit for you and your members? The traditional death cult jumpsuit? Homemade head coverings and sandals? Or maybe something more unique?
(Please note if you’d like to wear something fancier as the leader, because—obviously, in this case– you have unmitigated control.) Are there any secret cultish fashionistas among us? Oh, and promise me you won’t get too excited by this and become a cult leader, okay? Resist the temptation. (If you are already a cult leader, just leave your social security number and mother’s maiden name.)
misandry |misˈandrē| noun the hatred of men by women
ORIGIN 1940s: from Greek miso- ‘hating’ + anēr, andr- ‘man,’ on the pattern of misogyny.
As promised, I’m covering the female side of misogyny, which is misandry. I call this type of article a “BOOM post”. You have been warned.
I would be remiss to not admit that sectors of feminism are strongholds of misandry. Feminism, though, as many women think of it, is far more general. It has to do with equitable treatment toward women, in business, home life, society in general, and it hinges on the ability, explicitly or implicitly, to have choice (of many kinds) as a basic unalienable right. A wiser person, female or male, will understand, however, that freedom of choice must be balanced with one’s community, not rooted or executed from a selfish starting point.
It seems to me that troubles for either gender will stem from control issues. For men, it may be that they feel somehow impotent in their life, interactions, career path, health, etc. Perhaps the feeling or appearance of weakness is the pivot point.
For women, it may be that they want to be regarded well, and cherished (and I don’t mean in simply an emotional, or fuzzy way. This is more of a cherished at an essential level of being for (female) human flourishing). They want to not feel objectified (which, is disregard), or to relegated to a small box, i.e. a narrow role, a low ceiling limiting personal or career pursuits, an intellectual prejudice.
I find it interesting that body image plays a powerful role for both men and women. Ill-health, lack of fitness, the effects of aging, being fashionable, and certainly other issues influence personal issues of self-worth, emotionally and bodily. They also influence how each gender reacts to the other. Those things hated, or feared in one’s self will be trigger points and irritations all too glaringly visible in the other gender. Spite develops.
I will cover some ways misandry happens among women. Please note I use the word among purposefully, because there seems to be an execution of misandry in a social capacity more than in any other way. For men, they may both take their misogyny on as a personal war, and they may find strength in numbers, but women may tend towards a “team strategy”.
For women, physical aggression with misandry is not normative. Rather, it is mental, social, and tactical. Bullying of other female by female happens this way as well. The tendency may to manipulate, rather than misogynistic tendency to (in some respect) conquer or master (perhaps with resources, people, money, intellectual pursuits, empire, and including areas of competencies and skills). (I’m speaking quite generally, please bear with me.) Women seem more socially powerful, while men seem more dominant. Perhaps a good analogy is to say influential in contrast to jurisdictional.
For some general information, I will note 6 areas ripe for, or given to misandry. (Please note that these same areas are ones of great good, effectuality, and ministry if they are not perverted by selfishness and sin. Yes, the same goes for males.) Steps should be taken to purify and strength these venues through the Holy Spirit, and his Fruit, not disable or disband them.)
1. Gossip as bonding.
2. “Tribal Culture” (if you will) of malcontent.
3. A “sick clique” (more on this is a later post) It has to do with venting, fault finding, griping. For men, the counterpart might be verbal attacks or passive aggression. But, this also can and does happen with females.
4. Platforming (A leader or leaders pumping up/motivating a like-minded group)
5. Subversion of Systems (rather than negotiation)
6. Rebellion (overt or covert/and sometimes unintentionally) to authority, powerful groups, institutions, concepts, norms in question.
Often man-hating patterns are established in the context of a social group norm. There may be a retaliation tenor, as well. A pecking order type of culture may subtly and socially pressure its affiliates to employ a particular attitude. Acceptance in the group will be linked to the propagation and use of this structure, and its attitudes. Bear in mind, unlike many times with males, this all happens as sub-context, and is almost always implied, not vocalized.
(There are others areas. I welcome your additions, or specific ideas or comments on them.)
To expose the flaws and missteps among women is to set myself up as an enemy of women, and undermine some of the great and vital gains women have made societally to achieve appropriate equality. Quite a few people, whether they will admit it, or not, believe a certain amount of misandry seems justifiable because of humanity’s long history of abuse and antipathy toward the female gender. In recent, postmodern times, the female voice (or story), as well as many other historically-marginalized groups, has been given new validity and attention.
It is not my intent, of course to sabotage any positive and rightful gains for females. I do believe these rectifications have been sorely overdue, and really have not yet been accomplished. And what a sad commentary on the Christian assimilation of the ministry of Christ, and the human expression of the redemptive nature of the gospel.
To women, I say, we can be secure and mature enough to take on and strength whatever weaknesses we may have that are causing injury of harm to the body of Christ. We can work toward a better way, healing, and unity. As for you males, please read this all compassionately, and let it help you understand women’s weaknesses and strengths better. There is responsibility that comes with know more, so I trust you to use this new knowledge for good not evil.
I mention all of this, not to divide any of us from each other, or to give us weapons to beat each other with, but rather to call out areas of potential growth. Then, we can call them into question ourselves (men and women), confess before God, humble ourselves to each other in love and service, and work toward unity, reconciliation, and enacting God’s glorious Kingdom Come. God transcends gender, and our petty hang ups and weaknesses. It is in God’s strength and grace that we may be fashioned as new creatures that reflect God’s good character and nature.
I would have loved to make this whole article somehow more jocose (or humorous at all), because that’s usually how I roll, but I couldn’t switch gears, adapt and integrate that writing style on this one. Don’t expect such seriousness in any following installments on this, or any topic. (There’s only so much of this trajectory I can take, before I have to insert more cheer.) :)
Don’t be tempted to …ahem… peg Jael as the Biblical forerunner of the fierce “Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling”. She was a nobody who cared for sheep and endured the harsh elements.
As a tent dweller of the Kenite clan, she was riffraff to the nth degree. (The spiffy clothing you may see her depicted in is just wishful thinking. A bath would be hard to come by, let alone silk fineries, and dainty hairstyling.)
So-NEVER doubt this, Jael is one shrewd and formidable female; and she clobbers an expert of war, with her own violence, as a part of God’s plan.
She’s sharp, very sharp.
Here lies the mighty Warrior, Sisera…almost pinned down.
Could this be one instance (of many) where a Bible story may effect an impressionable mind?
Perhaps envision the scene following a Bible study at a female penitentiary … “Yo, ladies, are you ready to get your Jael on!? Wooo…” Okay, maybe not. But, I can totally see a Bible inspired video game for Christian families….rated T for Teen (of course)… that includes this scene. The object would be to get in the most spike poundings before the warrior wakes up. That’s completely obvious, right?
Incidentally, this story also proves how brilliantly somniferous warm milk can be. Note to self.
Most importantly, this story begs us to root for Jael, and everyone like her. She’s an impoverished foreigner. A diminutive herding woman. And she triumphs in a crucial battle to save a whole nation. Underdog doesn’t begin to describe her.
This isn’t just an astonishing battle tale, or reversal of fortune story, it’s a message of hope for all of us up against the odds. God gives us the strength to peg and conquer our obstacles. God’s character is shown in this and the many underdog stories in the Bible.
Literarily unheard of, this story is like no other. No other ancient literature in the world included women very much, let alone wrote them up as full- blown heroines. But, God captures his heart for us within this story of an unlikely woman who saves an entire people group from destruction.
Remember this:
Undoubtably, you have God’s camaraderie when the odds are against you, or when your foes or circumstance seems too great to overcome.
God has mercy for your “type,” and it is his joy to help you prevail. Keep your hope in the Lord, the Almighty King.
Do you ever feel like an underdog?
What would you like to pin and conquer?
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At my school, if you have ever taken Dr Mellinger, then you have engaged in this particular prayer form.
Praying this way, is a way of praising and worshiping God–a useful spiritual practice.
It’s quite simple, and may take on variations, or adaptations. It’s helpful for individual prayer time, or in a group setting.
I’ll present something simple here.
If you use it, or come up with something else, I’d love to hear from you.
Art work – Names of God
Prayers of Adoration/Praying the Names of God: A “How To”
1. Make a list of 10-20 words for God (Encouraged is including names for all 3 parts of the Trinity: Creator, Redeemer, Spirit, etc.).
Adjectives are fine, or names of God found in the Bible.
(Examples: Savior, Father, Light of Lights, Lamb, Protector, Reconciler, etc.)
For Prayer in a Group:
Pick a name from your list that seems to stand out as be more meaningful, and take turns praying your selections in adoration to God, calling God by the name, and saying something of your own, similar to the following:
“God, you are Savior. I thank you that you are a Savior to us, and you’ve given yourself up for us.”
Everyone then may respond together in agreement: “God you are Savior”
(or whatever name has been selected)
It’s amazing how 5-10 minutes of this will change the whole atmosphere in the room. Truly. amazing.
For Individual Prayer time:
• Work down through your list, in a similar way.
• Rest, and consider each name, as your finish adoring God with that name.
At the end, jot down some observations, thoughts, insights, feelings, associations, etc. that came to mind during or after your prayer time.
GROUPS: Take turns sharing some of these.
Individuals: May read over your observations again; and later come back to them, and re-read them.
"'Is Mark Driscoll A Cult Leader?' Infographic" by Lisa Colón DeLay is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution- Non Commercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License. Permissions beyond the scope of this license may be available by contacting the creator: http://lisadelay.com.
